January 2007 Archives

This week on “The White Rapper Show” our remaining gentry have apparently earned the right to contribute something musical to our great culture. The Magnificent Seven split into two teams and visited Justin Blaze at his Baseline Studios to make what Serch refers to as a “Club Banger.” I’d much more readily refer to it as Marion Barry smoke break soundtrack.

Yes, it was that bad on both sides; and in case you're wondering, we're still playing up to the stereotypes of black culture than training and assessing MCs.

Before you lock my love awayyyyy, along with my dignity -- and what’s left of my sanity -- please, let me testify as I’ve come to a few realizations. First, before watching last night’s episode of “I Love New York” I hadn’t been as embarrassed by a group of black men since "State Property 2". Secondly, I would not fuck ashy-ass New York with Pootie’s dick dipped in sherm. Thirdly, I’m embarrassed that I couldn’t tell Heat was a junkie. Finally, I lost a Final Four pick.

Let’s throw his undercover-ass a party. Yeah! A surprise party for my new best friend!

In what I hope is the last installment of The Chicken Noodle Soup Files, delicious ass Kelly Ripa showed us what she got with Bow Wow and Chris Brown on Live With Regis & Kelly a while ago.

This week's selection from the bowels of what's left of hip-hop comes from 2 of Lil' Jon's favorite pegboys and his new playdate buddy. "Oh Yeah," [watch above] the third video installment from Lil' Scrappy's debut full-length release features Sean Paul of the Youngbloodz and E-40 in what should have just been openly referred to as the grimy remix of "Snap Yo' Fingers."

...and yes, I'm fonkayyyyyy!

Newark New Jersey rap trio Lords of the Underground made a fair amount of noise in the mid 90s. Do It All did it in a baby suit here in the "Funky Child" video [watch above] before Mr. Funkyman took all the shine back from the redheaded step child by the debut of "Chief Rocka."

*wags finger* I know youuuuu, Mr. Funky Man!

Hallelujah, holler back, everyone.

This week on "The White Rapper Show," our young butchers are again instructed on how to be bakers. After briefly meeting Lord Jamar and Sadat X of Brand Nubian the mashed potato collective gets a mouthful of some more of that good old reverse racism as they finally get to visit "the studio."

Grand Puba's schedule was a little too busy to join The Wild Cowboy and Supreme Allah on national fucking TV of all places.

(paraphrased) "Tried to told you I was hot!" - T-Weed

So... It didn't take too long before New York's ass got to gold-diggin, did it? In this week's installment of "I Love New York," Tiff goes straight for these bum bitch niggas' pockets in this one. Looking for a paid mawfucka in this competition is like looking for a bacon, egg & cheese at a Bar Mitzvah. Fuck is wrong with you?

She's still looking for the meal ticket man... yet wonders why neither she nor her efforts are met with respect. For shame.

Yes... Rich was there last week... With Gene Wilder.

Good morning, San Diego. I'm Ron Mexico.

As you all should be well aware, Atlanta jockeys DJ Drama and DJ Cannon were arrested, humiliated, had their governments aired out on news outlets and paid a six-figure bail more fitting of a murder charge. You would think these were the niggas that shot Carl Blaze or something. (No, we still have no info on that yet... or Pac or Big for those of you still keeping score.)

On a special installment of "Talkin' Videos" we're gonna discuss exactly what went dine earlier this week at Atlanta's Gangsta Grillz Studio.

Ever heard of a chef that can't cook?

Sweet life irony, we drink of thee. Nearly two decades preceding "The White Rapper Debacle," 3rd Bass (with the help of Henry Rollins' unforgettable cameo) crucified one Robert Van[illa Ice] Winkle to the front of every cable-connected television set in America. Today we lick a few gunshots for "Pop Goes The Weasel," [watch above] a pioneer of the focused hip-hop parody we strangely now refer to as "hate."

We might have missed a submission.

Much like the Cocoa Pebbles milk turning chocolatey brown, we find plenty of fun surprises in this week’s episode of “Violent Gentrification,” I mean, “The White Rapper Show.” Our urban pioneers get shaken down for classic hip-hop prowess. G-Child goes Super Saiyan. Sullee cracks for booty. Persia and the King of the Burbs work together for this ghetto revival, baby.

While it’s not hot snail trail on a hoe-bus en route to a pole dancing competition, “I Love New York” wastes no time in mandating that the parade of bitch niggas get nekkid and show the world their man-lumps in Princess Tiffany’s 1st Annual Mangeant.

Oh, the humanity! At least she spared T-Bone AKA “Dreamy Eyes” the mortification.

This is bound to make a few Saturday mornings special! Yay Area mainstay Mistah Fab shows us all how to really go dumb.

New Orleans' kissin' cousins Birdman & Lil Wayne's latest video "Leather So Soft" [watch above] embodies the previously-stated creed. The shit is pretty soft and Weezy F. apparently just got his hands on that Guitar Hero II like Daddy Mexico.

It's a Psychobilly Freakout!!!

I don't give a fuck. Jamiroquai is more than hip-hop enough for me to feel comfortable giving him nods here. "Space Cowboy" [watch above], the first in his long line of trippy videos with dizzying visual effects, is and always will be my shit.

...and I bet he's a better rapper than any of Serch's potential proteges on that VH1 show.

Immediately following "I Love New York" on VH1 is "Ego Trip's White Rapper Show," hosted by MC Serch (of 3rd Bass in case you're too young to know about that).

The very premise of this show bothers me a bit, as I believe we should be serch-ing for quality MCs (i.e. Nas), not merely white MCs. I guess hip-hop needs a bit of affirmative action, huh?

This marks the end of Black American civilization as we know it. Meet me in Canada, niggas.

After much anticipation, it’s finally here. The debut episode of “I Love New York” aired last night, and much like its "Flavor of Love" predecessors, it has both entertained and embarrassed me at the same time. By the time this season is over, not only will Tiffany have Noah’s Ark in her panties, but the Emancipation Proclamation will be shredded added to specially-marked packages of Newport cigarettes.

Where is Lou Rawls? I’m expecting him to come out and help host this “Parade of Bitch Niggas.”

I really thought I was done with this Chicken Noodle shit. I wish you people could see my expression right now.

“Mudering midgets. Mexico mainly make magic. Meaning my mind mitigate majesty. Maroon mattress.” (You’ll see where I’m going with this.)

As hard as I’ve rooted for Papoose to prevail. I can’t listen to or watch this for very long. It was impressive once when I first heard it 3 years ago. Kay Slay’s got 2 fingers in the asscrack of hip-hop’s David Blaine. Both these niggas need a new trick badly. For those that don’t yet know… “Alphabetical Slaughter” [watch above] is painful proof Papoose parlays predicate partitions properly.

I saw "Dreamgirls" and loved it. I wanna see the shit again. I went out and got the soundtrack. Jennifer Hudson is MY "American Idol."

I can say shit like this and be secure in my masculinity because we are about to talk about a Color Me Badd video. These niggas would have been doing gay porn, but they’re a bit too fragile. "I Wanna Sex You Up" [watch above] is the early and brief pinnacle of what they called a music career.

Damn. We ain't never gonna run out of H.D. red carpet footage are we?

This installment of "60 Seconds" features Negro Channel hosts Terrence and Philip... I mean, Terrence and Rocsi. [watch it now]

Shut your fuckin face, unclefucker.

If you're a hip-hop fan from the east and don't know who Bobbito Garcia is, you should probably hang yourself with your shoelaces. While you probably know of him from his legendary radio program and journalistic efforts, you may not know he is one of the most vicious streetball combo guards ever to do the thang in New York.