I'm not always there when you call, but I'm always on time.
As per your requests, I leave you for the weekend with the newest video offering from Sexy-Love Time Man Ne-Yo entitled "Because of You." [watch above] This video was flagged for inappropriate content by the EweToube community.
They must have meant this fucking sequin jacket he had the gallbladder to put on.
NEW SHIT!!! (*echo*)
This week we throw it back for real.
When I was a youngster in Harlem, Mama Mexico would sit my brother, Ricky and I down in front of "Krush Groove..." and then go out with her friends. Shit, she was 20. I forgive her. Mommy be back.
Anyway, I taught myself mnemonic devices until I'd had this entire film (raps included) memorized. Kurtis Blow was our uptown hero at the time, so needless to say, I had his jheri curl too. "If I Ruled The World" [watch above] I'd have someone locate a picture of that shit for you guys.
Kelly, I... love you... and I... need you!
Sheeeit. I used to want Kelly R. more than I wanted Beyonce back in the day. Honestly, she still seems like the better date. Jigga be lookin like he just got tortured when they hop out of restaurants and shit. Fresh off the Roy Williams "Beat It Up" program, the second-fiddle Supreme snatches up fellow Stoochie Liberation Organization (SLO) soldier, Eve, for some House Party-meets-Paris Hilton sex tape mischief.
--Because I'm honestly too young of a guy...
Redundant? Nooooooooo!
In wanton anticipation to be put out of the misery that is “I Love New York,†why the fuck not indulge ourselves in the obligatory “recap/cutting room floor†episode? After almost 3 full seasons of this VH1 coonery, it was to be expected. Hopefully you all shared in the luxury of watching last night’s installment with a Garcia y Vega and a “buttnekid ho.â€
Enclosed are my annotated thoughts, pretty much in chronological order.
AYE!
Wow. I laughed my ass off uncontrollably for like 20 minutes when I first saw this.
In recognition of "Buck the World's" release, SOHH.com's apparent dedication to the man all this week and the wellspring of requests I've been trying to ignore, I'm going to finish esta semana with a slight reach-back.
No, not the reacharound everyone else is giving this nigga. Ronaldinho don't know shit else besides how to "Get Buck." [watch above]
Should I peely?
I didn't do my homework last night, so I wanna say this was 1995. If you need a rap song on the soundtrack of a film called "Natural Born Killers," [watch above] who would your label call? If they could afford it, I'd think they'd want N.W.A. expatriates Ice Cube and Dr. Dre. Sure, they're scary enough. By the looks of this video, it warn't just the lyrics that intended to shock the shit out of mainstream white America.
Oh, don't worry. They love this killer shit in the suburbs! This is that three-finger type of shock.
Damn, Real had some fucked up teeth!
Sorry, was stuck in yesterday for a minute. Today is another "B-Day" Bash. Beyonce and not-so-undercover beau, Jay-Z team up once again for our listening and viewing pleasure with "Upgrade U." [watch above]
When I first saw you... I said "oh, my!"
*cue Mary J. Blige* Let's go get em, Groovy!
This week on “I Love New York†we witnessed VH1’s attempt at the greatest love of all. There was both real love and love from Real. I’m sure VH1 held out on the mama episode for a reason. This time around they only have to JetBlue 2 tired birds into California. With Tiffany trickin as hard as she has this season on gigolo gifts, I guess they’ve gotta cut corners somewhere.
For those of you who didn't already get a chance to see one of the new classics...
That's right. Fuck Bow Wow!
As R. Kelly commences his precession to "Double Up" we all wait in shame. Jilting his most direct competition for the adolescent bitches (Bow Weezy), The Pied Piper enlists Double-time T.I.P. and T-Pain for the "I'm A Flirt" remix. [watch above] Them there's two niggas with zero intention of drowning out Kells' flute in front of Adams Junior High School.
What the fuck happened with that trial anyway? Did they just accept the Boondocks' rendition as due process?
