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Charm School: Thou Shalt Show Some Class
Posted on April 23, 2007 11:33 AM
This week's installment of "Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School" is all about "etticupiscupiss", as our friend Saaphyri would say. These girls are in for some much-needed home-training at the hands of Mo'prah, Simon, Horsey, a lady named Miss Swan and a non-Flavor Flav "Bachelor."
Let's just hope none of the simpletons got too drunk off of the nice wine. You know, the one whose top doesn't screw off.
This Heather bird-- Sorry... Nevaeh, is truly fuckin Krazy. How you gonna wake up in the morning and sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb?" Everyone's worried about Leilene's mental health, but I'd have an eye on Mariah over here.
As per the blog's title, Charm Commandment #3 is "Thou Shalt Show Some Class." And the church said A-fucking-men. Readers have been showing Cristal Like The Champagne an influx of support in defense of her self-proclaimed classiness. I'd like to believe it, but my mama always told me "Skripper is as skripper does." This girl can't keep that yellow ass away from the camera.
She may very well not be a ho, but she's suffering from Pigeon Pox.
Birds? Miss Swan's pessimism and disgust never leave her face for the duration of her encounter with our beloved stable. She looked like George Bush in a Katrina shelter. You can't pay an etticupiscupiss instructor enough to deal with Bootz and Saaphyri. That's a combined 7th grade reading level and a car jacking waiting to happen.
I mean, seriously. 54th & Crenshaw can't differentiate "OK" from "What set you claim?" I guess there are some you just can't save.
On the other side of the spectrum, Yale-educated Schatar can't wait to shine in a contest of high society prowess. What royalty does this one descend from that condones caramel titty apples?
I see Smiley done learned a new trick. Instead of crying at the dinner table, she will propose a toast! Table settings are too advanced concepts for a mother of three to grasp, so she'll try to absorb the nuances of raising a glass and giving praise. This could be a disturbing trend. By episode 5, Leilene is gonna be walking around with flat champagne in her left hand just fighting back tears.
"I-I'd like to propose a toast! *sob*"
Luckily for Leilene, her perpetual Lifetime movie spillover was overshadowed by Neveah's lament for her $10 store gear. In preparation for meeting a cakey-ass white man, the girls scramble to get their one fly dress on, just like their mothers taught them. I couldn't tell if Nev was crying or singing again. I'm just in the living room buggin like "Don't they know about Hottie's Hamburglar ass?" This isn't the first time she's done something like this. Apparently, Schatar knows when to go back to her money pitches on these little leaguers. She is a Danny Almonte among 11-year-old boys. She got Krazy pacing around the house itemizing and shit.
Grimy, but effective.
As they meet "The Bachelor's" Andrew Firestone two-by-two, big homie does his best to decipher which of the girls is most suitable to bring back to the crib and help out with a new wine presentation. After a brief hoodrat screening (fights? diploma? been outside your block? jealous baby daddy?) he ends up with a round 1 narrow-down of Smiley (Love You Long Time), Like Dat (who has been upstate), The Weave Queen, Serious, a conveniently white again Buckwild and Bootz (I Wanna Get 2 Know U).
For this top 6 we can thank Toastee for fronting like she doesn't drink, Goldie for not being Asian, and Krazy for eating up the game. Caramel Apple took a serious gamble, but she knew her opponent was simple enough to get it over. I can't explain why a nigga would wanna go anywhere with Sloppy Joes, but her alligator tears jerked Like Dat out of a chance to represent Firestone Vineyards with a couple of "Nome Sanes."
"Schatar, would you mind if I got some sweet grape syrup and garbled your sloppy titties?"
The only thought more disgusting is Pumkin exacting her Robble Robble revenge without gloves! How could you touch that cheese-streaked thong?! As Bootz was kind enough to point out, that "wack-ass bitch with her wack-ass weave and wack-ass ass" be done gave your fingers a yeast infection. You gonna need that Cucumber Melon Monistat 7 for your hands.
I'm sorry. That was wrong. Why suffer through a yeast infection for 7 days when there's Monistat 3?
