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Charm School: "Work It Like A 9-to-5, Girrrl!"
Posted on April 30, 2007 10:49 AM
Yesterday's installment of "Charm School" made a bigger mockery of our contestants than usual. Knowing damn well that more than half of these girls have some type of modeling aspirations or experience, Mo'prah, Simon and Horsey make these girls "model" wears that they fashion themselves with various household materials.
Carpets, curtains, pillows and trash bags are all in-bounds as our remaining 11 girls assemble their own lines of Ghetto Couture.
Truly fuckin painful, bitches.
Alright, I always wondered if Hottie had to curl her weave or if it came out of the package like that. We all now know that Smurfette here really wakes up out of the moat every morning to hot curl hair that isn't even firmly attached to her head. Nice!
I thought you weren't supposed to expose that shit to extreme heat.
In direct contrast, Mo'nique wakes the contestants up with an overheard of the fourth Crack Commandment. "Thou Shalt Work What Thou Art Working With" appears to be common knowledge to some. Saaphyri, quickly becoming one of my favorite Flavorettes to watch, knows what she's got upstairs. When informed that she needed to "dress to impress" she immediately turned to the Robin Givens line. Without delay, homegirl threw on the "Break a Nigga" dress & exposed bra combo suited for a woman at least 3 cup sizes smaller than herself.
Fuck it. When your look is inspired by brokeness, why not multi-task? Cover your shit up scantily and see if you can get a little change in the process. Showing off the brown bullseye will get you some tips whether you like 'em or not.
Speaking of "big titty no-no" moments, Smurfette was really violating with them lopsided cantaloupes she was trying to work. Shawty got the nerve to come at Saaphyri (though the refugee comment was hysterical) when her shits look like somebody put two eggplants in a ziploc bag and beat on them with a rolling pin.
My nigga Sin said he'd hit. Must be the piff. Homie, bear in mind that when you get that blue dress off and lie her down, it's Armpit Parmesean, my dude.
Ugh. Her shits look like somebody tried to re-stuff a parachute. I can't fuck with it.
After briefly assessing the disasters we should be in for, Mo'nique issues a Moses in the Desert-like challenge. 11 girls who couldn't put together an ensemble with a $500 gift-certificate to the $10 Store have to divide into two teams and fashion a model using nothing but household tapestries and materials.
Oh, I can't fucking wait!
As there are 11 girls, one contestant is to be chosen by her peers to participate on neither team and serve as a judge for the competition. After much chicken cackle, mostly from Bootz, they agree that Goldie would make the fairest decision. She is given the responsibility and thus safe from elimination.
Ah, the advantages of being a goofy, loveable country girl.
Saaphyri's keen survival instincts from the raft and Hatian jungle kick in once again as she takes the initiative to wisely select the best team. Choosing Smiley, crafty-ass Hottie, Buckeey and Bootz, she leaves Pumkin, Buckwild, Toastee, Like Dat and Serious to fend for themselves.
It turned out leaving the so-called model behind made all the difference in the world. As each team needed to delegate the responsibilities of model, dress designer and makeup, Cristal's long list of fucked up decisions included, but were not limited to: NOT stepping up to the plate and modeling; suggesting that Like Dat be their model; assigning Toastee and Buckwild to dress design...
Wait a wigger-stomping minute! They let fucking Buckwild design the dress? Shit, just put the .45 to your temple and squeeze. Does anyone else notice that this trollop only has one shirt?! I guess they wanna work with her obviously vivid imagination. A broad with no clothes must dream about the new shit she would wear all the time. Besides, she's truly convinced herself that she's a hot ghetto mess.
Believe it. Be it.
In the same boat, Toastee made that one red dress famous as hell. Again, the one red dress that she went no-drawers with on 4-of-5 episodes.
When it was officially decided that Like Dat was to be the model, Toastee decided to start hitting the bottle again. I hear you, Jenny. I wouldn't have stopped drinking until it was all over. Unfortunately for the team, smelling disaster, Toastee decided not to put a finger toward the mess their team was about to make with Darra and her "nice figure."
Yes. I'm sure Norbit would agree.
On the other side of the house, a conscientious effort by another Saaphyri-captained unit is leaving Team (less than) Serious in the dust from the gate. Smiley hasn't forgotten her stripper tools. That first open-sided dress was bad as hell. Classy? No. Three-quarter woody-inspiring? Absolutely.
I'd rove that rong time.
I damn near lost my cereal again when I saw them put feathers on Darra's eyelashes. They were seriously trynna Bjork this big broad! As they were pondering what to do for the dress, I just thought to myself "Please don't go get the curtains and throw them on this poor woman." As per VH1 rule, they are contractually obligated to do exactly what Ron Mexico hopes they would not.
