TALKIN' VIDEOS

May 17, 2005

Pussycat Dolls feat. Busta Rhymes - "Don't Cha"

Say goodbye to Busta Rhymes, people. He may be gone forever.

"Don't cha wish Busta still had a soul?"

That's how I feel watching Busta Rhymes' latest public relations mistake in this feature on the Pussycat Dolls' new TRL-Banga (heh heh) "Don't Cha." [watch it now] Busta's come a long way from being that raw, gritty, exciting burst of lyrical energy that made us sit through some painfully mediocre Leaders of the New School tracks.

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Written by Ron Mexico on May 17, 2005 2:01 PM

May 20, 2005

Bow Wow feat. Omarion - "Let Me Hold You"

That’s right… no more “Lil’” on the Bow Wow… But if you have a sister or cousin 14 or younger, you already knew that.

In his second “I’m grown now” comeback, Bow Wow teams up with fellow newly-liberated kiddie-rocker, Omarion (formerly of Negro boy-band B2-Gay) for the latest Luther Vandross decimation, “Let Me Hold You.” [watch it now] Big up to me breddrin’ dem over at Jamaica Live for providing this uncensored link! That’s right! Bow Wow needed a radio version for this shit! And nevermind the scary Jamaican voice. That’s just Elephant Man. He nah go’ hurtcha nah mon!

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Written by Ron Mexico on May 20, 2005 4:48 PM

May 27, 2005

Heather Hunter - "So Serious"

*Cue fuzzy TV noise and news anchor*

"We interrupt your regularly scheduled hate-by-request to bring you a special SOHH bulletin!

We've just received word from our field correspondent Akinyele that Heather Hunter has just released a rap single complete with video."

Sorry, guys. I gotta take this one. Apparently, Heather Hunter was able to keep a dick out of her mouth long enough to record some verses! That’s right, the Queen of Negro Porn has graced the rap world with her presence. Signed to BLO Records (not making that up),Her new single and video “So Serious” [watch it now] is her triumphal [backdoor] entry into the world of hip-hoppin’.

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Written by Ron Mexico on May 27, 2005 2:27 PM

June 1, 2005

Pretty Ricky - "Grind With Me" (by request)

Disclaimer: I can’t believe you motherfuckers made me watch this shit.

Once again, this week's #1 request comes in a complete and utter landslide. I am appalled by the number of emails I’ve gotten from grown-ass men to review the new video by Pretty Ricky, “Grind With Me.” [watch it now]

Okay, here goes…

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Written by Ron Mexico on June 1, 2005 4:46 AM

June 7, 2005

Keyshia Cole - "I Just Want It To Be Over"

Keyshia Cole may not just have a future as an R&B singer, she may be a mindreader.

How did she know “I Just Want It To Be Over” [watch it now] would be exactly what I was thinking while watching this video? I got a prediction for you too, girl! I see you on The Negro Channel at 3:30am in a few years! You'll either be talking with your psychic friends or shakin' it like a dog!

Naw, I'm just playing...

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Written by Ron Mexico on June 7, 2005 9:24 AM

June 22, 2005

B5 - "You Got Me"

I thought he told you that he won't stop!

Following the footsteps of Jermaine Dupri, Master P and other mid-90s moguls preying on children for commercial success, Puffy brings us another group of young boys from the south whose dance stylings outweigh their singing abilities. Today’s video is “You Got Me” [watch it now] and it comes from none other than B5, Puff Daddy’s attempt at reincarnating DeBarge.

In light of the ongoing Pretty Ricky saga… one might ask: “Ron, why would you do another boy band video?”

To which my response might be: “I dunno… umm… Because it’s Wednesday and I don’t give a fuck?”

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Written by Ron Mexico on June 22, 2005 1:47 PM

July 1, 2005

R. Kelly - "Trapped in the Closet (Parts I & II)"

When he’s not making “Pee On You” videos, he’s composing something either truly brilliant or painfully ignorant. With R. Kelly you usually have to pick your poison. Kellz’ newest video effort “Trapped in the Closet” walks a very fine line between genius and ignorance. While it’s neither “I Believe I Can Fly” nor “You Remind Me of My Jeep”, Kelly gives you a dash of the thought provoking without sparing us the lunacy you’ve come to expect from this troubled, troubled soul. Since I just love to hook y’all up, I’m giving you both parts of the video “Trapped in the Closet Pt. I” [watch it now] and “Trapped In The Closet Pt. II” [watch it now], both courtesy from the top shottas at Jamaica Live! (A next time, Star!) If you haven’t seen this video already, I don’t want to give away the special surprise ending… but I probably will anyway. (Hint: Watch the clips before you continue!)

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Written by Ron Mexico on July 1, 2005 1:23 PM

July 4, 2005

Ms. Cherry - "It's Whatever"

While you’re out eating hot dogs and shit, Mr. Mexico’s at a crunk party.

What? Haven’t you heard? Ms. Cherry is having a block party! No sucka ducks or lame bitches allowed!

Yep, punk “bitches” getting their boyfriends taken (forcibly or otherwise) is the general idea of Ms. Cherry’s single and video “It’s Whatever” [watch it now] on Streetwize Records.

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Written by Ron Mexico on July 4, 2005 7:18 PM

July 8, 2005

R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet" (Chapters I-V)

Don't be alarmed... That's just a Kells mannequin in someone's front yard.

When we left off last Friday, Kells couldn’t believe it was a man.

As promised, and as per your request, I have the rest of the greatest epic poem of our time, R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet!” [watch it now].

Say thanks to AOL music, friends.