While Schatar wins the Sidney Poitier "Speaks So Well" Award from Massa Firestone, the remaning girls must make dinner for 12 as Mo'nique is coming over... Then they should give serious consideration to making something to eat for themselves. I don't give a fuck, I'm not into it, but Buckwild had the right idea with putting bacon in the macaroni & cheese! I bet Mo'nique wouldn't even chew that shit.
Saaphyri, I'm with you, girl. How the fuck does Leilene have 3 kids and can't cook shit but a grilled-extra sharp cheddar cheese sandwich? This bird really started cutting up the Cracker Barrel and got to frying.
As Flavor Flav would say... "Wooooowwwwwww!"
Sidenote: Pumkin needs to do switch up that "Something About Mary" hairstyle with the Mr. Boston skeet.
Meanwhile, Andrew soon realizes that he picked the wrong stallion to accompany him. When Hottie stepped out of the car with all 101 Dalmations wrapped around her titties and stomach, you could see the Katrina look return. After busting her ass in the driveway and knocking over the display, you could tell Andrew had enough. I bet he started to remember "The Bachelor" rules real quick-like.
"Dammit! I should have picked the white one."
--Or at least Bootz. The way she was lookin at him, Andrew probably could have gotten a little Exploited Black Teen action in the bathroom.
Oh, and for those of you who didn't know what he meant by "refined dress code," he was referring to the "Check All Weaves At Door" sign above the entrance to the estate.
Back at the Bunnyranch, Mo'prah gotta know she's wrong for asking these wild heifers to emulate one another. I'd pay money to see the lip chap come out on Serious. That'd be some shit. She'd probably talk through the whole asswhoopin too.
At elimination, Mo'nique makes it a point to express to Schatar that while she's safe from elimination this week, she's a grimy, classless bitch that no one can stand. Bootz' old ignorant ass thinks Hottie's plan is suitable for long term application. Without Deelishis to guide her, Bootz is on the fast track to a Bill Duke/Menace II Society moment. In an episode or two, Mo is gonna be standing over Bootz and some bloody contestant talkin bout "You know you done fucked up, right?"
With Serious, Bootz and Neveah all in the bottom 3, I had no idea who was going home. I didn't think the gum flapping was gonna send Cristal home just yet, but I also didn't think anyone would be sent home for crying before Leilene. That's truly fucking amazing to me.
With that said, we gladly don't have to start anymore episodes off with her Uptown MCA Presents: Mother Goose vocal warmups.
Endnote: As she wishes, I called her Neveah because this is probably the last we'll ever hear from her.
Comments
I DON'T SUPPORT THIS PROGRAMMING.
Uuuuuuhhhhhh...............First?????
Damn u SHAWSHANK!!
OMG----Imus has a daughter.....And her name is Buckwild!!!
Serves your Dumb Ass right Big Duke. stupid ass first posts suck.
did that guy in Buckwild's letter say the other prisoners called him "vanilla nutsack"? that doesn't sound like a compliment.
LMAO!! I sat screaming at the tv screen.... how could pumkin, brooke or whoever the hell she is pick up anybody's funky ass coochie juice encrusted stanked out to be damned panties and then somene else has to instruct you to wash your hands??? I knew it was Schatar what done stole that raggedy dress (all screaming like it was Dolce and Gabanna when it looked like it was straight out of Fashion Bug).. she stole New York's jean jacket on FOL. I'm not surprised Leilene can't cook. I guess when you busy lovin' long time you ain't got time for much else. And day-yam she looks HARD with no makeup. Is it me, or does anybody else just want to open up their tv screen and slap the ISH outta Larissa??? I'm thinking maybe she's the "dumb ass, fake ass lying ass bitch" she kept calling nevaeh, uh krazy, uh heather!
Hottie went to YALE!? Then what the fuck she doing on VH1 acting a fool. Post-grad programs are a hell of a thing.
"caramel titty apples"
Fuckin priceless. That bitch looks like she's wearing a horse-tail blanket on her head. Imagine what must have been going through those "wine-experts" minds when that idiot smashed the picture and then stood there smiling. That shit was straight out of an 80's comedy, the only thing missing was Shit-tar hitting on a butler and passing out.
Most of those chicks live by the commandment "Thous shalt show some ass".
