TALKIN' VIDEOS
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Barclays' Talkin' Videos 2006 Awards - The Second Coming
Posted on February 2, 2007 10:30 AM
Before we continue with the Barclays' Talkin Videos 2006 Awards, I am being prodded to throw to our next, and probably most important sponsor.
Barclays: Savor the Historical Context
Just in time for short-ass Black History Month, Barclays, the bestest bank ever to happen to ever, *wide-eyed shuffle dance* is plunging millions of dollars into an urban empowerment initiative they refer to as “Ghetto Revival.” This includes the naming rights to various popular urban institutions, namely Talkin’ Videos. In an effort to right the somewhat obvious wrongs and longstanding ill effects of the African slave trade, they have allocated a scrotum-flake’s-worth of their tax write-off to restore the broken outdoor basketball courts in Brooklyn.
Finally, our children have a chance to be all that they can in this society, and Barclays is making that happen for us! In exchange they only ask that we make more of a conscientious effort to understand and respect their massive slave trade profits within the context of history.
I’m Ron Mexico-Barclays and I have been fiscally compensated to approve this message.
Hallelujah, Holler back!
Oh, yeah. Thanks for sticking up for us, Jay! Cristal is totally unacceptable... but this shit right here, nigga... this shit right here, right here, this shit?!
Okay, now that we’ve clarified that, it’s time to show you some of the “behind the scenes” awards that we were not able to present formally due to time constraints.
“Lil’” Person of the Year – Lil’ Wayne“Young” Person of the Year – Samgoma Edwards AKA “Young Hov”
Midget of the Year – T.I.
Brokeback Moment of the Year – Lil’ Wayne & Birdman AKA Baby The #1 Stunna
Moving right along to the ever-coveted Kids’ Choice Award presented by the United Negro College Fund.
“Because niggas just ain’t goin’, and it’s apparent in the user comments.”
Chris Brown and Bow Wow lose out on a close one to Pretty Ricky's phone sex anthem "On The Hotline," but the technically-illiterate yet mouthy 10-year-olds that stumble upon Talkin’ Videos in Google Search have spoken, and it reads a little like the following:
"ronnie u fuqed up! cuz pretty ricky iz da shyt! why y'all hatin? dont git mad cuz u a mothafuqqin low life dat aint got shyt else ta do BUT down pretty ricky. i actually think that u like them. u think exactly the oppostire of wha u said! But uh... fall in bitch and go ta hell! i mean that literally. u gotta problem ... cum see da girl...i'll solve em!!" –(actual viewer response).
What more need be said?
Unfortunately, Pretty Ricky is on tour and unable to attend. Accepting the award on their behalf is 1994 & 1998 winner, Brandy Norwood, who will be taking a cab home. We promise.
Other nominees: Chris Brown – “Yo/Gimme That” | Ciara – “Promise” | Bow Wow feat. Chris Brown – “Shorty Like Mine” | The Pack – “Vans”
We will return after a brief word from our sponsor.
Fuck BET... That is all.
Next Mexican? The Carmelo Anthony Award for Cheapshot Hate.
And the Mexican goes to… CHG – “Unfadable Part 2”
Question: Did I really have to excavate the fossils of quite possibly the worst rapper ever and cover his decaying frame with piss for all the world to see? Answer: Hell motherfuckin' yeah, I did! Fuck is wrong with you? If I don’t, tha game will freeze. Unlike Carmelo punk ass I don’t slap and run, neither.
Other nominees: Gwen Stefani – “Wind It Up” | Greg P. – By My Side | Brooke Hogan feat. Paul Wall – “About Us”
…and now it’s time to pay some more bills.
Kennedy Fried Chicken would like to thank you all for your patronage. We know nothing goes with Talkin’ Videos like that 3-piece with fries, sweet potato pie and Breyer’s Ice Cream. We currently outsell bum-ass Kentucky Fried Chicken in every major urban market (nice way of saying "ghetto") in the country!We’d also like to take this time to inform you that while we appreciate the heartfelt attempt at cultural sensitivity, none of our independently owned and operated licensees are named “Habibi.” We’d also like to inform you that the chicken fingers are back after passing USDA inspections with a grade of D- and containing less than .15mg of rat feces per serving.
