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The Salt-N-Pepa Show Ep. 1: "I performed in a church-- you owe me!"
Posted on October 16, 2007 9:00 AM
Good mooooooorning! Hope y'all catched the premiere last night. But for those of y'all who didn't... I got ya covered.
Have y’all ever seen the movie The Banger Sisters? Basically, it’s a comedy about these two middle-aged women who used to be groupies back in the ‘60's-‘70's era. They followed the rock bands around, and allegedly slept with the great rockers like Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, etc. The problem is... fast forward to today, and the two women aren’t friends anymore. The former groupie, Lavinia, managed to get married to some lawyer-type, and live as a respectable member of her community as a stay-at-home mom, having put her previous fast life to bed. The other chick, Suzette, is still trying to rock out with her cock out. Suzette, down on her luck, pays her former partner-n-crime a visit, and the sparks fly. Cue up the drunken spats.
Now that I’ve taken the time to drop that on y’all... ask yourselves... if you take out the rockstar part, doesn’t their situation remind you of another famous duo (well, trio) with a seemingly irreconcilable bond?
First of all, let me make this clear: I don’t give a flying fluck what anyone says. These chicks were The Supremes of Hip Hop, and will forever remain fly-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y in my book.
However, just like the Supremes, or any other act that has more than one member with a set of ovaries... they met their untimely end.
Fortunately, for us, the good ol’ bamboozlers at VH1 have decided to give our ladies a chance for them to dig up old skeletons and put each other on 24/7 blast... thus, finally giving us a reality show worth watching. On top of that, this show has the best reality show theme song. Sorry, Run's House.
Ohh, VH1! Is it too good to be true? A show that actually makes sense?
Bruised egos? Check.
Personality clashes? In effect.
Coinciding menstrual cycles? Hell yeah! I wanted to stuff my cable box with tampons!
Y’all ALMOST got a pass... ‘till y’all put Irv Gotti on. But that will be dealt with tomorrow, kiddies.
So, our girls Salt and Pepa (who I may at times refer to as Cheryl and Sandy), apparently split up like Jennifer Lopez and fill in the blank. Gone are the biker shorts, hot red lipstick and that bangin’ short cut. Cheryl traded that in for a nice, sky blue cable knit sweater and became a good, reborn Christian wife and mother, while Sandy is living out this “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” fantasy... except she is still searching for a career, money, a man, etc. She might still wear her 80's clothes to bed for good luck, sh*t, who knows? What killed me is that at the top of the ep, she says something like, “I’m still the same person, I’ve never changed.” Now what the editors should’ve done at this point was zoom in to a close-up of her new Caucausoid-flavored schnoz. I mean... she didn’t OD or anything like that (it’s kind of tasteful, as far as plastic surgery goes), but I gotta call a spade, a spade. It does, however, take away some of that “I-am-Black-she-woman-Worship-Me!”-ness that I grew to love about’cha, though.
I know that most of you have peeped this clip where Salt and Pep are propositioned with performing at Shaq’s birthday party (that’s how you can tell this was earlier in the year). For those of you who haven’t, here it is, onemo’gin:
Pep... seriously, ma, who you foolin’? I heard this song for the first time when I was very young and even then I knew that to “push it” was to do something very, very naughty. Fun, but naughty. Drop the innocence. Did anyone REALLY think they were talking about simply dancing?
But if you didn’t catch the ep last night, you missed out on some vital points. In this scene, Cheryl tells Sandy that she just couldn’t let Pep ride on her money train anymore, or something like that. (Personally, I felt Salt was the better lyricist anyway...). But then she admits to her– and us at home– that she was bulimic. Whoa. Not to make fun of that disorder, but she basically told this girl who was supposed to be her ace boon for years that she was making her sick to her stomach! Worse, Pep MADE Salt make HERSELF sick to her stomach! I’ve had some bytches say some wild ish to me back in my day... but never something like that. I don’t know if I could’ve been as stoic as Sandy was, who merely just raised an eyebrow, The Rock–style.
I'm reaaaaally hoping that a reassuring embrace was edited out. I refuse to belive that Pep's that self-centered and cold.
Furthermore, didn’t Salt look like she was thisclose to tears in the entire episode? I hope she overcame her eating disorder. Even more, I hope she doesn’t suffer from depression. It seems like Pep's gonna trigger a whole bunch of panic attacks for our girl this season. Someone prescribe her some Zoloft-- no bullsh*t, it works wonders!
So, for Shaq’s party, they decided to perform “Whatta Man”. They had to change some of the words fit their (read: Salt) current tastes/interests. But yo.... “a body like Barack with a Denzel face?!”
Hmm... never looked at him that way. Ladies, you might be on to something... Consensus on Obama, girls? Would you hit it or quit it?