Like a good little Marine, Hottie went to do some recon work. She thought she was gonna soak up some game, but what she found was absolutely ridiculous. So ridiculous that she had to put the rest of her team on.
I think Bootz said it best when she noted that Team Serious made Like Dat look like "a big ass tamale." Homegirl was Crunchwrap Supreme status. Before the competitions started, you just knew somebody on Team Big Bird was "good to go."
*with the hand gesture and everything*
Like Dat's torturers and captors really fucked up by resting their laurels on Goldie and Pumkin's friendship. They didn't put the work in. The ideas were shit. The dress/drape was a damn mess. They didn't even try to recon the other team and check the temperature. They just lied down slowly.
I guess that's what some of them are used to.
I'm not saying that Saaphyri's team was on-point. They just looked like Donna Karan in comparison. They were wrong as hell for their "Japanese Garden" theme. They really turned Smiley into "Memoirs of a Gei--... umm... African Safari." They cut some bathroom wallpaper into a 2027 ki-no-no. Their ambition and end result were solid, though.
The initial concern was that Darra would sweat the tape glue off of herself. By the time the critiques were done, she was in more danger of crying the shit off. Her teammates walked her down to the gallows and she was beheaded for the world to see. Between the feathers on the eyes and hammer toes, greasy-ass Grace Jones face but ashy, pimply back, and "rolls of Twinkies and fat" I could only think that this shit has to be staged like wrasslin.
From the moment she hit the runway, Mo'nique had a look of "WTF?! No, this ain't right." I'm glad they caught on to the sympathy play. Combined with the friendship play, Team Serious fucked themselves over by relying on everything but effort.
I mean, Mo'nique said you got titty-back fat. There's no recovering from that! I can't believe they left bag of sausages exposed.
Cristal was supposed to Kobe this shit. Flapping her gums about being a model for the past 2 years, she was supposed to put the team on her back and shut this shit down. Instead, she let Smiley Yao Ming it while Saaphyri is the new Baron Davis.
Eh, maybe she's more Stephen Jackson.
I would have put the cold Ron Artest to Cristal after she went into Mo'nique's office to snitch and blame-shift. The Oz/Ryan O'Reilly whispering got around the camp quickly and Cristal's high-yellow ass was on front street. They should have beaten her punk ass and poured hot soup on her. She's the reason they lost the competition. Versace himself could have been on that team and they would have lost trying to trot Like Dat out there.
At elimination, Darra had every right to be safe from elimination. She suffered enough. $50,000 ain't even worth what she went through. We saw her mummified hamhocks and shit. I'm scarred for the rest of my life.
I know she didn't lift a finger toward the project, but damn. How they put Toastee on the hook for this? The judges unanimously let Buckwild go free. I would think by the same rationale, they should have stuck it to Cristal Like The Champagne. Instead, she lives to shake her ass another day.
I guess we'll catch Toastee on the post-game. RIP to the Snail Trail!
Comments
toastee wouldn't answer the questions on the runway, she can't get away with that!
I feel you on this one...nobody can dress up sausage links to look like french cuisine!!!
But on another note...did you see the commercial for i love new york 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if Chance will be on I love New York 2
Another great one, Ron. "Armpit Parmesean" almost made me throw up my lunch.
Damn, I gotta say that I don't think I can hang with another season of "I Love New York". That same tired ass 'mansion' and Sister Pattersons fivehead? No one can replace Chance and Mr. Boston in my heart.
Speaking of manbearpig, check out these pics of her and whiteboy getting cozy:
http://allthatjuice.blogspot.com/2007/01/white-boy-and-sister-patterson.html
I saw the commercial and all I could do was laugh. Tango was on HOT 97 (NY radio station) trying to clear his name and justify being in love. As for Charm School, they were wrong for playing Darra out like dat... Saaphyri calling her "Mother Earth" cause that's just how she looked. I was embarrased for homegirl for real. Cristal would have gotten a pillow cover over the head and beaten severely for that one. She knew she was dead wrong for having that girl's hot pockets hanging out like that. I learned two things:
1. You can curl that "hair" if you use a low setting. I'm sure it would look better if she took it off at night like she's supposed to.
2.Somebody ought to tell Nikki Taylor Mr. Ed called and said he wanted his teefs back. The are SCARY in high def! I think she smiles a lot because she can close her lips all the over them things.
?
That bitch Like Dat looked like the native crunch piece that all the smaller Cap'N' Crunch pieces come from. That bitch Smiley look like what would happen if Poison Ivy from Batman and Lady Deathstrike from X-Men had a seed. Dead funny Mexico. But on some real shit. I was gonna say you need to be roasting that Three 6 Mafia show. But i guess it's too easy to pull a 12 gage on a dead horse.
Didnt read tha blog, only watched tha Video...and all i have to say is...HAHAHAHA Bootz still livin at home wit her Mama!
