November 2005 Archives

I'm the Ultimate Hustler! Donga donga donga dong! (Dammit, Sizza!)

With 5 contestants remaining it was every ho for him/herself this week on The Ultimate Hustler. This week's challenge was actually pertinent and true to the grassroots, street-level essence of hustling. The contestants were asked to turn 5 to 8, 8 to 20, 20 to 100, 100 to 1,000 and that to 100,000... in front of housing! No, they didn't selll rocks (but that would have been funny). Some of them should have though.

Ron... Why you don't do no west coast shit?

While that's not even true, I am giving special attention to today's request. East Coast meets West Coast in this ode to hip-hop past as Cypress Hill stalwart DJ Muggs mixes it up with Wu-Tang Clan’s GZA on “General Principles,” [watch it now] the leadoff single of their Grandmasters project. If he were really a Genius, he would know how awkward he looks awkward standing alone in the video's white background shots, but whatever, that's my nigga.

Aiight…. So, I missed last night’s episode of “The Boondocks” but it wasn’t for me not trying. A big “fuck you” to DirecTV for that. You would think in an age of Xbox 360s ($400 damn dollars?!?!? Anyone remember Super Nintendo?) and iPod Videos, you could get satellite TV without aiming the damn satellite dish directly into the sky.

I bet if I was running from “The Man” the feds could find me with those same satellites. Speaking of which, I often have a sneaking suspicion that the TiVo receivers are often recording our favorite TV shows and us… But I digress.

Since I didn’t see the episode (which from what I hear from my esteemed colleagues here was “the best yet”), I would like to hear your thoughts. I am always dropping the witticisms on you and yours, now it’s your turn. Tell me what you thought was so good, bad or ugly about last night’s episode.

Mexico's house is going to be temporarily converted into Run's House.

Unlike Ultimate Hustler, I've been catching a little bit of this show on bored afternoons. From watching the first few episodes I've gathered that everyone in this family is of below average intelligence or worse, making my job easy as fuck. This week's episode finds Run's daughter, Vanessa, going to Colorado for a shoot with the Ford Modeling Agency on a denim campaign (surprise). Of course the rest of the family must tag along. Shit, it's summertime! They ain't got nothin else better to do, right?

Today marks the first Talkin Videos entry devoted to Damon Dash and The Negro Channel's shameless attempt at ripping off "The Apprentice."

If you don't know already "The Ultimate Hustler" is a reality show in which contestants compete for a Jeep, "respeck" (yeah, right), and a spot on Dame's nuts closer than anyone not named Rachel Roy. This week, the prospective cutthroats' assignment was (in two teams of three) to assemble a professional-looking photo shoot for Dame Dash's self-glorifying urban fashion trade magazine "America." I must say, the shit was kinda entertaining. I was surprised.

Big Bow Wow feels the need to show us that he can get into a grown-up club in his newest long-form Clearasil advertisement Fresh Azimiz. [watch it now] Who’s got the hearts of the little girls in a tighter grip, Bow Weezy or the pterodactyl touchdown Chris Brown?

Doesn't Fresh Azimiz look like some Middle Eastern food?

Last night, “The Boondocks” posed an age-old question. A question that has haunted and taunted man since the beginning of time… “Can you turn a ho into a housewife?”

I know it is something I have pondered time in again as I am in the club. Who hasn’t? But do you really think you can take the chick in the club who is dropping like she’s got the night off from Magic City home to meet moms? Or that mami in the tight jeans and tube top at the sneaker spot is worthy of meeting your kids? Well, Grandad did last night when he “picked up” Cristal (“like the champagne”) at the grocery store.

From the start, all the tell tale signs were there… She always wanted money, ran real fast in high heels, kept asking if he was a cop and always ducked when she was a man in a purple suit (No, not Barney). Everyone saw it but good ole Grandad. Damn.

