TALKIN' VIDEOS

All these hoes, I got to like one.

(I don't care whose TV this bootleg came from!)

This week on "Charm School," our hoe-roines finally face a challenge of wits as opposed to a display of tits. For many of the contestants, the visit to Cal. State-Fullerton was the first time their $54.11s had touched university tiling. After briefly learning the rudimentary principles of debate, the girls must spit their game and talk their shit in a formal collegiate debate setting.

Oh boy.

I just paid attention to the fact that they send these girls from embarrassment to humiliation in a big-ass Magic Yellow Short Bus. How appropriate.

As alluded to earlier and in the title, this week's Crack Commandment is "Thou shalt spit mad game with style." Corny Pumkin jokes aside (*cough cough* Cristal *cough*), I think most of these girls are predisposed to swallowing. Might be hard to teach an older bitch a new trick. This is especially the case when all they usually spit about is couture, acrylics and their favorite fried chicken chains anyway.

It is official. After weeks of speculation, I formally issue the statement:

Saaphyri is my favorite Charm School contestant.

There. I said it. Her quotes this week were entirely too spottieottiedopealiscious to be ignored.

After being turned off by Dr. Jon Brushcke's introduction to debate, her confessional revealed that she thought the instructor believed he was a "master 'bater." His honky-ass debate rules had to go as well. Saaphyri's Rules of Engagement reflect the perspective of the United Ghetto Niggas of America much better.

"No. No. Those is the dumbest rules I ever heard. You gotta cut a nigga balls off; slap some hot hair glue on his bitch face if she say somethin and ummm... slash they tires. Yeah. That's how you win an argument."

Am I hearing correctly, or did he call Buckeey "Shahira?" Please tell me that's what Shay is short for.

Something else I've noticed: Leilene is our first High School dropout confession. Everyone says she is weak, but I hope that her courage through this difficult time will inspire other skeet receptacles to come forward about their lower-than-double-digit-grade educations.

Praise aside, I must say that Smiley's bug eyes look like she is having torture flashbacks. The shit they are explaining is pretty damn simple. Remember Jon's rules, not Saaphyri's. I don't know what she is trying to compute, but it looks painful. The Asian FemmeBot is malfunctioning, Austin.

She's used to simpler instructions. Pop it. Drop it. Wobble. Shake. Not "rebuttal, counter-point, enunciate."

After being sat on the bench next to Smiley, Serious seizes the opportunity not to contribute in as positive a manner as possible, but to schmooze with and snitch to the judges some more. Though Leilene had no idea how she was going to add to the argument of her team, she did what she could. She smiled, supported and roved her team rong time.

Saaphyri had a Johnny Cochran moment on Hottie. As funny as her titty-talk was, it was kind of sad to observe that she completely disregarded Dr. Jon's rules and stuck to her PhD in Argumentative Arts from The University of Crenshaw at 54th Street.

As a whole, the debate included 5 or 6 of the worst speeches I've ever seen. However, Bootz getting broken down by Buckeey made the whole thing bearable. Larissa had this "we supposed to be susters" look on her face when she got slapped with the baby talk comment.

She was frozen by the 12-6 curveball.

Fortunately for her team, Pumkin held her own in the intro and Goldie was able bring it home against Darra's nonsense. "I'm too big to be eating McDonald's, but I'm not too small to not grow."

*as Lil' Jon* H-WHAT?!?!

Pumkin was 100% right. What good is it to sweep these hoes back to their corners of the earth? What purpose would they serve then? We need to drag out their entertainment services for as long as possible. Besides, as they confess, these girls can't better themselves anywhere else.

Bootz once again exemplifies how keepin it real can go wrong. After breaking on Mo'nique, she threatens Smiley with the fisticuffs. I'll tell you what... When you disrespect her mothering skills like that and send her into Super-Saiyan Smiley mode, your little wild ass might just get surprised with a roundhouse or Kamehameha Wave or a Hadooooken of some kind.

Why couldn't they just give us a nice little whore interlude and leave it be? They were like Marines on shore leave in Thailand. God damn!

I'm confused. Is Leilene still skrippin? On FOL 1, she said she was a skripper. Now she's talking about taking pride in her job.

I only ask because if she's still skrippin, I wanna know where she work at.

After that crazy ass display, I'd have been like "Fuck the challenge. Send Bootz' crazy ass home." Larissa and her Ewok makeup job need to go somewhere before she rope-trips someone. With that said, we know Mo'nique is no authority on having good character. She is, however, an authority on being held down and fucked with Popeye's grease...

--because life doesn't use Vaseline, baby!

Thankfully, Cristal and her big man face finally got the boot for being a punk-ass, snitch-ass, disloyal, poo-putt bitch. Saaphyri has a little gruff look to her as well, though. It's a little mannish at times when she ain't caught with the perfect camera angle. The pot was calling the kettle a nigger.

However, she was 100% right in her bottom 3 speech. Cristal's egomania eventually did her in.

talkinvideos@sohh.com

Are we gonna be hearing "Thank You, Queen." for the rest of the series at elimination?

Better yet, can they be drunk at every elimination?