May 2006 Archives

Shake somethin' for the camera, HO!

How Ying Yangs got little brothers? Welcome to The Minstrel Show, then. I thought we weren't supposed to pour water on these niggas. Maybe someone unadvisedly fed D-Rocc and Kane after Magic City... just in time for Freaknik. However it went down, we have an official Sherm-Rock Twins spinoff. Da Muzicianz explode onto the scene with "Camera Phone" [watch above]... the not-so-derrty version. They pulled this one out of the collar like Bling-Bling's crackpipe.

As y'all probably already know... SOHH.com and Player Hater of the Year have joined forces to provide a weekly Top 5 music video list entitled... well... "The List."

Welcome to the love, Cheri Dennis. We love you back.

Our first bit of advice for you... RUN!!! Get as far away from the immortal ghetto vampire as you can, as soon as you can. Jim Jones and Yung Joc copy-and-paste verses onto "I Love You," [watch it now] a song Puffy would never have let Faith Evans come out of the gate with for a leadoff back when the label was respectable.

Cheri probably thought jumping around on TV with Puff would get her family out of debt. Mon Cherie is about to owe Puffy more money than she'll ever be able to make in her lifetime. It's goin' down!

The Mr. & Mrs. Smith concept is soooo clever! Did you think of that yourself, Trevor?

There goes the Get Rich or Die Hoin' shot! This song and video concept reeks of gorilla balls. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it feels like the kind of video they would assign to a lower-ranking G-Uniteer. With that said, "I Love My Chick" [watch it now] is, if nothing else, well-executed by the actors involved. Busta Rhymes, Gabrielle Union, Dr. Dre, and a soothing Negro voice make this one the kind of thrill ride you come to expect from Bus-a-bus.

Gabrielle Union? Nigga, I love her too!

We're giving you bitches jewelry here. This is like a pearl necklace in your life!

Come on. Seriously. Where else you gonna peep that 3rd Bass classic shit? This week's throwback? None other than the motherfuckin "Gas Face." [watch it now] This video marked the first time I saw a white rapper that wasn't either:

A. On Nickelodeon
B. Making a complete ass of himself and the genre
C. A Beastie Boy

Pop went the weasel, but these white boys kept it pretty thorough.

The Fanta Girls are back.

...and they've tricked Snoop Dogg into giving them 2 verses with their new watermelon flavor. The video for "Buttons" [watch it now] is a classic case of what we call a "distraction video." Here's how you know the shit's bad. We've got 6 broads with at least 4 articles of clothing apiece and nary a button between them. What the fuck is this shit supposed to be about?

I guess Busta ain't alone on this jackassery.

You done did it now, Akon! The Konvicts are back!

This time they brought a gang of rappers with them. Thank Jesus none of them are Mike Joooooooones. Sorry, we had to take Paul Wall as part of the deal. Add the ever-eclectic collective of Twista, Pimp C, The People of Illinois vs. Robert Kelly, MJG & Too $hort (don't forget the dollar-sign, bitch!) and you've got quite the remix to an instant simpin classic, the "I'm In Luv With A Stripper" remix [watch above] to be more precise.

In this cartoon from G4TV, Charlie Murphy does the voice of Spock as he shows of his house, MTV Cribs style.

Mic check! Boriquas on the set!

Lloyd Banks is Puerto Rican, right? Daddy Yankee and his cousin Caramono bring along El Negrito (Young Buck) for the "Rompe Remix." [watch it now] Somebody's label put out for the G-Unit 2-for-1 instead of getting El Gran Jefe. Ay, que lastima!

Free Redman!

As an avid supporter of the "Free Redman" movement, it's only right that this week's throwback be... Rihanna "Pon De Replay." [watch it now] The shit is so gutter. So hip-hop! I'm sure this is what Def Jam had in mind in 1986. Thanks, President Carter.

Since I hear it's Killa Season, allow me to welcome the new Nino Brown to New Mexico.

"Suck It Or Not/Wet Wipes" [watch above] features a wayward flock of hoes, a washed up Negro icon... and some video chicks. The Negro icon was as famous as a young Aunt Jemima in his prime. However, he's obviously now on some Uncle Ben slave nigga shit. I'll give you a hint... he contracted the clap and still managed to say "Dyn-o-mite!" in an episode.

Oh, my god, it's an army of snapper... right before our very eyes.

Not only do they want us to do it, they think we don't know how to drink our Snapple. The King of Crunk throws the world a taste of his swordfish with the help of that dude they call 40 Water and a dude they just don't call until Jon breathes life into him. E-40 and Sean Paul of the Youngbloodz pick up the rear in "Snap Yo' Fingers." [watch it now] I just really wish the song held my attention as much as this crazy as video did.

