TALKIN' VIDEOS

Yes! Hip-hop television’s favorite odd-couple is baaacck!
Let the face-down-in-crotch singing commence!

Out of all the celebreality bullshit that’s out there, this show has to be one of the funniest and most interesting out there. I’m glad they brought this back for a second time around—it definitely makes things lighter in your life… for 30 minutes, anyway.

So, picking up where we left off, it seems as though Sandy and Cheryl are getting along… for a short while. They’re even in a kickboxing class together—which is better than them taking out their anger on each other. However, Salt’s a lil’ stressed out because her 16-year-old daughter Corrine is getting boy fever, and she thinks that allowing her first boy/girl party will help suppress those urges her daughter probably has to make “after-school study dates” with the power forward from 2nd period English. Yeah right.

Lil’ Corrine has only one request though: Mama Sodium has to get the world’s craziest party-planner on board. Does Pep object? Hell no—she’s down!

What’s funny is that Salt actually feels a sense of rejection once she tells her daughter that Pep’s agreed to help them out. Shoot, she’s still a showstopper! She used to push it real good! You ain’t know?

Or, as she puts it--

“Remember that time I threw that adult party, and we played gestures and I gave out gift bags?”

Yes—she’s serious.

Last season, I likened Pep to an Amazon queen. From this episode, I think I’m gonna have to just sum her up as simply a force of nature—a f*cking tornado. ‘Cuz when she comes through, she takes everyone by storm and leaves NO prisoners. Just like that movie Twister .

That being said, she goes into full-party planning swing, she masks the party as having a Morroccan theme, but as we at home understand, she wants nothing short of an Arabian brothel, complete with “non-strippers”. Hmm.
Cheryl DID have some demands though.

1) No drinking or drugs
2) The lights have to be ON at all times
3) She has the final say. Of EVERYTHING. No need to elaborate on that one.

We’ll see how long THAT stays in effect.

Fast forward to the intial wardrobe shopping trip—do I need to go into detail with this one? What do you think WOULD go down with Salt and Pep in a boutique, with poor lil’ Corrine caught up in the mix? Salt’s picking out tent dresses, Pep’s picking out handkerchiefs… Corrine walks out emptyhanded. DUH.

Pep’s obviously disappointed, so she does what any respectful friend of a parent would do: she “kidnaps” Corrine, and takes her to get her makeup done (without Salt getting “The Final Say”… yet the artist makes her look like Kimora Simmons would look if she were trying to apply colors and come down off a coke high at the same time. I told y’all last season that (pretend) Ladies Love Cool Pep, but y’all weren’t tryna hear me.

This episode, we also learn that Salt’s husband Gavin indeed does have a voice. And it’s a voice of reason . While Pep and Corrine are out frolicking in glitter and glue, Salt’s at home, confiding in her husband about her fears that the party is getting out of control (which it has—the guest list has expanded to 200 and there was talk of a tent being rented). He only has this to say:

“Who’s paying for all of this?”

With that newfound sense of reality, Salt confronts Pep and Corrine when they return home, and sends Corrine upstairs to bed. Salt and Pep ensue in one of their famous “salt and pepper” arguments, leading to Salt calling the party off… which, apparently she didn’t mean, as is revealed to Sandy the next day. Whatever.

So… the party’s on in full swing. Corrine’s wardrobe is going to be Morroccan (which is what I would’ve suggested the first damn time), or in Salt’s words, “something flowy”. This time, her make up makes her look like Kimora Simmons in her natural habitat (I always thought KLS does her face up really natural looking and healthy).
But the actual party.. man…

You gotta give it up to Gavin for trying to play the traditional “don’t f*ck with my baby” Daddy role when the boys come into the house. But did he have to use Tyran and Salt’s other son as goons? Looking like the NY version of Chris Partlow and Snoop from The Wire. I half expected one of them to say, “and we will be brief with all y’all muthaf*ckas”

Did y’all peep that light-skinned Lebron James looking dude trying to get into the party? He claimed he was 16… yet if he was born in 1990 (as he said), and this episode was filmed in 2007… wouldn’t that have made him… 17? Can’t you add, n*gga? If you’re gonna lie, LIE THE RIGHT WAY!

Unless he was on his way to turning 17. Then he’s just awkwardly overgrown.

Like I said, good looks to Pop trying to stop the R. Kellys from entering the jammy jam.

However, the only grown-a$$ party crasher he had to worry about was… Sandy. Yeah y’all—apparently, she’s got some Roberta Kelly tendencies.

Honestly, did y’all REALLY think she was gonna stay away? Poor Tyran. He went upstairs to tell Salt to “handle that” downstairs. I hope she didn’t start spitting rhymes to “Shoop” in anyone’s crotch—or give some lucky high school junior his first titty f*ck, anyway.

Ahh well.

NEXT WEEK: In my opinion, only boring ass people (and wreckless gamblers) like to go to Atlantic City… so it makes perfect sense that Salt and Pepa would take a trip there together!

What are you looking forward to this go-around? Want Spinderella to make another apperance?
Thoughts/comments? Holla @ me here or at Breezylovesyababy@gmail.com

**VERY IMPORTANT** Wanna hear Breezy on the radio? Check out Equilibrium Radio's Special Pre-Valentine's Day show at 4pm EST. We'll be spinning hip-hop love songs from your favorite emcees, plus there's gonna be an on-air cypher with special guests! ALSO-- listen to find out how you can get your V-Day Gift from EQ Radio! Just go to www.whcr.org and click the "Listen Live" link!

WHO LOVES YA, BABY?
-- Breezy