Krazy lived up to her name last night. You could tell that chick was still freshly removed from the incestial hills of West Virginia. "Those clothes cost $2,000.00...." Nobody told your mama/auntie to take a 4th mortgage out on the double wide so you could have someting nice to be skeeted on while in L.A.
As far as Pumkin and Shit-tar...I would have had to physically stand over Pumkin to make sure she washed her hands in scalding hot-water and a capful of bleach before cooking a damn thing in the kitchen after touching those T-Rex shit dripping drawlz.
And....finally....WHO IN THE FUCK PUTS BACON IN MACARONI AND CHEESE!!!!!! Only the persuasion y'all only the persuasion.
Hottie went to YALE!? Then what the fuck she doing on VH1 acting a fool. Post-grad programs are a hell of a thing.
Posted by: Itsmeagain at April 23, 2007 3:32 PM
at least, that's what she says.
Hottie went to YALE!? Then what the fuck she doing on VH1 acting a fool. Post-grad programs are a hell of a thing.
Posted by: Itsmeagain at April 23, 2007 3:32 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
That bitch went to CALE and graduated with a major in collard greens and a minor in cornbread with her barnyard built ass. The only upper crust she knows is the one that grows on her upper lip that must be waxed every other day. That bitch is flaw!!!!
And....finally....WHO IN THE FUCK PUTS BACON IN MACARONI AND CHEESE!!!!!!
Posted by: c b w at April 23, 2007 4
*****************
that same thought crossed my mind, but I figured that's how you eat it when it's Kraft's Cheese and Macaroni out the box and on the stovetop.
Funny episode but whoever said that crack about west virginia and incest is dead wrong. i was raised in west virginia and only know 3 people who commited incest and it wasnt their fault. their parents never told them that they were brother and sister. the other girl got pregnant by her father but her momma never told her who her real daddy was. so stop with the W.V. jokes its really offensive! you act like everyone up north knows who their relatives are. some daddys just say theyre goin 2 get some cigarettes and never come back. insensitive bugger! oh and great work ron mexico you are my favorite blog writer, keep up the great work.
And their is nothing wrong with puttin bacon in mac n cheese it tastes great. also try chitLins in your stuffing. but the mac n cheese they were cooking didnt look like it would put any weight on a body at all.
MAN THE SHOW IS CCCRRAAZYYYYYY I LIKE lol,MAN THIS TURF TOUGH HOEZ IS FUNNY lol
Hottie's hair really bothers me...and to think she will have it on her head for 5 more years...!
hahahahaha i love you, liltwin.
hilarious.
CBW... my nigga said CALE. wow.
wow.
WTF, what female in her right mind gon pick up somebody else's thong? I could see if it was your own but somebody else's? I dunno, Pumkin, er, Brooke a lil' ain't she? AND She HAD to be TOLD to wash her hands? SMH, that's a damn shame.
Uh thanx ron mexico but i was being serious. i really know the people i spoke of. it was straight facts but they really didnt know they were related honestly. anyway i love your blog.
the remaning girls must make dinner for 12 as Mo'nique is coming over... Then they should give serious consideration to making something to eat for themselves.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^LMFAO... damn that shit was hilarious lol
what killed it for me was when buckwild started rappping about her flat ass.... that was indeed priceless.
then what set it off yet again for me was when pumpkin was trying to dry hump hottie and her flat ass in that too little boy shorts started to show, i must say i was indeed disgusted yet again by that.. congrats pumpkin,..... but then what put it over the top was when pumkin went thourgh hotties bags and started "panty sniffing" until she found a winner and proudly displayed her finding on top of hotties picture like a trophy on a mantle kudos to you , you classles bitch. and how and the world does buckwild have to be the 1 to tell her to wash her little hands, which i still think to this day she never done.
moving on i thought it was priceless the way hottie just let ever thing they were saying about her creame cheese panty surpise just fly right over that 5000 dollar weave she was wearing. then she tried to play if off like it wasnt hers, man if thats what an college education is i will just perfer to be ig'nat for the rest of my life since hottie and pumkin are both college grads...sad but true!.....
ps .....come on baby baby lemme up grade ya!
