September 2006 Archives

I'm so excited... and I just can't hide it!

I'm about to lose control. But y'all ni99as like it. Speakin of ni99as likin some shit... Janet Jackson, who has spurned many a ni99a-moment of clarity and ni99a-coming of age, has returned. Last we knew, she bore a titty, dropped a weak album, then disappeared and went Klump for a minute. Well, Ms. "Put Me On a Planet, Dammit" is back with a new album, renewed focus and what appears to be Pleasure Principle 2006 in "So Excited." [watch it now]

You're blind, baby... You're blind to the facts. You're blind.

Man, how shit has changed. Heavy D was like the biggest rap star on the planet and Flavor Flav was still semi-respected for his work with Public Enemy. I guess having a team of "Boyz" that did everything from the running man to the coffee shuffle wasn't enough for Waterbed Hev. He needed the aid of history's greatest hypeman on the hook of one of his hardest, yet most underappreciated jawns, "You Can't See What I Can See." [watch it now]

The video for one of the most sampled songs in recent hip-hop history, Dennis Edwards' 80s classic "Don't Look Any Further" [watch above] featuring Siedah Garrett displays the gum-chewing ex-Temptations frontman showing off some of them old man moves that brought you into this world.

A little ways back Ronaldo Horacio Mexico got the chance to catch up with the recently-ousted Jennifer Toof, better known to y’all as Toastee [listen to highlights here]. We jabbered on about damn near everything and we came to more than a couple realizations. As the great Charles Barkley once said in the '90s: “To feature on that show [Flavor of Love] and be a role model, is to face Jordan in the finals and win. It’s not going to happen.”

Oh, yeah… Toastee also practically said, unless you’re retarded, you should know that none of the girls on the show give a squirrel fart about that Flavor Flav dude. That’s… zero!

...and then there were three.

Man. It seems like only last week he was sucking on her toes. It seems like yesterday there were about 25 freeloading homing pigeons lamping around the VH1 slut mansion. Now we're getting to a number that Flavor can keep an eye, or ball, or frankfurter on in his waning age. This week on Flavor of Love, black homie comes to terms with some real life shit. At some point every (wo)man will have to assess exactly how long (s)he plans on waiting for some booty they reaaaally want.

This isn't the circlejerk that was "#1." Actually, you can't call that a circlejerk because Kanye and Pharrell are entirely too self-absorbed to jerk anyone but themselves.

Remember 1997? If you do, you probably remember this coon-shiny jiggy shit. This was the era that sent hip-hop into a diabetic coma and Pastor Mason Betha was the patent-leather jerseyed posterperson. Puff Daddy’s Uptown meat puppet drove damn near defined the time period with “Feel So Good” [watch it now], the lead single from the jigfest that is Mase's full-length debut album, “Harlem World.”

This kinda brings moisture to my eyes now. This was back when they still had some freshness to em. Whitney look like dried up tamarindos now... and Bobby knows she's gettin booooooooored.

I'm scaaaared of her too, Patti.

Ron Mexico doesn't see any cold sores. Do you?

SOHH.com correspondent Anthony recently had the pleasure of conversing with the since-eliminated Kelly Jay, better known to us as Beautuful [listen to a clip here]. Much to our advantage, reading and listening pleasure, Ant chops it up with the fellow Chicago native and gets her to come out of her shell more than even Flavor would have liked in the first official interview since her departure.

Yesterday on Flavor of Love, Cap’n Pimp asked the five remaining contestants to decide peacefully among one another which two of them deserved most to leave the rent-a-mansion.

Oh, yeah… That’s a greeeeat idea. Next week, let’s ask a pack of starving wild dingoes to decide peacefully amongst themselves who gets the last piece of jerk chicken.

"Modern vampires of the city… hunting bloooood... Blooooood!"

Ironically, that’s what Junior Reid says in the intro to the timeless reggae classic “One Blood." I'm not so sure The Game knew that... but we know somethingabout that track caught his ear though. First Sizzla coughin up the ital stew to Dame Dash, then Damian Marley caught smoking with Bobby Brown, now Junior Reid putting Rastafarianism directly on the ho stroll for The Game. It hasn't been the rastas' year, has it? Come watch "It's OK (One Blood)" [view now] and see what I mean.