"WHOOOOOOOOAAOOOOAOOOOAAOOHHHH!/
Come onnnnnn... Whooo yeaheeeeee!/"
One of my life’s greatest guilty pleasures besides midget tipping has to be listening to this song… and singing along. Don’t act like you didn’t clamor “You liiiiiied to me.†If you haven’t, I suggest you do it. It feels good. Mark Morrison. "Return of the Mack" [watch above] Let's get it!
Ron Mexico loves 1997.
Oh my damn. This shit is not fair.
Beyonce and Shakira team up for 2007 Boner Jam of the Year Candidate, "Beautiful Liar." [watch above] For the sake of maintaining the guise of professionalism, I watched this video (on mute) with an icepack in my lap and a picture of my dead grandmother on my desk.
Aight. Let's get to work.
Who is this flight attendant broad VH1 got on this shit?
Anyway... In last night’s installment of “I Love New York,†Pollard Playalistic pairs her picones up for pimpin and putting in Palm Springs. The Final Four brackets of Real vs. Tango and Chance vs. Whiteboy proved perilous…
Alright, enough with the alliteration. Let’s sample the stooch.
Dammit!
As seen on Ellen DeGeneres and... you know... ebaum's, R&B/Soul/Love Boat legend Sammy Stephens.
Oh, I can hold it together until I get to the bridge. Then it's over for a nigga.
Since today is March 9th, we're doubling up on the Biggie memories. Yesterday was the humble beginning. Today is where The Notorious, Glorious One left off. "The Misadventures of Biggie and Super Puff," AKA "Hypnotize," [watch above] was the last video he was able to take part in while here on earth with us.
Let us indulge.
BLING! BLINNGGG!!! Who's that with Super Cat?
1993 saw Puff Daddy's fledgling Uptown MCA offshoot make some headway. With a youngster named Chris Wallace waiting in the wings and Craig Mack fully prepared to drop an overhand smash, Little Sean's big dreams were about to come to fruition. After mixtape smash "Party & Bullshit" took its course, the world got its first taste of The Notorious, Glorious Big Poppa on this remix of Super Cat's "Dolly My Baby." [watch it now]
As per request of my buddy Lowe, here it go! (Just added to EweToube by Tommy Mottola and them.)
"M-J-G, I know you hoes ain't been exposed enough..."
As you may have forgotten, Memphis rap deities 8Ball & MJG help comprise the remains of the Bad Boy Empire. However, their newest single "Relax and Take Notes" [watch above] isn't nearly as forgettable. Featuring a chopped Biggie sample for a chorus, Project Pat on the anchor and half-nekkid hoes spawning from every location imaginable, the Leaders of the Space Age want your attention again.
Well, shit. You've got mine with that mini-fro 8-Ball!
After another extended hiatus, we finally receive our "Flavor of Stooch" fix. This time, our remaining manwhores and Bigalow gigolos-in-training grapple not with one another, but with the women in their lives that know them best... their ex-girlfriends.
Perhaps snitchin' ass Tango will get a taste of his own Flinstones vitamins.
"...using a marijuana cigar, known as a blunt."
Sigh. Why, niggas? Why?
Take that! Take that!
Unfortunately I had to watch this video more than once to figure out what to say abaou-u-aou-u-aouuuut it. Puff Daddy’s crying in his cereal again and R&B’s new hair queen is providing that early Mary J. Blige-ish Best Supporting Hoodrat Wailer type of backup for "Last Night," [watch above] the 3rd video single from Diddy's finally platinum "Press Play" LP.
I think that shit is platinum. I'm not sure. It's been a while.
Thank you all for your suggestions yesterday. They were all great! I'll get to them eventually.
One stood out in particular though. (Thanks, Mal!)
While Bobby was out making tenderoni and vaginal cheese the remaining Heartbreakers (which included BBD, Mr. Sensitivity and some new gay guy with a really powerful voice) were trying their hardest not to get dropped from the label. "If It Isn't Love" [watch above] doesn't even look like it's about a girl! Watch the best male ensemble of the 80s avoid involuntary dispersal and the hard right hand of their manager, Ricky Bell's older cokehead brother.