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Written by Ron Mexico on July 8, 2005 7:24 PM

August 2, 2005

Charlie Wilson - "Charlie, Last Name Wilson"

Ron Isley must be having health problems. The lead singer of The Gap Band is R. Kelly’s newest reclamation project. Today’s victim, Charlie Wilson’s introduction to a third generation, “Charlie, Last Name Wilson” [watch it now] has all the charisma and flair you’d come to expect from “the old guy at the club.”

Damn, I thought Rick James was dead.

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Written by Ron Mexico on August 2, 2005 11:01 AM

August 3, 2005

Mariah Carey - "Shake It Off"

In case you were unaware, Mimi has been emancipated! Part of the healing process for Mariah Carey apparently includes shirking bad relationships of the past. Mariah shows us all how to “Shake It Off” [watch it now] with her newest video. As fine as Mariah been lookin lately, shake it off might be a metaphor for other things among some of the male viewers.

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Written by Ron Mexico on August 3, 2005 12:32 PM

August 10, 2005

Latoya London feat. Black Thought - "Appreciate"

Before we get started today, I must say one thing. I’m glad as hell Latoya London is finally on. I thought she got jerked in the American Idol competition.

For hump day, we’re gonna rock with Latoya and Black Thought on her debut single and video “Appreciate.” [watch it now] I dunno mane. She shoulda called this one “It’s Raining Mens.”

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Written by Ron Mexico on August 10, 2005 5:18 PM

August 15, 2005

R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet, Chapters I-V (SIMS VERSION)"

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Written by Ron Mexico on August 15, 2005 4:00 PM

August 31, 2005

Chris Brown feat. Juelz Santana - "Run It"

No, not HIM

Warming up for the new Pretty Ricky video (your #1 request AGAIN), I’m gonna tenderize a new target and take jabs at a familiar friend at the same time. The new Pretty Ricky blog is like the most anticipated shit ever. Niggas is seriously emailin’ about it. I gotta have a release date now or something. I know niggas don’t want to wait for it past Friday, though. Shit, I even heard it got bootlegged on the internet already. Some niggas got the shit on Limewire.

However, today is all about another debacle. Jive Records newcomer Chris Brown allies with Dipset Albatross Gang official Juelz Santana for Brown's leadoff single and video "Run It" [watch it now]. You would think this would be a rap song... possibly about robbing people, right? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint. I don't know if they are though.

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Written by Ron Mexico on August 31, 2005 4:23 AM

September 2, 2005

Pretty Ricky - "Your Body"

Pre-teens and gentlemen! Lend me your ears! The Bluestars are BACK, bitches!

We’re pretty used to the unexpected here on “Talkin’ Videos,” but even I wasn’t prepared for this shit. Once again the #1 requested video is a Pretty Ricky video. Strangely enough, unlike the steaming hot pile of bison shit that was “Grind With/On Me,” I actually ENJOYED their new video “Your Body.” [watch it now]

I know. I can’t fuckin’ believe it myself! We've come a long way from "I can't believe you motherfuckers made me watch this shit!"

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Written by Ron Mexico on September 2, 2005 12:22 PM

September 7, 2005

Bow Wow feat. Ciara - "Like You"

The teeny-bop has been killing the request line this past week or so.

If we're gonna do Chris Brown, Juelz Santana (who is now officially teeny-bop) and Pretty Ricky, in the span of one week, how could we disrespect the Negro-Teeny Bop kang?! Big Bow Wow is back with a video that's been out a bit, but fuck it you all asked for it. He employs the vocal talent (hahaha) of Ciara on "Like You" [watch it now] You know this is not gonna be good.

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Written by Ron Mexico on September 7, 2005 8:50 AM

September 12, 2005

Ciara - "And I"

Oh, HELL to-the-NO!

Looks like our favorite person to spread hermaphrodite rumors about has taken a page or two out of Whitney Houston’s book. Ciara and Carmelo Anthony star in the 2005 edition of “The Bodyguard.” Ceecee’s new video “And I” [watch it now] is enough to make Kevin Costner turn over in his grave. He IS dead, right?

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Written by Ron Mexico on September 12, 2005 1:05 PM

September 14, 2005

Jamiroquai - "Feels Just Like It Should"

This-is the-re-turn... of the SPAAAAACE COOOOWWWWWBOYYYYYY!

Apparently for Jamiroquai, “hell” looks a lot like Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

The Adrien Brody/Marky Mark look-alike known the world over for amazing videos has abandoned the funny clothes and treadmills for a more of a conventional look in his Clark Kent/Superman/Jim Carrey Satan act. He damn sure hasn’t abandoned the trees, though! Come along on this magic carpet ride that is “Feels Just Like It Should” [watch it now] In case you didn’t know, this is business as usual for J.

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Written by Ron Mexico on September 14, 2005 12:35 AM

September 16, 2005

Frankie J - "More Than Words"

Frankie, you did this to yourself!

This has been quite the eventful week on Talkin’ Videos, so Frankie J and I are gonna leave you with some mellow shit to get your minds right to. His newest sweet and sappy song/video combination comes straight out of the Michael Bolton handbook. I couldn’t even describe it to you. You’d need “More Than Words” [watch it now] to grasp this level of High Fructose Mango Syrup.

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Written by Ron Mexico on September 16, 2005 12:52 PM

September 26, 2005

Ray J - "One Wish"

By overwhelming popular demand, we’re gonna kick the new week off with a request.

Of all the videos you wanna talk about… You people wanna discuss Brandy’s little brother. You didn't even wanna discuss Little Brother. Amazing. Today’s offering is Ray J’s “One Wish” [watch it now]. I’m surprised he got his nose out of BET’s ass long enough to get back into the studio. I thought this man had relegated to hosting that bullshit countdown and asking people loaded questions in the crowd on 106 and Park. This nigga's one wish should be a REAL R&B career.