I know all y’all want to talk about how Pep got her “one last hurrah” hooch act on by giving that beastin’ guy a faux blow-job. Salt definitely pulled her to the side and let her know she wasn’t feelin’ it. I mean, can you blame her? Cheryl probably just made president of the PTA, and she's not gonna let a potential bad photo on Page Six f*ck her surburbian sh*t up. She's in charge of the next bake sale, for goodness sakes! I say... if it were Rihanna, or Lil’ Kim, or, Janet Jackson, of course, I’d roll a nonchalant eye. But this... this is pathetic in so many ways. I would probably scoop her off her knees, too. I wouldn’t let you go out like that, Pep.
But the Shaq performance got cancelled (really, Salt? You sure you didn't have a hand in that?) and now Salt wants them to perform at her church, to which Pep grudgingly agrees to. SHOUT OUT TO MY CHURCH, Christian Cultural Center and Pastor A.R. Bernard! (But I wasn’t in attendance the day this filmed... shows you how often I attend services.) ::turns red::
So... the ladies flipped it and did “Whatta Man” at the church... but the Man they’re giving props to died for our sins, not helped us revel in them with long episodes of enjoyable fornication. I can dig it!
My only complaint with this show so far is that it should be an hour long. Cut that alligator head New York’s show in half and extend this one!
Quote of the Day:
Pep: “I performed in a church– you owe me!”
For Cheryl's sake, I pray that Pep doesn't plan on making her "pay her debt" to her at a male strip club or something... because Salt might have a nervous breakdown.
Question: Why do I feel the need to state that I'm not dissing Salt's current beliefs? Oh yeah, cuz y'all n*ggaz LOVE to curse me out! Sorry if I ruined your hate-on-Breezy post today by clearing that up.
Next week: Salt helps Pepa find a good man... why do I not see this going well? Will Treach make a special appearance to beat down the n*gga that blows out the back of his baby-moms? We’ll see!
What y'all think about what you've seen of the show so far? Holla @tcha girl!
WHO LOVES YA, BABY?
-- Breezy
By the way... I never said I didn't like Rich Boy OR that I wasn't feeling the track. Selective blindness rears its ugly head.
Comments
DID ANYONE WATCH THIS SHOW. MAN I TELL YOU THIS SHOW IS GOING TO BE VERY INTERESTING. SALT LOOKS LIKE SHE DID SOME GOOD INVESTMENTS. PEP I CAN'T DESCRIBE BUT AS UNCERTAIN. I COULD NOT BELIEVE THEY WENT FROM SHAQ TO A CHURCH TO PERFORM. IN MY OPINION SALT IS A CRAZY CONTROL CHICK. CAN'T WAIT AT LEAST IT'S BETTER THAN I LOVE NY.
This will be the bes tshow on VH1, def a step above all the other bullshit on that channel.
Everyone knows someone who is on prescription medicine. Go to www.nulegacyrxcard.com/sjackson to print off a FREE prescription drug card that saves up to 75%. Just print it off and use it!
Another wasted space on SOHH.COM. Your existence is not very encouraging right about now Breezy. Are you proud of your job, how about to your parents? Do they know what you do..or are you embarrassed for them to know? Is it really worth the pay you are getting? You gotta sit up after hours, watch TV and try really hard to come up with some funnies...and you fail everytime. Sista, you could be being much more productive with that wasted time. Time can't be bought back, and I find it hard to believe that you could possibly be compensated ENOUGH for all the time you've wasted on this job. I ain't hatin...I'm just sayin for real though. I AM NOT even tryin to be funny or quit, but I'm serious Breezy. And I understand you may have another job as well, but this right here...seriously, it's not worth it homey.
There's something better for you out there. For real. I know you been feelin that way yourself, just consider this confirmation. Now get up and go get it. Quit this job homey.
HEY I WAS YOUNG WHEN THIS SONG CAME OUT AND I DID THINK THEY SAID P))SY REAL GOOD. TRIPPING OF THAT ONE. IT DID HAVE IT CHICKENHEAD MOMENTS. WHY IN CHURCH GROUP MEETING SHE HAD TO TELL HER BUISNESS. CHURCH WOMEN ARE THE WORST GOSSIPERS. PEP CHICKEN HEAD CHICK WAS GHETTO TOO. WHERE THE REAL WOMEN AT THAT DON'T GOSSIP.
Breezy dont need to be funny, she got big titties.
But seriously breezy, start posting pics before u get fired. The only 2 words that caught my attention while quickly scrolling down your page, was "Jeniffer Lopez".... you coulda at least post a picture of her ass instead of OBAMA's.
YO SALT IS AMZING. THAT WOMAN IS STRAIGHT BEAUTIFUL. SHE ALWAYS WAS AND NOW I THINK SHE EVEN GOT BETTER. GIRL IS CRAZY.
@ Victory Park...What the hell are you talking about. They were not gossiping. Maybe if you belonged to a church group you would know the difference.
@PZ
Nigga shut the fuck up, Nobody wants to hear your inane rants.
HEY BREEZY
I finally posted agian, go check it out!
