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Double Header, Double Divas: New Videos From Alicia Keys and Rihanna
Posted on September 25, 2007 9:00 AM
'Sup, fam.
If you're like me, you've been waiting on pins and needles for this particular video to come out.
Why so, Breezy?, you may ask.
Because, hopefully, the video will make you & me like the song better. Now I have been a fan of this artist since Songs in A Minor. I felt that the album was a personal love letter written from Alicia's mind to my heart, letting me know that the sh*t I was going through at the time was going to get better ("Troubles" is forever one of my favorite joints). And it did.
So like I was saying, I am a bonafide Alicia Keys fan. I once trekked through the park where she filmed "If I Ain't Got You" (in daylight hours, of course, if you know anything about St. Nicholas Park) and almost coughed up a lung (those steps ain't no joke) just so I could say I did it.... like any one else that lives on 140th and Convent Ave. But so what if that makes me a cornball? I love her-- so f*ck you!
But this song? This sh*t almost made me choke back angry tears when I first heard it. I put up with the MONTHS upon MONTHS of living in a world of Rihanna/Beyonce/Fergie/Nelly Furtado/Ciara/SEAN MUTHAF*CKING HOT MESS KINGSTON mediocrity because I knew my girl was going to come back with some dope sh*t. AND THIS IS WHAT I GET? I'm REALLY trying to refrain from playing her, but I think Ms. Keys is entering the experimental phase of her career. Meaning, she decided to see how her voice would sound after downing 6 straight shots of Jack Daniels, smoking a cigar and eating those spicy hot wings that irritate her acid reflux.
Few things to mention about the video: I love how she gets all sexy on the piano around :40 seconds, as well as her "Flashdance"- inspired sweatshirt... I know a lot of you dudes were like, "damn, where's the water to splash all over her?" (If you saw the movie, you'd get the reference). But didn't she look a lil' braulic around 3:00, like she'd been putting in time at the gym? Go 'head Alicia. Just don't do any more of those crouching dance moves. You look like you're trying to do an illegal boxing move. No hitting below the belt!!
Still not CRAZY about this song, though. But I REFUSE to write her off. I still have faith.
I guess this can't be as bad as the next video...
One day, in a diamond shaped nether-region ruled by King Jigga, a young bobble-headed alien (as in X-Files, not immigrant) with the singing capacity of a drowning cat joined forces with a magical gerbil, whose talents consist of wearing questionable (read: ugly and gay) fedoras while writing songs for females who had no songwriting capacity of their own. Who knows whose idea it was for them to create this duet. However, there's one thing you have to know about these creatures: both the gerbil and the green-eyed alien are deaf, and do not know that they sound like animals being killed for their fur.
Which, is why this exists:
Seriously, what is the point of this video? For Rihanna to show off those brand new tits that her "Umbrella" money got her? (Ri-Ri, ya girl Breezy's been holding up a set of DDD's since high school... you ain't impressing no one until you've felt this back pain, ma!)
Also, I was NOT feeling the scenes where she's getting dressed in slow-mo. You and I both know that as long as she's been creeping around with King Jigga, she'd done perfected her "speed dressing" technique by now (except for the instance where she recently broke her toe... yeah she tripped over a chair alright... she tripped while trying to find her lacy La Perla while Beyonce was heading up the stairs).
Thoughts/Comments/Just feel like venting about the f*cked up day you're having? Holla @ me!
WHO LOVES YA, BABY?
--Breezy
Comments
They look the same size as ever. Don't know what you're talking about. I tell you though, words can't describe how much worse you are than Ron Mexico. It's pathetic.
Don't you think Ri looks like Tweety Pie?
And Alicia looks like she's bursting on a wee?
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