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I Love New York: Ex-Girl To The Next Girl
Posted on March 6, 2007 11:05 AM
After another extended hiatus, we finally receive our "Flavor of Stooch" fix. This time, our remaining manwhores and Bigalow gigolos-in-training grapple not with one another, but with the women in their lives that know them best... their ex-girlfriends.
Perhaps snitchin' ass Tango will get a taste of his own Flinstones vitamins.
All of these dudes get the poor fortune of VH1 being able to track down their exes with the ex-ception of Whiteboy, who is counterparted by his sister. What a fucking break! Unless he'd been fucking her too, his lucky ass gets someone coming into this going to bat for him.
12 Pack wasn't so damn fortunate, now was he? That knock-off Jamie Pressly/authentic Jersey broad came to bury his gay ass. But we'll get back to that.
Whiteboy's sister gave Real the Colt 45 smile! Nigga caught that White Fever. Dude was ready to be eliminated if he could catch the next bus with homegirl! His ex-girl was pretty slammin too. Add Chance's Hawaiian Sophie to the "slammin" list. I don't know what New York was talkin about. Tango's girl looked perfectly fine to me. I'd offer her a dick sandwich. I know she wasn't part Muppet or anything, but damn, Tiff. You really gotta hold that against her?
Ain't nann notta bitch came through that door ain't look better than Tiff Pollard. Bleedat.
Since (according to this program) there's nothing classier than getting drunk in the morning, the girls pop Champale in the limo on the way to the beauty saloooon. As they get all comfortable and giggly, ManBearPig goes to work. I won't defend Chance, but I gotta put this out there:
Dear Mrs. BearPig-Cosby,While Chance may be a turd in a wifebeater, who the fuck are you to judge someone for blazing trees? Do you look into your daughter's glassy eyes and dilated pupils and notice anything amiss? Are you aware you're in a car full of drunk bitches at 10AM? Apparently you've seen a little BET and are familiar with the term "blunt," but unless Flavor Flav is involved, there shouldn't be any crack in the vicinity.
P.S.: If my daughter would fuck Flavor Flav, I wouldn't really be talking about other people's children.
Okay... back to the limo.
12 Pack's ex couldn't wait to drop that gay skrippin bomb! There is zero recovery from playing "sausage and bun" for $27-an-hour. I know times is rough, but daaaamn. I'd be at Hardee's first. Shit, I'd go back to sellin' weed.
"He is an undercover brother that's low down on the down low!" -MBP
After the acrylics and Yaki settle into place, the girls come home for dinner. Chance's defense mechanism for the forthcoming character assassination? Come to the table fucked up already. I think I understand this man. Set the bar nice and low, so that whenever you do anything of importance it stands out. I mean, so far, this man has proven that he can do no right... and New York can't get enough of it. Given the Type-A lunatic that she is and comes from, maybe they are right for each other.
Hold up... Did NY say she's nobody's rebound bitch?! Y'all watched a first and second season of "Flavor of Love" with me, right? Where in both cases she applied to be a rebound bitch, right? Okay. Just wanted to make sure.
At long last, it was time for 12 Pack to face the Cher, La Bouche and Real McCoy music. I don't think there's any commentary that can be made that would rival Whiteboy's facial reaction. I've seen that look before. That's the kind of look entirely congruent to what he and Chance would later try to pull.
Outside, a fully-slizzard New York creeps 12 Pack talkin that celebrity-to-be shit and is incensed. I guess only she is allowed to garner fame and notoriety from this coon-ass excuse for a dating program. She further confuses me by getting upset about the exes conversing with her man-sicles.
YOU INVITED THEM, SIMPLE BITCH!
During the whole "Passions"-esque drama between Tango and NY I'm thinking "Tango... this is your OUT! TAKE IT!!!!" This is perfect grounds for leaving! She did disrepect your bitch ass! You've been on the show long enough to get your shine, and you don't have to WIN... which would be losing! That's the best of both worlds, you smart-dumb nigga!
