« July 2006 | Main | September 2006 »
August 31, 2006
Method Man - "Bring The Pain" video
#2 on Method Man week also happens to be a Throwback Thursday selection for which it is entirely shameful never to have been used until now. “Bring The Pain” [watch it now] is Cheese at his absolute best and the video is pretty much the shit as well.
…that is, if you’re into that early-mid 90’s grimy shit.
Forget the quintessential Wu-Tang generic gutter stock footage that can be copied and pasted into any of their videos. These niggas are on a bus gone wild! Fuck Keanu Reeves. They flipped the script from “Speed” to “Dust Blunts.” Sorry, that’s just word on the street. They apparently like to get wet… and cokey… and drop boulders on you noodle head, spaghetti head ass niggas. Do the knowledge before you do the wisdom.
I damn sure wouldn’t want to be on a hijacked bus with the rest of the Clan. The hotbox would cause serious permanent brain damage. Your children would be tweaked. Fuck, I wouldn't ride the regular bus.
Method Man was the first rapper I thought had a chance to truly fuse sincere NYCHA-manufactured grime of the projects with mainstream charisma. This video is gutter and everyone loved him anyway. He walked a little too far away from the grime…and made some weak albums. I sure hope the 4:21 shit is official. “What’s Happenin’” with Busta was an excellent throwback to this video, but it was like the only good song on that album.
Show Cheese/Tug Daniels/Redman’s bosom buddy some love today. This is an all-time classic cut and the video matches up perfectly. I’m having some very fond high school memories of stepping to Lawanda with my fatigues and shit, trying to do my best Meth.
No, I didn’t grow up in Middle America. We didn’t smoke that shit.
Oh, and one more time… Fuck Wendy Williams!
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:21 AM | Comments (40)
August 30, 2006
Diddy feat. Nicole Scherzinger - "Come To Me" video
"Y'all know what time it is! Let's make em dance!" -- King Diddy
Usually a Puffy jawn accomplishes that much, if nothing else. "Come To Me" [watch it now] is a worthless, steaming pile of Pussycat shit! This wouldn't have even made their album. Diddy tries to bring Danceyback in his own special, pre-packaged, dolphin-toothed manner. Bringing the top pussy along was supposed to ensure victory.
Ehhhh...
This is almost as Brokeback as Sexyback itself. I wonder if they had any idea they’d be releasing damn near the same video at damn near the same time. I could see it now, Puffy and JT the Bigga Wigga at the bar somewhere talkin about what they were about to drop on the world. JT did it on MTV, Puffy hit TNC... Who's on first?
Shit, I’d love to see the Friday Night Sissy Fight that would ensue if there were any static over this.
Nicole... What the fuc?! We thought you were Puerto Rican or some shit. Scherzinger? Damn. Well, something tells me he'd rather have Schillnger... and maybe Robson and Hoyt instead of Danity Kane. I mean, one or all of them would have done just fine in this scenario. Actually, this looks and sounds like what would be one of their videos. What message does that send?
Can someone explain Puff's use of a bottom grill here? Everything else about him is screaming Michael Jackson. From the bullshit 3/4 spin every other maneuver to luring a young lady to his private playroom. Maybe next time we see Mike he'll have the whole top diamond and the bottom rose gold?
Noooooo… Oh, shit! He trapped Nicole in "Tron"! Good thing he bought that Puerto Rican girl CASH. She's about to get destroyed! Puffy rides around on an LCD (Large Computerized Dick) bike and re-enacts "Black Rain." He used to do it with Mase... then Loon... Tag, Nicole. You're Puffy's play partner now. Good luck!
It's no Sexyback, but aside from being weak as fuck, it's pretty creepy as well. Speaking of weird and creepy videos, #3 on Method Man Classic week is indeed “The Riddler.” Far from Method’s best song, but definitely one of his best videos. The fat suit was an excellent touch!
Posted by Ron Mexico at 11:08 AM | Comments (311)
August 29, 2006
Midweek Madness: How To Eat Watermelon
He'll show you how to do this, sonnnnn!
Get your rind on.
...and don't put sticks in the fuckin corn on the cob either, motherfuckers!
I can't front like I don't desecrate the goodness by hollowing it out and makin a serious rum punch.
In addition to activist Petey Greene's PSA on the divine fruit of the negro, here are today's Method Man selections!
Wu-Tang Clan - "Method Man" - How can you front on that? Group debut album with not only a solo track AND lead off single, but it's named after the nigga.
Method Man & Redman - "How High" - They shoulda never let these niggas smoke on the tour bus!
Posted by Ron Mexico at 9:00 AM | Comments (28)
August 28, 2006
Flavor of Love: Now That I Can Dance...
Do you love me now that I can dance?
In his apparently never-ending and televised quest to find a soulmate, Flavor is definitely covering the important bases again. We find that the nex,t most important characteristic of a Flavette-to-be is the ability to dance… and well. “Flavor of Love” is apparently about to begin a 2-part mini-saga I’d like to call “Showing Your Black Ass For The Stars.”
Sorry, “Dancing” didn’t seem appropriate.
Oh, our good friend Toastee! How we appreciate your snail trail on every surface you are mandated by contract to grace. You can tell Slimer’s been drinking since she was 12… like 5 years ago. These girls need to be on rationed alcohol consumption! Big Rick gotta start taking glasses away. Eh, fuck it. Let the alchies weed themselves out.
Anyway, on to the premise of the episode. After effectively shitting on the self-inflicted minstrel show damage that was allowing Brigette Nielsen to act a god damn ass at a Public Enemy concert, he effectively convinces that he needs a woman in his life who can dance better than whatever you would call that.
The part that fucked me up though was when he was introducing the dance instructors/stoochie squad leaders. “My man, ‘Tommy The Clown’—” Man, I damn near lost my shit. He introduced dude like it was normal or commonplace to see a god damn hospital clown in the middle of the living room or some shit.
I say hospital clown because dude didn’t look much like a krumper to me. That was ‘bout the hoest krumpin I’ve ever seen. Nigga ain’t do shit but the Rerun. I was waitin for some "Rize" shit. My homeboy EOB alerted me that it was indeed Tone Loc in the clown costume and that I should chill on the negative feedback. Nigga’s doin his best.
Buckeey was luckeey to be the certified video ho-fessional of her group because Toastee and Tyson didn’t stand a crack rock’s chance on Flav’s nightstand of surviving. They easily had the best performance though. It’s a damn shame they had to face off against Krazy and The Pussytrap Dolls.