I got an urge to scream out... but I'll contain myself.

Today's video is like an episode of Wonder Showzen gone wrong. I mean, things always get hairy when you've got high-fructose corn syrup coming from pseudo gangstas and pre-teen idols. (Jeezy's the pre-teen idol in case you were wondering.) In the most desperate cry for street credibility since Sideburns (Ashanti) turned to Stuart Little, Christina Milian enlists the aid of Young Jeezy the Ghetto Snowman for what was supposed to be feel-good record/video of the year, "Say I." [watch above]

Remember these cats?

Long before going cotton candy pop in hip-hop had become the pandemic that it is today, EPMD had 4 eyes on the trend. 1992's "Crossover" [watch it now] was like MC conditioner. I never thought these boys to be amateur. Man, maybe if our artists dished out more media chin-checks like this one, we wouldn't have completely lost the music of the movement.

Alright. I'm comin' down from the soapbox. Let's go get em!

If you're crazy and you know it push "555!"

No surprises here. Cee-lo is crazy as all shit. Danger Mouse is his new accomplice. I guess Timbaland ain't wanna fuck with dude anymore after the time he caught Cee-lo tripping balls and trying to jerk off in the barbecue chicken tray in the green room. Plus Tim is workin out and shit. Cee-lo is a bad influence. Whatever, fuck Timbo! Gnarls Barkley's got more than enough to trip to of their own accord. "Crazy" [watch above] is their initial offering to the supposedly sane world.

Puffy, I like the message you're sending out to the kids about working hard and keeping promises and shit... but maybe it's time to stop, my nigga.

Puffy searches below the Mason-Dixon and what does he come back with? Boyz N The Hood, and a nigga who probably scored lower than Vince Young on his SATs. God help us all. Yung Joc beckons that we meet him somewhere to listen to the rap he just wrote after learning to tie his shoes and wipe himself from front to back. "It's Goin' Down" [watch it now] indeed.

Last week Kanye and Lupe stopped by The David Letterman Show to perform "Touch the Sky".

Peepers:

Look, daddy! I got my Jr. Birdman Official Hustler badge in my Crack-a-Jack box!

I guess Lil' Wayne still has a lot of growing up to do. Is he still hustling up money to get out of Bryan Williams' poolhouse like Carlton Banks? If so the video for "Hustler Muzik/Money On My Mind" [watch it now] is more than appropriate. If not, then the Harlem Chamber of Commerce needs to write Cash Money Records a "thank you"-letter. Kennedy Fried Chicken, IHOP, Ahmed's Socks, T-Shirts & Phone Cards and the white folks that make Magic Johnson move must have put together a pretty impressive package to lure these dudes.

P.S.: You can't keep calling yourself BM, nigga. That makes people think of bowel movement.

If you know like I know... you don't wanna step to this.

Yeah, of all the gangsta shit going on in 1994 music on the west coast, Nate Dogg and Warren G defintiely had the most listeners shook! Warren G is most definitely NOT the nigga you should be trying to take lunch money from! He's got a team of black spirits that look strangely like The Untouchables. It would really just be horrible karma for you to fuck with a descendant of SOME nigga from the movie "Posse." The king of the G-Funk pinnacled with "Regulate," [watch it now] a joint you can't front on... even today.

The video is an entirely different story, bitches.

Doesn't he look kinda like the Spanish Language News anchor Ben Stiller played in "Anchorman?"

There we go, Prince. Back to the white(r) girls. That "Black Sweat" stuff scared the shit out of me! I'll tell you what, as a lifelong Prince fan, the new video for "Te Amo Corazon" [watch it now] does NOT make me scream like a white lady. Not like his other shit. I knew I was at his concert tour for a reason. I had a strange feeling it was going to be the last time I'd see the REAL Prince.

You RAT BASTARD!!!

Yes, snitches deserve to be hung upside down by their toes and gutted slowly with a butterknife, but I think the "Stop Snitching" movement may have gone a tad too far. I know niggas sell crack and shit, and when you get pinched, you should know the consequences of your actions and the lifestyle you chose... but when cats just pull some Butch Cassidy shit in broad daylight, should they really be all that mad when the cops connect the dots in less than 24 hours? Obie Trice and Akon awkwardly answer this question in the new video "Snitch." [watch it now]

That picture makes me think of that scene in "Harlem Nights" where Arsenio is blasting at his man-lover Eddie Murphy with a tommygun and his little pipsqueak homie keeps poppin off that tiny ass gun--... Nevermind. You're all too young for this.

And ya'll wonder why the rest of the country doesn't take hyphy seriously: