December 2005 Archives

His name Grafh, y'all!

Grafh is quickly becoming the king of making shitty videos look like some money was spent. The over-confident youngster from Queens with the bedazzling delivery (that he hardly ever displays anymore) has a new video for Massa Damon called “Ain’t No Telling” [watch it now] featuring none other than Swizz Swizz Beats, HEY! Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Man walks into a studio… takes a line from Biggie… makes it into a hook…

Damn, did I love the $3 movie theater!

You know… That’s the place where they show movies that ain’t even been out of the theaters that long. That’s what today’s throwback is gonna be. I was just building with the local dread man the other night and we were discussing reggae/dancehall music. At some point after the Backwoods had gone around a few times I confessed that I loved this song. Expecting ridicule and perhaps a chop with the machete, I was pleasantly surprised by the dread’s emphatic reaction. “Nah, breddrin! Yuh DONE know Beenie Man KING uh di dance hall! Big big tyune dat!” I then proceeded to tell him that in his honor (and in honor of the banana boat-smuggled skunk), this week’s edition of Throwback Thursday would be “King Of The Dancehall” [watch it now] Welcome him!

DPGC. We should be hookin back up!

But the shit should be better than this. Snoop Dogg, Daz Dillinger, Kurupt & Nate Dogg had a chance to make a classic record for a great cause. The beat was there. The team was finally together. Alas, the ball was dropped. The video for “Real Soon” [watch it now] however, is pretty good. Luckily we're talking about that today.

My favorite album cover and cover art of all time!

I CAN DO DAT!

This week SOHH debuted their first of what should be many podcasts of your favorite rappers, tappers, skrippers, flippers, sippers and hype-personnel. Our inaugural podcast is none other than The Leprechaun himself, Lil Flip. [watch it now] Within, Flipper sounds off on beefs, booze, blunts and bidness as usual. I have to say, I was entertained. With the help of conductor Vlad the Butcher we get the inside track on the pot o' gold... Okay, maybe just the pot.

Question of the Day: Whose video is this anyway? The only nigga I can understand is 50 on the hook peeling off his favorite celebrities.

Today's selection is yet another Girl Unit banger for the kiddies to learn the game from. "I Know You Don't Love Me" [watch it now] displays how four niggas can get really bent out of shape over one skeet bucket, much like they do over a 20 piece McNugget combo. Tony Yayo, Lloyd Banks and Young Buck all try to crack the same chicken legs in this cinematographically superior offering. (yes, I made that word up)

(G-Unit fans are gonna be like "I don't understand what that word means, so I'm gonna take it as disrespect!... Hatin' ass Mexican bitch!")

I heard you got the fever for the flavor. Is that Chris Tucker?

Continuing in our commitment to provide high-quality shit on Throwback Thursday, here's another head-slapper for you. Talkin' Videos is about 6 months old. Throwback Thursday has been a part of this since week one... and we haven't watched this video yet. Talk about a classic and an oversight, Native Tonguers Black Sheep (behind the vocal stylings of Dres) really fucked shit up with "Flavor of the Month" and "The Choice Is Yours" [watch it now]. The latter made a pretty damn good video too. I loved the crumpling effect... and you will too!

This blog has been paid for by the Department of Redundancy Dept.

Pimp $quad Click (don't forget the dollar sign!) makes it a point that everytime you see or hear their name you understand that this is a collective of some kind. These "pimps" also want us to know that they can stunt with the best of them. What we can't tell by watching their video "Do Ya Thing" [watch it now] is if they mean that they're stuntin (v. flossin, shinin, etc) or stuntin (v. frontin, imaginary playin, Lyin Ass Ray, etc) !

We gon KILL em in the club with this one!

Club? I know it's Pitbull, but this one is more suited for the high school pep rally. Senor Toma teams up with the colored boy band action figures, Pretty Ricky for collaboration of the year, I'm sure. "Everybody Get Up" [watch it now] is a lock to rock every ghetto cheerleading event in every high school this year.

Bring it! It's already been ba-rrrrought!

Ahh, what says “Happy Holidays” more than an egomaniacal 10-year-old changing the way we view the traditional Christmas pageantâ€"with the help of Quincy Jonesâ€"and his violent, pellet gun-toting, Santa-stalking little brother? Well, if you know of something please tell me because “The Boondocks” Christmas episode, titled “A Huey Freeman Christmas,” has already earned a place next to Scrooged and A Christmas Story (“You’ll shoot your eye out.”) in my heart.

With the real-life Q on board, Huey’s “The Adventures of Black Jesus” was both a comical take on Hollywood (“Contract”) and a striking commentary on narrow our views of the holidays can be.

However, it was Riley’s quest to pop Santa that really had me cheering. I mean, who hasn’t gotten up Christmas morning to find a pair of thermal underwear instead of that Power Wheels drop-top they wanted? Santa be on that bullshit sometimes.

I could have sworn I'd heard this song once or twice before.

No, it's not Throwback Thursday again... Well... It's always a Throwback for Puffy when we're talking about B.I.G. Today's selection is the newest offering from the forthcoming "Biggie Duets" LP. Nelly, Diddy, Jagged Edge, Avery Storm and more Cameo than 1987 (WORD UP!) join the late great Notorious one on "Nasty Girl." [windows media] high / med / low [real player]

I thought duet meant 2.

Does anyone remember when dude actually looked like this?