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Written by Ron Mexico on September 26, 2005 1:20 PM

October 12, 2005

Ricky Martin feat. Fat Joe & Amerie - "I Don't Care"

In one of the quickest requests I’ve ever turned, we find that Ricky Martin and Fat Joe make strange bedfellows.

I can’t quite call this, nor could I say I ever saw it coming, but La Vida Loca meets Lean Back and enlists the R&B stylings of Amerie on Senor Martin’s newest single and video combination “I Don’t Care.” [watch it now]. Wow, Ricky… You could have fooled me. (Please feel the sarcasm there.)

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Written by Ron Mexico on October 12, 2005 12:16 PM

October 26, 2005

Lloyd - "Hey Young Girl"

As you all are aware, the Murder Inc. trial has been postponed. But you know what… We’ve already started Murder Inc. week, so fuck it! We're gonna finish it!

I don’t know about all of the drug/laundering shit, but these cats should be put on trial for some of the musical crimes they’ve committed over the past few years. Who the fuck is Lloyd and why was his video “Hey Young Girl” [watch it now] available for mass consumption? This kid was the best Murder Inc. could do for a teen idol? They couldn’t find a Chris Brown? Well… at least they have a touchdown of their own. Throw him in the back of the short bus with the shaved chipmunk, Crack Child and Ja and see if they can drool out a hit!

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Written by Ron Mexico on October 26, 2005 8:57 AM

November 8, 2005

T-Pain - "I'm Sprung"

Today we’re getting into a video we should have shitted on a long time ago. There’s no damn way T-Pain should have taken his turn on 106 and Park without us taking a swing at this poser piñata’s video for “I’m Sprung.” [watch it now]

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Written by Ron Mexico on November 8, 2005 12:30 PM

December 13, 2005

The Blind Boys of Alabama - "Spirit In The Sky"

Oh, yes. It's time for a curveball!

Why are we discussing this? Well... I found this in the R&B section on Blastro. Needless to say I was immediately won over in an "Aww, these panhandlers are soooo heartwarming!" kind of way. Legendary gospel collecitve The Blind Boys of Alabama have a new video out entitled "Spirit In The Sky." [watch it now] It brought me to a revelation of my own: This is the lamest rock-gospel I’ve ever heard or seen. I’m not afraid to say it!

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Written by Ron Mexico on December 13, 2005 8:13 AM

January 20, 2006

Chris Brown - "Yo/Gimmie That"

The Touchdown King has returned. Thank god Juelz isn't back for anymore sloppy seconds on 15-year-olds.

For the weekend you will be left with Chris Brown’s second video installment “Yo/Gimmie That.” [watch above] I’m convinced Pterodactyl Boy can do that fake ass krumpin shit for days on end without having to be rewound.

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Written by Ron Mexico on January 20, 2006 2:43 AM

February 3, 2006

Keyshia Cole - "Love"

For the weekend, let's get into this new shit from Mary J... umm... sorry, Keyshia Cole.

Seriously, who the hell is this chick to be havin 4 singles? From the moment I saw "Love" [watch above] I knew we had a hood classic on our hands. The youngsters are definitely gonna pump this one. The video, starring Tyrese and his no-longer-singin ass, displays how true love... and having 4 singles out for no damn reason can get you out of some serious jams.

Lesson(s) of the Day: It's good to be a celebrity... even a B-lister. It's also good to be a celebrity's significant other. Ask my homegirls on Flavor of Love.

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Written by Ron Mexico on February 3, 2006 12:08 AM

February 8, 2006

T-Pain - "I'm In Luv With A Stripper"

He's sprung. He's falling for skrippers. He's running around with Mike Jones like it's cool to be seen in public with him. Who else could we be talking about beside the Gummi Bear king himself, T-Pain AKA Pizzle. Today we discuss his newest video "I'm In Luve With A Stripper," [watch above] which features far more embarrassing moments than "I'm Sprung" does. I'm really glad he made this shit. Speaking of shit, nigga done gone ahead and re-highlighted the shitlocks.

OKAYYYY! HE RELOOOADED!

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Written by Ron Mexico on February 8, 2006 11:26 AM

February 22, 2006

Prince - "Black Sweat"

Awww, shit. That nigga Prince got a new video.

I don’t know if you saw this shit at 4am on MTV like I did, but wow… this nigga crazy. Black Sweat [watch it now] is actually quite tame in some ways (for a Prince video). He’s obviously trying to make good on his “no-smut” promise of a few years ago… but make no mistake, this nigga’s still out to lunch. One of the best that ever done did it returns with another video that makes you go “what the fuck?”

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Written by Ron Mexico on February 22, 2006 11:06 AM

April 11, 2006

Jamie Foxx feat. Twista - "DJ Play A Love Song"

This week I'm going to try to do all-requests.

We'll start By Request week off with one that's been sitting in my email for quite some time now. Jamie Foxx, painfully smitten with the acting bug, apparently only wants to bring niggas down with him. Twista, Eva Pigford (no jokes on the name... yet) and Winky Wright head an all-star cast in Brother Ray's new video "DJ Play A Love Song." [watch above]

I can definitely relate to Wanda on this one. Every time I have a crush on a girl who looks like things ain’t right on her homefront, I ask if I can beat it, beat it, beat-beat it, beat it. Try it today, fellas!

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Written by Ron Mexico on April 11, 2006 11:10 AM

April 26, 2006

Beyonce feat. Slim Thug & Bun B - "Check On It"

Let's get it out of the way now: Yes, Beyonce is fine as fuck.