Alas. As soon as he began to taste his dignity again, he swallowed the shit and went back on the stroll.
After the Negro Channel-drama cools off, Chance and Whiteboy man up for a night of binge drinking and gay bashing, only they were about to get bashed. Chance underestimated just how drunk Pack really was. As neither Cam'ron nor Pitbull wanted to get their faces crushed or shit pushed in, they wisely backed off.
The next day, MBP chooses Real for the one-on-one date. Surprise. Real could shit on the stairs and MBP would want him over the rest of these clowns. I don't blame her. He's the nigga closest to sane. If I had to send my daughter on a date with one of these whores, it'd be Real.
Surprise again! New York completely sidesteps mama's advice and takes R. Cam'ron to Chez Cherie. When I found out that was a "make-it-yourself" spot, I thought: "Oh, shit. We bout to see this nigga's Pop Tart skills." But no, Chance stepped up to the plate and made a pretty impressive spread for his boo. Everything looked perfect, right down to the asparagus blunts.
"NAW, MANE! I MAKE POP TARTS FOR MY BOY! I MISS MY BOY!!! I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE RIGHT NOW! I GOT A LITTLE BOY AT HOME AND HE NEED POP TARTS!!! I LOVE POP TARTS AND I LOVE MY BOY!!!"
For his efforts, and just being so Dip-a-licious, New York tricks a pair of stud earrings on this dude. Now he's REALLY Cam. All jokes aside. This shit is getting ridiculous. She's also officially tricked off more than Flavor has in 2 seasons.
Watching Chance and New York maul each other like there's Popeye's grease on their lips sterilizes me. I can feel my sperm count decreasing as I observe. Ugh.
After the first 15 minutes of this episode, it was no surprise that 12 Pack was getting the ax. His ex totally cockblocked his flow.
12 Pack, you are now free to make your way back to Feather's and get that change lil' daddy!
Put a box of Asparagus Dutch Masters on your grocery list this week!
Who had Whiteboy, Tango, Chance and Real in their Final Four? I almost had it. Substitute 12 Pack for Real, and there was my card.
Comments
first
THAT BITCH IS CRAZY AND THEM NEGROS(NOT NIGGAS) IS JUST AS CRAZY AS THAT BITCH. THESE NIGGAS IS CRASH TEST DUMMIES THEY WILL LET THIS UGLY ASS ELVIRA LOOKING BICH TALK TO THEY ASS ANY KINDA WAY. ALL I GOT TO SAY THESE HOE ASS NIGGAS GET WHAT THEY ASK FOR. MR NEW YORK!
Mexico,
You are truly a fool! I mean that bro in the most sincere way.
This show has taken to quote you if I may; COONIN to the next level.
Is it me or does New York's mom's hairline get started further back with each episode.
And New York is trying out for the part of Riddler in the new Batman with her eye shadow.
12 Pack's ex just straight hated on him like he did not split his gay strip club tips with her.
I am at work about to get fired because everytime you blog this coon ass show I can hardly contain my laughter.
Chance is a funny boy though; getting drunk before he hit dinner was classic; I may try that next time I don't want to deal with my girl's stupid ass mom.
Its only going to get better from next week on.
Please send Tango-Wango's ass home.
I'm putting 5 on Chance, Whiteboy, and Real being the last three.
watch the brothers end it down to the last 2 new yorks gonna want chance n sister pattersons gonna want real, it seems like the most dramatic way to do it, i think white boy rolls next time tango is gonna be down to the last 3 real talk tango is like the dude that just all males that watch the show can't help but hate and that is what gets the ratings up. dude is a straight clown tuckin his nuts all day for new york, its a competition but i dunno how this dude can ever go back to people that know him hes been lookin like a str8 asshole pussy azz n1gga for weeks now
yo for real this was my final four minus Tango and plus 12 pack. Uh Oh I guess 12 pack's daddy is gonna whoop that ass now for sticking a foot out of the closet on national television.
Chance & Real'z ex-bitches definitely got them some booty-call and quite possibly baby momma potential.