Tyson’s desperation attempt was also classic. “I am a far better stripper than I am a dancer.” You know it’s bad when Flavor doesn’t want his face that close to the gas chamber. “I wasn’t sure what might come out her ass.” Indeed, Flavor! Lest we forget, bitches been shittin!
How did I know Flavor was gonna get all Tyrone Biggums polished up to take that poor girl to KFC? The coonery! The amount of money it must have cost to shut down the restaurant and indulge in all the Original Recipe romance the Colonel has to offer must eclipse the amount it would have cost to just take the girl to Roscoe’s or some shit. TGI Friday’s? Friendly’s? SOMETHING!
I know you all peeped the hot tub scene! I wanted to vomit on the spot. Brother Valdez “kicked it up a notch” by removing the drizzaws. I was waiting for the bubbles to turn black. That is gross. I’m sorry. When you do that with Flavor Flav, you’re not playing a game anymore. I guess he’s putting these girls through Fear Factor. I don’t know how these girls can break the previous [conscious] record of 17 seconds, set by Brigette Nielsen, but damn… just put me in the coffin with the worms. Fuck it.
As if going to the KFC parking lot for date #1 wasn’t enough, Flavor took A Ho Named Scarback to the damn cotton fields for some slave lovin’. That’s what this shit is to me now, Slaver of Love. My “The Color Purple” flashbacks were violently disturbed as the bright red gear they had on blinded me temporarily. You ain’t escaping the plantation looking like 2 big Kool-Aid packets. Massa was pretty smart with the wardrobe selection.
As there was really no drama to speak of, Toastee apparently looked to create some. Feeling threatened by Nibblz’s lisp and cock-induced overbite, French Toast Sticks decided to spread some shit around the house (not in the Somethin' sense). For some reason she didn’t think that shit would get back to her. Her plan backfired miserably as Ms. Tyson immediately dropped dime that, as expected, Toastee is a porno chick.
Flavor’s problem wasn’t so much that she was a porno chick, as he is surrounded by “innanet skrippers” and the like, but that she refused to come clean about it and he had to air out her Barely Legal flicks [NSFW] with the fingers where they not supposed to be… you know… not all publicized like that.
Ironically, he sends this girl away for being a hoe-bag of sorts… when we all know that next episode is the official BET UnCut tryout. Any of these girls who have not yet experienced working in a BET UnCut environment will have ample opportunity shortly.
I can’t wait. Free DJ Quik… and Warren G.
It's Method Man week, so we're gonna be discussing Mr. Mef in days to come. Also... the Petey Greene was for tomorrow. That was a mistake today. We'll go back to that one.
Posted by Ron Mexico at 11:13 AM | Comments (99)
August 25, 2006
Busta Rhymes feat. Rick James - "In The Ghetto" video
Nevermind who you thought I was… I’m Rick James, bitch!
In a bittersweet selection, Busta Rhymes' latest video “In The Ghetto” [watch it now] features the now posthumous of Teena Marie’s ex-pimp. Unforunately, Rick was obviously unable to attend the shoot. If there's a heaven for a nigga like Rick, he's probably chillin... doin a line off a titty... while the girl's tied to a chair with fresh Newport burns up and down her body.
R.I.P. Rick
"Let me hold that chain, Busta!" Why is he walking through the hood like it can’t happen to him? Don’t we have precedent in this particular case? If memory serves me correctly, didn’t this nigga just get popped at a little while ago? Wanna keep it real about “the ghetto?” One of them hungry little Africans with no shirt on would be on assignment to relieve you of that jewelry with a .45 you didn’t think young’n would be strong enough to carry.
That is, if you roll solo on the wrong corners.
The "11-month-pregnant teenager-who may-or-may-not-be-a-dopefiend" shot has now become a staple in the ghetto video. “Go get ‘Quita. Tell her to put that Vaseline on her belly… Nah, no shower! Just get her down here! Busta shootin' a video!”
Oooh! Water in the cereal. Three in the mattress. I know all about that. I just had an “All That I Got Is You Moment.” Sorry. My whole youth was sharper than cleats. Do you know what it's like to get a rash from sleeping in pee that ain't yours? I pray that you never do. I wouldn't even wish that shit on Wendy Williams.
Eh... Maybe her. But that's it.
Gotta go black-and-white when you wanna portray some reeeeeeeeal shit. Right? A cool, but pretty generic "snapshots of the hood" type video with Busta contemplating and seeing it all again. You're right. We've never seen this before. Well done, but been done.
It’s a damn shame Rick James couldn’t be a part of the video. I would have loved to have seen what he would have been doing and wearing in the ghetto again. Maybe it’s for the best. He might have run into some niggas he owed money to for 8 balls. Worse yet, he may have found an illegitimate child or two.
I was hoping he could walk me into the spot he get his twisses done at. That would have been cool, and the least-staged ghetto occurance of the video.
Nevermind who the fuck you thought I was… I’m Ron Mexico, bitch!
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:48 AM | Comments (76)
August 24, 2006
Joe Public - "Live and Learn" video
I don't wanna be the one to tell you how it's gotta be.
However, it is indeed Throwback Thursday again. This week, we're going to trounce a textbook definition one-hit wonder. Come along, it will be fun. In 1992, Joe Public released the Nickelodeon-ready, pre-packaged chocolate milk commercial that was the video for "Live and Learn." [watch it now]
Here are some bridges I won't mind burning.
Before we get into this, I gotta point out the young Miss Cleo in the beginning. She might have actually came out on top! Homegirl should have looked into their futures and told them that they’d be substitute teachers in 10 years.
I could have sworn I've seen that same ghetto foyer shot in a Tevin Campbell video around the same time. Yeah! Prince and Tevin Campbell were having a battle of some kind... a swordfight, maybe? Indeed, Prince was training young Anakin in the ways of the Schwartz.
These niggas look like a gay-ass Das EFX. I'm sorry. No offense to gay people. I don't see how the gay community would accept being represented by these Milli Vanilli ass motherfuckers. Unfortunately, not nann one of these mop-locked hoecakes has a singing voice strong enough to suggest foul play. Ain't one of them the producer for Kid 'N Play?
Tony Toni Tone must have been mad as hell.
Daily Dose of Reality: Even back then when Harlem was still New Jack City, you weren’t gonna find no fuckin gun in a paper bag in the bushes. That'd be like Christmas! I mean, you could find an abandoned crack bundle that way… but not a fuckin gun… potentially with prints and bodies on it. That scene was contrived enough to make me frown upon this poserama even back then. The kid looked a little too much like Jimmy Johnson/J-Rock from "South Central."
