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The White Rapper Show: Grown Ass Men
Posted on February 6, 2007 11:14 AM
She's soooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaad...
In by far the most entertaining episode of "The White Rapper Show," Grown Ass Men Sullee, John Brown and Jon Boy make complete UnCut asscakes of themselves while Persia, Shamrock and Jus Rhyme bring us Throwback Thursday a tad early.
Do the Jerry Lewis!
As we now expect, MC Serch wastes no time in embarrassing these kids. Right off the bat, the 6 remaining trailblazers are coerced into Marc Ecko's Swap Meet Challenge. In each team's case, three people have to get fresh with $300... in 2006.
I remember back in the early 90s when my SYEP check would do just that. For those of you who may be unfamiliar, Summer Youth Enslavement Preparation is about 7 weeks of usually backbreaking child labor for like $300. That money barely got a nigga right for the school year. I shudder to think what kind of knockoff gear a youngster would be forced to don in this day and age on a budget like that.
I must say, Shamrock's leeriness of Jus Rhyme was 150% warranted. Powder's string of ideas was probably the most hilarious minute-and-a-half of programming this show had produced to that point. Homie came out in full-on Richard Simmons mode.
"Mmm-hmmm. How about we put lavendar and green earrings on you, Shammy. Persia, let's get you in some Ooompa Loompa one-piece, and I'll get the sweatpants with the cut-off wifebeater. Yes. Definitely 'Street on Vacation.'"
Meanwhile, put a little funky $300 in some people's hands and they lose their goddamn minds. Jon Boy in the damn sneaker store signing autographs and shit! Dude is entirely too gassed to notice that the man who asked him is 3rd and Goal on the 1-yard line. He's obviously also too gassed to notice that the entire South Bronx is trying to figure out a way to cover its ears. If Giuliani hadn't locked all the gangsters up already, there'd be a Saturday Night Special in his mouth.
Fuck Giuliani. Sometimes a neighborhood needs to police itself.
Persia's "Gangsta's Paradise" collective came to the challenge looking like a Teletubby exploded on them. Coolio must be rolling over in his grave.
Coolio is dead, right?
Anyway, as per usual, they aren't going to just get dressed and walk a runway. They're competing to be the flyest dogwalkers in Crotona Park. Under normal circumstances, the flyest dogwalker in Crotona is the one not heating a glass bulb. Under these circumstances, the flyest dogwalker is to be determined by former Crotona's Next Top Dogwalker winner, Polka-Dot Ass Kwame.
I can't stop laughing at Serch saying "so Kwame and I are going to be the judges--." I'm sorry. I can't.
Kwame judging fashion? Even in '89 I thought this nigga was on the "Karma Chameleon" side of things. Didn't niggas think that the 90s would be over one day and that there would be videotaped evidence? Dude still looks a hot ghetto mess. I thought it was Bobby Brown at first.
After losing the challenge to Persia and a pooch with matching pumps, Sullee finally has his emotional breakdown, citing the elimination rounds of a VH1 reality series as "too stressful." Well damn, Sullivan. If this shit is too stressful, I don't think you're cut out for the real rap game, Heffy.
Fortunately for us, the rappers and what's left of the program's credibility, the challenge that actually matters lies ahead. The teams have to write, record and shoot a video for a song they create in a couple hours' time. After they select their props 4th grade kickball-style, Serch presents Persia with her prize for catching Kwame's eye with high heels.
VH1, Ego Trip & Serchlight Publishing present: Miniature Negro in a Cage!
That's right, for your personal amusement you can rent Bushwick Bill! Complete with iron cage, this delightful little dreaded eggplant leprechaun will brighten your Saturday afternoons with party-rockin tricks like the running man. The best part, you only have to change his diaper once daily. Slap a Fitti on the nigga in the morning and he's good to go for 18 hours.
As you can see above, One-Take Bobby Sullivan & Co. created a complete embarrassment to the genre while "Gangsta's Paradise" was smart enough to go the DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince route with what they had. Superstar rap video director Little X agrees. "She's A Stunner" is bullshit the likes of which you'd find on The Negro Channel at 3:22am immediately following or preceding "Slap It, Clap It" or "Money In A Ziploc Bag (Uh Huh)."
"She's A Stunner" is what Monday Madness is all about though. Quiet little Virginia Jon Boy Walton has finally found himself! That boy was born to stunt! Let him live!
