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TALKIN' VIDEOS - the latest HATE on Hip-Hop TV, Movies and Music Videos

I Love New York: "Real Love" b/w "When Thugs Cry"

Posted on March 20, 2007 12:24 PM

*cue Mary J. Blige* Let's go get em, Groovy!

This week on “I Love New York” we witnessed VH1’s attempt at the greatest love of all. There was both real love and love from Real. I’m sure VH1 held out on the mama episode for a reason. This time around they only have to JetBlue 2 tired birds into California. With Tiffany trickin as hard as she has this season on gigolo gifts, I guess they’ve gotta cut corners somewhere.

To show her appreciation for yet another early-morning Wango-gram, New York decides she should get changed into some more of her Stucci gear (sound it out). Tango thought her lapdance outfit to be “typically New York.” I was compelled to wonder why she had on the back-of-the-Village Voice she-male bodywork uniform.

Are those studs or magical Muppet eyecrust?

Here’s something else you might not have noticed earlier. Everyone saw when Chamo came out with the Rectal Rodeo outfit. Bearing the message that their moms were coming to join them, this dude tombout “Eating very healthy I see.” I had the closed caption on though. As he waddled off into the sunset, the nigga actually mumbled “Makes the spermies taste better.”

So… these niggas are Stallionaires?! Wowwwww! I can smell the chorus and inevitable collaboration with John Brown already. VH1 should just compile and release an Celebreality All-Stars LP

and send a percentage of each unit sold to Ron Mexico.

Claudia AKA Mama Stallion came up in the jawn looking like a fresher, lighter version of Sister Patterson. The irony is that they both look like they should be "models" in the music video of a rap group called “The Stallionaires.” They both got on 10-gallons and ManBearPig is dead serious about them cow-patterned stirrups! She had them shits since her porn days in the 70s. They've still got John Holmes’ man mustard on ‘em.

So, New York is afraid of horse and horsey contact therein? Damn. Ain’t that about some self-hatred? This comes from a bitch who is part horse (see: her moms), wears horse (see: her hair), fucks with 2 Stallionaires at once, and gave Flavor Flav the horsey ride more on multiple occasions.

Good thing Tiffy wants Chance, The Horse Whisperer, to be her boyfriend. He can help her pick out the right weave by talking to each package individually and asking it to behave. He might need a little direction though. We’ve gotta help dude harness his talent. Right now he wonders why he hears all them voices every time he goes to the Korean store for his foundation.

Alright… Did anyone else catch Disturbing Moment of the Night? If not, I’ll help!:

“Seeing Chance stroke those horses made me wanna stroke something else…” [wild obscene gesture]

Please tell me y’all caught that gesture! Remember kids, if it goes in past the elbow, it’s love. We call that the auto-marriage.

After finally taking Chance’s arm out of her rectum long enough to notice that Real’s wasn’t in there, she pulls Stallion #1 away from the madness to dig into his braids a bit. After backing him into yet another “why you wanna leave me?” corner, he fulfills his per-episode quota of innuendo.

“I didn’t say I was gonna pull out! I never pull out! I bust FULL NUTS!”

I’ve seen my share of wild shit, including auto-marriage, but I don’t think there’s really anything more difficult to watch than two brothers fighting over a strumpet in the presence of both their own mother and the “Crazy-ass Devil-woman” that claims to be their potential baby mama’s mama. It must be very jarring emotionally to take a step back from the liquor and assess what exactly it is you’re doing on national television.

“Mom saw us fight over a stale Twix before. She didn’t wanna see it again.”

Chance crying made me cry… for black people. I felt like the Native American dude in the commercial when you litter. I think I shed at least one tear per week since "Flavor of Love: Season One."

However, it was New York with the most poignant insight into what it was we were rotting our brains with last night. “Soldiers cry… and dogs cry… and doves cry.” No truer words have ever been spoken on VH1.

Flipping the table completely, Tango’s mom is from the civil rights movement. I know she freaked out from the moment she got there. I saw her try to hold her shit together when Chamo greeted her in that audacious top once worn by Michelle Pfifer in "Scarface." It’s okay, Paula! Let it out! Your son, Stewart is taking part in rapidly reversing everything you stood for back in Alabama! It’s like you walked 17 miles into town and back every day for nothing.

