April 2006 Archives

Did Chris Brown forget about Simon? I'm still here in Em City, Kenny! I'm not finished with your warrior training!

Chris Brown continues to become a man. His newest video for "Gimmie That" [watch it now] features a young gentleperson who is no stranger to getting female minors to succumb to his tentacles and shiny objects strewn about his face and neckline. Lil' Wayne adds a complete lack of dancing ability and 2 lazy-as-shit verses to the Chris Brown train that you couldn't stop if you tried. Ask any black girl age 7-17. Shit, the white ones like him up to age 36.

Babyface songs are terrible, terrible mind games.

I think in my old age, I'm finally starting to understand the likes of this nigga. He's always been one of my favorite artists, but I think I'm starting to get his philosophy on game. Pimpin' By Simpin'. The video for "Whip Appeal" [watch it now] is like Kenny "Babyface" Edmonds' little infomercial for the program. Through simping like a bitch verbally and playing the "whipped" card, one can manipulate the minds of women everywhere!

Noooooooo one... Dooooooes it like me!

Let's get it out of the way now: Yes, Beyonce is fine as fuck.

I normally don't do videos this old, but you bastards kept pestering, and I actually had something to say about the "Check On It" [watch it now] phenomenon. While I think this song is all kinds of annoying and generally horrible, it's a special kind of guilty pleasure. Thank you, Slim Thug and Bun-B for giving us haters soooooo much to work with.

Temporary Preface: I'm hard on Ashlee Simpson and dumb birds like that, but Julissa has to be the worst out. I know it's The Negro Channel, but damn, you can do better than THAT, right? "Oooh! Food, Liquor, Clothes, Cuchifritos and Skeet! I LOVE that!"

No, nigga. You weren't the only motherfucker that thought this song would be about delivering a baby when you saw the title. Lupe Fiasco's re-introduction to the world (after Kanye's "Touch The Sky" Hepatitis Exchange with Pamela Anderson) is his ghetto-skate-rock anthem "Kick Push." [watch it now]

I'm going to be really nice to him and his video. So before I do that, I'm going to make Lupe Fiasco feel nice and welcome here at Talkin' Videos.

Until recently Damon Dash refused to speak about the friction with his former partner, Jay-Z. I don't know what changed, but now Dame is speaking on it in magazine interviews and even on video. Peep below:

Alright. Here’s my 420 post.

VH1 is an addictive ass channel. Without a better idea to jump the ceremonies off with, I turn to VH1 in hopes of catching some ill ass videos. As if I'm watching a video channel or something. *roll eyes* Despite wanting to vomit after watching The All-American Prisonbitches' newest offering, I hang on past the commercial break (Hulk Hogan is fucking insane.) and catch Beck’s video for “Hell Yes.” [watch it now]

... and I say unto thee “Hell Yes!”

By show of hands, how many of you out there are older than 16 years? ...Just as I thought.

I realize that when I play joints from when I was 10 years old like Eric B. & Rakim or Geto Boys, y'all niggas look at me like I just put some algebra on the table. (Niggas hate algebra almost as much as they do reading.) So I'll scroll back like 5 years to when you were 10 year-olds. Recognition of Ludacris' long line of excellent videos began for me with this one. "Southern Hospitality" [watch it now] made a fan of me 6 or so years ago.

If you're 16 today, I probably dropped bows and balls on your mother when this track came out.

Shake... Sh-sh-shake that ass, girl!

What? No Nick Cannon?! I want my money back! Eminem dusts off his old friend Nate Dogg for a silly-ass booty track with a colorful video. "Shake That" [watch it now] is bound to fuck some kids up if they let this shit air on MTV or The Negro Channel. Little Eric in Utah ain't gonna know which way is up after this shit!

What is the difference between 50 Cent and Ja Rule again? Oh yes, Ja wasn’t gangster enough. That Murder Inc. imprint wasn’t making any murder music. Right, and I’m sure Olivia is a bonafide, cap-peeling gorilla. She scared the living shit out of me. She’s so much more threatening than Ashanti! The new Ja Rule and Ashanti look high and low for a “Best Friend” [watch it now] apiece.