WAIT...I know it's a bit late, but am I the only one surprised that Chance only has one kid...he look like that one dumb fool we all know, who shouldn't be reproducing, yet is 23 and already has a baseball team and 2 DH's of his own for the family reunion
haha Chance is my boy. He had me in stitches when he was messing with 12 pack. Duke said "Whacher doing skripping fer them mens?"
My final four was Real, Chance, 12 pack and Tango. I didnt think Whiteboy was going to last this long because she never seem like she is feeling him. Then she flip out on him because he was in a past relationship for 5 years. WTF?
yeah miss new york got issues, and those wanna be dl thugs she pick out to be on the show is ridiculas and moms is hiddiuas just wanna be on t.v with her invisable hairline.looking a hott mess with dat red ass lipstick make up look like cake up with all dat smack lip gloss.... the SHOW IS FO SHO COMEDY BUT BOOTSY AT THE SAME TIME YADAMEANNNN!!!!
Am I the only person who thinks Chance is gay! LOL
check out his posture and hand gestures
Posted by: lucidity at March 6, 2007 2:15 PM
You're comment is useless.
Ron Mexico
i look forward to your posts. if it it weren't for the blogs i probably wouldn't even watch the show.
Nah Jank, I think ol boy Chance is a homo. He has all the stereotypicals symptoms of a gay dude. I'm almost positive...
If it walks like a duck...
Tango is a sucker....I think whiteboy SHOULD win because he doesn't come across as a phoney, but Real probably will win...
IDK wat tah say i mean...
but all i gotz tooh say iz yall iz Stupid tooh b doin dis kinna shiz.........
NY was hating on Wango's ex because of paper bag test her mom taught long ago. As I elated to my wife, NY probably was so drunk she forgot that it her thing to bring girls from PREVIOUS relationships out there so there was no need for jealousy. Tiffany should just pick Whiteboy so he can get back to the convenience store he runs (he reminds of one of those mofos!).
Oh yeah, and Real is still nasty for trying to get with a chick who first of all got spermed up by Flavor Flav and to top it off has slobbed down his own BROTHER! 20 Stank points to Chance too.
Ok, I have never posted before, but RONMEXICO, you are the shit, not only are you truly insightful and entertaining, you're also a terrific writer... I watch the show mainly to see what you are gonna say...Good Job! From one journalist to another...
Jank, Chance is as gay as they come, I'm surprised people aren't speaking about this, he's a homo thug. Plain and simple...
The date with Chance was so gross that I had to cover my eyes for most of it as if it were a horror film. YUCK! I was pretty surprised that 12-pack got eliminated. I figured if she refused a date with Real she must not be feeling him so why keep him there? How did he end up on the show anyway? He seems to be waay too goody two shoes for this. And Tango might be a snitch, but he is too normal for the show as well.
Next week I expect Real to be eliminated unless he steps up and does something outrageous. White Boy and Tango will be in the final two. Don't nobody what Chance's inarticulate ass. He's there for shock value only.
I almost forgot. Isn't it funny that the only two people willing to put their pimp hand down on these ho azz negroes are the two remaining white boys? Well Pooty might have taken a machete to their azzes, but crazy negroes don't count.
U smking crack if you thought none of the exes looked better than ny. Nigga she looks like a fly and an ant. Real and Chance girls looked way better, 12 pack girl was cute as hell. Whiteboy sis was very fuckable. Hell just faggot ass Tango girl was worse than ny
"Watching Chance and New York maul each other like there's Popeye's grease on their lips sterilizes me"
-Hilarious!!! but you captured the essence of that moment.
-Dude I am trying to keep my job, these lines are going to get a brother fired ....