Define irony: A nigga named Tango can’t dance worth 2 shits.

Note to New York: Tango is gonna beat your ass when this airs if you pick him. You and your Stallionaire moms really went OD on Paula Wango-Stewart. You’re a horrible person.

Hmm, is New York a horrible person, or did we get a glimpse of what’s really goin down at the lunch table? Peep the way New York was acting. I’ve seen that shit before. It looked like Sister Patterson “forgot” to give Tiffy her medicine! For shizzle! I’m thinking some combination of drugs (or the lack thereof) is the battery Michelle is putting in her daughter’s back to keep her working this Celebreality angle so effectively.

ManBearPig had seen enough. Big Mamas aside, Michelle knew she wanted to see Tango and Real in that final. So, as alluded to at the end of last episode, Sister P dropped a knot of cash that ultimately totaled $10,000 on Chance in exchange for his forfeiture at elimination.

You could see the little gears turning under that dollar sign cap and do-rag. “Them 10Gs could buy a shitload of Pop Tarts and Newports for my boy!” Interestingly enough, it was MBP who had the “Oops. I forgot we on camera.” moment.

That sick conniving manbear thing kissed Chance on the mouth. We’ve got picture evidence of her riding Whiteboy’s stick shift. She wanted T-Weed for herself if Tiff were to pass on him. Something’s very fishy about that one. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. She told us she was crazy when we first met her!

At the elimination ceremony both heartbreak and hilarity ensue simultaneously. First of all, who the fuck does Wango think he’s clowning with that cap on the side of his face?

Ultimately, the episode climaxed with Chance fucking up his covert operation. Nigga tried to “Blue Streak” Sister Patterson but, as per usual, just ended up looking an ass. I believe Chance tried to turn the tables, but it didn’t come off properly. He’s lucky New York is a complete dodo bird slidepiece.

When the smoke cleared and Chance settled into his chain, Real knew he was done. As we’d already established, two brothers fighting over a Twix ain’t right. Tango got his chain and place in the finals, as I’d called from day one, but New York might really be dumb enough to let him walk in 2 weeks.

After thinking he was trying to play New York all season-long, I now believe Real was actually hurt! Ahmad looked like he’d gone into some terrible fake crying, but as Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney once asserted:

“Just look at my face. These tears ain’t dry yet!/”

Say, say, say what you want, but based the way she licked Tango’s thumb at the end I’d still be surprised if it’s not his pole she’s wrapped around come April 2.

(This Just In: Real's Stallionaire Dental Adventure! I don't know how we found this shit.... but WHOA!)

talkinvideos@sohh.com

...almost over now! ...almost over now!

Posted by Ron Mexico

Comments

  • lucidity says...
  • first

    hahahahaha!

  • March 20, 2007 2:08 PM
  • Lowedwn says...
  • Note to New York: Tango is gonna beat your ass when this airs if you pick him. You and your Stallionaire moms really went OD on Paula Wango-Stewart. You’re a horrible person.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Oh please believe that shit, that was some foul ass shit and makes you ask "bitches have you looked in the mirror lately" talkin bout old and shit, New York is 24, I'm 25 and straight up, the bitch look at least 30...w/make-up.

    Damn it's almost been a whole season... Ron, I feel like I'm alomst 1st and goal...I need to read a book...a big one, Crime & Punishment or some shit

  • March 20, 2007 2:13 PM
  • Sherance says...
  • who cares who ny picks shit ain't gonna last long half t weed, 12 pack and a few others were gay abnyway whoever wins fucks new york gets a few g's in cash. wow who wants to settle down with a girl that an ugly ass middleaged crackhead dissed on tv twice that tells you what's she's about yeah we know new york's on medication we learned from episode 1 of flavor of love she was crazy as fuck her mama's crazy too vh1 really wanted to see these 2 sisters act an ass why not bring them back for anotgher season plus give them theuir own show at least ny's dad had sense and decided not to join in betcha he gets clowned daily if I was that poor man I'll blow my brains no wonder he flirted with krazy's family.

