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Ronnie's Mailbag - 6/25/05
Posted on June 25, 2005 10:13 PM
This week’s headlines on Ronnie’s Mailbag: “Young Jeezy’s Defense Team Delivers Opening Statement,” “Puffy: One Foot in the Grave?” “B.G. is Trying,” and “Pretty Ricky: The Saga Continues…”
Without further delay, let’s get into this week’s top stories!
(About Boys N Da Hood – “Dem Boys”)
first off p diddy done got way vb 2 much credit. had it not been 4 BIG he wouldnt have anything. he aint made did nothin in da music industry since big died. all his money comin from sean jean
and what does appeareance have 2 do wit rap skills. look how ugly hov is. big was. if u from da south, u know jeezy da shyt. da boyz n da hood album ok but dat jeezy album gonna be hard.
(Posted by: calhoun at June 25, 2005 12:59 AM)
Thanks for the comment. I’m actually surprised no one else responded to it.
While I do agree that B.I. was the best thing ever to happen to Puffy, I don’t agree that he would have had nothing were it not for Biggie. Puffy was the hardest working nigga in rap in the mid 90s. From working his way up as an intern at Uptown MCA, to executive producing Mary J. Blige’s records, to establishing his promotion/management company into a record label, Puffy has nothing to prove. Maybe he wasn’t lucky to find Biggie. Maybe that’s just what hard work earns you.
Citing Biggie and Jay-Z as "ugly-but-talented" accentuates my point. If Puffy wasn’t going to find some talent, he needed to find someone who was either marketable by virtue of appearance or gangsta. My point was that I find Boyz N Da Hood to be "D.) none of the above." Feel free to disagree with me.
(About B5 – “You Got Me”)
Puff you bastard these melanin deficient little fucks have 2 videos. One more than New Edition, I don't care for alot of R&B but One Love was a good album. You need to take off the shades, wipe off the ProActiv, drop Ashton off at a Kabballah center, and bring back Puffy. Cause Diddy has lost touch with good music.
(Posted by: JML5150 at June 24, 2005 06:33 AM)
That’s closer to the point I was touching on above. Newcomer of the week award goes to JML5150 hands down. The man has been raining all week on the low too, look out for him.
(About B.G. – “Where Dey At?”)
Yall a lil too hard on my boy. He cleaning up his act. Yeah I aint gone lie he look kinda bad but he shakin that monkey up off his back. rather likem or not you gotta respect the man for admitting he had a problem.
(Posted by: Ajizzel at June 23, 2005 01:19 PM)
B.G. is one of my favorite rappers. I consider "True Story," "Chopper City," "Chopper City In The Ghetto" and "Life After Cash Money" classic or near-classic albums. I gave him the utmost respect for admitting to his drug problem. I am hopeful that the mawnkey IS off of his back. However, he at times look like he is still fuckin' wit dat furl. His video also appears to ironically promote drug use, tying him a little too closely to the demons he’s supposed to be shaking.
P.S.: You have to be a little hard on drug addicts.
Disclaimer: This is the last I will ever mention of the Pretty Ricky – "Grind With Me" blog in my mailbag. I had to respond to the latest allegations that I am a racist (who needs Jesus).
Some thing is wrong with you (the person who wrote the review). I want and I will try and get you in some kind of trouble becuase you mad racist. You have link to BET ttiled the NEGRO channel and then you refer to Pretty Ricky as COLORED boy band. See for people like you, I wish there was a time machine. Cause you still in some old times. Now for my feelings on what you said about pretty ricky all together. How you calling them Homo when you are a man judging how other guys look. Saying that are trying to be sexy. How you know they not sexy you should not be thinking of if they sexy if you a real man. And the only one that is really ugly is Slick em and he aint hideous. Take it from a REAL BORN FEMALE Pleasure look good, so do spec. yes his nose hella big. Yeah, but they are doing their thing and I'm pretty sure that they are much better than you at what thet do (especially if u, Ron Mexico, do reivews for a creer) But if hatin is your career man you doing youe thing and if recism is your job too man ups to you, you doing a job. And they video ain't wac, mad heads like yeah it's on the countdown and the radio. The song aint wac either, It's about time someone made a song about grinding cause when you at a party that's anybody is doing so... STOP HATING...HATERS SHOULD JUST KEEP THEY MOUTH SHUT. AIN'T YOUR MOM EVER TEACH YOU IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY OR ATLEAST ONE NICE THING TO SAY DON'T SAY ANYTHING...CAUSE AIN'T NOBODY ASKED YOU HOW MUCH YOU HATED PRETTY RICKY YOU RACIST/ (Posted by: A black person at June 25, 2005 03:25 AM)
Dear Black Person,
(Normal readers cover your ears for the beginning… You’ve heard this many times before… it’s actually a damn near direct quote from an email I sent out this week.)