RETURN OF THE BLACK ARMY 2007
02.23.07 -- FEBRUARY EDITORIAL
(rough unedited copy)
""But when friends…business interest is day-glo, Ain't nuffin left to say though, I guess we forgot what we came for - Jay-Z
"You Cant Stop Me!", only produce a carbon copy... and even then ya shit wont be authentic!...What, What? What's that I hear....can it be the sound of thousands of Mafiya soldiers marching up to the gates ready to take this HIPHOP internet shit over!? Lets creep through Richmond real quick and see what we can find:
-location: Northside 804 graffiti: BMF tagg by: unknown-
They say pictures are worth 4 digits in words but I'll waive the fee this time and putchoo down with Game (like BlackWall) for the love! What you lookin at above is a tagg I noticed while going to get that paper (cant stop, wont stop pu**ies)!! had to stop and camera phone it real quick... Yep! They hear me!!!! My loyalty to the Black Brotherhood has spilled outside of the glass MyMafiya drinks from and we have the hood throwing it up for us without asking... THATS BLACK POWER PEOPLE!
With this being Black History Month as well as a powerful month to review this crazy game we call Hip-Hop (R.I.P Pun, Big L, etc.), lets just say "ya boy FB is back with more ammo" and a better focus on what exactly I gotta do to take this Black Out Movement to another level. (Insert Pharrell voice here)...Yes Siiirrrr! I've watched and taken my notes. Going back and forth with these dime a dozen so called Hip-Hop sites got boring to me, so my vision is much deeper now. While tight friends become strangers, selfish cock holes argue over money they didnt earn (causing a beautiful corpse to sit somewhere decomposing...wwwoooww!), Brit goes bald over K-Fed pimpin her out (and JT does the Dixie Chick Simpsons laugh while visioning Spears flip upside down in his new video, Lil Seeds (over at AllHipCock) complains because we take what we want and make it better, and we all come down from our AllStar high's (Im'a need a few more days).... I have expanded my operation to Nigeria(www.bluemoonCONSULT.net), Chopped it up with Hip-Hop's Real First Lady Sha-Rock, got some very much so needed Hip-Hop Release Therapy (congrats again to Luda) from the Queen on the "wheels of steel" SPIN, hushed wack ass SKILLZ for throwing darts at me and my city, learned that sometimes your closest partners in crime can turn out to be "Brainless Imposters", and witnessed my MySpace jumpoff go from me requesting celebs - to celebs requesting me.
Thats right haters, the BM movement is only getting stronger and my desire to give back to all unsigned cats trying to do some positive shit (while pumpin life back into Hip-Hop) has been placed before my own music career... Now if that aint Love for yall then "YOU TELL ME!" But dont get it twisted you lil Dot F*cks and Black Money knockoffs... My stress reliever other than counting stacks and this .com shit is.... You guessed it! Composing Bars/Ideas in my off-season that will only prove to the non-believers ya dude GLOK (Frank Black) will destroy any competition if we really GO TO WAR!
Why the chipped up shoulder you ask?.. Because those backwards bastards over at AHH (continue to doubt the kid) and not respect my depth while the online groupies at XXLMAG.com pick on SOHH because there sites more appealing than the both of them ANY DAY!!! If they hold no punches, then why the hell should we? Until they bow down to a force thats mentally greater than them, Im'a lace my boots - grab extra clips for 07" - and quote someone who refuses to ever leave Hip-Hop flat on it's ass (DEAD):
Showed ya how to dream, then "I" showed you the cream!/Now I'm reduced to livin proof it is an "I" in team/Because "I" took the lead when my team chose to "LEAVE!/and "I" took the blame for mixin lames, with "G"s!
-GLOK
Frank "Never Fold" Black
[Editor-In-Chief]
www.blackmafiya.com
Non, No one and... Damn, Sweet! Thanks for the love! That means a lot to me. Sometimes people step to me like these blogs are "The Eddie Murphy Show."
"Shit, dick, fuck, pussy, coon, ass, nigga, Luster's Pink! Thanks for reading!"
ummmm, dude.
"U smking crack if you thought none of the exes looked better than ny. Nigga she looks like a fly and an ant. Real and Chance girls looked way better, 12 pack girl was cute as hell. Whiteboy sis was very fuckable. Hell just faggot ass Tango girl was worse than ny"
Posted by: tee aay at March 7, 2007 11:21 AM
The power of the double-negative.