  • March 20, 2007 2:51 PM
  • Lily says...
  • Tango wore his cap sideways, and even added a doo rag cuz he thinks if he does that he'll be more like chance, which is what NY wants and he knows it. i could not stop chokin on my laughter looking at his hat on sideways. that shiat was too funnee. did you see his sour puss during the entire elimination ceremony- HE KNOWS that if real was the finalist he MIGHT have a shot at NY but now knows his arse is out. he was so pissed and I was LMFAO at him. at dinner with his mom, i noticed sistah patterson told wango if HE didnt do anything about chance supposedly pushing NY around, she would. of course he did nothing. oh and bwahahahaaahahahaha,
    even NY called him a turtle. I love this blog, makes me roll on the floor LMAO W/ keyboard

  • March 20, 2007 3:19 PM
  • chi town says...
  • that new york bitch is ugly! i lost all respect 4 her when she talked bout dudes mom.

  • March 20, 2007 3:20 PM
  • mika says...
  • After every episode I feel like I need to take a long shower with some antibacterial soap. Chamo and that purple shirt. WHAT THE DAMN???? YES I caught that move she made when she said stroking other things.... LAWD HAFF MERCY. MBP really needs to pull that wig forward, the glare from that six head of hers is a damn mess! Tango and that cap.... who in the HELL wears a cap like that... I cracked up when Tiffany said that Tango's moms is OLD but turtles live long lives. His moms was looking like "I do not want my son with this overmade up skank". Poor Vampire in Brooklyn, I knew he was going home. He was on point though with his observation about his homothug brother: "If you want a Flava Flav #2, then he's your man". I predict after boning them both on the overnight dates, she'll choose Flava Flav #2 and they will have some stupid spinoff show. VH1 is making a killing off this Nigga Charlie trainwreck and they ain't about to let go of their cash cow. And of course, like a junkie needing her NC fix, I'll be watching and reading your Blog!

  • March 20, 2007 3:29 PM
  • MidEast says...
  • My lady was so vexxed with that Fuggin Hat! She was like ole boy at the beginning of Kill Bill 2.(''You and that hat!How many fuckin times have i told you about that stupid HAT!!'')That hat on the side was some unique dumb ish.

  • March 20, 2007 3:37 PM
  • Steph Luva-Luva says...
  • OMG.... ManBearPig NEVER ceases to make me laugh to the point of tears! Man, that mess is extra funny. I am PRAYING to the Reality T.V. Gods that New York picks Tango becuz their little high school drama fights CRACK ME UP! They need to do one of two things: 1.) On the Reunion Show, when they announce that they've broken up, they should do like Flav and let her do an I love New York Season Two. Or 2.) Do a Season Two that follows her and whoever she picks around in their new relationship. I would L.O.V.E. either one! This is toooooooo good!

  • March 20, 2007 3:39 PM
  • Creem says...
  • I felt like the Native American dude in the commercial when you litter. I think I shed at least one tear per week since "Flavor of Love: Season One."

    And

    Tango’s mom is from the civil rights movement.

    I soooo hate you for those two comments. I cant breathe!!!! LMFAO!!!!!

    As soon as the show was over i was already laughing at the thought of your recap.

    Good Job Ron.

  • March 20, 2007 3:42 PM
  • PopTarts&Newports says...
  • I would have kicked the cowboy shit out of my sons with my cowboy boots on that cowboy ranch if they were acting like that over Gollum. Out of all that clowining Gollum and Momma Gollum did on Donatellos mom they forgot to mention that damn dinosaur plate on the top of her head. Sitting at that table she looked like she wanted to stand up and scream "STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS! WHO WANNA! WHO WANNA!"

  • March 20, 2007 3:50 PM
  • citygirl says...
  • LMAO....the hat....turtles....Real crying like a bitch...HILARIOUS!

  • March 20, 2007 4:08 PM
  • Sherance says...
  • i love new yorjk is a joke yeah vh1 is cashing off this yeah ny and chance deserve each other ignorant thuigs love to screw loudmouth hoodrats then get them pregnant and dump them nobody really wants new york yeah she's a good screw but that's it. her and flav need to do a reunion and get married we all know her and flav should get back together and smoke crack until they both overdose.