Hottie a.k.a Schatar Taylor or Schatar White is also a actress. She appeared on 1 2007 episode of "Boston Legal" entitled 'Fat Burner' her character was a prisoner.
She was in Waist Deep as a Bank Teller, and she portrayed a dealer in 2003's Stuey a.k.a High Roller. I was shocked when I learned this. I got my info from imdb.com.
I'll be glad when Buckwild or Becky get her ugly ass home. Stupid bitch.
SAPPHRYI IS THE BADDEST BITCH ON THAT SHOW PERIOD,WHO ELSE CAN I TRUST TO DRIVE WHILE I SHOOT? YADADAMEAN? NONE OF THEM OTHER HOES IS IS FUCKIN WIT HER
AT ALL,AND ANOTHER THING,IF SHE DIDNT GET KICKED OFF THAT SHOW THE FIRST TIME,THAT TRAMP NEW YORK,WOULDDA GOT HER ASS WHOOPED BY MY HONEY SAPPHYRI!!
NONE OF THAT LIL SHIT SHE WAS DOIN WIT DEELICIOUS.FIRST OF ALL,NEW YORK CAINT
FIGHT,CLEARLY.AND...THAT UGLY SKINNY HOE,I SWARE I SMELL HER FUNKY PUSSY EVERYTIME I SEE HER ON TV.SHE IS A PUNK
ROCK BITCH IF I EVER SEEN ONE MANG.REMEMBER HER MOMS BOYFRIENDS HAIRDO?F.O.F.L.M.A.O. NIGGA HAD A 1 INCH PIECE OF HAIR IN A RUBBERBAND IN A PHONYTAIL.FUCK THAT!LOL,I HATE THAT MOMMA,THAT BLACK BITCH! SHE BEEN TOLD SHE WAS UGLY HER WHOLE LIFE!THX 4 NOT DISSIN MY GIRL SAPHI,GIV IT UP,SHES STR8 GANGSTA. I LOVE THAT WOMAN!!
Man did y'all see the part when Like Dat had said to Cristal, "nice panties" then Cristal lifted up her skirt and started to wiggle her ass? I was like DAAAAMN! That ass is perfect! If she ain't a stripper, she needs to be.
The 4th commandment should be, "Thou shalt wash hands thoroughly after handling post-worn dookie-crusted undergarments." Judging by Schatar's busted-ass weave, I bet Brooke's hands smelled just like horse manure.
Leilene should propose a toast on the behalf of not having to deal with ManBearPig aka Denver Broncos helmet or Flav's ugly ass this time around!
These hoes need guidance!
"Hottie" looks like what would happen if Barbie got knocked up by a Teletubbie. Whick would explain the "tubbie custard" they found in her panties. And I'm co-signing Ron Mexico hard body on the shit he said about Bootz. I'd have picked her just so i could peel one off on that 40 acres she calls her forehead. Funny shit as usual son. Salute!
Yo HOTTIE went to Yale my azz. She da worst chick there. I mean damn how fake can a person get? Her voice is so damn SQUICKY!! When she fuked everythin up at the Vineyard she stood dere wit her fake azz laugh...N wut up wit dat hair or lack there of...She make white blondes look smart well except Pimpkin dat wuz juss fukin N-A-S-T-Y no gloves n she didn't think to fukin wash her handz...N Smiley iz 2 damn nice she makes me wanna hit her a few tymz to help her grow a fuckin back bone...3 kids n cant cook i think that is juss fukin stupid wut her kidz b eatin grilled cheese sandwichz ALL da tym? N Krazy say she aint crazy well dat lil gurl is str8 trippin on ha own slef...she need all da help she can get to learn she aint at da top yet she still at da bottom with everybody else...I hope either Hottie or Pumkin gets booted outa "Charm School" next 1 for bein a dumbass-nasty-grimy-fakeass-wana-be-white-gurl and the other for bein a nasty-ass-girl-dat-shulda-washed-her-hand-afta-pickin-up-da-crusty-ass-panties!!!
I dunno, Pumkin, er, Brooke a lil' ain't she? AND She HAD to be TOLD to wash her hands? SMH, that's a damn shame.
^^^^^^^^^
Well Im sure thats for one of two reasons.
