Big Bow Wow feels the need to show us that he can get into a grown-up club in his newest long-form Clearasil advertisement Fresh Azimiz. [watch it now] Who’s got the hearts of the little girls in a tighter grip, Bow Weezy or the pterodactyl touchdown Chris Brown?
Doesn't Fresh Azimiz look like some Middle Eastern food?
Can someone explain the relevance of his coming around the hood to scoop up his recently-drafted homeboy in the shiny whippup? Was he looking for a Mase to have on his arm for the window-shoppers in the club? Bow Wow is lucky. His shit would have gotten shot up on my block… actin all Hollywood.
Is that a grill? If I may quote Whitney… Oh, HEEELL-to-the-no! You need to pop them pop-outs right the fuck back into the case. He looks like he can’t even speak with those shits. Horrendous! You get a D- for those grills, Xavier. Your mama would not be proud like when you went up against Sweetness. Even T.I.’s are better, and they just make him look like a really wealthy velociraptor.
So when they get to the club what the fuck is that shoulder seizure he’s having? Shad, we’ve seen you dance. Shit, we’ve seen you dance on rollerskates. What the fuck are you doing, young man? That’s some serious third grade shit. “Look girls, I can dislocate my shoulder! I’m double jointed and shit!” I bet he flipped his eyelids back in the bathroom for the girls as well.
He’s growing taller, but he must be the same weight as he was 3 years ago. All that money and he can’t afford a steak sandwich? Even the girl he’s with would break him in half. Ciara would 1-2 step him into the dust... then dickslap him.
Am I hearing n-bombs out of this kid? Oh, his balls must have finally dropped. Congratulations, Mr. Moss. Obviously your ghostwriter isn’t Jermaine Dupri anymore. I hope Kriss Kross is watching.
In strangely related news, Kriss Kross’ “Totally Krossed Out” album went 4X platinum THIS WEEK. Who the fuck bought them last copies? How did that push happen? How long were they on 3,999,998? Congrats Mack Daddy and Daddy Mack. Sorry you’ve been relegated to armchair quarterbacks for Bow Weezy’s career. Vicarious living is a motherfucker.
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By the way: About the little girls on the way to shit talk Mr. Mexico for keeping it real… Oh, oh, I think they liiiiike me!