*cue Diana Ross - "I'm Comin' Out"*
Obviously, the Grown Ass Men found themselves in the Cold Ass Ice Chamber fighting for their minstrel show lives. When given the topic (battle rap your teammates), Sullee and Jon Boy, who apparently both voted for Bush (not a good look), decided to put on the "Stop Snitching" t-shirts they got at the swap meet. As a result, both contestants became "The Departed."
Serch proclaimed that he would toss all three losers if all three verses were weak, but he needed four contestants for next week, so John Brown was spared.
Hallelujah. Holler back.
Awards continue this week.
Comments
First bitches
Perhaps the worst television show ever produced. It does make a joke out of white rappers, but it also makes a joke out of the hip hop/black culture as a whole. As bad as it is though i cant help but watch it.
John Brown is a marketing genius. He'll probably get signed by Def Jam or somethin. It's sad to see that this is what hip hop has came to.
Hip Hop is Truly Dead...
LOL, nah Coolio ain't dead! He just came out with a new clothing line called, "G-Starr" and the WWD reviews says it's doing pretty well!
Damn, I miss hip-hop before 1990...
i cant help but laugh everytime search comes in and the titel of "Hip Hop Icon" appears under his name... am i tripping isnt this the same dude that made "pop goes the weesel" i mean gas face was cool but 3rd base are by no means hiphop ICONS at all.. how about i should say "forgotten white rapper" instead.
and how does dude know so many other forgotten rappers.. kwame! damn... what do they all play bingo on the weekend... do they make sir mix alot bring the beer?
Persia's going to win.
This show is hilarious. It's kinda like a poor white kid version of the first making the band. I think search overplays his role a bit when he tells the people to Step Off!! The ending is definitely going to be down to John Brown and Persia. And to be honest, I think he may take her because she has been known to stumble and the way he puts his words together is a little more clever than hers.
I don't know why people hate this show and think it is making a mockery of the white rappers. The playing field is getting cut down to the best of the bunch as is supposed to be the case. The people they have left are all good rappers to me.
Persia - This girl is the truth. I'm ready for her album right now. We just gotta get her a stylist. Ole girl can work her "curves" better than she is doing. There are options for plus size girls that she is not exploring.
John Brown - Dude might be annoying, but he never stumbles. He writes fast and remembers his verses. He ain't sweatin the ice box at all. That being said I don't think he should win.
Shamrock - He's better than a lot of the southern rappers making records right now. He really brings the lyrics. I could see him getting a deal. Him and Persia should be the top two.
Jus Rhyme - He's the last of the garbage that needs to go to the curb. I expect him to be gone next week. It's not that he is terrible, but he is too one dimensional. He is the worst of the remaining four.
She a stunner aww man I couldnt get that damn song out my head the video was so just wack it looked like every video about cars woman and money its just too much
Serch is a fucking cornball straight up
Anybody who has a show on vh1 usually has a album coming out so I wouldnt be suprised to see him coming with one,Like FlavorFlav and Ice-t, All serch is trying to do is promote himself and his corny label and hoping that he could make dough off one of these kids, 100Gs how much does the winner really get I bet the winner has to pay for they studio time and promote they project with that 100k which means theyll owe him in the end !!!That being said -Sullee gets props for bouncing they way he did, J.Brown is a funny dude he marketed himself his crew and catchphrase very well,and Persia could spit real NY bitch right there.Shamrock is official,Serch has been trying to make Fun of these kids from day one.What a washed up RAG !!!
Jon Boy was rollin that blunt....LMAO
but i bet it would make it to #3 on 106&park.
Ghetto Revival yall.
Hallelujah. Holler back.
this really is the corniest show ever. but I really can't stop watching it. this shit cracks me the hell up. Especially Serch actin like his ass is still relevant. but I gotta give it up for john brown and the "ghetto revival" he the funniest of the characters left. And what is up with homeboys face????????
This show is perfect. These are a bunch of rappers that can make 100 grand for nothing. They don't do shit but rap and play games. I WISH I could make 100K that easy. They complain about how stupid the shit is, but what's really stupid is that they get all this exposure and money, but they not earning it. I WISH I could play a white people stereo-type game and win 100K. These kids shouldn't complain about SHIT!!!!
I'm still trying to figure out how you can call for a ghetto revival but call yourself the king of the suburbs, that dude is a joke.