  • March 20, 2007 4:28 PM
  • fred says...
  • its crazy but ole New York is going to da bank for real! i think chance has won

  • March 20, 2007 5:03 PM
  • Marquise says...
  • New York is so sexy with that juicy ass just oooooooohhhh. And them titties ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh. But yeah I think that Chance should win the whole competition because he's tha realist nigga round. That's my nigga!!!!!!!. New York go give him some pussy and he go beat that shit up too.!!!!!!!!!!

  • March 20, 2007 5:45 PM
  • dat dude says...
  • sounds like ron mexico is sending VH1 and New York hate mail cus they didnt pick him to be on the show, fucking faggot, nigga sound like hes on his period bitching about men what a faggot

  • March 20, 2007 8:28 PM
  • SloMoshun says...
  • hahahahaaha.... "ManBearPig"... hahaha... Over on Yahoo 360 we call them EwwwYork and ManHatin'... hahaha... This was too funny... but Chamo :|..... So not kewl!!... eck!!!

  • March 20, 2007 11:03 PM
  • JMizzle says...
  • Damn, did everybody click on that picture link of Real? that nigga had the worst looking grill i've EVER seen! oc stand up!

  • March 20, 2007 11:12 PM
  • wizzlejizzle says...
  • I was going to comment on the post, but did you see the pic of Reals Grill? Whoever the Dentist is, she worked a miracle of God !!!

  • March 21, 2007 12:21 AM
  • Keema says...
  • “Them 10Gs could buy a shitload of Pop Tarts and Newports for my boy!”

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Chance was about to take that money and run, if NY didnt act up he was leaving!!

    When ManBearPig kissed Chance i swear i tasted a little vomit in my mouth!!

    Like just gag me with a spoon already!!
    I was more very disappointed with chance, he should have just kept it real and took that change and bounced!
    _______________________________________
    Ron ur sick for this one:
    Tango’s mom is from the civil rights movement. Im screaming !!LMFAO
    _______________________________________

    what had me laughing was when NY said she's not like us? your right she has some sense!!

    But what about when she stated: Can i really see my self rolling her into the handicap zone, she is really old!!

    That girl is crazy, but why did she wrap her nasty tobacco breath around Tango's finger like that, that shit gave me chills...

    Ron Mexico get at me !!

  • March 21, 2007 9:02 AM
  • Key from the City says...
  • "Here’s something else you might not have noticed earlier. Everyone saw when Chamo came out with the Rectal Rodeo outfit."

    "I was compelled to wonder why she had on the back-of-the-Village Voice she-male bodywork uniform."

    "Good thing Tiffy wants Chance, The Horse Whisperer, to be her boyfriend. He can help her pick out the right weave by talking to each package individually and asking it to behave. He might need a little direction though. We’ve gotta help dude harness his talent. Right now he wonders why he hears all them voices every time he goes to the Korean store for his foundation."
    ________________________________________

    Why must I cry?

  • March 21, 2007 9:34 AM
  • blazin says...
  • I cant wait for that new stallionaire album to drop its going to be straight fiyah

  • March 21, 2007 9:47 AM
  • blazin says...
  • I cant wait for that new stallionaire album to drop its going to be straight fiyah

  • March 21, 2007 9:50 AM
  • boricua says...
  • Yo Ron, you killin us man. But you forgot my favorite line of the episode, delivered by Chance, "Sister Patterson's kisses smelled like old lady perfume".

    And those dental pictures withered my soul.

  • March 21, 2007 10:30 AM
  • MIZ.2HOT2TROT says...
  • First off I must say this shit is quite hilarious! I'm swole that my man Real was kicked off however he's 2 good 4 her anyway. I dont give a rat's ass who she ends up with cuz either way it goes it aint gonna last and I bet any money there will be a season #2 off this crap!

  • March 21, 2007 10:42 AM
  • quE says...
  • ...After backing him into yet another “why you wanna leave me?” corner, he fulfills his per-episode quota of innuendo.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    I thought I was the only one who noticed this! And they fall for it everytime.

    Tango's hat had my dyin' last night!!! How the hell did it stay on his head? lol.