I normally don't do videos this old, but you bastards kept pestering, and I actually had something to say about the "Check On It" [watch it now] phenomenon. While I think this song is all kinds of annoying and generally horrible, it's a special kind of guilty pleasure. Thank you, Slim Thug and Bun-B for giving us haters soooooo much to work with.

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Written by Ron Mexico on April 26, 2006 9:00 AM

April 28, 2006

Chris Brown feat. Lil' Wayne - "Gimmie That"

Did Chris Brown forget about Simon? I'm still here in Em City, Kenny! I'm not finished with your warrior training!

Chris Brown continues to become a man. His newest video for "Gimmie That" [watch it now] features a young gentleperson who is no stranger to getting female minors to succumb to his tentacles and shiny objects strewn about his face and neckline. Lil' Wayne adds a complete lack of dancing ability and 2 lazy-as-shit verses to the Chris Brown train that you couldn't stop if you tried. Ask any black girl age 7-17. Shit, the white ones like him up to age 36.

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Written by Ron Mexico on April 28, 2006 9:51 AM

May 3, 2006

Prince - "Te Amo Corazon"

Doesn't he look kinda like the Spanish Language News anchor Ben Stiller played in "Anchorman?"

There we go, Prince. Back to the white(r) girls. That "Black Sweat" stuff scared the shit out of me! I'll tell you what, as a lifelong Prince fan, the new video for "Te Amo Corazon" [watch it now] does NOT make me scream like a white lady. Not like his other shit. I knew I was at his concert tour for a reason. I had a strange feeling it was going to be the last time I'd see the REAL Prince.

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Written by Ron Mexico on May 3, 2006 10:03 AM

May 10, 2006

Gnarls Barkley - "Crazy"

If you're crazy and you know it push "555!"

No surprises here. Cee-lo is crazy as all shit. Danger Mouse is his new accomplice. I guess Timbaland ain't wanna fuck with dude anymore after the time he caught Cee-lo tripping balls and trying to jerk off in the barbecue chicken tray in the green room. Plus Tim is workin out and shit. Cee-lo is a bad influence. Whatever, fuck Timbo! Gnarls Barkley's got more than enough to trip to of their own accord. "Crazy" [watch above] is their initial offering to the supposedly sane world.

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Written by Ron Mexico on May 10, 2006 12:00 PM

May 12, 2006

Christina Milian feat. Young Jeezy - "Say I"

I got an urge to scream out... but I'll contain myself.

Today's video is like an episode of Wonder Showzen gone wrong. I mean, things always get hairy when you've got high-fructose corn syrup coming from pseudo gangstas and pre-teen idols. (Jeezy's the pre-teen idol in case you were wondering.) In the most desperate cry for street credibility since Sideburns (Ashanti) turned to Stuart Little, Christina Milian enlists the aid of Young Jeezy the Ghetto Snowman for what was supposed to be feel-good record/video of the year, "Say I." [watch above]

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Written by Ron Mexico on May 12, 2006 12:00 PM

May 23, 2006

T-Pain feat. Twista, Pimp C, Paul Wall, R. Kelly, MJG & Too $hort - "I'm In Luv With A Stripper (Remix)"

You done did it now, Akon! The Konvicts are back!

This time they brought a gang of rappers with them. Thank Jesus none of them are Mike Joooooooones. Sorry, we had to take Paul Wall as part of the deal. Add the ever-eclectic collective of Twista, Pimp C, The People of Illinois vs. Robert Kelly, MJG & Too $hort (don't forget the dollar-sign, bitch!) and you've got quite the remix to an instant simpin classic, the "I'm In Luv With A Stripper" remix [watch above] to be more precise.

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Written by Ron Mexico on May 23, 2006 12:00 PM

May 24, 2006

Pussycat Dolls feat. Snoop Dogg - "Buttons"

The Fanta Girls are back.

...and they've tricked Snoop Dogg into giving them 2 verses with their new watermelon flavor. The video for "Buttons" [watch it now] is a classic case of what we call a "distraction video." Here's how you know the shit's bad. We've got 6 broads with at least 4 articles of clothing apiece and nary a button between them. What the fuck is this shit supposed to be about?

I guess Busta ain't alone on this jackassery.

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Written by Ron Mexico on May 24, 2006 12:00 PM

May 30, 2006

Cheri Dennis feat. Jim Jones & Yung Joc - "I Love You"

Welcome to the love, Cheri Dennis. We love you back.

Our first bit of advice for you... RUN!!! Get as far away from the immortal ghetto vampire as you can, as soon as you can. Jim Jones and Yung Joc copy-and-paste verses onto "I Love You," [watch it now] a song Puffy would never have let Faith Evans come out of the gate with for a leadoff back when the label was respectable.

Cheri probably thought jumping around on TV with Puff would get her family out of debt. Mon Cherie is about to owe Puffy more money than she'll ever be able to make in her lifetime. It's goin' down!

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Written by Ron Mexico on May 30, 2006 12:00 PM

June 6, 2006

Kelis feat. Too $hort - "Bossy"

The same girl that brought Nas to Killa Cam's [former] backyard for daily egg creams believes that she can have any nigga chasing the ice cream truck with tights and a cape on. The once-again-reborn Kelis and Harlem's most popular poodle (I mean the dog, not Nasir) join forces with the always-out-of-retirement Too $hort for her latest single "Bossy" [watch above].

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Written by Ron Mexico on June 6, 2006 12:00 PM

June 7, 2006

Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland - "Promiscuous"

Meep, Meep!