John Brown is the real deal. Hallelujah. Holler back.
i cant help but laugh everytime search comes in and the titel of "Hip Hop Icon" appears under his name... am i tripping isnt this the same dude that made "pop goes the weesel" i mean gas face was cool but 3rd base are by no means hiphop ICONS at all.. how about i should say "forgotten white rapper" instead.
and how does dude know so many other forgotten rappers.. kwame! damn... what do they all play bingo on the weekend... do they make sir mix alot bring the beer?
Posted by: S.Y. Young at February 6, 2007 2:40 PM
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HILARIOUS AND RIGHT ON POINT!
The show is what it is, a minstel show that pigeonholes the few folks who do got some flow n style. Honestly only a couple them dudes aint wack as hell n thats Sullee(but hes a choke arist), Shamrock(could be more lyrical), n John Brown(dildo, enough said). Persia needa stop tryna be a dude, i woulda dotted her eye she pulled some shit like that on me. But it wouldnt even got that far cuz i woulda battled the fat bitch n made her put a real dick in her mouth. My pops asked me why i aint try to get on the fuckin show, but then again, my pops aint seen the shit. If ima get fucked i might as well enjoy it(no homo), ya dig. At least if i was a gigolo the money would be guaranteed. Thats all the whole thing is anyway, prostitution of hip-hop n the shits digusting, but an entertaining guilty pleasure nonetheless
Wow. I feel like I know you, man.
Man heads is kinda trippin. #1 its about time theres a platform for white rappers to get up. Most yall dont remember when hip hop was multi racial (granted there wasnt a gang of white emcees, because society was different in the 80's) and Vanilla Ice killed it, then soo after that the only thing we had was Marky Mark to represent in the void that finally eminem stood up and filled. Serch was a product of a multiracial culture, and its cool to see him trying to bring it back to that- even though VH1 is not treally the station to do it on - but shoot you dont see BET representing any of the pillars of hip hop (as krsone would say it). Granted this isnt the best core of white emcees but its the first season and its cool to see the emergence of dying culture. in 89' hip hop was the voice of the under represented that "fought the power" -- now that our culture has emerged as the mainstream , and consolidated media dictates what is hot-- the twist in 2007 is the white rapper show is a medium our culture is voicing its truth and in a way saying "fight the power" and begging for us to remember what made the culture great. One Love
MC serch lyrical content was always OK but he never did hype anyoneon my block. The ghetto revival: stupid is stupid does, no one wants to live in the ghetto and if you do you just live with it. The white rapper show does not represent or reflect the pain or actual experinces of ghetto life, This is just another example of how VH1 and MC serch is willing to exploit hip hop and these wannabes. There's one rapper here but they come a dime a doz., but who's coming with the real hot lyrical content. Wheres the honesty? where's the pain?Who is the realiest, your locals the ones who live it those are the one i listen to the freestyler who can rap abot anthing on the spot. This show is a mockery there's no hustle or pain and positively no drive. DONT BELIEVE THE HYPE!
I HATE THE WHITE RAPPER SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The show is aiight but I cant believe somebody said shamrock should, dude is str8 up trash, The only two their that got a lil somethin is jhon brown and Persia, and honestly both of them should win because Persia is spitting harder them some of the Females in the game right now, and Jhon brown can spit.
well everybody who was ob this show has a deal
and Dasit has a multi milion dollar deal
the winner does not get a deal, just a little of Serch's income tax
am i the only one that notices the Ice Ice Chamber is hot as hell, niggas be in there sweatin' and comin out with shirts off and beaters on
oh yea and shamrock should win either him or John Brown
i still can't believe Jus Rhyme is still on that dude is fucking annoying
and despite John Brown's irritative qualities the dude can string his words and bars around(except in that strip club song)
i totally agree with this hip hop icon label for Serch I mean really who thought of this and why the hell did producers agree to it? anyway did they really think persia was going to run her fat ass up that hill?
MC Serch is a fraud! His raps have always been weak. Eminem puts him to shame. MC Serch need to do like Pete Nice and call it quits! Give it up Serch. I also didn't like the way he tried to punk Dasit. I'm glad Dasit told him off on national t.v. because Serch is trying to put himself on the same level as Kurtis Blow and Grandmaster Flash and that is a joke! Kurtis Blow was out in 1983 and 3rd Bass was out in about 1991. That's a long stretch. Serch is not a founder! Give it up fat boy!
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You have to revise your opinion. Repeating this nuttery misses your point. Give us proofs. Not just with words, but with deeds.
I’m understanding you, but I’m not agreeing with you. But anyway I’m sorry that I don’t know the right thing to do in that situation
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