Hater-Nation.blogspot.com
SO WHAT WAS THEY DOING. SALT CONTROL THE WHOLE CONVO ON THE SHOW. MY THOUGHT OF THE SCENE WAS WHY IS IT IMPORTANT FOR HER TO GOSSIP BUISNESS. HER GROUP DON'T HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HER PERSONAL LIFE. THAT'S MY OPINION. TO BE HONEST I MUST HAVE HIT A NERVE. DO YOU GOSSIP TOO AT CHURCH INSTEAD OF LISTEN TO THE MAN. I KNOW YA TYPE BE IN CHURCH HATING ON EVERYTHING BUT WON'T SAY ANYTHING TIL BEHIND CLOSED DOOR. CHURCH WOMEN ARE THE WORST GOSSIPER BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY ARE HOLLIER THAN ME. DON'T GET OFFENDED LIL MAMA. YES I GO TO GREEN STREET BAPTIST CHURCH WHERE THEY HONORABLE PASTOR CARL JONES RESIDES. AND NO I DON'T DO CHURCH GROUP MY PASTOR KNOW ME PERSONALLY. I DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH GROUP TO SEE MY PASTOR. MUST GO TO A BIG CHURCH LIKE JUANITA BYNUM...OOOPS MY BAD SHE JUST SOLD HER CHURCH TO PAY FOR HER HOUSE. AJC.COM GOT THE STORY.
To put in plain English....It sounds like Salt made something out her life, and Pep is a lonely, desperate out of control loser.
To put in plain English....It sounds like Salt made something out her life, and Pep is a lonely, desperate out of control loser.
Posted by: Izzo at October 16, 2007 12:20 PM
^^^^^^
cause she put God first.
Shout out to my boy PZ
@bobby drake....
Exactly.....and Pep needs to embrace that, maybe her streak of bad luck will change.
What it is Ma!!!!!!!!
I'm back to give you the live report from
the trap. Ma I know yall was like where da VET at....well when them blue boyz come knocking you got ta get tha fuck out ya dig!!! Anyways hope you been good Ms Breezy.....but Pepa nose aint!!! Ma, it do not go with the whole out look but hay we let Mike get away with becoming another color so....They look good for they age and to see them back is a good look. Yo I didn't know she(Salt) left LIKE THAT....DAMN!!!! But she could'nt wear the DAISY DUKES NO MO IT WAS TIME FOR A CHANGE(if YOUUUUUU don't get the joke youtube "What a Man")she summer's eved with holy water and popped some babies. Now on to the REMIXXXXXXXXXXXX(as Missy would say) I didn't know bout the church mix that shit was hot hahahahahaha!!! I mean when Pepa went for tha SEXY DIP....."DEAD" She was bout ta give it to them FOREAL!But what KILLED me was the old man wit da bifocals on. MAN HE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS SUNDAY RIGHT HERE! Breezy just think bout the decons meeting after church."SHORTY GOTA ASS ON HER IMA PUT MY HANDS ON HER"(Gucci Mane"go head"). After that I will be on deck on Mondays FASHO! Anyway ima get back to that trap my P.O talkin bout I owe fo bout 4 months DAMNNNNNNNN!
Did she say "Hope y'all CATCHED?!?!?"
what part of the game is that?
Did she say "Hope y'all CATCHED?!?!?"
yup, she did. Damn, r-e-a-d-a-b-o-O-K.
I found Salt to be very annoying. She feels the only compromise she needed to make was to agree to get back with Pep. Now she seems like she gets to tell Pep what to do 100%. I wasn't feeling it. Hopefully she will lighten up. As for Pep she needs to calm her ass down. I don't think they were ever the type of act to be doing simulated blow jobs. She could use a touch of Jesus in her life as well.
Breezy,
Barack doesn't have a killer body so his name was a bad subsititute, but to answer your question, hell yeah I would want to hit. There is something crazy sexy about an intelligent powerful man. Yummy!
someone has too much time on his hands (PZ) why you so infatuated on breezy's job anyway..mad suspect
anyways...I didn't get a chance to check out the show but it seems like the real deal so I'm gonna catch the re-run
Bird,
I dont think Obama would let you floss with his dick
I thought it was funny when pepper got carried away, shaking her booty in church.
I never said you disliked rich boy or his songs but I did state you were being negative.Read back what you typed for evidence of this.
so you're the one wit selective blindness Breezy.
Salt was very controling and dominate in the show....Salt has def done things differently then pep but for what reason...she left the group very bitter and still seems that way...let talk truth.....she was feed up with a man that she was fucking for decades....and he still had no love for her but to write rhymes for her...Salt needs to understand that compromise is not her way...Pepa has a lot of going up to do but lets face it...pepa has been a mother since they were making tracks back in the day so her financial means are very different then salt
I don't like the way they did Spin. Awhile back when they did VH1 Behind the Music and they said they didn't cut her in on the last big payout because she was not their in the begainning but I can't remember them without her being a part of it. In the 80's the DJ was and equal member with the rappers. It wasn't like she had just joined the group that summer or some shit. Will Smith didn't play DJ Jazzy Jeff like that. She should have a part on that show even if its just Salt's ballheaded husband throwing her out the front door at the end of every show.
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