TALKIN' VIDEOS

As last weekend’s "Run’s House" installment came in a hard-to-handle flurry, I will try to return the favor. Today we’ll discuss the highlights of all four episodes that aired this past Sunday afternoon.

Episode 1: Cake In, Cake Out!

What’s in a name? Shit. Plenty, I guess. Russell II is every bit the compulsive cake-a-holic that his uncle is. He even has the instincts to exploit his family and those around him for that gwap. Y’all saw dude lifting his brothers’ shit. If Russy doesn’t get that counseling and medication he so desperately needs, he is going to be one of those inexplicable social deviants that we try to keep our kids from. The creepy part is that we’ll have watched the Emancipation of Sticky Fingers on national television for our enjoyment.

Run Athletics is using Arthur Ashe as a spokesperson? That’s awesome. I think Arthur Ashe is a great role model for kids… in the 70s. You need a LeBron or some shit for this generation though. Is Baron Davis a sneaker free-agent?

The girls do what they do best – twurking that nepotism like Hoopz at Uncle Luke’s FreakFest. (Yep. She’s a featured performer!) Unlike Jojo’s record mogul experiment, the girls actually have some great ideas for a sneaker line. I’ll be sure to get at least 2 of my baby mamas something out of “Angela & Vanessa Simmons’ Pastry Collection.” If you can have your Ice Creams, why not some Cake for your boo to go with it? Even Mr. ThankYouForComingOutGodBlessYouGoodNight is a fan of the “Strawberry Shortcakes.”

Good work, girls.

Episode 2: The Phantom Menace

As I alluded to earlier, kleptomaniac-ass Russy doesn’t do this shit for money. He does it for the love of the game. I already see him shunning his boring suburban beginnings for a more exciting life on the streets. He’s on his way to a trench coat, shotgun and boy-lover. Eh, maybe not. Lil nigga got caught out there like a mawfucka with that less-than-inconspicuous Parrot Cam. Omar know how to watch the streets watching him.

Prodded by the selfish desires of the Hilton Sisters, Jojo finally learns how to drive. After hours of being yelled at like a Mexican bellhop, Jojo whips Angela’s Benzino satisfactorily enough to break Chief J. Runbone’s pockets in favor of Paris and Nicky’s new house accessories.

Them guls is ruthless. They work Justine like she ain’t got her papers or something. Any time they need the drop on something in the household, they exploit that woman’s sweetness. I’d love nothing more than to see Justine grow a little backbone and stand up to those girls. They ain’t even her kids!

What Run needs to understand, if he doesn’t already, is that Russy is crying for attention. He doesn’t have any material needs, but sometimes kids do fucked up shit just to get caught. Negative note is better than none at all.

Episode 3: Relax, Relate, Release!

Justine needs a break to clear her mind, but she's not yet ready to be away from the kids. Lest we forget, just a little while ago she lost a baby in her womb. This time Run’s pressure may have proved helpful, even though she was reluctant as hell.

The kids’ plot intertwines with the grown folks as the girls finally cash in on their training. After a wild out session at Crate & Barrel finds their Rush Card limit exceeded, they scurry back to the crib to get to their non-moms. Runbone slaps it down and tells the girls to slow it the fuck down with his scratch. Them sneakers ain’t flyin off the shelves just yet.

Rev isn’t completely cold to the scallywhops. He at least makes sure not to send them away hungry.

Back on the plantation, Jojo tries to captain a baking detail with P. Diggy and Omar-in-training. Even though the cookies they came up with looked like Russell played his famous dookie trick on a plate, it was a lovely effort. I think the next lesson for Jojo needs to be cooking, though.

Episode 4: Mid-Life Crisis (Oh, It’s Party Time!)

What a shock to the system was it to see Treach pull up at the beginning of the episode? I didn’t know Mr. O.P.P. Man was one of the Reverend’s advisers.

Realizing that he isn’t as cool as Treach, Run spirals headlong into a bona fide mid-life crisis. As soon as he returns home, he asks Jojo and Diggy if they think he’s behaving strangely.

Quote of the episode had to be Jojo’s response to Run asking him if any of the kids in his school cared about Run-DMC. "Whoa... whoa... I'm in an all-white school. You have to consider that."

True dat. But as he later expands, them white kids are some of the last bastion of Run-DMC fans. A 16-year-old white kid in suburban New Jersey would definitely be high on my suspect list of potential "Crown Royal" owners.

Without prodding or provocation, Diggy hits the nail right on the head. Daddy’s having a mid-life crisis. As Run begins to sulk at Diggy’s response, the family pulls together a plan to lift his spirits. Eh, I think them guls just wanted to party Hollywood style.

As expected, the party was off the hizzle for rizzle and Run even appeared to enjoy himself. I think he was concerned about the environment and musical content (Naughty By Nature, Red & Meth) with his youngest children in attendance, but it all went over pretty well. Justine misses that spotlight like a motherfucker! I saw the twinkle in her eyes. It was like Rooftop all over again.

Though I don’t agree entirely with the philosophy, I gotta give Run a touché at the concept of a man buying a Lamborghini not having a crisis.

It’s all good when you’re paid, huh?

talkinvideos@sohh.com