    I'm not mad at Real for getting those "Baby Canine Teeth" fixed. LOL!!!

  • March 21, 2007 11:03 AM
  • whutduhphuck says...
  • "First of all, who the fuck does Wango think he’s clowning with that cap on the side of his face?"
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    You gotta remember... ninja turtles have lop-sided heads! lol!

    Yo.. I clicked on that link and GOT DAYUM!!! Real had some fucked up teeth! Muthafucka prolly use to brush his teeth with a hammer and cement! Doesn't he remind y'all of that nigga from Family Matters...Waldo Geraldo Faldo?!? LMAO!!!

  • March 21, 2007 11:39 AM
  • New_Skool says...
  • Hahaha, Ron Mexico, you are one funny ass dude. Another great review. That shit about horses had me rolling.

    Anyway, finally this coonery is coming to an end. All that fake ass "why you leaving me" that Tiffany is doing is so overly dramatic. Shit is sad.

    Also, Chance makes the show funny. The producers probably made her pick him.

    PEACE

  • March 21, 2007 12:10 PM
  • lemaracqt7 says...
  • I always read this blog but i never post. Anyway ManBearPig has me rollin everytime. Lawd have mercy this show is so sad. I tried to keep away but i always end up catchin a couple of episodes. Then i have to take a break cause my ignorance threshhold can only take so much. But man everybody know Chance was gonna leave. NY is dumb as hell. They need to be with each other. But since the 1st episode i thought she would end up with tango.

  • March 21, 2007 1:10 PM
  • Southeast says...
  • Yall got some ugly chickks up in NY. Foxy, Lil Kim, Remy Ma, and now New York. Damn! Thats all I can say

  • March 21, 2007 1:24 PM
  • EReal says...
  • LMFAOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

    Best blog I've read all day. You had me fuckin rollin.

    Bra-fucking-vo! LOL!

    1 hunned.

  • March 21, 2007 2:42 PM
  • Steph Luva-Luva says...
  • OMG i just HAD to post again after reading everyone's comments. Ummm, question: Do they have a Crack-Like rehab for reading this blog? I mean, I'm feeeeeenin for this weekly review JUST AS MUCH as I feen for me weekly fix of "The Tards" AKA I Love New York. I think I might need rehab! OMG I can't wait for the reunion special, ESPECIALLY after reading the beef blogs on Whiteboys & Tangos My Space pages... the drama.. I love it!

  • March 21, 2007 3:37 PM
  • Sinistah aka Sin Pifferachi says...
  • Tango's a homo

    Chance is Bi-Polar

    Real is hopefully gettin enough gwap to pay off the Dentist he used for that surgery. or perhaps that was the only reason him and Chance was even part of the show.

    Hey me and my younger bro would do the same thing.

    and yo Steph who is Tango and Whiteboy beefin wit.

  • March 22, 2007 10:37 AM
  • The-XFacta says...
  • Yo word is born, who cares about this ignorant show?


    Add a dude instead!

    myspace.com/cyberthugz1
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  • March 22, 2007 3:01 PM
  • LOVELY T. BROWN says...
  • WELL THIS EXPLAINS WHY YOUR GAY ASS HATES ON BUCK SO MUCH. THESE NO DICK GETTING SETTLERS, EATS THIS SHIT UP OVER HERE. SO YOU BLOG HATE EVERYWHERE YOU GO THINKING U GONE GET PRAISE, ELSEWHERE. THINGS IS, YOUR UNDERCOVER ASS, IS NOT AT ALL. WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT YOU'RE CHAMO AND STOP HUSTLING THESE LONELY ASS BITTIES OVER HERE. OR TURN GIGOLO AND TAKIN FOR EVERY DIME THEY GOT SINCE THEY HANG ON YA EVERY STAB.PATHETIC! *SIGH* LMAO

    GET BUCK BITCH! WHAT??????????

  • March 25, 2007 4:30 AM
  • Steph Luva-Luva says...
  • What id do, Sin. THey're beefin with each other! The ish is HILARIOUS! If you read their blogs on each of their pages they just spittin fire at each other... Had me on the floor LMAO.