I don't know how most of you Pretty Ricky fans found my site, but what you don't understand is that my daily column is mainly a joke column. I make comedic commentary about music videos and help people criticize popular culture in a manner that is supposed to be lighthearted, clever and most importantly, fun.
I mean Pretty Ricky no harm and wish them the best as people. If I rage against anything, it's the pop culture machine that feeds us loads of garbage. I'm bothered by the majority of the responses to that blog, because it's obviously a collection of young teen girls who google-searched "Pretty Ricky," found my site, know nothing about my daily column and unequivocally defend Pretty Ricky and the pop machine fueled by major record labels that wish to keep them in their pockets.
My linkage to BET as “The Negro Channel” is a recurring joke on these columns that you are not familiar with. It’s a criticism of BET’s programming, a majority of which I find stereotypical and ignorant. More ironically than this, the station is owned, produced and directed primarily by *whispering* white people. In a sense I am parodying what they think of the channel when they come up with programming such with stereotypical catch phrases as “Spring Bling” and “How I’m Livin’” (with no “g”).
I didn’t call Pretty Ricky “colored.” I said they are like processed toys. They are the next boy band on a conveyor belt of mass-produced groups like B2K, B5… etc. The interchangeability of these bands in the public eye was the driving force behind the spoof of “Colored Boy Band Action Figures.” This is how the labels treat the “Pretty Rickys,” “Immatures” and “ABCs” of the world.
I’m far from a racist, dearie. I am a proud black man who loves all people. Wouldn’t you think the racist is the person who assumes I’m a white man because I write my comedic reviews in complete sentences and use proper grammar?
Let’s get to what this is really about. You loooooove you some Pretty Ricky! There’s nothing wrong with that! I would love nothing more for you than to meet and marry Slick ‘Em and have his gremlin children if that would make you happy. I, unlike some of my readers, would never discourage someone from being a Pretty Ricky fan. If you are 14 and you love a boy band, nothing an adult would say could change your mind anyway. Understand what our site IS. Take the time to read more than just the review of the group that you google-searched and are smitten with before you start “hatten” on something you know nothing about.
We all reserve the right to an opinion, and the right to disagree. I make these reviews to make people chuckle during a long day of work. I also make these reviews for young people who may need some help understanding that they have a right and responsibility to criticize what is being forced down their throats by the white-controlled mass media (since we must make shit into a fucking race issue).
As Juelz Santana emphatically tells us: It’s more than music!
Thanks for reading.
See you around,
Ron… Another black person
This exchange is kind of cute, because it's a young girl. See if you can feel where she's coming from. I think most of the replies were something like THIS gone terrible wrong.
Nelliebean####@XXXXXXXXXX.com wrote:Hi,
Me and my cousin were on the internet nd saw this article or shall I say, insult about Pretty Ricky. now since you are a man i am assuming, you may need a womans prospective on this subject. Pretty Ricky, every member of the group is so sexy. Especially Spectacular and Plesaure. Not to put you down Slick 'Em and Baby Blu. Ya'll are sexy too but the are sexier. Now don't be jealous that Pretty Ricky is younger, sexier, and can sing better than you. what ya'll need to do is stop hating and talking trash about them and try to help them out if you think you can do better. Other than that shut up! Oh will you please write me back. And If you have any of the Pretty Ricky's Email adresses please send them to me. Write back because I would love to talk to you about this situation because i want to be a journalist when I grow up. F/13/SC
Nelliebean,
Thanks for reading my column and for your feminine perspective.
So... you ask me for help and advice... right after you tell me to shut up, huh? I see...
As I said many times throughout the course of the thread, and my weekly mailbox post, I harbor no ill will for Pretty Ricky. I wish them nothing but the best. I'm not a REAL hater... just a fake hater.
My job on SOHH is to write comedic reviews of music videos and help people scrutinize popular culture. As you may already know, mass media (i.e. television, radio, record labels) thrive off of public ignorance and would rather people not give a second thought to what they are forced to consume. A journalist's responsibility is to help people see through some of this. I do it here by making jokes. It's all in good fun, but some of the underlying themes ARE, in fact, serious... as life is.
This situation is one that has gotten out of control, mainly because of young fans who don't understand the conceit of this site and take personal offense to jokes about a music group. I was 13 once. I understand what they are going through, to a degree. As a journalist, you too will be put into situations like this where people misundertand and disagree with what you say for whatever reason.