As he was glancing over at the gun I was expecting to hear: "Sho’ ya rooight, Ray-Ray."
I ain't gonna front like I wasn't doin the Roger Rabbit like a moron to this song when it came out, but I had an excuse. I was like 13 or some shit. I still find myself humming the infectious chorus and bridge, but that about it. I hope I've nauseated enough out of you all this morning to evoke a little change. This Chicken Noodle shit is gonna be the death of a nigga.
Now let's get it. Let's get it. (Repeat until soup is warm)
Posted by Ron Mexico at 7:43 AM | Comments (243)
August 23, 2006
Sleepy Brown feat. Big Boi & Pharrell - "Margarita" video
In... the... land... of.. a... mill-ion... hoes... Sleepy Brown, Big Boi and Pharrell embark on a secret mission which appears to primarily entail human trafficking in "Margarita." [watch it now] Is this that brave new world Outkast has been trying to open up to us? Or is this just what is liable to happen when you let Antwan stray too far from Andre?
At least Dre would have had his bitches jumpin out of jack-o-lanterns painted plaid with pink revolvers or some shit. I guess Pimp Van Winkle over here is a little more direct with his. Fair enough.
Is it just me, or do all of these girls look like they've been sold into/out of slavery at some point? I mean, these music video professionals look more forlorn than usual. Let me find out there's some actual body snatchin goin on in this video game. I been playing nice for a while, but you fuckers don't really wanna see me angry. Your favorite recording artist doesn't. That's for damn sure. Free the video hoes! (T-shirts coming soon!)
My nigga Sleepy Brown finally gettin some solo run. I ain't mad at that. I am, however, not so pleased with homie struttin around like he Mr. Clean's nephew or some shit. Nigga need to stop prancin around like he ain't 46 spittin that "old guy at the club" rap at womenses who don't understand a word he's saying, "Oh, he must be some kind of ball player. If I fuck with him, I won't have to go back to the mail-order catalogue!"
Peep Backseat P lookin like he came fresh from the afterschool program. I know he's like 32 or some shit, but dude looks like he can't even buy a beer. Shit, I don't think he could see above the counter. That's what he sends Pusha to the store for.
This is the laziest damn song I've ever heard aside from Big Boi's verse. I've watched this video about 5 times (for you guys... not because I wanted to) and I still don't understand the premise. Did they just buy a girl from a peripheral character in "Snatch?" "She ain't no dime! I bought this Spanish bitch in blood diamonds, nigga!"
I don't think I'll be figuring this one out anytime soon. Not that I'll care to. I could totally do without this song in audio or video form... pretty much for the rest of my life. I'm pretty shocked myself to be saying that about a Sleepy Brown, Big Boi and Pharrell collaboration, but fuck it... I said it. When have I ever been known to hold my tongue?
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:01 AM | Comments (302)
August 22, 2006
Midweek Madness: "Harlem, NOOOOOOOOO!!!"
What the fuck is this?!
Harriet Tubman just rolled over in her shit.
Nipsey Russell wouldn't even have been okay with this. Mr. Bojangles. Nobody.
Just throw these little niggas on the pancake box.
I'm glad these dudes found it funny.
Jiggapoos need not apply.
Posted by Ron Mexico at 9:00 AM | Comments (100)
August 20, 2006
Flavor of Love: Cookin' and a Cleanin'
Foofy Foofy'd finally got the right idea: Make these skip-skaps and scollywhops earn their keep (rent, rather). Last night on Flavor of Love 2, the contestants were introduced to some of the less appealing aspects of the undocumented workforce.
Looks like Flavor Flav broke out the leopard skin PJ set for the Latina. It's leopaaaard, holmes! Illegal leopaaaard! That's probably why Krazy's krazy, compulsive ass couldn't keep her hands off of him. Either that, or she reeeeally reeeeally wants to get off WIC.
The more things change, the more things stay the same. While this season is shaping up to be "Flav Hard With A Vengance," the girls are still referring to him as "my man" a la CB4.
Okay, so on with the daylabor. Task 1 entailed the girls out on the hog maw ho stroll @ M&M Soul Food on Crenshaw. Toastee got to play hoe-stess for the people, and for the first time ever there's escargot on the menu. *insert rimshot here*
Even with some dead chicken in her hands, Somethin will do somethin strange for some change. The anal queen got fired because she can't read? Heh, okay. Niggas is lucky she ain't shit in the food. It's just droppin out these days. Fuck the hair net. Shorty need a damn diaper.
After winning the challenge, Bootz caught the crack-crusted lips on the hilltop. Blech. The closeups showed fully "Pookie-on-the-stairs-fighting-over-turkey" lips. Ugh.
Task 2 entailed cleaning a celebrity's house. When I found out the so-called celebrity was Warren G, hip-hop legend, I damn near lost my shit (no Somethin'). Is Warren G starting a Flavor of Love competition for himself? He must be because, like Mr. Drayton, that house can't be in his name. You can't have shit like that on a weed carrier's salary. I think he was trying to knock some of Flavor's hoes too.
Ron Mexico: Warren, how the fuck did you get shit all over the walls?
Warren G: We had bitches and pizza... and Miguel Alvarez.
Moment of Clarity: Don't Flavor know you can't send skrippers to do housework in the clear heels? You bout to have hoes on disability. You got sick time for these broads? How many times did you see a ho-fessional bust her ass trying to navigate the labyrinth of pizza, blood and boo boo juice?
That shit was like Double Dare for trollops.
(*spoken in an overly-excited, coked-out announcer's voice*) Don't forget to fish them condoms out the pool. Inside one of the condoms is the last flag. Run that flag to the corner store. Rudely and vociferously demand Habibi make you a bacon, egg and cheese. Run the sandwich to Flavor's surveilance vehicle and win THIS...
At the end of it all he picked the "innanet skripper." I ain't make that one up. Another one of the girls called Nibblz (AKA Nipplz) that.
I want you all to do me a favor. Look to the right of this page. Have a browse through the webpages of these girls. Tell me which ones aren't either an "innanet skripper" or some kind of aspiring "ennatayna."
All this of course preceeded the heartwrenching scene of hoes eating in the backyard like slaves. That must be worse than getting sent home. Eating your chitterlings out in the field like that should have left most of them feeling a little... "racially insecure."
Damn, at the dinner table this nigga was lookin like Fillmore Slim went Five Percenter... and pulled a Richard Pryor. Either that or Jughead 2036.