Where's Capleton when you need him? He whipped those rappers into shape when they did tracks together.

Happy Thursday to you Vans-wearin motherfucks out thurr.

In 1996, as we neared the pinnacle of rap jigginess, the hip-hop community (whatever that means) was dickslapped with a much-needed dose of what we now like to call "real talk" that only De La Soul could have provided. (whew!) "Stakes Is High," [watch it now] the title track of said dickslap, names no mames but pulls no punches. They even got Maury down for the cause.

"Gun Control means using both hands in my land." I'm still haunted by that.

(A brief recap of Monday morning's writers meeting)

SOHH.com Newsdesk: Mexico, we read your blog on "Vans" last week and...

Ron Mexico: Yeah, yeah. I know. They're not from Baltimore like I was told.

SN: Yeah, we would appreciate it if you...

RM: Did research?

SN: Yes

RM: [with Allen Iverson affect] RESEARCH?! Y'all pay me to shit on what comes on a damn television screen with reckless abandon... And niggas is comin at me about RESEARCH?! FUCK THAT! [knocks over muffin] I don't research bullshit I'd rather not have lost four minutes of my life to. Feel me?!

SN: Calm down, Ronnie. I was just saying...

RM: I know what you're saying... and you can eat a dick sandwich. But you know what? The readers deserve better, so I'mma hook it up like we 'pose ta.

SOHH.. Let's try this again. The Pack’s new single “Vans” [watch it now] is the future of snap, umm... hyphy music, I guess? It's been almost a week, and guess what? It's still boo boo juice! Welcome to Hyphy High School.

I wanna thank my good buddy Dark Kent for putting me on to this.

Here's some new shit under review by your local Dept. of Social Services.

So… If you were lucky enough not to read the spoilers on last week’s blog, you were in for some SHIT this week! On last night’s episode of "Flavor of Love,” Tiff AKA New York AKA CB4 (I named her that) returned to the house to lend her oil slick (whose pump-handle she’s already tasted) a hand in the selection process.

Yeah, ask your deranged ex for help being happy with some new prime-time game. Good work, Foof!

Got my Vans on, but they look like sneakers.

Youngsters of Baltimore… stay your asses in school! Don’t beg your folks for a bill to go out and but Nikes, then come home with Vans and keep the change. It’s Baltimore, ain’t but 3 or 4 things you could be doing with that change anyways and 2 of them involve cocaine. The Pack’s new single “Vans” [watch it now] is the future of snap music, I guess.

It’s working its way up! Nooooooo!!! We've already got Chicken Noodle Soup infesting out brains!

I know y'all remember this shit here. Canadian dancehall artist Snow tore up the global charts with his crackalated vibes and second-tier old school hip-hop legend Warren G, I mean MC Shan on "Informer". [watch it now] P.S.: For those of you that still don’t know… Daddy Snow’s not talking about tossing the salad. This is actually one of the earliest “Stop Snitchin’” anthems.

Rapper/Journalist H.D. (I like to call him Diddy) was SOHH.com’s inside man at the VMAs last week. Dot’s a nice nigga. I decided they didn’t want me there talking to them folks. Check out what he was able to scrounge up for us! (Just push stop on the bangin ass music, then play the video.)

"We don’t want it if you let Bruce Bruce hit it." - Master P

In all honestly, you can extend that notion to Flavor Flav as well. I don’t want his sloppy seconds. This week on "Flavor of Love 2", the contestants fixed up the backyard all nice-like for a collective of rappers and rap accessories that included G-Unit, Three 6 Mafia, DJ Quik, Ying Yang Twins, VH1-subsidized rap legend Warren G and The Archbishop Desmond Magic Toto.

Splashin, flashin, slappin and clappin abound! Welcome to the BET UnCut audition room!

Fuck, has it been another year already?

Due to prior obligations, I couldn’t attend the VMAs to give you folks the lowdown on what was really goins on… so we’re just gonna do what we do best. Thank god last night’s production was by far the worst VMA I’d ever seen. We’re gonna sit around in a circle and light these niggas up.