TALKIN' VIDEOS

January 9, 2007

I Love New York: Parade of Bitch Niggas

This marks the end of Black American civilization as we know it. Meet me in Canada, niggas.

After much anticipation, it’s finally here. The debut episode of “I Love New York” aired last night, and much like its "Flavor of Love" predecessors, it has both entertained and embarrassed me at the same time. By the time this season is over, not only will Tiffany have Noah’s Ark in her panties, but the Emancipation Proclamation will be shredded added to specially-marked packages of Newport cigarettes.

Where is Lou Rawls? I’m expecting him to come out and help host this “Parade of Bitch Niggas.”

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Written by Ron Mexico on January 9, 2007 10:20 AM

January 16, 2007

I Love New York: The Man-geant

While it’s not hot snail trail on a hoe-bus en route to a pole dancing competition, “I Love New York” wastes no time in mandating that the parade of bitch niggas get nekkid and show the world their man-lumps in Princess Tiffany’s 1st Annual Mangeant.

Oh, the humanity! At least she spared T-Bone AKA “Dreamy Eyes” the mortification.

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Written by Ron Mexico on January 16, 2007 10:35 AM

January 23, 2007

I Love New York: Show Me What You Got

(paraphrased) "Tried to told you I was hot!" - T-Weed

So... It didn't take too long before New York's ass got to gold-diggin, did it? In this week's installment of "I Love New York," Tiff goes straight for these bum bitch niggas' pockets in this one. Looking for a paid mawfucka in this competition is like looking for a bacon, egg & cheese at a Bar Mitzvah. Fuck is wrong with you?

She's still looking for the meal ticket man... yet wonders why neither she nor her efforts are met with respect. For shame.

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Written by Ron Mexico on January 23, 2007 10:30 AM

January 30, 2007

I Love New York: Please, Let Me Testify!

Before you lock my love awayyyyy, along with my dignity -- and what’s left of my sanity -- please, let me testify as I’ve come to a few realizations. First, before watching last night’s episode of “I Love New York” I hadn’t been as embarrassed by a group of black men since "State Property 2". Secondly, I would not fuck ashy-ass New York with Pootie’s dick dipped in sherm. Thirdly, I’m embarrassed that I couldn’t tell Heat was a junkie. Finally, I lost a Final Four pick.

Let’s throw his undercover-ass a party. Yeah! A surprise party for my new best friend!

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Written by Ron Mexico on January 30, 2007 8:00 AM

February 14, 2007

I Love New York: We Ballin' Boyyyyy!!!

"--Peanut Butter, Jelly! Peanut Butter, Jelly!/
Now City Boy wit it! City Boy wit it!..."

In this week’s edition of Flavor of Stooch, New York puts the boys to work on that ball court for a little “And 1 Man-Bitch Tape” starring Skip to my Whiteboy and Rico Ginobili. We also observe “The Science of Cockblocking” with a collection of fundamentally sound blockers.

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Written by Ron Mexico on February 14, 2007 2:06 PM

February 20, 2007

I Love New York: Who's Your Daddy And What Does He Do?

Before we delve into another 2-week hiatus from “I Love New York” we are greeted with quite the road to our Fab 5. Since it’s cheaper to use a group of orphan girls than pay for paternity tesses, New York turns her handful of remaining bitch niggas over to The Brat Pack for assessment. Immediately following, she has the boys take out their testosterone-laden frustration on one another in the boxing gym.

…and you thought the basketball was fun to watch.

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Written by Ron Mexico on February 20, 2007 11:26 AM

March 6, 2007

I Love New York: Ex-Girl To The Next Girl

After another extended hiatus, we finally receive our "Flavor of Stooch" fix. This time, our remaining manwhores and Bigalow gigolos-in-training grapple not with one another, but with the women in their lives that know them best... their ex-girlfriends.

Perhaps snitchin' ass Tango will get a taste of his own Flinstones vitamins.

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Written by Ron Mexico on March 6, 2007 11:05 AM

March 13, 2007

I Love New York: Palm's Pilots

Who is this flight attendant broad VH1 got on this shit?

Anyway... In last night’s installment of “I Love New York,” Pollard Playalistic pairs her picones up for pimpin and putting in Palm Springs. The Final Four brackets of Real vs. Tango and Chance vs. Whiteboy proved perilous…

Alright, enough with the alliteration. Let’s sample the stooch.

Dammit!

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Written by Ron Mexico on March 13, 2007 10:25 AM

March 20, 2007

I Love New York: "Real Love" b/w "When Thugs Cry"

*cue Mary J. Blige* Let's go get em, Groovy!

This week on “I Love New York” we witnessed VH1’s attempt at the greatest love of all. There was both real love and love from Real. I’m sure VH1 held out on the mama episode for a reason. This time around they only have to JetBlue 2 tired birds into California. With Tiffany trickin as hard as she has this season on gigolo gifts, I guess they’ve gotta cut corners somewhere.

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Written by Ron Mexico on March 20, 2007 12:24 PM

March 27, 2007

I Love New York: The Cutting Room

Redundant? Nooooooooo!

In wanton anticipation to be put out of the misery that is “I Love New York,” why the fuck not indulge ourselves in the obligatory “recap/cutting room floor” episode? After almost 3 full seasons of this VH1 coonery, it was to be expected. Hopefully you all shared in the luxury of watching last night’s installment with a Garcia y Vega and a “buttnekid ho.”

Enclosed are my annotated thoughts, pretty much in chronological order.

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Written by Ron Mexico on March 27, 2007 11:12 AM

April 3, 2007

I Love New York: "One More Chance?" b/w "Two to Tango?"

The motorcade parade of bitch niggas has finally concluded!

Have a Pop Tart and a Newport with me this morning as we wave goodbye the Talkin’ Videos way! In the “I Love New York” finale, Tiffany drags Famous the Stallionaire (Chance) and Tango “overseas” for a Mexican adventure that doesn’t involve swallowing and condoms.

Okay… maybe some swallowing.

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Written by Ron Mexico on April 3, 2007 12:14 PM

April 16, 2007

I Love New York: Reunited... And It Feels So Good!

I'm still not completely sure as to what exactly I bore witness last night. The "I Love New York" reunion special brought some closure to a season of Klump water that made us all dumber by the second. The parade of bitch niggas mercifully came to a truly marvelous culmination last night.

The revolution will be televised... and hosted by Carmelo Baby Moms.

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Written by Ron Mexico on April 16, 2007 10:30 AM