Nice House tho..
i can tell darra/like dat is going to have a lot to say on te reunion because 90% of the episode was revolved around her weight
Anybody notice that when darra was walking the stage, it sounded like bigfoot walkin on cornflakes. And why the fuck does Goldie talk like she's doin a stand-up routine all the damn time( hell u can even see her clutchin a air mike half the time)
Anybody notice that when darra was walking the stage, it sounded like bigfoot walkin on cornflakes. And why the fuck does Goldie talk like she's doin a stand-up routine all the damn time( hell u can even see her clutchin a air mike half the time)
I thought I heard some crazy sound effects when Darra was on the catwalk. They really did her dirty this week. Ironic that she talked about a "big girl no-no". That whole episode was a damn big girl no-no... and Pumkin needs to be held down and injected with massive amounts of Botox
LMAO @ mika! High fives all 'round on that one.
AND THEY BLAMIN" HIP HOP FOR DEGRADING WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will continue to use the words BITCH and HO until they throw dirt in my face and I dont throw it back!!!!!
I'm so glad I went outside to read the blog this time. No way would my coworkers get away with the outlandish laughter.
Saaphyri killed the other team from jump. Homegirl just earned an ounce of respect from me with that gangster move of jacking every person with an ounce of style (ho though it may be) leaving the white girls, big girl and "model" to fend for themselves. They didn't stand a chance with a team like that.
Cristal NEEDS a beat down for that snitch move. A lyin snitch move at that. I think her and Drunkee should have been cut.
Leilene was lookin a little crazy with those rhinestones that didn't match the dress, but she modeled it so well that it looked damn gorgeous to me.
This was the best episode so far.
while watching this episode i though to myself they made this way to easy for ron mexico. my sister and mom called me today asking me what site did i show them a few weeks ago with a recap of these shows. now my family is slowly becoming hooked on talkin videos. great work as usual mr. mexico oh and shout out to summerlee west virginia. boooy howdy!
Leilene was lookin a little crazy with those rhinestones that didn't match the dress, but she modeled it so well that it looked damn gorgeous to me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
And that's how a REAL MODEL is suppose to do. A good model will make a potato sack look like couture. If a stripper/non-model can outshine a "so-called, "real model" what does that say about her?
I called this one out a couple of weeks ago. I knew Cristal wasn't a real model, at least not one that's ever gonna land a Revlon Contract, or even an Isoplus Oil Moisture bottle for that matter.....
TYPO *thought*
Like that in that mess of a dress. What else is there to say.....:)
Rapunzel, Raaapunzel, let down your fucking hair, lol!! Hello! Isn't it time somone put an end to Hottie's bullshit??
Say what you want that Saaphyri is in it to win it, I'm convinced she wakes up at night & comb that house looking for that 50 Grand, cause you know girldfriend has already budget that shit down the the last penney & you know what, if she didn't get kicked of FOL 2, NY would have gotten a run for all her money & I mean all $3.49 they would still be pulling Saaphyri's foot out of NY's ass, her & her big foreheaded lipstick wearing pitbull mama. Don't know about y'all but my asshole winked uncontrollably when Darra hit the catwalk because I thought she was gonna fall & unlike "Humpty Dumpty" there ain't shit that could of put her big ass together again. I know there was no way in hell they would win cuz Judge Goldie knew what time it was has she swing the vote now that's a smart bitch!
My dislike for Mo'nique that big fucking cow grows with every episode, she is so quick to rush to judge these girls, she call them out at the drop of a pin, she's put a new spin on "satan correcting sin" I can't wait for her to get fucked up! on the show with all of america as withness it'll serve her ass right. Lets face it Mo' knows plain & simple she's a fucking beast, a fucking beast with no self-control, class or morals whatsoever & as bad as these girls behave she don't got shit on them.. Imma say this again VH1 should be ashamed of itself to have selected this 'pretty pig' to host this show.. Opps I almost forgot "TOASTEE" who??? Please bitch go skin your ass in front of a camera somewhere & do porn, your true calling ... Next!!
Was a funny ass episode.
That shit Toastee said about Buckwild was the funniest shit though last episode.
"What the fuck was that!??!?! She should be drinking out of a brown paper bag!!!".....
I was laughin my fuckin ass off.