How he gonna tell homegirl, "I don't even have to pry you open?" That is sooooo nasty. Especially coming from William Valdez, the human oil slick.
You know... I was gonna call Payshintz "Black Oyster" but Bootz deserves that honor for snitchin. We gotta break out the "Stop Snitchin" baby tees around the house. Maybe we can put the logo on a thong or something. That should make them feel more comfortable.
So, Tiger and Boo Boo Juice were sent home and Blackanese "show me the egg roll" decided she'd rather go back to HK and find boy treat me like plincess.
Good luck. Don't get too drunk. They'll hide your half a negro ass in a dungeon somewhere sewin up some $15 Marbury shoes.
talkinvideos@sohh.com
Posted by Ron Mexico at 9:06 PM | Comments (102)
August 18, 2006
Run's House: Never Can Say Goodbye
No, no, n-no now...
In easily the most poignant and touching episode of "Run's House" to date, Chief Runbone and tribe have to find a way to deal with the age-old notion that De Lawd giveth and De Lawd taketh away. Angela and Vanessa fly the coop while Justine's oven-roaster is browning.
I was glad to see bum-ass Jojo finally get some of that Van Wilder treatment I was talkin about before. His little punk ass didn't even wanna clean his room. The nerve of that unappreciative nigga.
Oooh, and he sucks his thumb. Look no further for the root of his dental problems.
Russy is acting just like daddy! The whole "it's a boy" routine was awesome. I see that, if nothing else, all of the Runlets excel in the area of psychological torture. Big Runbone is the organ grinder and Russy is the monkey, indeed.
While we're personifying shit, I have to admit you guys have been right on the money. Diggy DOES sound like Duck Tales... And he's a cold, cold motherfucker.
Okay, so back to the crux of this episode. Angela and Vanessa both want their freedom. While Angie just wants to live and school in the city (NY on Daddy's dime), Vanessa wants to go to Los Angeles to actively and aggressively pursue her acting career... and a dick sandwich.
Run fears that those Simmons girls are on their way to Hilton-dom. Despite all the jokes I make on these uppity negroes, I take my hat off to Van. She nobly wants to go make her own way like every other working actor. Besides, nigga. She been fuckin. I got the torn and sullied drawers to prove it.
Angela, on the other hand... Look at this grimy bitch gaming these kids on the poodle. She pullin a "Lil Nigga Ain't Mine." So foul! What's fouler? How you gonna name the dog Flavor Flav? Fuckin Foofy? Brigette Nielsen has destroyed Foofy as a dog's name like Hitler spurred the sharp decline in children being born Adolf. Foofy now means sad, cracked-out black bastard.
Eh, who knows the dog's past?
Run's gamin Russy like Angela... Or is it the other way around? Awww. Still, his self-realization session is easily Run's best convo of the season. Maybe I should give Russell the Muse more credit. You gotta have your mind right and your head on swivel around Captain GameBoy.
Quote of the episode: "You're the last superstar in 1st class, Rev."
As everything works out so harmoniously in the end (like a very early Christmas), my homie G pretty much floored me with crack of the night:
"This is what Good Times should have been like."
Damn, son.
talkinvideos@sohh.com
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:04 AM | Comments (206)
August 17, 2006
Montell Jordan - "This Is How We Do It" video
Oh, I'm buzzin because...
In 1994/1995, a really tall, awkward young man with a silky voice and demeanor burst onto the r&b/hip-hop scene with "This Is How We Do It" [watch it now] and a light so green I sometimes wonder if he's a Simmons.
Eh, nevermind that notion. Russell hates his family... and good rappers.
I let this tape rock until the tape popped. Literally. This and the Channel Live single at the same time. (My boombox had dual cassette decks with auto reverse.)
I particularly enjoyed watching homie phantom dance. What's phantom dancing, you ask? That's when you keep a stable of at least 10 background dancers so that you may do a step or two while they hoof it like they're working for tips.
When this track came out, I was the cat who kept fuckin up his chances at the booty. I've tripped over my fair share of Filas on my way to the dancefloor in my younger days. One of these days I'll tell y'all about what happened to me at Skate Key.
This is a chill-ass video that takes you to a chill-ass time period. I feel like 94/95 was the shit all around. Though he will always live in the shadow of this jam, Monty put together some nice tracks over the span of his career. God bless a 7-foot nigga who can't shoot a jumpshot for shit.
Ladies, show a doofy nigga some love at the after-hours spot this weekend.
Posted by Ron Mexico at 11:15 AM | Comments (30)
August 16, 2006
Justin Timberlake feat. Timbaland - "Sexyback" video
Preface: Timbo will do anything for a check. He's 2-for-2 this season. Keep fuckin around, they gon change that Tim to Sam.
There was a time when Justin Timberlake’s banana cake ass could have gotten just about any woman in the U.S. to do his cornrows. Times are looking hard as hell as Justin fuckin Timberlake has to go through some Matrix shit to get some burn. He claims to be bringing “Sexyback,” [watch it now] when in fact, lil’ homie is bringing creepy back.
Sorry, I couldn’t turn the letters around like in his wayyyy cooool posters. We ain’t got that kind of budget at SOHH.
What the fuck is this nigga (Yes, I’m gonna fulfill his life’s dream and call him “nigga” today) doin with this “James Bond the Sexual Predator” routine? Shit is like “Dr. No Means No.” Somebody saw "American Psycho" and got a little ahead of themselves. Whips and chains? Is that what Cameron Diaz taught your young, malleable ass? I say thee nay. J.T. the Bigga Wigga is bringing creepy back.
Who directed this video? R. Kelly? I smell Kells’ self-explanatory, completely unapologetic freakiness all over this. Justin is pretty much telling us not to be surprised when he is arrested one night for tying a chick up and burning her with his Dutch Master.
"I’m Rick James, bitch!"
It’s like some twisted Stefane Urquelle episode. Fuck that two-step to “For The Cool In You.” Stef’s gonna make sure Laura doesn’t forget those bug eyes.
Timbaland couldn’t come along for this ride. He on Deebo status now. When he steps into the room, a white woman no longer thinks, “Oooh, a cornbread music show!” Timbaland look like he might fuck her in the ear… Blow a bitch brains out or something.
Ron Mexico: So, Nelly. What was it like shooting the first video with the new Timbaland?Nelly Furtado: [shouting] WHAT?!
RM: Oh, my damn.
So this is the motherfucker that’s supposed to bring sexy back? Riiiiight… Him and Lance Bass might be the niggas that bring androgyny back… But sexy? Nah… Not this one.
