TALKIN' VIDEOS

August 29, 2005

The Whoop-Dee-Damn-Doo VMA Blog!

Alright y'all, no video today. It's "Talkin' VMAs"

None of THAT this time...

But I saw some truly horrible television programming last night. I didn't even see all of it, so I need y'all to holler about a lot of this, but I'm gonna go ahead and talk about what I DID see. Since eeeeeeeveryone else is doin' it, much like the anti-drug commercials of the 80s, Ron Mexico is gonna be a chicken AND a turkey.

Continue reading "The Whoop-Dee-Damn-Doo VMA Blog!"

Written by Ron Mexico on August 29, 2005 2:44 PM

January 25, 2006

Talkin' Videos 2005 Awards - Capitulo Uno: The End-troduction

(*cue corny ass music*)
First of all, I want to thank all of you net nerds for a stellar 2005. This program hopes to reach you happy, healthy and brimming with hate for 2006.

For the next few days we'll be handing out awards to our favorite music videos and the recording artists painstakingly attached to them. Much like Emmys (named after Emmy, the patron deity of Television), Oscars (named after the Grouch who saved cinema), and Tonys (a name ambiguous and unisex enough to represent the clouded sexuality of theater people), Talkin' Videos presents its big winners with Mexicans.

Continue reading "Talkin' Videos 2005 Awards - Capitulo Uno: The End-troduction"

Written by Ron Mexico on January 25, 2006 8:00 AM

January 26, 2006

Talkin' Videos 2005 Awards - Hot Shots: Part Deux

Today's installment of the Talkin' Videos 2005 Awards has been brought to you by the Woolrich Crack Dealer 2006 (formerly known as the Arctic Parka).

The Crack Dealer '06 is guaranteed to keep you and your cocaine bundle warm in even the most brutal of winter cold. The project stairs have never felt quite this cozy! And with all those pockets and linings the cops won't even know where to start. Woolrich... "Stack your paper, player!"

This jacket is not to be confused with the Carjacker 2006 (formerly known as the Elite Arctic Parka).

...and now, on with the awards.

Continue reading "Talkin' Videos 2005 Awards - Hot Shots: Part Deux"

Written by Ron Mexico on January 26, 2006 8:00 AM

January 27, 2006

Talkin' Videos 2005 Awards - Episode III: Revenge of the Mexican

We'll return to the Mexican Awards after this word from our sponsor...

"Ummm... We're sorry, I guess?

Dear Black people,

We'd like to apologize for the manner in which our network has represented you and your culture in recent years. We'd like to inform you that the station is now under new management, that scamp Robert Johnson is out the door, and we have just signed something that we like to call the Emancipation Proclamation. We hope you enjoy your newfound benefits in the best of health.

Please continue to 'move them buttcheeks!'

Sincerely,
The NEW White Folks In Charge"

...okay, let's bring this shit home, bitches.

Continue reading "Talkin' Videos 2005 Awards - Episode III: Revenge of the Mexican"

Written by Ron Mexico on January 27, 2006 10:00 AM

September 1, 2006

Another Whoop-Dee-Damn-Doo VMA Blog!

Fuck, has it been another year already?

Due to prior obligations, I couldn’t attend the VMAs to give you folks the lowdown on what was really goins on… so we’re just gonna do what we do best. Thank god last night’s production was by far the worst VMA I’d ever seen. We’re gonna sit around in a circle and light these niggas up.

Continue reading "Another Whoop-Dee-Damn-Doo VMA Blog!"

Written by Ron Mexico on September 1, 2006 10:36 AM

November 16, 2006

The Atlanta BET Hip-Hop Atlanta Awards of Atlanta Blog!

As you all probably know, last night was the first of what’s likely to be over 750 airings of the BET Hip-Hop Awards, colorfully hosted by America’s favorite Pimpin’ Negro Leprechaun, Katt Williams. As you all also probably know, my expectations of both The Negro Channel and common contemportary rappers ain’t all that high either. I pretty much spent two hours waiting for Eat Dirt to get hit with an aluminum fold-up chair so that we might actually have been entertained.

Continue reading "The Atlanta BET Hip-Hop Atlanta Awards of Atlanta Blog!"

Written by Ron Mexico on November 16, 2006 9:00 AM

December 29, 2006

The Pre-Mexican Awards Party!

I would like to thank you all for a deliciously spiteful 2006!

As we continue to dickslap the industry and its visual representation, I’d also like to take this time to look back a bit. Much like last year, January will play host to our Talkin’ Videos Awards Ceremony. Unlike last year, I’m giving you, the loyal Talkin’ Videos reader, the opportunity to influence the categories, nominees and eventual winners of 2007’s “Mexicans.”

This year YOU are the Academy!

Continue reading "The Pre-Mexican Awards Party!"

Written by Ron Mexico on December 29, 2006 11:02 AM

February 1, 2007

Talkin' Videos 2006 Awards - The First (of the month)

*cue more corny ass music*

Preface:

I again graciously thank you all for a 2006 that I could not have conjured up in my most insane of fried chicken nightmares. In a strange era where freedom of thought and expression are under consistent attack, I am both honored and elated to engage this symposium with you guys on a daily basis. As expected, 2006 saw my scrotum slurped, stretched, yanked and folded in every direction possible. In lieu of said testicular abuse, I am proud to announce that my balls are currently smooth as eggs and reloaded.

I hope this program reaches you happy, shiny, healthy and well-rested but still fiery enough to gnash your teeth at these skip-skaps, scollywhops, hoebags, so-called recording artists, pawnk bitches and Fergie. Blessed are ye who understand what we do here and why.

Alright. You’ve been waiting long enough. Finally, on massive CP time, the 2006 Talkin’ Videos Awards commence.

Continue reading "Talkin' Videos 2006 Awards - The First (of the month)"

Written by Ron Mexico on February 1, 2007 11:31 AM

February 2, 2007

Barclays' Talkin' Videos 2006 Awards - The Second Coming

Before we continue with the Barclays' Talkin Videos 2006 Awards, I am being prodded to throw to our next, and probably most important sponsor.

Barclays: Savor the Historical Context

Continue reading "Barclays' Talkin' Videos 2006 Awards - The Second Coming"

Written by Ron Mexico on February 2, 2007 10:30 AM

February 8, 2007

Barclays' 2006 Talkin' Videos Awards: Clarence Williams the Third

Barclays' Talkin' Videos Awards will continue after a brief word from a lesser sponsor.

You’re a proud black sister. A true African original. Your ancestors smile upon you and your determination in the struggle. Your darkened womb is cradle of all civilization.

Now slap this shit in that nappy ass head of yours so you can come out in public.

(Just for Me No-Lye relaxer now comes in Crispy, Crunchy, Nappy and Nipsey. Select the level of incineration that's right for you.)

Continue reading "Barclays' 2006 Talkin' Videos Awards: Clarence Williams the Third"

Written by Ron Mexico on February 8, 2007 12:08 PM

February 9, 2007

Barclays' Talkin' Videos 2006 Awards: A Stylish Fourclosure

Welcome back to the Barclays Talkin' Videos 2006 Awards program. I'm Ron Mexico, and this is our Black History Moment.

Now, let's get back to our recognition of the hand-picked Negro leaders of our culture's musical representation to the world.

*looking around sheepishly*

...If that's okay with you, Mr. Barclays.

Continue reading "Barclays' Talkin' Videos 2006 Awards: A Stylish Fourclosure"

Written by Ron Mexico on February 9, 2007 10:59 AM

April 30, 2007

CONTEST: WIN THE DVD -- CODENAME: The Cleaner

SOHH.com’s Talkin’ Videos is giving you a chance to WIN THE DVD -- CODENAME: The Cleaner Starring Cedric The Entertainer in stores now!

Jake, a mild-mannered janitor, gets in over his head when he is duped into believing that he is an undercover agent who subconsciously holds a key piece of information that could expose an arms conspiracy involving the CIA and FBI. Lucy Liu (Domino, Charlie’s Angels) and Nicollette Sheridan (TV’s Desperate Housewives) co-star as the women Jake may or may not be entangled with romantically. Rated PG-13 for sexual content, crude humor and some violence.

The DVD includes the hilarious making-of featurette, “Moppin' Up with the Cleaning Crew” and film outtakes.

To enter, send an email to talkinvideos@sohh.com with the subject: Codename DVD Giveaway before Friday, May 4th. We’ll select 10 lucky winners from the submissions. Must by 18 or older to enter!

Written by Danica on April 30, 2007 6:24 PM

August 7, 2007

VMA NOMINATIONS AT TRL !!

Wassup y'all! Ya girl Breezy just sat down in the studios and I'm waiting for this ish to start. Now I've just gotten word that Kanyee West's supposed to perform, as well as Ms. Umbrella-Ella-Ella- Ay-Ay-Ay's supposed to be here as well! I know that I spend a great part of my nights hatin', but I'm actually kind of excited...

So, they're still setting up, and I'm watching MTV VJ Damien Fahey run through some stuff. Not much to report right now, but I'm basically gonna be your inside look @ MTV. Like I said, not much to report--- but the kitchen they had all the press sit in was STACKED!!!

KEEP CHECKING BACK... I'm gonna be interacting with the audience, announcing the nominees for the 2007 Video Music Awards, talking about those gay @$$ shades I'M SURE 'Ye will be wearing... yeaaaaaahhhh baby!!!

Written by SOHH Breezy on August 7, 2007 12:07 PM

VMA'S @ TRL --- WE JUST WENT LIVE!!

WE JUST WENT LIVE!!!

I hope you're watching MTV @ 1:00 PM
In case you wanna see what I look like, I'm sitting in the top row furthest to the right (or left, depending on your vision) and I'm wearing glasses, green & white striped tank, my hair's curly, and I have my laptop in front of me. DO YOU FEEL A CONNECTION TO ME, FAM? Ha, ha, ha. These kids are screaming in my f*ckin' ears, but you can't help but get caught up in it. So:
WHOOOO--- HOOOOOO MUTHAF*CKAAASSSS!!! (But I REFUSE to cheer out loud.)

I know one thing that's p*ssing me off. It's f*cking 100 degrees out here in NYC, so naturally on my way to the press check-in, I stop at Starbucks and get an iced tea.
Problem is, NOW I HAVE TO PEE and I CAN'T LEAVE BECAUSE OF LIVE TAPING. G-DDAMNIT!

DJ Cipha Sounds is outside with the unlucky ones who have to witness the show in the building and I'm excited to see him.

Continue reading "VMA'S @ TRL --- WE JUST WENT LIVE!!"

Written by SOHH Breezy on August 7, 2007 12:18 PM

VMA NOMINEES FOR BEST FEMALE VIDEO ARTIST

Aight y'all... we're still doing the run-through but I just heard Damien announce the nominees for Best Female Video Artist which are:

Amy Winehouse. Beyonce. Fergie. Nelly Furtado.

Damn... they might as well just give the award away right now.

Continue reading "VMA NOMINEES FOR BEST FEMALE VIDEO ARTIST"

Written by SOHH Breezy on August 7, 2007 12:18 PM

VMA'S @ TRL: Kanye AND Chris Brown AND Timbaland!!

DJ Cipha Sounds is outside with CHRIS BROWN!!!!

Chris Brown was nominated for the Best Choreography category. Now, in my opinion, Chris is NOT that hot of a dancer. Y'all don't know how HEATED I was when BET voted him #8 in their Top 25 Dancers of All Time Countdown.

But, let me stop... I'm at MTV now.

I just spoke to three spectatos sitting in front of me, let's call them Brown Hair Girl, Pink Stripes, and Blue Shirt Man.
I pose the question: "Are you all excited to see Chris Brown?"
Answer: "YES!!" from all
Pink Stripe: "Do you know if Justin Timberlake is going to be here?"
Breezy: "No, I don't" (which is the honest truth).
Breezy: "Who do you think is a better dancer between Chris Brown and JT"?
Blue Shirt Man: "I'm a big JT fan, so.."
Brown Haired Girl: "Chris Brown! He makes his own choreography!"
Pink Stripes: "It's two different styles of hip-hop, so that's an unfair question!"

Fam, what y'all think?