Looks like Nelly Furtado is ready to reinvent herself in a Kelis-type way. Let's have a look at the new mom and her contribution to this steadily expanding genre I like to call Ho-Hop. Pop rap's white girl du-jour of a few years ago is ready to reclaim her throne, and she brought a little friend with her. Yes, Timbaland is little by comparison and trying his damndest to save "Promiscuous" [watch it now] from the quick, painless death it was born to undergo.

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Written by Ron Mexico on June 7, 2006 12:00 PM

June 9, 2006

Rihanna - "Unfaithful" video

If it's garbage that you want, maybe you should be right here.

This is one of those special cases where a song that is boo-boo juice is overmatched not by a great video, but by something more along the lines of solid stool. Rihanna, Princess of the Carter Administration goes for blood with "Unfaithful," [watch it now] a song that made me want to fight as soon as my ears started to heal.

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Written by Ron Mexico on June 9, 2006 10:11 AM

June 27, 2006

Cherish feat. Sean Paul - "Do It To It" video

I cherish the day...

So, my birthday just passed. I thank you all for the love... and the hate! I thought maybe I'd go soft because it was my born day, but I don't have the heart to let you all down. I tried to turn the clock back 10 or 12 years to see if I would have appreciated this hot garbage from the Cherish Sisters even then. I couldn't see it happening. Add the laziest rapper to get consistent guest spot work, and I guess you have a 106 & Park classic like "Do It To It." [watch it now]

Anyone can get signed to Capitol. I'd better go round up my little cousins and start whipping their asses into shape in front of my karaoke machine... Literally.

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Written by Ron Mexico on June 27, 2006 9:36 AM

June 28, 2006

India.Arie feat. Akon - "I Am Not My Hair" video

Jesus Christ had dreads, so shake 'em!

22-time Grammy Award-loser India.Arie is up to her old tricks. Surprisingly enough she had joined forces with rap's social butterfly du jour, Akon for her latest "love thyself" offering "I Am Not My Hair." [watch it now] Amen, sister! Since my first time viewing this video almost 3 weeks ago I have gone rasta in an attempt to better myself. I have done a lot of hemp work and have neither visited the barber shop nor indulged in swine.

No, wait... I had pernil at the spanish spot. Nevermind. Oh yeah, and this white girl gave me her number... Oh shit! Are we not supposed to do the milky cocoa puff thing either? Fuck. I make a terrible rasta. Now I gotta kick it with Empire Isis!

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Written by Ron Mexico on June 28, 2006 9:24 AM

July 18, 2006

Brooke Hogan feat. Paul Wall - "About Us" video

It’s officially time to stop defending Paul Wall.

So The People’s Champ really wanted to slam that wrestler offspring, huh? Was he thinking about the Hulkamania when he hit it? Shit, was Hulk in the room? This would be like his personal Lauryn Hill marriage to a Marley… any Marley. I digress. What I really mean to tell you is that "About Us" [watch it now] is the ultimate in sports entertainment. Brooke Hogan AKA Jailbait Jennifer is primed to be put in The Pedigree... onto a chair preferrably.

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Written by Ron Mexico on July 18, 2006 9:15 AM

August 1, 2006

Fergie - "London Bridge" video

Fergie Ferg and me love you long time?!

We have to nip this shit in the bud immediately. No more Tanqueray for these wankers. Homegirl obviously can't hold hers. Fergie’s debut single, “London Bridge,” [watch it now] is the stereotypical, coon-bred bullshit we've come to love and expect from the Collard Greens and Cornbread crew. It looks like the shit was produced by the surviving member of Milli Vanilli.

Girl, you know it's... Girl, you know it's... Girl, you know it's...

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Written by Ron Mexico on August 1, 2006 9:00 AM

August 16, 2006

Justin Timberlake feat. Timbaland - "Sexyback" video

Preface: Timbo will do anything for a check. He's 2-for-2 this season. Keep fuckin around, they gon change that Tim to Sam.

There was a time when Justin Timberlake’s banana cake ass could have gotten just about any woman in the U.S. to do his cornrows. Times are looking hard as hell as Justin fuckin Timberlake has to go through some Matrix shit to get some burn. He claims to be bringing “Sexyback,” [watch it now] when in fact, lil’ homie is bringing creepy back.

Sorry, I couldn’t turn the letters around like in his wayyyy cooool posters. We ain’t got that kind of budget at SOHH.

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Written by Ron Mexico on August 16, 2006 9:00 AM

August 23, 2006

Sleepy Brown feat. Big Boi & Pharrell - "Margarita" video

In... the... land... of.. a... mill-ion... hoes... Sleepy Brown, Big Boi and Pharrell embark on a secret mission which appears to primarily entail human trafficking in "Margarita." [watch it now] Is this that brave new world Outkast has been trying to open up to us? Or is this just what is liable to happen when you let Antwan stray too far from Andre?

At least Dre would have had his bitches jumpin out of jack-o-lanterns painted plaid with pink revolvers or some shit. I guess Pimp Van Winkle over here is a little more direct with his. Fair enough.

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Written by Ron Mexico on August 23, 2006 10:01 AM

September 29, 2006

Janet Jackson - "So Excited" video

I'm so excited... and I just can't hide it!

I'm about to lose control. But y'all ni99as like it. Speakin of ni99as likin some shit... Janet Jackson, who has spurned many a ni99a-moment of clarity and ni99a-coming of age, has returned. Last we knew, she bore a titty, dropped a weak album, then disappeared and went Klump for a minute. Well, Ms. "Put Me On a Planet, Dammit" is back with a new album, renewed focus and what appears to be Pleasure Principle 2006 in "So Excited." [watch it now]

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Written by Ron Mexico on September 29, 2006 10:01 AM

October 11, 2006

Anthony Hamilton - "Sista Big Bones" video

I fouuuund youuu.... Ms. Big Booty!