Eh, I’ll leave you with a Dennis Miller/Monday Night Football moment for “niggas.”
I do. I love black people.
Posted by Ron Mexico at 9:00 AM | Comments (52)
August 15, 2006
Midweek Madness: Kid 'N Play 2-for-1
I have been in a very "House Party" mood this week. So the madness are two heartwarming, age-indicating Kid 'N Play videos.
The first is the ever-classic dance-off at Play's party.
Ain't my type of hype, baby!
The second is the intro to the Kid 'N Play animated series. I hope you all remember this shit... Witcha giiiirrrrl on my laaaaaaap.
I was a strictly ABC kid on Saturday mornings... because I didn't have cable and it was hard to get them other channels. But I broke away from the crystal-clear wire-hanger reception of Channel 7 and braved moving the wire around and sometimes even just holding it for a couple programs. Ninja Turtles, NBA Inside Stuff and them Peter Engel shows got the love. When Kid 'N Play was on, it started early. I used to sit glued to the TV on Saturday mornings for the faint hope that I'd hear something even resembling:
"We gonna kick your FUCKIN AAAASSSSSSS!!!" - Bowlegged Lou
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:03 AM | Comments (255)
August 14, 2006
Flavor of Love: The Snail Trail
I’m gonna come out and tell you what I think nice and early like so there’s no confusion. Flavor Flav obviously isn’t looking for love this time around. We’ve got all types of actresses, posers and shitbirds clawing around Starvin Marvin’s temporary digs. I’m surprised Bill Cosby hasn’t already issued a Bin Laden-style mixtape pledging jihad against Flavor Flav and his ho pyramid. "Flavor of Love 2" is Grade-A coonery. By watching this program, you hereby accept that you are causing the gravesite of at least one slave or civil rights activist fully turn 180 degrees on itself.
I feel so much better. Now we may proceed.
Sorry to briefly revisit the caca debacle of last week, but “it fell the fuck out” is not a suitable response or explanation for what happened, Somethin! Incontinence this early in the game is indicative of an egregious amount of anal penetration. As my good buddy Ice Cube once mentioned, “Big dicks up ya ass is bad for ya health./” Beatuful (or Buckey or Bootz or Hoodrat X) clowned old girl, calling her “Boo Boo Sparks.” Fuck, she’s a living-breathing SCAT porn star walking around Flavor’s Rent-A-Center. Nice new low, VH1.
Task #1 on this week’s episode of Extreme Hoin’ Challenge? Pick out some shit that Daddy Toadfrog wouldn’t mind eating. Here’s the catch: You gotta pick it off one of them fancy, nice, sit-down-like restaurant menus. How did I know that these girls would have trouble knowing what they were looking at? Ain’t no rib tips and pork fried rice on the menu this go-round. I guess a couple of you broads are gonna have to figure out what exactly is an "ess-CAR-get" [escargot]. Yeah, sound it out, ladies.
Speaking of escargot… Why did they have a skrippin pole on the damn bus so Toastee could leave a snail trail on the floor? Homegirl went stooch-first on the flo’ with the no-drawers split. If only Flavor had seen that little sack of slizzard drop it. She definitely didn’t work the lunch shift at Orlando’s.
So we get to the dinner, only to find that the funniest part of this entire episode may have been what these fuckers were wearing. Flavor came out looking like one of The Joker’s henchmen in the first Batman movie. Buckwild had her Michael Jackson in Bucharest/Boy George in Bed Bath and Beyond attire together. I see her Bizzy Bone ass in the final 5. She is right up Flavor's alley.
Surprise, surprise… after the girls picked out all kinds of snails and sea creatures for Flavor, he yet again goes with the KFC bucket. KFC and cognac! MMMMM-MMMMM, bitch! The nigga is setting black folks back five years per episode. At least go with the Popeye’s, son! That’s the only suitable bucket for a corral of BET UnCut broads… and Wire.
Did she really fucking say “I want dark babies?” Wowsers. I’m truly floored. Even "Black. White." Buck wasn’t gonna let that fly. She got airmailed with that “baby would be see-through” crack. She definitely need about 50cc of Extra-Strength Melanin, STAT!
Wire and Spunkeey (AKA Rae Dawn Chong) caught the boot last night, but Tiger is lucky as fuck Uncle Flav didn’t swap her with “The Decider.” I guess we’re gonna see a stronger commitment to her pass attack in Week 3. Flavor is making it known… you gotta play to play this season. Shit, why the fuck not? The show is the biggest joke on television. In addition to a check, holmes might as well see as much Crunchwrap Supreme as he can.
Good to go! *makes corny, Pauly Shore-inspired Taco Bell hand gesture*
Did y'all see Spunk crying like she got the shit beat out of her by Billy Dee Williams? She reeeeally didn't wanna go home. I wonder what the fuck is at her house that she was hoping never to return to. Maybe she was just tired of gettin burnt with the straightening comb. That'll get you up out of Big Mama's lap.
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:22 AM | Comments (275)
August 11, 2006
Run's House: Anger Management
She's not just diggin... She's diggin's inspiration!
Maybe it's not Kimora's fault. Maybe it's just the Simmons way to scurry about the family tree looking for nuts. Kimora stepped to Big Russell the exact same way a few years ago. "Daddy, I wanna do a clothing line..." Heh heh.
In addition, after watching Jojo coach Russy on how to trash Diggy WWF style, we embark on a 21-minute adventure to find the source of Lil’ Russy’s anger. This week’s episode of "Run’s House" includes more of what we love [to hate]. Wrasslin', nepotism and The Black Jessica Simpson: What more could a nigga need?
Run, 2 more points on the weave check! I know you don’t send that scallywhop Justine out on the track with… well… tracks! “Cousin It” was exaaaaactly how we used to clown weaves uptown, so I was dying. Cuz was kinda crimpy today though. I don’t understand how she removed it. Was that shit Velcro? It kinda snapped off or somethin. Not a good look, J! You can’t be representin Daddy out there with snap-ons.
My favorite part of all this is the lessons they can afford to teach these children. To even entertain the thought of giving a teenager with no journalistic experience and hardly a high-school education her own magazine to write, direct content and serve as an executive for is (*insert Tyson lisp*) ludicrous. I mean, some of the niggas behind your favorite hip-hop/pop-culture/G-Unit magazines are like 50… and even they don’t really got it together.