Bismillah a Rahman...
The other "KFC"
Thank you, Kennedy. As you all may already know, there are big things lined up for Ron Mexico in 2007, but none bigger than what I am about to tell you. In participating Kennedy Fried Chicken spots, $2.99 will get your hungry black ass “The Ron Mexico”, which includes 2 center breasts, 2 packets of hot sauce, and that sweet potato pie you niggas can’t keep your jiblets off of.
Fuck it. Popeye didn’t pay this year. I ain’t afraid to say the shit.
Our evening’s final award is the G-Dep “Did Somebody Say…. Dust?” Award for “What the FUCK were you high on?!”
Anthony Hamilton may be the best thing to happen to R&B/Soul in the past decade and is hardly recognized. Perhaps this is what drives a man to sprinkle his usual, perfectly-healthy Dutchmaster with a bag of that Butt Naked and shoot a video like “Sista Big Bones.” The fuck he think he is? Norbit? Eh, maybe I’m giving too much credit to the Sherman Hemsley and not enough to his label execs, but damn… I’d have to be sedated like a motherfucker to agree to that one. Not because it’s about or starring big guls. Big guls need love too. But… well… look at the nigga.
Other nominees: Outkast feat. Scar – “Morris Brown” | Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy” | Prince – “Black Sweat” | Eminem feat. Nate Dogg - "Shake That"
We leave you for the weekend with this Black History Moment with Petey Greene:
Comments
“Because niggas just ain’t goin’, and it’s apparent in the user comments.”
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
nigga wat chu tawkin bout? 1 1/4 years at Mo-house cuz, plus 5 at mah locale JC, iz b edumucated...
oh u da smarty art nigga huh, lemme aks ya dis, lemme aks ya dis...can u whip mah ass?
LMMFAO
Ron Mexico your Dumb!!! its funny how now jays the bad guy (mine u he own less then 1 percent) but what about ALL THE COMPANIES AND FAMILIES THAT PROFITTED OF OF SLAVERY!!!! Its easy to say oh Jays an ass for doing buisness with these guys but i dont see no one leave the good ole U.S or A to go back to Africa because america profitted of of slavery. Or why the hell is there blacks fighting for the rights to say and be called the N-word (which i personally stopped using last year after watching the movies the N-Word)
just food for thought
BROOKLYN STAND UP!!!!!!!!!!
Brooklyn B,
That is a very valid point. I'm not condemning Jay-Z for doing business with them. We're all intertwined in the cotton money, whether we like it or not.
I'm just saying, he took such a militant stance on the Cristal thing (which he spun into ill-gotten gain for himself), but when he's in bed with people who make an equally offensive, insensitive, haughty statement regarding our people, there's not a peep.
Barclay's PR man should be dragged through the streets for giving the OK on a statement like that. Couple that with the "Hoopz for Hoodz" program they're throwing out there like it absolves them of guilt and it's a pretty disgusting scenario, one that surprises me with how Jay-Z hasn't even so much as said anything about it.
He may not be majority owner, but he's definitely the team's representative to the mass media/public. He's the mega-star/Brooklyn ambassador owner whose input would have some kind of positive effect were he to give it.
R.H. Mexico
Village Idiot
I'm pretty sure that Jay didn't know that part of Barclay's history when he went into business with them... and people are talkin about Jay needs to do something, but it seems that there is very little he can do because he is tied with them legally. It was easy for him to boycott Cristal because there were no business ties, but if he backs out of this, he could lose everything he has.
Rap represents the hood right, black people, not entirely but to some degree, maybe degree is too big of a work, but anyway, how sad rap is shows what kind of slave mentality most not all black people are still in, I told a guy from Atlanta that it was a nice place, and he got mad, and thought I was calling the place soft, these stupid niggas take pride in drugs being sold in their neighborhoods, and people dying everyday. I'm switching to alternative, and hanging out with some white people not that there much better, but its easier to see ignorance when its not coming from your brotha. Keep it up Mexico don't agree with you on everything, but you tell the dumb niggas what they don't wanna hear, and I appreciate it. so thanks
Please Read!