See, the problem here is, I don’t even get that bullshit message of treating all of God’s children like they look the same from this jawn. This ain’t shit but a fetish sawng. Anthony Hamilton is on some old: "Sista Big Bones [watch it now]… can I walk you to Sizzler? I know I can get a BJ if I lay down my steak and shrimp game proper like."

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Written by Ron Mexico on October 11, 2006 3:55 AM

November 1, 2006

Justin Timberlake feat. Timbaland & T.I. - "Let Me Talk To You/My Love" video

I think Justino is bringing Sexyback… back.

Today’s selection is Justin Timberlake’s newest double feature for “Let Me Talk To You/My Love.” [watch it now] Justin partners up with Timbaland again for the first spot, while the white hot mini-man T.I. lends his services to the latter. I’ve now seen three clips from J.T. for this new “grown and sexy” album. At first I was confused, but now I get it.

This nigga reeeeally wants us to think he’s heterosexual!

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Written by Ron Mexico on November 1, 2006 10:10 AM

November 3, 2006

Bow Wow feat. Chris Brown - "Shorty Like Mine" video

Oh, my damn.

I think we have our 2006 Mexican Award winner for “Kids' Choice.” What’s fuckin with Lil Bow Wow AND my favorite touchdown, Chris Brown on the same jawn? I too am addicted to how we kick it. “Shorty Like Mine” [watch above] is catchy enough to lure EVN DA MOSS SMARTIS LEVEL HEDDED 15 YO GYRL WHO B TYPIN LIKE DIS!

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Written by Ron Mexico on November 3, 2006 10:07 AM

November 8, 2006

Akon feat. Eminem - "Smack That" video

Most of you are too young to know of the movie being parodied here, but know that bum-ass rap video ho-fessional Eric Roberts is NOT part of it.

Akon Murphy and Eric Roberts-Nolte star in “48 More Hours,” a testament to the black man’s futility and inability to stay out of prison. Eminem, The Great White American Hope isn’t usually a cheap add-on type of nigga, but in the case of “Smack That” [watch above] Shady might as well be… shit… Akon.

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Written by Ron Mexico on November 8, 2006 10:01 AM

November 17, 2006

Pretty Ricky - "On The Hotline" video

Oh, you know what time it is. Pretty Ricky Ricky Rickaayyyy!

I guess Super Shredder and the Foot Clan still haven’t figured out a way to defeat the Teenage Mutant Nigga Turtles. Mango, Blue Lace, Delicious and Pleasure (still don’t need to change that one for effect) are finally back for more. Their new single “On The Hotline” [watch above] picks up right where Bluestars left off with trashy kiddie sex sangy lyrics, reprehensible dance steps and the weakest rap verses this side of Gucci Mane.

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Written by Ron Mexico on November 17, 2006 10:08 AM

November 28, 2006

Diddy feat. Christina Aguilera - "Tell Me" video

I guess Puffy ain’t wanna entrust this one to Danity Kane.

As per request, today’s selection is Papa Diddy Pop’s “Tell Me” [watch above] featuring Ambiguously Latina Christina [Aguilera]. Damn. Long gone are the days when watching Shiny Suit Man at hard at work was actually fun.

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Written by Ron Mexico on November 28, 2006 11:02 AM

November 29, 2006

Akon feat. Snoop Dogg - "I Wanna Fuck You" video

I’m gonna start off with something nice to say. Snoop Dogg officially has his brain back!

Too bad the nigga is magnetized to the courtroom. Snoop and Tracy Morgan bout to be runnin cigarettes together in the box. Completing the jailbird trifecta, Akon’s classy new joint “I Wanna Fuck You” [watch above] is once again proving irresistible to skrippers, skrippers-in-training, and fast-ass 10-year-old girls in your local housing development that wanna learn how to get that respect them girls in the videos be gettin.

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Written by Ron Mexico on November 29, 2006 10:16 AM

December 6, 2006

Ciara - "Promise" video

Promising my mother that I wouldn’t make fun of this poor little recording artist completely devoid of musical talent made me realize that I shouldn’t make promises. I guess that’s some shit Ciara and I have in common. Four and a half minutes couldn’t feel any longer watching the “Promise” [watch above] video. This is even after watching that one “Bodyguard” video where I wish the lighting fixture fell on me.

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Written by Ron Mexico on December 6, 2006 8:00 AM

December 15, 2006

Gwen Stefani - "Wind It Up" video

Gwen Stefani has ruined “The Sound of Music” forever.

In her latest effort and attempt to be god knows what (as I don’t want to call the shit “artistry”), G-Stef butchers “The Yodel Song.” “Wind It Up” [watch above] might as well feature the damn Ying Yang Twins. I’m actually curious to hear what they would have done with this chorus.

(Note: As I am way behind on you guys' requests, I am going to devote the rest of this calendar year to catching up!)

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Written by Ron Mexico on December 15, 2006 10:28 AM

February 28, 2007

Ciara - "Like A Boy" video

Is she serious? Can she be fucking serious about this?!

That’s just feeding the damn flames! I was ready to leave all this shit behind, but Ciara's pullin' me back. I guess you can't completely douse those internal yearnings, hence that feverishly burning desire to do it all "Like A Boy." [watch above]

Don't worry, Cee Cee. It's completely natural. It's who you are! Embrace it! Fuck the "$50,000 and a Range Rover Challenge!" Collapse on that couch with your KFC, Heineken and scratch your balls in front of the television!