    Check it out... or go to my My Space page and click on Whiteboy & Tangos pages from there & read em both. Its hiliarious. Find my page in the search area under Negrolicious.

    Get at me if you can't find it

  • March 26, 2007 7:16 PM
  • Freak_out says...
  • This is so scary im watching a bh1 special on the never before seen scenes of "I love New York". She's talks while they show the clips or whatever she looks huge, whats so weird is that they arent showing her body just showing from her sholders up. Her boobs look huge as well as her face. Could she be pregnant? or maybe she's just been eating too much. We all seen her pig out while filming the show. It kind of made me not want to eat for a while she eats like a cow. If so maybe she will get a new reality show about her being pregnant and the new family she has now. Her voice sounds horrible like she has had too many things in her mouth. Im guessing she has a cold

  • March 26, 2007 9:44 PM
  • Emma says...
  • Yes! I have been searching for someone else who thinks she's pregnant! Freak_out is so right! She had to have gained at LEAST 20 pounds! I hope it's Tango's

  • March 27, 2007 2:45 PM
  • Steph Luva-Luva says...
  • I hate to disappoint yall, but she's not pregnant. She just gained weight. And her chest looks huge becuz she had BREAST IMPLANTS! Its all over the news and in different magazines... no Tango Jr.!

  • March 27, 2007 7:13 PM
  • jo says...
  • Ron,

    I haven't been following ILNY, I dont like it much. But I did move from Chile, and I hope you didnt forget your promise!!!

    Jo

  • March 27, 2007 11:06 PM
  • Ron Mexico says...
  • Yes! I have been searching for someone else who thinks she's pregnant! Freak_out is so right! She had to have gained at LEAST 20 pounds! I hope it's Tango's

    Posted by: Emma at March 27, 2007 2:45 PM

    She did that shit every reality season. She throws down on that VH1-subsidized grub like a true hoodrat.

  • March 28, 2007 4:12 AM
  • sexxy says...
  • who knows if that hoe is pregnant or not..i know shes been fuckin them niggas when the cameras are off...tango is too damn smart to not to be knockin that triflin bitch up...after the things she said about his mom and his face he should spit on her and give her back that cheap ass chain...newyork belly swells alot on the show just like she did on flav of luv show,,her face were swoll not cuz she claim she lossed her voice ..cuz she was suckin on chance and tangos dick ...why would any decent woman suck on a mans finger when she dont know where they hand been...she did that with chance too ...she wants to suck dick thats what it is...dont let that trashy hoe fool yall...lmao

  • March 31, 2007 12:27 AM
  • Marlon says...
  • Why did New York choose Tanto over Chance? Why, Why, Why?

  • April 3, 2007 1:03 PM
  • tamara says...
  • I loved the show it kept me crackin up all of these weeks but I knew it would be out of Tango and Chance But I thought that NY would pick chance just because her mom hated him so much..... Can't wait to see the reunion show.

  • April 6, 2007 5:35 PM
  • Shay says...
  • I think that New York really made herself look like a whore. She was buying gifts and kissing, sexing, and Lord knows what else with all these different men it just made her look cheap. I hope that Tango comes to himself and realizes that New York is out to have fun and not get married. I wish them all the best.

  • April 11, 2007 6:46 PM
  • E. Desir says...
  • I think that Tango did the right thing by leaving NY. I think Tiffany should give him a call. Tango loves his mom and NY disrespected her so that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Also even if Tango had a two inch dick I guess he knew how to use because she picked him. If Tiffany truly wants love I think she should apologize to Patrick. I have to say that NY is still my girl despite everything. I will party with her anytime.

  • April 16, 2007 7:47 PM
  • tboz says...
  • (This Just In: Real's Stallionaire Dental Adventure! I don't know how we found this shit.... but WHOA!)
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    Oh...nigga! That was hilarious!

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  • April 21, 2007 11:49 PM
  • alexis harris says...
  • i think that new york is coming out with another i love new york 2 just for the money and the ratings. that shit that happened with her and tango wasnt real that was just for tv. shes just a golddigger and trying to find a way to make money the easy way. shes trying to be like flava flav but she cant cuz that doesnt look right for a woman to be sleeping and kissing on different men like that. simply put: she makes herself look bad.

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