America itself, its very existence since the constitution (a pro-slavery document)benefits from slavery long after it was abolished, large amounts of land belonged to blacks but Americans didn't respect black people enough to think that they could have land so it was included in the Lousiania Purchase, if Jay was to try to stop doing business with people or companies that profited from slavery he wouldn't be doing business with anybody. So we poke fun at J, but to me he has proved himself with bringing some light on the water crisis very serious by the away especially in Israel, thats one of the main reasons they are fighting, control over the fresh water resources, and even in Jay's music, talking about hurrican Katrina, very good points, he is not Jesus, even if you do call him Hov, don't be so hard on the man, and I know you niggas don't care about the water crisis shit, my bad.
I thought I was in the wrong place, for a minute. . .I thought this was a fucking blog. I feel like a just read a damn Black Panther pamphlet.
P.S. WHITE POWER!!!!!!
John Brown - King of the burbs!!!!!
Its a Ghetto Revival Bitches!!!!!
Hallelujah, Holler back!!!!!
Please Read!
America itself, its very existence since the constitution (a pro-slavery document)benefits from slavery long after it was abolished, large amounts of land belonged to blacks but Americans didn't respect black people enough to think that they could have land so it was included in the Lousiania Purchase, if Jay was to try to stop doing business with people or companies that profited from slavery he wouldn't be doing business with anybody. So we poke fun at J, but to me he has proved himself with bringing some light on the water crisis very serious by the away especially in Israel, thats one of the main reasons they are fighting, control over the fresh water resources, and even in Jay's music, talking about hurrican Katrina, very good points, he is not Jesus, even if you do call him Hov, don't be so hard on the man, and I know you niggas don't care about the water crisis shit, my bad.
Posted by: historymajor at February 2, 2007 2:41 PM
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100% co-sign
“Because niggas just ain’t goin’, and it’s apparent in the user comments.”....I am gonna lose my job laughing like this!
Aight Ron you make a good point so i'll retract my "your dumb" statement.
Peace brother
Brooklyn Stand Up!!!!!!!!!!!
This has to be one of the funniest blogs the last few months. Man you sure got the perfect sponsors for your awards. And what would we be without the behind the scenes award that are given away during commmercials. You forgot the "Hip Hop is Dead" award to all the suckas who wanna kill Nas more that he does himself. There's Carmen , the babymomma,and a host of Southern rappers, Luda, Jeezy, etc and the winner is......(what for it)..... FABO from D4L (stylish white frames and all) "I got kids to feed, he aint feeding them" . That award is sponsored by Mr. Collipark and the producers of all ever popular "SNAP BEATS"
How many record companies and other business are funded by Slave traders? TOO DAM MANY!, so leave JayZ alone, and let him do him. He probably put more black people in better finances than you ever will.
How many record companies were straight PIMPING black folks back in the day?
Ray Charles was one of the first ones to flip da script on them. But I wanna know how many of these major labels made mega millions off da backs of black artists, during "bad" times.
AND HOW MANY OF THEIR PRODUCTS HAVE PURCHASED IN THE LAST YEAR?
Bunch of nit picky hypocrites.
why does jason kidd or vince carter say something about it or The actual majority owner and the man that made the arena deal with barclay Bruce ratner
Where is everybody's sense of self worth and value. How is it so easy for so many of our young people to just dismiss the slave trade and its affects on our society by saying everybody has benefitted from it? These statements are indiciative of the real challenge ahead of us. How can we demand respect from anyone if we ourselves don't feel worthy of being respected?
Its true that a lot of people and companies have and will benefit from slavery but that doesn't mean that we have to accept it. If we accept this then what else will we begin to accept. Its so sad that in 2007 soo many of us are only one demensional and can't realize that we're slowly reversing the efforts of the civil rights movement.
i once played a drunk pothead in a PBS after-school special. can someone hire me, i'll even be an extra in a Lil Bow-Wow video for a Dutchmaster and faucet water.
“Because niggas just ain’t goin’, and it’s apparent in the user comments.”
LMFAO
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