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Written by Ron Mexico on February 28, 2007 10:48 AM

March 2, 2007

Diddy feat. Keyshia Cole - "Last Night" video

Take that! Take that!

Unfortunately I had to watch this video more than once to figure out what to say abaou-u-aou-u-aouuuut it. Puff Daddy’s crying in his cereal again and R&B’s new hair queen is providing that early Mary J. Blige-ish Best Supporting Hoodrat Wailer type of backup for "Last Night," [watch above] the 3rd video single from Diddy's finally platinum "Press Play" LP.

I think that shit is platinum. I'm not sure. It's been a while.

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Written by Ron Mexico on March 2, 2007 9:35 AM

March 14, 2007

Beyonce feat. Shakira - "Beautiful Liar" video

Oh my damn. This shit is not fair.

Beyonce and Shakira team up for 2007 Boner Jam of the Year Candidate, "Beautiful Liar." [watch above] For the sake of maintaining the guise of professionalism, I watched this video (on mute) with an icepack in my lap and a picture of my dead grandmother on my desk.

Aight. Let's get to work.

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Written by Ron Mexico on March 14, 2007 9:00 AM

March 16, 2007

R. Kelly feat. T.I. & T-Pain - "I'm A Flirt" (Remix) video

That's right. Fuck Bow Wow!

As R. Kelly commences his precession to "Double Up" we all wait in shame. Jilting his most direct competition for the adolescent bitches (Bow Weezy), The Pied Piper enlists Double-time T.I.P. and T-Pain for the "I'm A Flirt" remix. [watch above] Them there's two niggas with zero intention of drowning out Kells' flute in front of Adams Junior High School.

What the fuck happened with that trial anyway? Did they just accept the Boondocks' rendition as due process?

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Written by Ron Mexico on March 16, 2007 11:05 AM

March 21, 2007

Beyonce feat. Jay-Z - "Upgrade U" video

Damn, Real had some fucked up teeth!

Sorry, was stuck in yesterday for a minute. Today is another "B-Day" Bash. Beyonce and not-so-undercover beau, Jay-Z team up once again for our listening and viewing pleasure with "Upgrade U." [watch above]

When I first saw you... I said "oh, my!"

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Written by Ron Mexico on March 21, 2007 11:26 AM

March 30, 2007

Ne-Yo - "Because of You" video (w/bonus)

I'm not always there when you call, but I'm always on time.

As per your requests, I leave you for the weekend with the newest video offering from Sexy-Love Time Man Ne-Yo entitled "Because of You." [watch above] This video was flagged for inappropriate content by the EweToube community.

They must have meant this fucking sequin jacket he had the gallbladder to put on.

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Written by Ron Mexico on March 30, 2007 11:03 AM

April 27, 2007

Rihanna feat. Jay-Z - "Umbrella" video

Jay-Z and his other b**ch get a little wet for the cameras in Rihanna's leadoff single "Umbrella." [watch above]

I guess Beyonce doesn't really have a choice but to learn how to get along with the side chick. A $20 spot says they've passed each other the milk in the morning for their Kashi.

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Written by Ali Asghar on April 27, 2007 9:00 AM

May 2, 2007

Pretty Ricky feat. Sean Paul - "(I Wanna See You) Push It, Baby!" video

Shauna Paul... Preddy Rickee... What's next?!

I ask myself the same damn question.

You would think the feature would be from the scruffy, strung-out-looking Sean Paul from Atlanta. Nope. Mr. Deport Dem is playing in the sandbox now. While the strange combination works pretty well on record, this video for "Push It, Baby!" [watch above] is hysterical from beginning to end.

Keep fuckin around, SP. The gub'ment is gonna take your papers next.

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Written by Ali Asghar on May 2, 2007 10:35 AM

May 9, 2007

Bobby Valentino feat. Timbaland - "Anonymous" video

Why you gotta be anonymous?

Hmmm... Maybe she doesn't wanna give you the digits, Bobby. Have you thought of that? In an attempt to be sweet, contemporary R&B has brought us yet another stalker anthem. With a little help from Timbaland, Mista Valentino will find out your name, Social Security, home address, work number and mama'nem house totally without your consent in "Anonymous." [watch above]

I know you ain't think that blindfold was gonna stop him, girl. That's just how you end up in the shelter.

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Written by Ali Asghar on May 9, 2007 10:39 AM

June 13, 2007

Some Funny Sh*t... Nick Cannon and Usher: Break Ya Back, Bytch!

Yo, this is going to be a short one, because obviously after watching this video, it's self-explanatory...

Sorry, Nick. Your fake @$$ publicity-stunt engagement to Selita doesn't fool us. We know the real!

I was randomly searching online and I found this. Brokback Mountain Part 2 Starring Nick Cannon and Usher: Break Ya Back, B*tch!!

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Written by SOHH Breezy on June 13, 2007 10:00 AM

June 15, 2007

T-Pain f/ Akon: "Bartender"

The latest hip-hop/r&b duet... that's actually not ALL that.

::Sigh:: How do I begin discussing this video? I guess by stating the obvious: It's boring and redudant. The "Ooh,ooh, we in the club and we draaaankin' and we wanna get it popin' witchu' shawty" is getting REALLY OLD-- fast. I mean, once again I was expecting R.Kelly and T.I. to pop up out of nowhere to make a cameo. Who's responsible for T-Pain's video treatments, anyway?!

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Written by SOHH Breezy on June 15, 2007 6:53 PM

June 18, 2007

Sean Kingston-- "Real Gangsta" ... I Think I'll Pass...