They might both be looking for the same kind of girl.

SOHH recently spoke to Cassidy about his time in the bing, and his plans for the upcoming album. The full video interview will drop Tuesday on SOHH's frontpage, but for now here's a clip:

Every week Talkin' Videos will provide a reaction to Ice's Cube's "Black. White." reality series where two families swap races to see how the other half lives. Ron Mexico will blog from the Black view, and guest blogger Bear will represent the White side of things. Let us know what you think in the comment section below.

Ron Mexico:
Young Jeezy over there had what I like to call A Nigga Moment… Of Clarity. It’s a shame that it took Brian and Renee until the last day of their 5 week experiment to take their son to see something interesting and educational pertaining to the struggle of his people. Obviously Nick’s Bruno-like imperviousness to the concept of racism could come from a lack of education on the matter.

What better way to complete the undoing of his miseducation than to bring in a brother capable of delivering a UPN intervention speech? I’m glad homie was able to reach young Nicholas, but a plan like that can backfire horribly.

I remember the last time someone tried to sit me down and feed me some hokey shit like that. When I was in high school, one of my mom’s newly-legit, fresh out-of-the-bing buddies from the projects came by to remind me that I’ve “truly been blessed, young brother.” I felt pretty weird about having compliments heaped upon me for doing something as simple as finishing high school on time and applying to college. I resented how low his expectations were of our generation of young men and women until I began to recount all of the kids I’d went to grade school with. Certainly half of the kids I thought of that day are either incarcerated or well on their way. I’m definitely one of the few without any children… and I think I might be the only one to have graduated college.

As fucked up as it was, I’ve begun to concede. Maybe I AM one lucky motherfucker. As fucked up as the odds are, I’ve beaten them to date, and I recognize it’s not always so easy for a brother. Nick’s definitely gotten some jewels that I hope he takes with him for the rest of his days. There’s no telling what some of my peers would give to have had a chance like that.

First off, I’d like to say a formal goodbye to Proof. I ask for a moment of silence if you could spare it.

This song and video are too damn ironic for my liking right now. However, this is one request that I will honor immediately. In memory of Proof’s life and work, we’ll watch Eminem’s “Like Toy Soldiers” [watch above] together.

This week I'm going to try to do all-requests.

We'll start By Request week off with one that's been sitting in my email for quite some time now. Jamie Foxx, painfully smitten with the acting bug, apparently only wants to bring niggas down with him. Twista, Eva Pigford (no jokes on the name... yet) and Winky Wright head an all-star cast in Brother Ray's new video "DJ Play A Love Song." [watch above]

I can definitely relate to Wanda on this one. Every time I have a crush on a girl who looks like things ain’t right on her homefront, I ask if I can beat it, beat it, beat-beat it, beat it. Try it today, fellas!

I leave you for the weekend with Mobb Deep’s latest revival offering “Put ‘Em In Their Place.” [watch it now] I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I feel a little strange today. Hmmm, maybe it’s just a cold. The Big Willie gets you chilly when he passes. I guess it's time to put 'em in their place, huh?

This is April's top request so far? Sometimes I wonder about you people. Okay, here goes...

You know... it's hard to find good video hoes these days. They're all either famous and cost too much, or hugged up with Flavor Flav. Nick Cannon knows the game all to well. He dated a video ho with a record deal himself. For his next not-to-be-taken-so-seriously video, he's looking for a "Dime Piece" [watch it now] that hasn't been overexposed... or ran through.

The bounce is back!... Your boy is back!

Just when you thought we were finished with "the train wreck," “Flavor of Love” makes sure to follow our bum asses up with the reunion episode “After The Lovin’.” I love how they set this shit up Jerry Springer style. Flavor Flav could have about 20 paternity tests in front of him. VH1 should have called ME to host this shit if they weren't gonna use Maury Povich! It ain't like they don't got my number, right?