In the future, I would be happy to answer any question you have about journalism. I'm always willing to help a young journalist on their path. Just so long as you don't call me any names or tell me to shut up, of course.
I'm Ron Mexico,
You stay classy, San Diego!
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Going Postal? You already know! ronnie_mexxx@yahoo.com
Ron luh the kids!
Comments
I'M KINDA HURT SINCE MANY OF THESE LIL GIRLS SWEATIN PRETTY RICKY ON HERRE IZ FROM SC LIKE ME....I'M TIRED OF MY PEEPS LIL SISTAZ UP ON HERE DEFENDIN NYGGAS THAT THEY HAVEN'T MET, NEVA GONNA MEET, AND WHO ARE RIDIN DA WAVE OF DA SAME TIRED RAP/SINGING GROUP WEARIN' A THUG UNIFORM.....DA KID AINT TRYIN TO BASH OR NUTTIN, BUT DAMN THESE YOUNG KIDS NEVA HAD INPUT ON OTHER DAMN BLOGS....OH YEAH AND FO' DA CHICK FROM SC POSTIN HER ADDRESS AND SHYT, I HOPE YO MAMA SEE DAT SHYT AND WHIP DAT ASS......LEAVE MY MAN RON.MEX. ALONE, HE TRYIN TO PUT ENTERTAIN AND EDUCATE YALL......DAMN BET AND PUBLIC SCHOOL HAS MISLEAD DA YOUTH ONCE AGAIN......STAY IN SCHOOL
what about them pretty ricky email addresses?
Hallelujah, Spark!
I couldn't believe that 13 year old girl from S.C. postin her address on here! I was like... I should leave this up there so one of her schoolfriends could tell her mama and she would her her ASS whipped!
But I saved her dignity... and her ass! (one way or another)
Talkin all grown... then runnin back like: "Oh, yeah... I forgot... Pretty Ricky boys mail to my house at XXXXXXX, It's just me and my mama but she work nights at the hospital so you can knock on the door after 7 if you want."
Did this bitch really refer to you as a racist? What made her ignorant ass assume that you weren't black. Ha! People are aways backing themselves into a corner with their stupid ASS comments.
Are you adequately compensated from having to deal with this bullshit?
Keep doing you bro'.
I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODIES SEEN THIS SHIT YET BUT THEY GOT A RUMOR ABOUT A SEX TAPE OF A FEMALE RAPPER GOIN ROUND AND I JUST SEEN THAT SHIT. ITS EVE FROM '99 AND SOME DUDE FUCKIN HER USIN DILDOS AND SHIT REAL TALK.YOU KNOW WHEN SHE WAS SHORT HAIR AND BLONDE OR WHATEVER COLOR THAT SHIT WAS. JUST LETTIN U KNOW THAT SHITS REAL........
IT LOOKS LIKE THE B5 BLOG IS GOING IN THE SAME DIRECTION AS THE PRETTY RICKY ONE. DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT CHECK IT OUT YOURSELF. I THINK WE NEED A AGE RULE LIKE THE NBA, 18 AND OLDER ONLY APPLY.
MY NICCA, EVE IS GOING TO BE LIKE DA BRAT IN A FEW YEARS. NOW IF YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT TRINA OR JACKIE O, I WOULD BE INTERESTED. I ALSO THOUGHT EVE WAS A BI EX-STRIPPER THAT WAS MORE STUD THAN FISH.
Hmm, Hi As A Kite...did it look like EVE knew she was being taped? Some dudes tape females without their knowledge, and next thing you know, their vaginas are being broadcast all over the damned internet. I'll be damned if I am surfing the web and come across some link showing me and someone's dick in my mouth!
Yeah, Eve was a stripper, but I don't think she'll end up like the BRAT. Eve got her clothing line and she's doing her little acting bit.
If anyone ever took a look at the most recent airing of the Surreal Life with Da Brat on it, she still hasn't come to terms with being a has been. She is in complete denial, and still thinks she is an A-List rapper. Poor thing...
Oh my God Big Gucci! You were rght about the B5 posts! Are we really going to have to relive this nonsense?
LADY T, BELIEVE IT OR NOT EVE IS ALMOST WASHED UP. I KNOW OF NO ONE WHO WATCHES UPN OR HER SHOW. HER LAST ALBUM FLOPPED. I REMEMBER IT WAS SUMMER OF 02 WHEN SHE HAD THAT JOINT WITH ALICIA KEYS. I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. AND THE LAST SONG SHE DID GWEN STEFANI WAS WACK. I WISH HER THE BEST. MAY BE FELLATIO ON TAPE WILL BREATH NEW LIFE INTO HER CAREER.