Cam blames Irritable Bowel Syndrome (which is some ill shit). Others claim Cam has fallen into using the product he raps about moving. Nas accredits the drastic deviation in physical stature to Virginia real estate ventures (see: "Zone Out"). With that said, today's Throwback Thursday presentation is brought to you by two dudes who could have been the dynamic duo Harlem needed in order to be taken seriously a looooong time ago. Reliving healthier times (physically anyway) Cam'ron and Pastor Mason Betha teamed up for one of 1998's most infections songs "Horse & Carriage." Well guess what, bitches!...

STOP! IT'S THE MOTHERFUCKIN REMIX!!! [watch it now]

Give it up for Hong Kong Phooey, y'all!

Last night on 106 and... I mean, Ultimate Hustler, a new breed of lackey was annointed. The Ultimate Shuffler was crowned and recieved all the perks of being the best... the best... the best... You know the shit from opening credits. Money & Respect, Diamonds & SUVs, Skeet and Cristal backwash! Let's talk about what everyone knew was going to happen... Brian beating out Dashawn for the affection of Daddy Damon.

Oh, yes. It's time for a curveball!

Why are we discussing this? Well... I found this in the R&B section on Blastro. Needless to say I was immediately won over in an "Aww, these panhandlers are soooo heartwarming!" kind of way. Legendary gospel collecitve The Blind Boys of Alabama have a new video out entitled "Spirit In The Sky." [watch it now] It brought me to a revelation of my own: This is the lamest rock-gospel I’ve ever heard or seen. I’m not afraid to say it!

“The Boondocks” went there this week. And I know I wasn’t ready. Were you???

First off, there was a popular thug MC named G-G-G-G-Gangstalicious (sound familiar?). And despite spitting the requisite violent verses, homey had more security than a little bit (again, sound familiar?). I was all good with that. It was classic “Boondocks.” Until...

I'm Ron Artest, layin' down to your garbage!

Tell me that moustache don't make you wanna say "Oh Yeah!" At long last we're gonna discuss Pharrell Williams and Gwen Stefani's collaborative effort "Can I Have It Like That." [watch it now] This shit is like a big 4-minute 69. Actually it's more of a 68-and-I-owe-ya-one because Pharrell is the only one getting sucked and stroked.

There is no competition cause we are the best... yeah!

No, children. That's not a Juvenile line. That's the one and only MC Ricky D. One of the greatest stories ever told (even by biblical proportion) was orated by the original fresh-to-death dapper don Slick Rick. "Children's Story" [watch it now] was merely one of many legendary tales given us by the eyepatched ghetto Homer. Unfortunately it came at a time where videos, especially rap videos, weren't so well put together.

Oh, shit! Is that Kevin Bacon?

This week’s episode of The Negro Channel's Ultimate Hustler saw the flunkies-in-training competing for Dame’s attention at the most intimate level to date. Dame actually let these clowns run his operation for the day. This is why reality television sucks: Dame either put his business in the hands of these amateurs for real, or he was watching them all day and not REALLY getting anything done. Neither seem like a good call to me. So many fuck-ups I almost felt like I was watching a Police Academy movie.

I neeeeed twooooo purr… Give meeeee twooooo purr.

Today we’re going down, down, baby! Down by the jewelry store to get us some Grillz, [watch it now] Derrty! Hopefully they fit better than Big Bow Wow’s. That anemic nigga look like he about to step into the ring and go 12 rounds with Corey (Hush Lil’ Lady)! Nelly and his partners in shine Ali, Big Gipp and Paul Wall put on an unparalleled display of teefus and halitosis in today’s video selection.

So, I am back in effect… thanks to my new friends at Comcast. And just in time because last night’s episode did not disappoint. (Note: Yeah, I know I sound like a real fan whenever I write this blog… Sad part is, I am. And normally, I am a hater. Trust.)

First off, having Samuel L. Jackson guest star as the angry, violent, hip-hop loving, gun toting associate of Ed Wuncler III (voiced by the ever-underrated Charlie Murphy) was pure genius. Especially, when Sam got into full Pulp Fiction mode. “Say what again? I dare you.”

And anal rape? Well, who isn’t afraid of that!?!? That’s why I continue in my efforts to “Start Snitching.” I am not trying to be caught up like my man Tom DuBois because I “fit the description.”

WHOOOO’S HOOOOUSE?!?! RON’S HOOOOUSSSE!

Okay, bitches. You're officially in My Spot: The Blog. Since a new episode of Count Chocula-- I mean Run’s House didn’t air in my location this week, I’d like to take this opportunity to discuss the phenomenon that is Joseph Simmons and his family being filmed in their natural environment for our viewing pleasure. Every nigga I know watches this shit damn near religiously. Why is this show so huge? Is there some kind of Popeye’s code at the bottom corner of the screen I’m missing? (Oh, I’m just playin, stop being such a sensitive bitch!)

Throwback Thursday has returned, my good friends! Today we're going to do a video we should have done a looooong ass time ago.

I'd like to start off by saying fuck Coldplay, and fuck MTV with a splintered broomhandle. "Clocks" won video of the year. Where the fuck is Pharcyde's award for one of the best videos ever made in ANY genre? The video for "Drop" [watch it now] should have its own spot in the Smithsonian or something. All-World Director Spike Jonze had a stellar vision and went to flucking work. MTV, y'all need to go back and fix this transgression. If Pharcyde was Nirvana they wouldn't have just gotten awards for this video, they would have gotten obligatory blowjobs from Idalis as they accepted.