I was gonna try to do something else, but the request line has spoken. You all want to end Purple Ribbon week with a video as strange as “Closet Freak” [watch it now] by an artist as strange as Cee-lo. Why people would want to subject themselves to this, I don’t know. I’ve re-watched it on your request, and I’m blind. Thank god I know where the home keys are.

Purp, purp, durpty durp!

Today's Purple selection is from who I believe should be Purple Ribbon's non-Big Boi cornerstone artist. Killer Mike stormed onto the scene with a flurry of tight guest verses and his own smash "Akshon." ("Re-Akshon" is the shit, by the way.) Much more entertaining is the video for his second single "A.D.I.D.A.S.," [watch it now] the hip-hop cover of the Korn classic. I ain't seen no vegetables in this video, but Sleepy Brown definitely directly addresses spanking the saugage. *shudders*

I know y’all remember this video. Purple Ribboneer Bubba Sparxxx, the cornerstone of Timbaland’s then promising Beat Club imprint had a monster single on his hands with “Ugly” [watch it now]. The video definitely didn’t disappoint. P.S.: We all know crack is/was the scourge of the black community, but that crank shit is fuckin white folks up somethin terrible (you'll see in a minute).

I-I-I-I-I be… on it all night… actually on it all WEEK!

It’s Purple Ribbon week on SOHH, so Talkin’ Videos is responding accordingly. We’re gonna start things off with the Purple Ribbon All-Stars’ current anthem “Kryptonite” [watch it now] and see where the next few days takes us into the world of Big Boi’s Dungeon Family Reloaded. All I know is grown ass mens at a picnic playing flag football, chillin with girls and smoking high quality chronic at Big Boi’s expense sounds like all the fun in the world.

They did it again! Aaron McGruder and the team at “The Boondocks” not only touched on hot-button issues with their second episode… They slapped the shit out of them.

As Huey put it… “Niggas are crazy.” I couldn’t agree more. And for those of you who couldn’t tell or were too slow to get it in my last post, I am a BLACK MAN, so I can say that. It’s not that I want other races to know that some of my own are crazy, but it is what it is and sometimes you have to call cats on it.

Yeah, I know its a few days late but here’s my first of what will be many postings about Aaron McGruder’s “The Boondocks.”

First off, I give Cartoon Network a lot of credit for taking a chance on such a controversial show. And if what I hear is correct â€" the network is said to be collaborating with Andre 3000, David Banner and MF Doom on individual projects â€" it sounds like this is just the beginning.

We're closing out the week with some DIP DIP SET SET! The club is Santana's Town... but he needs his magic stick to make it do what it do. In "There It Go (The Whistle Song)" [watch it now] Juelz Santana shows us all the power of the magic flute and its unmistakable affect on the hoes... I mean... ladies.

NORTH CAROLINNNNAAAAAAAAA!!!

For Throwback Thursday we’re gonna rewind about 4 years ago to Petey Pablo’s debut single “Raise Up.” [watch it now] With Timbaland’s help, Mystikal’s immediate direct competitor hit us with one of my favorite joints… well… ever. Errrrbody was from North Carolina in 2001. Special shout out to the homie EOB on the request. I damn near forgot about this one.

As Lil' Flip would say... "Junny [Johnny] gon' hammee LACED!"

Paul Wall enlists the aid of Mike Jones (who?) and Bun-B to educate the world about what "They Don’t Know" [watch it now] in the H-Town. Hmm… I thought Bun-B was from Port Arthur.

Today we’re getting into a video we should have shitted on a long time ago. There’s no damn way T-Pain should have taken his turn on 106 and Park without us taking a swing at this poser piñata’s video for “I’m Sprung.” [watch it now]

Say it with me, children!: "Up In Da Club… Show my bread… Show my bread… Get some head!"

No… It’s not another 50 Cent video. Greg P and his buddy The Black Don take us to their version of "In Da Club." Unfortunately, “Show My Bread” [watch it now] doesn’t make it out of the parking lot… and I don’t think that’s on purpose.