Barclays' 2006 Talkin' Videos Awards: Clarence Williams the Third

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Barclays' Talkin' Videos Awards will continue after a brief word from a lesser sponsor.

You’re a proud black sister. A true African original. Your ancestors smile upon you and your determination in the struggle. Your darkened womb is cradle of all civilization.

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Now slap this shit in that nappy ass head of yours so you can come out in public.

(Just for Me No-Lye relaxer now comes in Crispy, Crunchy, Nappy and Nipsey. Select the level of incineration that's right for you.)

Moving right along... As it's Thursday, it's only appropriate that we give out the Ice Blue and Burgundy Philadelphia Phillies jersey award for Throwback of the Year today... Just like last season.

While some throwbacks garnered more attention, no throwback received the acclaim from the viewing public that De La Soul's 1996 offering "Stakes Is High" did. That shit was about as pivotal and pertinent as a video can get and represents the beauty of strolling down memory lane together on Thursdays.

Other nominees: Junior Giscombe - "Mama Used To Say" | Method Man - "Bring The Pain" | Hammer - "Pumps and A Bump" | Nelly - "Tip Drill"

We'll be right back after this...

The #1 Motion Picture of the Urban/Contemporary Negro/Hip-Hop Culture is now the #1 clothing necessity of the ghetto!

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Awwww! We got that shit in WOMEN'S!

"Elvira! Elvira! *awkward silence* It's okay... Another Quaalude, she love me in the morning."

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Scarface: Available on DVD, jacket and Playstation! (Check your local African retailer/burger stand.)

The World Is Yours, Darkie! Just like Tony!

Welcome back. Next Mexican is the coveted Silky Johnson Award for Filthiest Hate!

"I know that ain't Beautiful talkin'!"

Our first full calendar year of Talkin' Videos had plenty of classics to look back on. Unfortunately, no one got my greasy, post-workout nutsack across their dinner plate like Freeway Ricky Ross did for his "Hustlin'" video. In a 20/20 special with "The Real Noriega," Rick Ross' shrimp-eatin' ass was exposed for all the 106 & Parkers to see.

Oh, we whip it real hard round hurr.

Other nominees: Mobb Deep - "Put 'Em In Their Place" | India.Arie feat. Akon - "I Am Not My Hair" | Brooke Hogan - "About Us" | Rihanna - "Unfaithful"

The great and powerful Master Barclays will permit licensed promotion for one more sponsor today.

From the people who brough you such literary classics as "Dime Piece," "Hold You Down," "Black and Ugly" and "Whore" comes the next great Ghetto Pulitzer contender:

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Beat'n Down Yo' Block with the finest of subway literature is Triple Crown Publications:

"When you don't really feel like reading..."

Damn. They still got their Christmas shit up! And I still didn't get my autographed copy of "Homo Thug!"

Anyway, The last award of the day is the Jimmie "J.J." Walker Ug-Mug Award for Ugliest Video Star.

This year there were far too many nominees to narrow down to a top 5 or less, so I decided to give equal and opportune shine to the following shines: Jim Jones, Jimime Walker himself, The Game, Ugly Luther, T-Pain, Young Dro, Jay-Z, Lloyd Banks, Chamillionaire, Paul Wall, Big Gipp, Shawn J of Field Mob, Rick Ross, Ying Yang Twinz/Da Musicianz, Lil Wayne & Baby, Lil’ Kim, Bobby Brown, Flavor Flav, New York AKA CB4, her ManBearPig mother, Juvenile and CHG the Incorrigible Negro.

Honorable mention to Chamillionaire though.

talkinvideos@sohh.com

Fuck with us tomorrow as we wrap up the 2006 Awards in style.

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This page contains a single entry by Ron Mexico published on February 8, 2007 12:08 PM.

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