I thought EVERY girl that came throught that door looked better than NY... including Wango's ex.
If you read closer and pay better attention to grammatical structure, you'll see that we are pretty much on the same page.
ok bitch stop flooding up the damn page with that myspace shit!!!....now back to this gay ass show....im done watching this show cuz of the fact newyork is a childish bitch...im so sick of looking at her knock knee big lip ugly critter ass liftin up her damn dress showing her skinny stooch for the second time! when this bitch cant have her way!...tango should of slapt the hell out of that bitch and walked off the show...tango so damn stupid ..the raggedy bitch is playing his ass and then send his ass to the bottom two....tango is a pussy for staying or even putting up with her stank ass ...he should have put his foot in her ass for stickin her ass out to him....will somebody tell me why is white boy still on the show...ahahah i still cant figure that shit out...chance still is a pussy and he still gay in my eyes..lil punk ass pussy...newyork aint cute at all..shes ugly and her behavior makes her more uglier..the bitch look like a skank..the way she dresses and she has no shape her belly swells half the time ,no ass,knock kneee,monkey lookin and smokes like a dragon ...no wonder flav did not want her ass twice he saw something in that bitch that he didnt want that shit ahahahahaha...this show is corney...her ashtray breath
daaaamn ron u funny on this ....but try to keep it short ..shit u wrote two books up there...lol..i mean i thought i was coming to an end reading what u wrote up there...but to find myself still scrolling on the funny shit u wrote...find out i was in the middle..geeeez ...lol ...to be honest all of them niggaz on that show is clowns.....they all trying to get their 15 min.fame they dont want newyork...
Chance should win because he's the perfect match for New York. NY just looking for someone to boss around and beat on whenever she wants. Chance is not going to tolerate that.
newyork i think your pick is chance he's sexy and funny i think you and chance would get along so good
i love that show!
ok bitch stop flooding up the damn page with that myspace shit!!!....now back to this gay ass show....im done watching this show cuz of the fact newyork is a childish bitch...im so sick of looking at her knock knee big lip ugly critter ass liftin up her damn dress showing her skinny stooch for the second time! when this bitch cant have her way!...tango should of slapt the hell out of that bitch and walked off the show...tango so damn stupid ..the raggedy bitch is playing his ass and then send his ass to the bottom two....tango is a pussy for staying or even putting up with her stank ass ...he should have put his foot in her ass for stickin her ass out to him....will somebody tell me why is white boy still on the show...ahahah i still cant figure that shit out...chance still is a pussy and he still gay in my eyes..lil punk ass pussy...newyork aint cute at all..shes ugly and her behavior makes her more uglier..the bitch look like a skank..the way she dresses and she has no shape her belly swells half the time ,no ass,knock kneee,monkey lookin and smokes like a dragon ...no wonder flav did not want her ass twice he saw something in that bitch that he didnt want that shit ahahahahaha...this show is corney...her ashtray breath
Posted by: sexxy at March 7, 2007 6:26 PM
SEXXY, WAT HAPPENED GURL? I THOUGHT U LOVED NEW YORK....TELL ME WAT'Z WRONG LOL! ITZ GONNA B OKAY, JUST BREATHE GURL, BREATHE!
@ta...lol i did like her....and i felt sorry for her becuz of the way she got treated by all the girls up in flavs house and the way flav treated her...you would think after getting abused and misused so many time on camera and tv..why act ugly and mistreat someone else like that..i mean ta when this bitch u call a woman is acting like a young child who throws a tantrum lol cuz someone decides to play her at her own fuckin game....and to show her funky ass on national tv liftin up her dress telling tango to kiss her ass? i would of strangled the bitch on tv...becuase that shows the bipolar bitch has no class ..tango is the only 1 i can see thats normal in that damn house ...real is ugly looks like a horse ...the only thing hes there for to get his music career going trying to be a rapper like gay ass chance...chance looks like an undercover gay ass thug...cross between rkelly and camron.whiteboy thinks hes slick hes too damn quiet he sneaky...tango might be a snitchy mcfat...lolbut when it comes to steppin up being a real man hes got it...he just need to change them dirty ass jeans he be wearing all the time..lol newyork looks like a drag queen monkey she aint got no shape and her legs aint even straight the bitch knee buckles and clashes when the hoe walks..no ass hell i hate to say this but ms patterson is starting to look much better then her daughter...newyork looks like a hot mess!