I don't give a fuck what anyone say about Saphari, I'd hit.
crystal is a fake ass bitch...she call herself a model and she had like dat looking like a pregnant hen with them tacky ass feathers on her eyelid ..i dont blame toastee for not touching that shit but crystal should of went home..all she do is talk so much shit about herself and cant prove a damn thing.she did that to like dat so like dat can be eliminated but the bitch was shock when her ass was gonna be eliminated and krazy shouldnt have went home either ..hottie dirty draws should of went home..and bootz is a bonified hoe ...i wonder what her ass had to do to get on that show...
lmaoo
Ron, thats the reason lights come with an on and off switch bro. as long as she aint got no pipework down below, i aint lookin at her underarms, don't care if her tits look like The "Hammer Of God" (No Maino) did it's best ?uestlove imitation on em.
i'd beat and retreat and if she readin this for some weird reason. I Mean Dat Shit.
but then again i can say dat about probably 90% of the contestants.
perhaps you are right and it may be a piff overdosage.
perhaps i'm one of the few last real heteros alive, who once was a pornstar in a former life poundin da shit out of unshaved "wet-boxes" (at random and hopefully nice pay)
who know's? but ye shalleth return in jest of the recap as thine piff calleths me for a meeting.
And Dats Word To Devin The Dude!!!!!!
brb and yeah i'm still waitin for the Uncensored/Unrated DVD version.
i'm back and reloaded, but yo WTF is dat in the first opening minutes of this clip climbing rocks.
and you callin me out for volunteering to pipe down Hottie. Bless the soul of the nigga dat gotta wake up to dat damn thing right there in the morning.
.......but she got some nice tittayz!
Mo'niques fat azz just jel of the half cute white hoez. she givin'em the pigz feet boot out tha house. i bet anotha white bitch next. shit we all know camel toe crystal should have bounced wit that bullshit she made.
This show er school is a joke, these chicks should know by now that VH-1 is only out to make u look dum & we all still watch.when they signed that contract to go on the show they should kno by now @ some point u gonna get it & last night Dara ( Like Dat) got it!!!
VH-1 is the new BET.
Remember Monique don't like skinny broads!!!
I remember when VH1 was MTV's little sister, with their "Pop-Up Video" and all that...Now they'll never be the same, thanks to Mr. William Jonathan Drayton!
if you watch the extras on vh1.com,monique had a heart to heart with the girls and she really seemed to care about them. she told hottie she acts like a cartoon character, told serious that she is giving it away for free so why buy the calendar.she seems to care about them.
I know Crystal is fake but.....HOME GIRL IS SEXY!!!!!!!!!!!! Crystal if a nigga not treatin you right boo holla at cha girl
REPPIN MD,DC & VA TO DA FULLEST!!!!!!!!!
I feel you on this one...nobody can dress up sausage links to look like french cuisine!!!
Posted by: The Other Megan at April 30, 2007 1:31 PM
LMAO!!!!!!!!!LMAO!!!!!!!!!LMAO!!!!!
I just read that Toastee has a sex tape coming out this month
LOL! Darra did look a hot mess. Not everyone's back is suited for a backless gown and I would've been damn mad at all them girls for pumping my head up like they did hers. They wanted Mo's sympathy since she too is a big girl. They thought she was gonna be impressed w/ seeing another big girl on the runway. NOT. Cristal is a very pretty girl, but she obviously lacks self confidence and thats why she has to keep talking about herself. Yes Toastee does have a porn tape coming out called Toastee Exposed, BUT on FOL 2 she didn't do porn riiiigghhtt???? Yes Miss NY has yet another reality embarassement coming called I LUV NY 2 and she is casting for it now. They are looking for men of all races ages 21-36. She needs to go into exile and do some soul searching. She's not looking for a man, she's trying to ride the hell out of her little 15 mins of fame.
I can't help but think that Hottie resembles Tracy Bingham, in looks and mannerisms, but maybe it's just me?
I love Saaphyri! She's the only one who acts like she has any brains.
GO SAAPHARII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
darra or like dat is being made such an ass out of first episode we saw her thong yeah vh1 made surfe that was filmed.
now we are seeing her tits exposed and her wearing that outfit come on vh1 could have got them better outfits but no let's have these girls coon some more.
toastee can go back to her porn career where she really belongs.
tired of the fake ass simon cowell and I swear essence mag called flavor of love an embarrasment now miki howard's on charm school guess shje wanna cash in on the coonery.
i love new york 2 tired of these fake reality shows well we had 5 seasons of top model, 7 seasons of survivor hell why not another season of tiffany getting dumped reality shows are the new fad get useed to it.
My nigga Sin said he'd hit. Must be the piff. Homie, bear in mind that when you get that blue dress off and lie her down, it's Armpit Parmesean, my dude.
Ugh. Her shits look like somebody tried to re-stuff a parachute. I can't fuck with it.
LMBAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
What up Sin?!? What up, Mr. Mexico??!
LAWD this is too funny. How can one nigga be this funny?? On a weekly? Ay yo Sin, you and Ron need your own show, (guest starring me of course!). I'd watch that shit!
Another lovely recap, Ron, chalk full of all kinds of deliciousness.. You my friend are the biznass
Please guys remember to vote for:
http://ilovenewyork2.com/people/Jdizz4Shizz
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