I know you guys like to try and get on me because I'm not a natural comedian/comedienne like R.M., but I do what I do. Sorry, but I can't be anyone's doppelganger, I can only be me.

However, after watching this video I couldn't even dig deep to even try to muster up anything for this mess. Yep, I finally saw this video, and... well, what would YOU say?

I mean, is it not worth even TRYING AT ALL to make a good video these days?

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Written by SOHH Breezy on June 18, 2007 11:48 AM

June 20, 2007

R. Kelly and Usher-- "Same Girl"

Yes, Ush. You and R.Kelly been f*cking the same chick. Experiencing any painful cramps or blood in your p*ss? One of y'all better get tested for a UTI or something.

Is this supposed to be Beyonce & Shakira's "Beautiful Liar"-- the male version? Because that's the impression I got! What about y'all?

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Written by SOHH Breezy on June 20, 2007 10:00 AM

July 5, 2007

Ciara f/ 50 Cent-- Can't Leave 'Em Alone

** Hope everyone had a good July 4th! We interrupt your regularly scheduled Throwback Thursdays to bring you this latest hot mess:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but, I'm guessing the rumors have proven to be true?

Please, CiCi, please. F*ck what you think, shawty. LEAVE HIM ALONE!

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Written by SOHH Breezy on July 5, 2007 10:00 AM

July 9, 2007

Some Monday Morning Mayhem:: John Legend's D*ckiddy's Sick (In The Head)

Good morning, bytches! Wipe the cold outtta your eyes, it's Monday, time to wake your @$$es up! By the time you read this, you should be at work, not doing work, perpetrating a front like those office memos are getting typed ASAP.

Yeah f*ckin' right!

Just random bits and pieces today, and we're gonna start off with a particular r&b crooner's rather engorged bit:

Now, I don't know how old this is, so before you try to call me on its date, fix your face, I merely stumbled upon this.
But does it matter?
John Legend's a freak. We know that. Any man that can write a song about f*cking on a fire escape in the daytime is definitely capable of going Janet Jackson-esque on some chick in concert.

But what's up in those pants isn't a wardrobe malfunction!!

I don't know if he was actually into the girl, getting a mental picture of Kanye shirtless while wearing a custom-made pair of Louis Vuitton boxers or if he was simply getting turned on by his own sweat, but damn, Pa. Didn't know it was hangin' like that. Go 'head, Johnny!

And the girl? F*ck, I thought she was about ready to pin him down and sit on his face! And truthfully, I can't blame her for it. Gay or not, J.L. could sing any chick out of her panties if he wanted to. I'd give Legend a new workout plan if given the chance... but that's another story, another blog!

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Written by SOHH Breezy on July 9, 2007 10:00 AM

August 10, 2007

Tay Zonday Makes It Rain On Them... "Chocolate Rain", That Is...

The Candy Shop's open! But sorry, we're only serving one concoction today:

"Chocolate Rain." Bon appetit. ::snicker:: [see below]

The first time I watched this video, I couldn't blink for a full minute.

Doesn't this dude Tay Zonday look AND sound like E.T.?! E.T.-- PHONE HOME, N!GGA!!!
At first i thought "chocolate rain" was going to be some euphemism people used when they want to be sh*tted on during sex (similiar to requesting a "golden shower").

But I was wrong... dead wrong.

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Written by SOHH Breezy on August 10, 2007 9:00 AM

August 21, 2007

Is R. Kelly Trying To Be The Next Tyler Perry?

So, I'm finally giving y'all my take on the "Trapped In The Closet" saga.

Honestly, I haven't kept up with this soap opera at all. When I found out that Chapters 13-22 were going to be released, I thought, "well damn, what happened between 7-12?" The last one I remember seeing was the one that ended when R.Kelly (Sylvester) discovered that the cop that had stopped him for speeding on the way home was the same man his wife had been creeping with. But apparently, more scandals, lies and not to mention PEOPLE have been woven into the storyline [see photo below].

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Written by SOHH Breezy on August 21, 2007 9:00 AM

September 19, 2007

Br eezy Responds to "Freaky Gurl" Comments; Goes to "Bed" With J. Holiday

Good morning, bytches!!!

Based on most of those comments from yesterday's Gucci Mane video... I ruffled some feathers, didn't I? Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Obviously some of you don't read the blog thoroughly! I DISTINCTLY said that I WAS NOT trying to HATE on the South, I was trying to UNDERSTAND what's going on down there. Maybe the "crunk juice" comment misconstrued my intent. But it was no reason to question my credibility or hate on my "Breezy" alias, as so many of you did... but, like my nature, I'm as cool as a summer's breeze, so it ain't nothing.

Second of all, I did NOT call Gwen Stefani a rapper, nor did I say she was hip-hop... the point of me including her new joint in yesterday's blog was because I PREFER LISTENING TO HER OVER GUCCI MANE, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. Like y'all wasn't rapping this sh*t is bananas, b-a-n-a-n-a-s! when "Hollaback Girl" came out. STOP TRIPPING. At least she works with respectable entertainers such as Dr. Dre, Eve, Swizz, hell, even Slim Thug got on the "Luxurious" remix! STOP TRIPPING.

But I did, however, enjoy reading this EXTREMELY SEXIST comment from a reader:

You're a broad. Your opinion doesn't count. And on top of that you listen to Gwen Stefani. You lost any hope for credibility when you said that. Women should just not allowed to be able to speak on some things.

We've come along way, baby. I won't shout out your identity, or anything like that but you know who you are-- go repeat that sh!t to your mother and see if she don't smack the taste out of your mouth.

But enough of that. The clouds have cleared, it's a new day.
Well, let's call it a night-- 'cuz I'm ready for "Bed".