Flavor Flav makes me ashamed to be a Negro.
Finally, I can flush the collective turd that is the man, the pimp and the series. "Flavor of Love" had better stay down, too. I don’t even want that little annoying piece that keeps coming back. I am purifying my DVR of all Flavor-Valdez Corp. products and services. In the meantime, let’s have one last dance with the big piece of chicken and his potato wedges.
--what are we gonna dooooooooo....?
Season 2 of Flavor of Love has finally come to a close. We anxiously await the Reunion Special/Ho Bowl in a week or two and we can finally put all of this shit behind us once and for all, I hope. While the championship bout of Delishis vs. CB4 didn’t provide the same amount of sparks as last year’s throwdown with latter bird and Hoopz, we still got a finale that touches every part of the viewer…
including the gag reflex.
If VH1 can trick you with a bullshit week of review, so can we!
In case you haven't been following, or need that extra little battery in your back going into the "Flavor of Love 2" season finale, this bud's specifically for you. If you don't give a nann notta damn about a recap, this bud's also got footage from the interviews we didn't run so far. Who dropped dime? Who got shit on? Who needs that lip chap? Hmmmm.... I wonder.
We gonna throwback to episode one of Season 2. This week’s featured "Flavor of Love" contestant is Sumthin. Much as I did in the interview, candidly and without respite… let’s get right into this shit!... So to speak [listen to the interview here].
Homegirl has plenty to say.
VH1's special presentation of "Flavor Family Values" last night really helped me to put what's important in life into proper perspective. I give thanks every god damn day that not myself nor nann notta woman in my immediate family is throwed enough to compete on this program. Last season Hoopz and her mom tried to gas Foofy with the 2-for-1 game. This season, Flavor had the surprise. The remaining contestants and their families met Flavor and Bebe's kids.
A little ways back Ronaldo Horacio Mexico got the chance to catch up with the recently-ousted Jennifer Toof, better known to y’all as Toastee [listen to highlights here]. We jabbered on about damn near everything and we came to more than a couple realizations. As the great Charles Barkley once said in the '90s: “To feature on that show [Flavor of Love] and be a role model, is to face Jordan in the finals and win. It’s not going to happen.â€
Oh, yeah… Toastee also practically said, unless you’re retarded, you should know that none of the girls on the show give a squirrel fart about that Flavor Flav dude. That’s… zero!
...and then there were three.
Man. It seems like only last week he was sucking on her toes. It seems like yesterday there were about 25 freeloading homing pigeons lamping around the VH1 slut mansion. Now we're getting to a number that Flavor can keep an eye, or ball, or frankfurter on in his waning age. This week on Flavor of Love, black homie comes to terms with some real life shit. At some point every (wo)man will have to assess exactly how long (s)he plans on waiting for some booty they reaaaally want.
Ron Mexico doesn't see any cold sores. Do you?
SOHH.com correspondent Anthony recently had the pleasure of conversing with the since-eliminated Kelly Jay, better known to us as Beautuful [listen to a clip here]. Much to our advantage, reading and listening pleasure, Ant chops it up with the fellow Chicago native and gets her to come out of her shell more than even Flavor would have liked in the first official interview since her departure.
Yesterday on Flavor of Love, Cap’n Pimp asked the five remaining contestants to decide peacefully among one another which two of them deserved most to leave the rent-a-mansion.
Oh, yeah… That’s a greeeeat idea. Next week, let’s ask a pack of starving wild dingoes to decide peacefully amongst themselves who gets the last piece of jerk chicken.
So… If you were lucky enough not to read the spoilers on last week’s blog, you were in for some SHIT this week! On last night’s episode of "Flavor of Love,†Tiff AKA New York AKA CB4 (I named her that) returned to the house to lend her oil slick (whose pump-handle she’s already tasted) a hand in the selection process.
Yeah, ask your deranged ex for help being happy with some new prime-time game. Good work, Foof!
"We don’t want it if you let Bruce Bruce hit it." - Master P
In all honestly, you can extend that notion to Flavor Flav as well. I don’t want his sloppy seconds. This week on "Flavor of Love 2", the contestants fixed up the backyard all nice-like for a collective of rappers and rap accessories that included G-Unit, Three 6 Mafia, DJ Quik, Ying Yang Twins, VH1-subsidized rap legend Warren G and The Archbishop Desmond Magic Toto.
Splashin, flashin, slappin and clappin abound! Welcome to the BET UnCut audition room!
Do you love me now that I can dance?
In his apparently never-ending and televised quest to find a soulmate, Flavor is definitely covering the important bases again. We find that the nex,t most important characteristic of a Flavette-to-be is the ability to dance… and well. “Flavor of Love†is apparently about to begin a 2-part mini-saga I’d like to call “Showing Your Black Ass For The Stars.â€
Sorry, “Dancing†didn’t seem appropriate.
Foofy Foofy'd finally got the right idea: Make these skip-skaps and scollywhops earn their keep (rent, rather). Last night on Flavor of Love 2, the contestants were introduced to some of the less appealing aspects of the undocumented workforce.
I’m gonna come out and tell you what I think nice and early like so there’s no confusion. Flavor Flav obviously isn’t looking for love this time around. We’ve got all types of actresses, posers and shitbirds clawing around Starvin Marvin’s temporary digs. I’m surprised Bill Cosby hasn’t already issued a Bin Laden-style mixtape pledging jihad against Flavor Flav and his ho pyramid. "Flavor of Love 2" is Grade-A coonery. By watching this program, you hereby accept that you are causing the gravesite of at least one slave or civil rights activist fully turn 180 degrees on itself.
I feel so much better. Now we may proceed.