ANYWHO...
Chris Breezy just came upstairs, making me feel like LaChesta the Female Molesta (ha ha @ my play on words) for wanting to rush the stage and straddle him. He;s wearing some interesting looking surf shirt. Aloha, baby.
So he announces the BIG award category, which is:

VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Amy Winehouse-- "Rehab"
Beyonce-- "Irreplaceable"
Justin Timberlake-- "What Goes Around"
Kanye West-- "Stronger"
Rihanna-- "Umbrella"
Breezy's Pick: "Rehab" or "Stronger"

KANYE JUST STEPPED IN THE BUILDING!!

Continue reading "VMA'S @ TRL: Kanye AND Chris Brown AND Timbaland!!"

Written by SOHH Breezy on August 7, 2007 1:11 PM

VMA's @ TRL... The Wrap-Up!

Alright. I'm looking at Asian chicks on the stage right now, decorated in glitter and with painted stars on their face. They're tuning their violins, but I hear a sample of "Stronger" starting up. So you know what this means!!

I'ma keep it 100 with y'all, fam... I'm torn between being a member of the press AND a fan right now. It's hard keeping your composure.. it was REALLY hard when Chris Brown and Timbo came on stage.. I've been a fan of Timbaland for YEARS. But I kept it cool. I kept my panties on.

But its REALLY hard... especially wheh Timbaland is DEAD IN FRONT OF ME, filming a introducing Kanye's video.
AND Y'ALL.. I MET TIMBALAND!! I got to introduce myself and tell him how big of a fanI am. He was nice, shook my hand. SO, now, I'm making a rule: NO HATING ON TIMBALAND ON MY BLOG Y'ALL. SERIOUSLY. I mean, I was so hyped when I met him I wanted to say, "Ayo, F*CK SCOTT STORCH", but I didn't want to ruin OUR moment.

I also shook Rihanna's hand-- she was pretty sweet, too.

Kanye's performance was AWESOME. "Stronger" and "Can't Tell Me Nothing" sound AWESOME live, as most songs do when they're peformed live. And YES! He wore those damn shades-- DID I CALL IT OR WHAT?
But best of all, he bought Common out with him and they performed "Southside."

I gotta admit, this was pretty tight. I was feelin' it, no doubt.

The show's over now, and the kids are screaming because the casting director chick is giving away stuff. Hey, lady.... what about BREEZY?!

Let me wrap this up-- we're getting ready to go. Hope y'all enjoyed the posts-- I'll check y'all later.

Keep it Breezy!

P.S. KANYE IS SHORT!!!

Written by SOHH Breezy on August 7, 2007 1:49 PM

September 10, 2007

Breezy Goes Off About The 2007 MTV Video Music Awards

Hey, fam. I've just gotten thru the VMA's, and as promised, I'm gonna tell y'all how it went down... and down... and down.

You know what? If you want me to break this down for you, plain and simple: this show was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overhyped. And damnit, they got to me too, especially when I blogged live from MTV when they announced the nominees on TRL. It has been no secret that MTV, in terms of their awards ceremonies, has fallen off, and I guess this year, by creating new award categories that make no sense whatsoever, they're trying to recapture the essence they lost back in, say, 2003. I say, if they wanna get it back to how it used to be, for next year's show, bring back Chris Rock to host, and stop putting these bullsh*t celebs on the show (like the Laguna Beach/Hills whores and those losers who were announced the Best New Artist category). And how about actually PERFORMING ON THE ACTUAL STAGE? I know this is Vegas, and they wanted to have that "party like a rockstar" mode goin' down, but it was annoying watching the camera go from suite-to-suite. I mean, sh*t, let whoever's gonna perform do it on THE ACTUAL PROGRAM, and save the other sh*t for an aftershow or something.

But let me stop going off, and get into this recap. I'm going to put the show's highlights under three categories, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. But to start things off, there's one performance, which, the very first time I saw it, I hated it. But then, f*ck, I had to go and watch it two more times-- and it grew on me. My personal opinon: it's aight, but she's done better (2003 smooch with Madonna ring a bell?) So I'll let y'all decide whether it was good or not.

And....

IT'S BRITNEY, B*TCH!