#1. Shes bi-sexual and dosent much mind leftover curds, she's had them before. (munch munch)
#2. She has much the same curd like discharge in her own draws and had it on her hands already.
Either way pumpkin is str8 gah'bage.
Funny episode but whoever said that crack about west virginia and incest is dead wrong. i was raised in west virginia and only know 3 people who commited incest and it wasnt their fault. their parents never told them that they were brother and sister. the other girl got pregnant by her father but her momma never told her who her real daddy was. so stop with the W.V. jokes its really offensive!
Posted by: liltwin at April 23, 2007 4:38 PM
You are not making a good case for WV at all.
This show is not as good as the other Flavor of Love shows. Most of these girls are so triflin that I don't know how they decide which one to eliminate. In their defense though I watch more respectable shows such as Apprentice and I don't care how good a job a woman had before a reality show they all become Hoopz in the end being paid to party or get naked for a living.
I hope this show gets better.
Funny episode but whoever said that crack about west virginia and incest is dead wrong. i was raised in west virginia and only know 3 people who commited incest and it wasnt their fault. their parents never told them that they were brother and sister. the other girl got pregnant by her father but her momma never told her who her real daddy was. so stop with the W.V. jokes its really offensive!
Posted by: liltwin at April 23, 2007 4:38 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I made the comment about W.V. dammit!!! I was joking but you just proved my point. And I know about W.V.....Weirton(met a couple of jumpoffs), Wheeling(dog races), Morgantown...anyhoo I know that staet real well with my travels from PA to GA. Go get sensitive somewhere else...this is not the blog for that shit.
Ron....holla at ya boy!!!
trash tv girls gone wild on vh1 this is right up hugh hefner's ally surprised he's not in this wait a minute he has a show with his own personal whores.
this show is a joke monique must really need the money you barely see her in the show the fake ass preppy homo simon cowell don't we have enough gays on tv and miki howard's fake ass from essence magazine and to think essence mag wrote flav as a coon and these girls as sluts.
now miki's trying to get paid hippocrit.
I love Saphyrii! spelling) I give kudos to hottie,she played them dumb bitches effortless.my bets are on the 54th and crenshaw ma.oh and them panties are probably pumkin's,she got dirty crusty written all over herself.I really believe she probably planted em by the suitcase,she was hanging upstairs when everyone was still downstairs and then called all the ho's to come get a look.She didnt trip on washing her hands because it was her filth.LOL
The spinoff of the spinoff of the spinoff and the spinoff the sequel of the spinoff formula is getting tired...
Can anyone spell COON?
yoo...Im sorry to say it..but this episode was funny as hell wit Bootz hating ass!! SHE IS SUCH A HATER!!!! How you tell someone "I hope you break a neck!" lmao. And when she eyed Firestone like the last rib at a mid summers barbecue...and that shyt ain work..she wanted to "go back to clappin her booty" sad...but HIALRIOUS!
-MAC
Go get sensitive somewhere else...this is not the blog for that shit.
Posted by: c b w at April 24, 2007 11:24 AM
I agree withcha and while we're on the subject... Chitlins in your stuffing??? What kinda bama country assed ISH is that??? Where did we get THAT delightful recipe from "Mama Nem's Backwoods Cookbook?" Damn son!!!
Mika....thanks for the co-sign.
I think that was the West Virginia Vern's Vittles section of the cookbook.
After looking at the choices, I was favoring the Roadkill Ravioli, Possum Pot Pie, Cletus' Critter Quiche, and my absolute favorite Squirrel Souffle'. And to wash it all down....the XXX V.S.O.P Moonshine.
LMAO!!! Now you know you wrong c b w, high larry us but WRONG!!!
Mika,
You know I'm not wrong. I come from the school of clowning that goes by this philosophy:
Once you start taking shit personally, it's going to get worse until you comeback with something that makes me laugh, step my shit up, or shut the fuck up.
And the chuurch sayeth Amen.
A to da MEN!!!
That episode was funnier than I thought it was going to be. Hottie is the definition of a HAM (Hot Ass Mess)! Bootz trying to be proper with "The Bachelor"; she knows it is not in her ("With her weak ass ass. . .) Priceless!
Bush at a Katrina shelter...lol
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