Give it up for Hong Kong Phooey, y'all!
Last night on 106 and... I mean, Ultimate Hustler, a new breed of lackey was annointed. The Ultimate Shuffler was crowned and recieved all the perks of being the best... the best... the best... You know the shit from opening credits. Money & Respect, Diamonds & SUVs, Skeet and Cristal backwash! Let's talk about what everyone knew was going to happen... Brian beating out Dashawn for the affection of Daddy Damon.
We can start out where the episode itself began. We got to see how Pitch Day turned out. Brian stole the real estate idea from Lyin' Ass Ray (officially his new name), who really only jacked his idea from white folks who have been doing it to Harlem for the past 10 years. Yes, Dame is black... but so is Magic Johnson, and it doesn't feel good to have the neighborhood pimped by him either. (Though Magic is more of a dumb pawn/figurehead than anything.)
Tischanda is straight trash. I don't even want to mention her. She doesnâ€™t know how to hook up a laptop to a projector. How can she hook up an enterprise? Brian offered to help her out. "Hey, Tischanda. Can I help you out with some DICK?!" Eh... I'd hit it too... But after I get my business together and hire her as my secretary and shit... Wait... She's a scatterbrain. She couldn't even answer my phones. Nevermind.
Dashawn, as usual, had a nice idea, but how can you come to Dame Dash with no figures? Not even an estimate, holmes? He already thinks you smell like African underarms and canâ€™t dress (which are the most important things to him) now youâ€™re gonna fuck up #3 on the list? Not a good look. This was your chance, big homie.
Now, for the live portion:
I see Big Wigger had to â€œdress upâ€ for this shit? What was the point? This shit ain't respectable or professional. Why make the man tuck in his FUBU shirt and throw on a Steve Urkel vest? Just let the farce be a farce.
Speaking of dress... What kinda shit is the â€œDress Dame Dash contest?â€ Congratulationsâ€¦ Whoever wins is properly trained to be The Ultimate Flunkie! He should have had them prepare coffee and see who could NOT put shrimp on his plate. Tishchanda obviously would have fucked that one up.
If these music performances (*insert Scooby Doo noise*) are any indication, Dame Dash Music Group is sinking like a refugee raft off the coast of Florida. Hopefully Grafh can Elian his way out of this one. Smitty with fuckin Pro-Keds around his neck? I'm not one to give a fuck about a brand name, but shitâ€¦ why donâ€™t we give the nigga some turquoise P.F. Flyers?
This show made me lose respect for Dame by the nanosecond. Saying â€œpauseâ€ â€œayoâ€ and/or â€œno homoâ€ every 10 seconds doesnâ€™t make you more of a man. It just makes you a homophobe. It more than likely means you are afraid of the homo within. Embrace him, Damon. He taught you how to dance.
Quote of the Day:
â€œMy dad uhâ€¦ He hasnâ€™t really been in the picture. Heâ€™s blackâ€¦ Butâ€¦ You knowâ€¦ Soâ€¦ I donâ€™t really know.â€ â€" Brian
Y'all peep how Dashawn neglected the congratulatory pound. I went to the instant replay to see if he just didnâ€™t see it. The referees say he just said â€œFuck You!â€ We have a linestep... #45... Orlando Jones! 10-yard penalty. Repeat 125th Street huslte.
My negroes: Thanks for being so interested in this show and dragging me into it. To be honest, I really didn't need to lose an hour of my life watching this every week. The Apprentice and Making The Band were enough. This shit was extra. Good luck to Brian. I hope there's a real job waiting for you. Dame Dash now has a rep for leaving his contest winners hanging. Just ask that kid who won the Rocafella battle, a chain and a whole lot of smoke up his ass.
Also... Prepare yourselves for Dame Dash's new spot on 125th. I hope puts a drug store in there, just so he can sell his Rocapads to the ladies of Harlem.
Life is a Dash.
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