With that said, unlike Jojo’s bum-to-be ass, Angela worked her tail off (for 2 days) scraping for what she could. I take my hat off to her for the effort. I don’t knock the opportunity when one actually makes the most of it. It’s not like Jojo waking up one day saying “Yo, Dad… Between playing Gamecast and slamming Diggy around, I wanna run Def Jam!”
With all that said, make no mistake. They are entertaining her Scholastic Book Fair magazine because Run is her pops. They are gonna pimp that girl as far as they can. You ever seen “O” magazine? It’s gonna be like that… but smaller… and without the icon’s actual input.
Back to Russy the Maniac. After they put him on work-release, he buys another Game Boy and is soon thereafter caught slamming it to the ground repeatedly in some “Losing Isaiah” crack-baby rage. They take him to a shrink first. After Chief Runbone thankfully decides that is a crock of shit, they take him elsewhere. You know it’s bad when even the white lady couldn’t believe he’s on Game Boy #5.
So they try something else... I’m at the crib wondering "whatever happened to catchin a good old-fashioned passionate ass-whoopin?" I guess Run takes him to the next best thing, Uncle Goomba’s Karate. Tiger Schulman talks and operates like he’s... umm... connected. I love it. I thought about fucking with his classes from the commercials, but now I reeeally wanna go…. But only if he’s there instructing.
So… yeah. Let’s take our EDC (Emotionally Disturbed Child) somewhere he can become a trained killing machine! That’s gunpowder in the cannon, baby. Diggy better watch his half-a-Pharrell ass around the house. He’s getting dropkicked before the season ends.
Somehow, I see all of this shit… and all Run can think about is stealing the Karate King’s words of wisdom. Go figure.
Oblivion is bliss. God is love.... I'm RICH, BITCH!!!
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:11 AM | Comments (242)
August 10, 2006
Mariah Carey feat. Bone Thugs -N- Harmony - "Breakdown" video
This shit is back in the day when Mariah Carey would collaborate with any damn rapper on the table. Despite being a rap whore at this point in her career, Bone Thugs –N- Harmony were and still are the perfect rappers for Mariah in terms of meshing melody... and hairstyles. Fresh off her dick thrashing at the hands of Derek Jeter, the “Breakdown” [watch it now] begins our peer into "The Descent of Mimi."
Yes, "Butterfly" was the album brought about by Derek Jeter taking his magic thunder rod away. Mariah snapped and ain’t been right since. Like many teenage girls with man/daddy/self-worth issues, Mariah commences her ho-wakening. At this point, before it got too sickening, I was still down with the girl with the golden smoker voice.
She’s going for Vegas showgirl, but coming up with Atlantic City Boardwalk bopper. Mariah looks like the girl who leans over the crap table offering you anything in the book for one of them pretty black chips. Back then, I was completely in love with Mariah. She coulda broke my stack. I was a little simpy in my high school days. I’m still a sucker for a pretty face from time to time.
One of the strangest and most wonderful cameos ever is Redman the Magician AKA David Pop-a-seal. Why the hell he’s in this video, I don’t know. But it’s an excellent call. “And for my next trick… I’m gonna turn Mariah into a big girl and make her do the running man!” He'd probably saw her in half and make 2 big girls. Mo' cushion for the pushin.
As usual, Bizzy Bone couldn’t make it to the session or lip sync at the video shoot. On both counts, he was under the bathroom sink looking for Comet to lace his White Owl with. Sorry.
Ladies and Gentlemen: Before you breakdown, cry and whore yourself… Have a listen to this song. Not because the words are inspiring, but so that you may remember what Mariah once was and what hoin’ has made her. With years of hard work, psychiatric counseling, bulimia, hypnosis and training her vocal cords not to hate her for smoking sherm blunts in drop tops with Cam’ron, she is now back to a sliver of the girl who made "Music Box."
Email me. We belong together. talkinvideos@sohh.com
I still would have tore her up in that leather shit. Damn.
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:02 AM | Comments (34)
August 9, 2006
Outkast - "Morris Brown" video
I used to think Andre was the throwed one and Big Boi was the cool one kinda goin for the ride… ya know, dabbling here and there. The video for “Morris Brown” [watch it now] confirms that I couldn’t have been more wrong. Outkast is Outkast because they are two cherries off the same laced blunt.
I mean... Look up! Nigga look like Farrakhan walked under the Skittles rainbow.
I guess Idlewild is where what's left of your brian goes to play, huh? I keep fuckin around with these blogs, I'll be right there hummin "Land of a Million Drums" doin the Charleston with these niggas.
Hmmm. I wonder which one of these chocolate jukebox monkeys is Scar. HA! Just playing. I know a girl who took a ski pole through the mandible and her scar is nothing like his. This leads me to wonder what the hell happened to homie’s chin. That's some Tiger Uppercut shit. Regardless of what happened to his face, this is more Scar's song than it is Mufasa's. For once, I didn’t care for Big Boi’s verses. They should have let Scar and Grandpa Sleepy [Brown] go to work on this shit with minimal interruption from Antwan “Don’t Call Me No Mo’” Patton.
People trapped in walls and shit is most certainly the stuff of horror pictures. Maybe it's a metaphor for the Purple Ribbon roster. Them niggas ain't goin nowhere. Time and time again I tried to come back 'round and tell these hoes. As trippy as it looks, these effects are quite impressive. I look forward to Idlewild’s release. I can tell you this much. I ain’t goin to see that movie anything less than roasted. I wish I were for this video.
They worship them damn pitbulls down there. Southern niggas LOVE them instruments of white domination. Chains, whips, hounds. Can't seem to shake em. Eh, we're victims of a masterfully constructed plan. Anyway, I digress. The real question is who thought to Kool-Aid spray their dog first, Big Boi or Kelis? Eh, Daddy Fat Sax might have used some of that effects budget on his blue-nosed terrier. I think Kelis actually broke out a dollar, copped 4 packs from Mohammed at the corner store and exhaled. You know… that Nas blow. She had to reach down for that deep down body blast.
For real though, fuck a Morris Brown. It’s all about Morris Day and the Time. Greatest band ever. Outkast need to get off that sherm and start rappin again. I love them. I don’t want to think there will be a day that we lose them as artists, but their heads are starting to creep into their nether-regions… from whence they ne’er shall return.
You know… Where Mos Def’s head is.
*whistles the tune of "Hip-Hop"*
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:03 AM | Comments (251)
August 8, 2006
Midweek Madness: Pee-Wee on Crack
Monday Madness is getting the bump for Flavor Flav and his stable of skrippers.
In honor of the return of Flavor of Crack, I thought it appropriate to share this heartfelt public service announcement from Mr. Paul Rubens... AKA Pee-Wee the Jerker.
"--Which brings me to my second point, kids. Don't do crack!" -Lawrence Taylor
Posted by Ron Mexico at 10:06 AM | Comments (16)
August 7, 2006
Flavor of Love: When The Shit Hits The Fan
He's baaaaaaaack!
You niggas know what time it is. After the Hoopz debacle, this season’s theme appropriately enough, is “No Mo' Gold Diggers.” How you plan to do that on a television show/contest that’s already been aired for a full season, I don’t know. To compound the damage, they even upped the hoodrat ratio. Damn, homie. It’s been a long time coming, but I’m glad to say:
Flavor of Love, Season 2 is here… and it’s gonna be the shit!
*snickering*
You feel what I’m saying, right? This is not how you go about finding the love of your life. These guls done already seent the Boy Playin’ mansion. They just wanna jump up and down on the fly ass bed and… OH SHIT!!! Day [they] fightin!
H-Town got stole on. Damn shame she got sent home for her troubles. Scissor lock to the throat, name-ring to the cerebellum and a boot in the ass. Not your day, Texas Princess. Maybe Flavor saved himself a little trouble. She was cute and all, but you know what part of Houston she’s from. Daddy mighta been a good ol' boy.
Big Rick got to feel on some ass and titties early this season. He got a couple handfuls escorting Sapphire out of the rent-a-mansion.
“She was trynna pull out my $800 weave… so I did her like I do a toddler.” Yes. That’s why Man-Man and Quay can’t resolve a conflict without beating each other with the XBOX controller.
I’m gonna cut all the bullshit. I looked these stoochies up and down. Some of them got a little donkey to em. I recognize 8 or 9 of them from Sue’s Rendezvous. Marvin the Martian needs to get to the point and put a ring on Buckwild’s finger. He ain’t gonna find a better match than that. Show or no show.
When I found out the episode had a snitch, I know I wasn’t the only one of you fuckers to peruse the white girls. Shit, he named one of them “Wire.” I thought we had a winner right there. We weren’t too far off in the search for Double-0 Seven Jeans with “Eye’z,” though. Yes, the needless apostrophe is as important as any of the letters in the ghetto naming process.
Speaking of naming process, as he turned each heifer into a Toby, I couldn’t help but notice that our friend Toastee (who I can’t believe survived the first wave of eliminations) look like a drunk ass Mandy Moore. Toastee is cool, but for as long as she’s on the show, I’m callin her Lohan. Flavor must already have her sized up for a drunken skeet-and-beat.
He should have went with his instincts and named that one chick with the horse lisp “Tyson.” I don’t think she would ever have been able to recover from that.
Flavalation with Like Dat should be a weekly segment. She might fuck around and be this year’s Goldie.
Somethin could have been this year’s Goldie, except as drunk as Goldie got, she ain’t shit the damn stairs! Shorty left a little somethin on the staircase! Yo… she pinched that loaf until she got that clock and then cocked over like a true homeless broad. If you gotta drop a deuce, you just gotta drop that deuce. This is TV. They can stop what they’re doing for a second while you go handle biz. There is no excuse for you and your trail of boo boo juice to be making everybody sick.
How fitting. I can tell this season is gonna be a complete shit storm.
We bout to get showered.
Posted by Ron Mexico at 6:35 PM | Comments (382)
August 4, 2006
Run's House: He Looka Like A Rappa!
My son can rap, right Brooke?
I really know how it feels to be... stressed out, stressed out. On this week's episode of "Run's House," The Good Reb'm GED is looking for ways to deal with the strain of pastorship, fathehood, rapstering and facilitating the creation of ugly ass shoes. Throw into the mix that his oldest sun Jojo has jumped from one bug to yet another and we've got a twisted episode ahead of us. No pun intended.
Jojo... Stick to managing Diggy.
As usual, I enjoyed the beginning of the episode. This time I am gonna commend Run off the bat for his handling of Diggy Rascal. Don't let your kids be nasty just because you're paid. For some reason, some of you bum-ass low-expectation-having niggas think that having a little change is valid reason for letting every facet of life go to complete shit. See how they got us worshipping their green paper, black equal?
Yelling and screaming at people into phones is pretty much exactly what I expect the conduction of bidness to look and sound like over at RSMG. I got something to yell at Mr. Kimora. "Where the fuck is our Redman album, you shriveled up yoga turd?!"
Run's most crucial mistake of the episode was taking Russy with Green Lantern and Big Russell to their older brother's art gallery. How the fuck are you gonna let a child that volatile listen to a story about the man he was named after slapping a nigga in the face with a Subway sandwich? When that crazy little monkey slaps Diggy across the braces with a plate of salmon or some shit, I'm callin a Dennis Edwards. "Don't look any further..."
So, Jojo wants to be a rapper now. He's even got a partner in crime, his buddy Zack. See, what Jojo fails to realize is that when you are the child of some kind of legend and you wish to follow in your parent's footsteps, you don't just assume the role by birthright. You've still got to put in the work, Ken Griffey, jr. Jojo and his buddy sound like they've got about 2-3 weeks of lunchtable experience, yet lil nigga wants to just jump in the studio and cut a record on Def Jam.
Eh... I guess that's about all you need these days. They ain't trying to put out no real rappers anyway. If we have 2 Rihanna albums, Jojo and Tayshaun Prince might be ready to meet with Shawn Carter. If they follow this storyline at all, we might have a subplot rivaling the misadventures of Theo and Cockroach!
Jojo being a shitty rapper is to be expected. What surprised me (I don't know why) was Run teaching nothing about the rap world but stereotype. Jojo is right for once. What the fuck does it mean to "look like a rapper?" What did Run have in mind? Was he gonna go into the Blackula-closet and break out a couple of Adidias track suits for these little niggas?
Strangely enough on the playback, the first thing I thought was... these niggas sound like EPMD. It was a little creepy to hear Runbone compare Jojo to Erick Sermon damn near simultaneously. Unfortunately, they sound like the EPMD that Run used to let open for him. That's not a good thing, as it's 2006... and 20-year-old EPMD records are still leaps and bounds more advanced than anything Jojo and Zack can come up with. Go to school little nigga! You gonna fuck around, be 21 and cut off on some black Van Wilder shit.
Either that, or your cock-blocking dad is gonna make sure your demo neeeeeever makes it to Def Jam. It sounds like Run is a believer and wants to champion their cause himself. Jojo, you're fucked! Your Kid 'N Play routine is gonna be on the next Count Chocula Mixtape.
Finally: Oh, Justine. Sweet, simple, hungry Justine. Them TAG body spray commercials ain't real, baby! *pats her head like a retarded child* This broad scared that hoes gonna be falling from the sky all over her meal ticket if he goes to yoga with some nice deodorant on because of some damn commercial. All TAG does is cover up white non-showering frat boy funk. Justine Simmons could be anyone's case in-point for reproduction screening. Besides, hoes are falling all over Run because he's Run... and they've seen the show. Nigga is paid.
Someone to count on... in a world ever-changing...
Posted by Ron Mexico at 9:57 AM | Comments (64)
August 3, 2006
Kool Moe Dee feat. KRS-One & Chuck D - "Rise & Shine" video
Before a Harlem rapper's press conference had anything to do with open-toe sandals or Killa Seasons, we had a somewhat noble purpose. Commander Kool Moe Dee with Secretary of Education KRS-One and Secretary of Defense Chuck D implore that we "Rise 'N' Shine." [watch it now]
Yes, let's stop the violence... Immediately after you get shit on by LL Cool J.
This is back when you were either a gangster, a clown or Nation of Domination. Kool Moe Dee at some point embodied all of the following.
I used to think the nigga was blind with them Jordi LaForge glasses he thought were so cool. Even in '89 I wasn't feeling those. When I heard he was from Convent Ave, being the St. Nick youngster that I was, I couldn't believe niggas was lettin that fly. I guess us Harlem dudes have some terrible dress precedents.
mean, iIt's been quite hypocritical of me to give Mr. Giles such a hard time while allowing Moe Dee to go unscathed... with that Golden Child hat on and shit. I-I-I-I want the kniiiiiife... pleeeeeeease!
They say rap was CNN for the projects. I guess this video is as close as we'll get to a rendition of such.
There's this one white reporter with a look on her face that indicates that she's never seen so much African soupbone in one place... outside of a police lineup. Pay close attention.
Farooq, KRS and Flavor Flav's roommate provided much needed afterglow for Self Destruction. All jokes aside, at least this corny shit hat a purpose. Now we're just supposed to be okay with chains slapping our balls. I think our ancestors had enough of that.
Make it wobble to the flo'
Posted by Ron Mexico at 9:00 AM | Comments (23)
August 2, 2006
Jibbs - "Chain Hang Low" video
Look what happens when a nigga get ONE damn chain.
Have you ever wanted to purchase some gawdy jewelry to impress all the niggas on living on the same broke ass block as you? In the same bum ass building as you? If so, Jibbs’ “Chain Hang Low” [watch it now] is the video for you.
I thought this was a fuckin Kool-Aid commercial. These snappers-in-training are a combined 5th grade reading level. The poor kids thought they were gonna be in a Nelly video. They all got lured with the same line too... “Yo’ daddy gon’ be here!”
I get the feeling there’s no ice cream in that truck. Not with that driver. Nigga tiltin the truck like hydraulics when he sit down. Them little niglets are chasin the pigfeet truck.
Look at that big gul doing the split! I ain’t even got a joke for that. You go! That girl is the dream Mo'nique has been preaching about for years. You can crack that easy and go to sleep in a fold or something. No problem! Good to go! And you know she can cook you a fried bologna and cheese sandwich when you finish.
I think all them kids are hers too. She’s ate all their formula. She downed the whole WIC check.
Why are his hands taped like he can box? I can’t respect a nigga with a staged “Mama Said Knock You Out” slapbox session like that. It is against every law of physics for his little ass to make that big nigga fly like Deebo did Red. In conclusion, that tape can’t be for nothing but excessive meat beating. That’s carpal-pummel syndrome.
I’m not a doctor, but I play one with your moms.
This video little more than proof that if you can get 11 people to come vouch for you, you can have someone copy and paste them so it looks like you have the entire hood behind you. Despite the song being a farce of black culture, I can’t front. Homie’s got someone working overtime in the A/V room. Props on the effects. The lengths these labels go through to make it look as if people care about their jiggapoos is commendable to a degree.
The illusion is half the battle.
Posted by Ron Mexico at 9:00 AM | Comments (310)
August 1, 2006
Fergie - "London Bridge" video
Fergie Ferg and me love you long time?!
We have to nip this shit in the bud immediately. No more Tanqueray for these wankers. Homegirl obviously can't hold hers. Fergie’s debut single, “London Bridge,” [watch it now] is the stereotypical, coon-bred bullshit we've come to love and expect from the Collard Greens and Cornbread crew. It looks like the shit was produced by the surviving member of Milli Vanilli.
Girl, you know it's... Girl, you know it's... Girl, you know it's...
What is the purpose of the niggas with the microphone covers on their heads if they can’t move? You mean to tell me if you try to grind the stooch cake on one of these funny looking Mounties they don’t reserve the right to zap yo' dumb ass?
Oh, my damn. Now they’re making these niggas dance! I wanna gouge my eyes out. I haven’t been this embarrassed for England since… well, since fuckin ever. This video looks like the deleted scenes from "Spice World."
Listen closely, children. For the last time: Empowerment comes in acting like a ho. Got it? Next time you feel a little low in the self-worth department, find someone and say: “Oh, yeah. I’ll show you! Don’t make me suck your dick, man!” Sadly, every time she looks to flex her muscles she does some shit that wouldn’t even fly on the lunch shift at the strip club. Orlando would have to come from behind the bar and beat the shit out of Nilla Wafer.
I mean, I’ve finally found someone that "Darrin’s Dance Grooves" would actually help. She can’t get away with that one trick [high-speed hip shake] anymore.
That’s right. This video is nothing more than a British ho getting all kinds of outta pocket. How you flossin around like you talented or something? Fergie is working with The Trifecta. Can’t sing, can’t rap, can’t dance. Somehow, she gets burn though. Go figure.
The fuck is up with them hairstyles? Is that what’s crackin in the UK? Everybody got the 1955 grandma bun goin on? Niggas been watchin "Seinfeld"? Elaine Benes is back in style? I don't get it. The shit's not cute.
Where are her Black Eyed Background Dancers? Ah, yes… playing the back as usual. The darker Filipino Pea is enjoying all this shit a little too much. Maybe it’s because he knows that he’d be pop-locking and selling oranges on Sunset if Will couldn’t rap and they didn’t add this token to the team.
P.S.: I swear I saw CHG, the Unfadable Negro in there somewhere. He ain’t from England, but Fergie is his kind of bird.
Posted by Ron Mexico at 9:00 AM | Comments (65)