So… If you were lucky enough not to read the spoilers on last week’s blog, you were in for some SHIT this week! On last night’s episode of "Flavor of Love,†Tiff AKA New York AKA CB4 (I named her that) returned to the house to lend her oil slick (whose pump-handle she’s already tasted) a hand in the selection process.
Yeah, ask your deranged ex for help being happy with some new prime-time game. Good work, Foof!
Something ain’t quite right with New York this season. Last year she stepped into the spot looking healthy, gained a little weight… whatever. On the reunion episode we saw that she dropped the bon-bon and skeet-induced baby fat. This season homegirl look like she’d been mummified.
How you gonna come back to national television looking like "Ghost Dad"? She all ashy, covered in layer after layer of confectioner’s sugar. Look like a damn Whitney Houston cake. NY said she felt some passion. Fuck that. I think she smelled the rock residue on his hands.
Come on… that’s the Whitney diet, people! TWD all the way.
Enough about CB for now… I wanna know why if every girl in the house was concerned with Beautuful’s Herpacin incident like the CDC needed to get involved, how come for their own protection no one went to Flavor immediately?!
That’s how you know that’s a room full of nasty hoes! You drop dime on that kind of thing for your OWN protection. All of y’all share bodily fluids on this program. Errr last one of you will end up with mini-volcanoes on your faces. Brrrr! They made his penis soft with that two-day-late news! Best believe I was waiting for the priceless confessional to follow. I didn’t know Flav had an ugly face. Nigga looked like he huffed down a bad hit.
Okay, back to Cock Block 4 with Tip Drill Instructor Patterson. I can’t front. I laughed my ass off as she Full Metal Jacket clowned these girls long time. How you gonna call someone “Gutter Butt?†Then how do you sit there and take it?! Well, I guess Nibblz is used to sitting there and taking it. Can a nigga get a rimshot? Oh, nevermind.
Flavor came to take them gulz to the photo shoot looking like he’d just come home from a hard day of waiting for wayward bitches at the bus station. As VH1 shows us week after week, PIMPIN’ AIN’T DEAD!
Bootzy Collins and Krazy get gangster points for standing up to the Maybelline Monster... covered in Domino. Someone should have thrown the hands though. Krazy’s spit threat was excellent. I don’t think NY was ready for that level of realness. I know it’s wrong, but I wanna see Krazy and Bootz team up on her like Omar and Brother Mouzone.
So Flavor sent home Canker Stoochie and Tyson. Damn. Tough calls. At least we know Flavor won’t compromise disease-free status for a pretty face. I however find it a little hypocritical to send Nibblz home because of what she does with her stooch in the privacy of her own webcam. I mean, what do his kids already think about his two-season-long search for a mate on a show that must make even Jerry Springer cringe? Fuck what he thinks about how he'll be perceived dating a webcam girl... How the fuck does he think he's perceived after setting us all back to slavery times?! I lost one of my feet last week! After the episode, I looked down and one of them motherfuckers was just gone!
"Flavor of Love" is all the worst parts of the Bible and Maury Povich thrown together in a mess that smells like badussy. Yes, my television smells like badussy whenever this show is over. Yet, he’s worried about what his kids think about Nibblz.
Shit, homegirl probably had it right when she dropped it on him, “Flav missed out on a good fuck.â€
Speaking of fuck… You know he brought NY back because he was tired of NOT fucking! Brrrrr. I’m sorry. I know it’s cliché, but I wouldn’t fuck that woman with any of your dicks out there. Girls gonna have to step it up and give up the funk now.
Parting shot: What the hell DID happen to Buckwild’s accent? She had a Desmond Mobay moment at the elimination ceremony. The Becky came out of Lil’ Miss Upland for sure. That warranted a rewind! Homegirl sounded like she was back in private middle school and Suzie just went to second base with Chet behind the lockers.
R.I.P. Buckwild! Long live Becky. See you next week.