I AM SO HAPPY THAT 12 PACK AND HIS NASTY GAY ASS IS GONE THANK GOD. AND WHITE BOY IS IIGHT AND EVEY THING BUT SHE CAN DO WAY BETTER. TANGO IS IIGHT AND EVEYTHING BUT HE TO SWEET FOR HER SHE NEED AND MAN THAT NOT GONNA BE A PUSSY NOT THAT HE IS HE JUS IS TO SOFT FOR HER. REAL IIGHT TOO AND EVEYTHING BUT THEY BOTH CAN DO BETTER. AND CHANCE SHE BETTER PICK HIM BECAUSE THEY WOULD BE GOOD TOGETHER AND NEW YOURS MOM NEED TO SLOW DOWN AND GET TO KNOW HIM JUS CUZ HE IS A THUG DONT MEAN NUTTIN.
OMG I POSTED 2 B/C THE 1 WOULD NOT WORK NOW IT DID AND 2 R POSTED OMG WUT THE FUCK
Listen up NY! Girl, pick Chance! so we can see STRANGE LOVE PART 2: NY AND HER DUMB ASS MAN CHANCE
talk 2 yr agent, i'm right!
Best part of this episode was the ending, when Tango kept cheesin everytime NY presented chains to Chance, Whiteboy and Real, thinking she was describing his arse. Hes smilin thinkin shes describing him and then to watch his face when she called out anothers name BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
I CANNOT stand that punk. I loved it when she knocked his hat off his head. He looks dirty all the time, clothes are wrinkled and hes nasty lookin with his shirt off. hes as wide as he is tall.
I predict: chance is the winner
I PERSONALLY DON'T LIKE NY,BUT I LIKE THE SHOW. I HOPE CHANCE WINS BECAUSE I LIKE HIM. SHE DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THEM. BUT HE'S SOMETHING,AND I THINK HE DESERVES TO WIN. GOOD LUCK CHANCE!
I PERSONALLY DON'T LIKE NY. BUT I LOVE THE SHOW. I DON'T THINK THAT SHE DESERVES ANY OF THE GUYS. BUT I WOULD LIKE FOR CHANCE TO WIN. BECAUSE I LIKE CHANCE. HE IS A REAL FUNNY GUY. AND SWEET IN HIS ON WAY.
P.S.
I WOULD HAVE WHIPPED THOSE BAD ASS KIDS ASSES IF IT WERE ME.
I hope that chance stay on the show I love seeing him. He is so fine
I definitely feel that chance should win. all them other niggas are some straight up bitches. Chance is just like my ex. They say that everyone has a twin and that would definitely be his. The way to a man's heart is throught his stomach and I believe that a way to a woman's is with laughter.That is exactly what chance does, plus he aint no push over, he will put his foot down and just say"FUCK YOU" thats what makes him so SEXY! Now it could just be me, but does anyone else find it nast as hell that she will tongue all they asses down in one day and they don't have no problems with it. THATS SOME SICK SHIT!
Real is sooo sexy. I really hope that she doesnt pick him because he is way to good for her. She is an immature, trashy tramp and Chance is also young and immature so they are a perfect match. I try not to watch the show because NY's behavior is so outlandish but Real keeps me wanting to watch. When he is gone-I will be too. Tange with his roller coaster teeth and Chance with his buffoon acting ass. Please!
Leese I soooo agree with you. Why is Real even there? He is way to good for that trash. New York and Chance deserve each other.
New York pick the wrong person she messed up bad to.
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