I know that her career as a rapper is fading away, but she won't be like Da Brat, who has nothing to show for her work. Eve is doing movies and has the potential to make money with her clothing line. As a rapper, she's done for.
BOO, AT LEAST WE AGREE ON SOMETHING. :) :)
LOL, you are one stubborn man!
man to answer earlier question hell yea she new she was bein taped. since this actin thing her music is noe more. i guess this is somethin to keep folks talkin bout her or maybe some nigga found it in his room or some shit.
LADY T, WHO ME? STUBBORN? I WAS AGREEING WITH YOU, BOO
YEAH, DAT CHICK KNEW SHE WAS BEIN TAPED, SHE LOOKED RIGHT IN DA CAMERA AT ONE POINT......MAN AINT NUTTIN WRONG TO MAKE A LIL FLICK E'ERY NOW AND THEN......HAHA....BUT YEA, IF SHE DON'T HAVE A GOOD ALBUM SOON, HER CAREER GONNA BE RIDIN ON FUMES.....BUT HEY WE ALL KNOW ONCE U MAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS ON OTHA SHYT OTHER THAN RAP, IT'S HARD TO MAKE A GOOD ALBUM (EX. DMX, 50 CENT, LL COOL J, EMINEM, AND WILL SMITH)
it's a well known fact the movie money is faster and greater compared to what u might get after completing an album.plus theres less people to pay with movies.shes just lost her drive for makin good music because shes eatin really well off of t.v and shit.personally i thought she fell off after gangsta luvin wit alicia keys but like i said thats my opinion.maybe she can cash in on her sex tape like paris hilton. why not, atleast Eve has some type of skill and aint just rich for no reason.fuck it.........
Eve!!! I can't front I thought Lil Kim would've been the first out of the gate on that. Shit, she should just teach Heather Hunter to rap and the universe will even itself out.
you know c-b,theres a concept that works.heather hunter can get her mic skills up and maybe do like 800,000 and in return she can teach Eve how to suck a dick from the back or some freaky shit like that. or heather can hook up eve wit her camera man cuz the tape quality was shitty.you cant capitalize of your sex tape if the video is shitty Eve.....
I don't think there should be an age limit cause then I couldn't be on it :'(
I'm not one of those stalker fans who takes what ppl say 2 heart....this all in good fun ppl...lighten up kids
I was just joking about the age limit.
We love you, stylezz!
You know what Kite? That is a novel idea. I think we need to pitch that idea to a studio. A ghetto ass Freaky Friday. A female rapper switches bodies with her stripper sister. The twist....which one gives up the snatch first for a deal. Let me call TV One.
hell yea we finna get paid like i dont know what.or maybe it could be a game show or somethin kinda like the extreme hoin challenge ronnie mex has wit a twist. the first contestants are Eve and Heather Hunter goin against Da Brat and Lisa Raye.first prize is a record and or t.v deal,a 30 box of trojans,a lifetime supply of vagisil,birth control pills and complemetary kneepads. its a gold mine C-B,a gold mine.....
How about a stank ass batle royal...eve, heather hunter,lisa raye,da brat, and for that funky twist martha wash. let them battle it out and last one standing gets to screw lil john AND the east side boys for a deal on felonious records
ohhhhhhhhhh shit son.i see the money comin now.special guest referee lil kim and we got j-lo and melyssa ford doin color commentary.Man we finna get paid for real.Im tellin you C-B we boutsta get some ducketts for this one.Call this shit"The Baddest Bitch in the Nation tournament" or Stank Hoes of the Millenium. Maybe the name needs work but the concept is gold homie.........Go.
I wanna pitch in too! I have some ideas for games/contests:
The Tea Baggin' It Showdown
Deep Throat/No Gagging Competition
Finger Poppin Fiesta
How about the Vanessa Williams ho to housewife Award
Or the Blu Cantrell soulful ho Award
The Khia Dirty Ho Award
The Vivica Fox Frontin Ass ho Award
Come on guys, help me out here! ;o)
man u know what im feelin the T-BAGGIN it showdown.and the deep throat competition is gold.we need to awards all the skeeos with like the international ho award.thats where u bring in bitches from all over the world and them hos compete.After this they can finally have that million ho march.i'll record that shit and sell it to B.E.T, they'll play anything.........
I already have the theme song of the show. Sung to the tune of Blackstreet's "No Diggity" it's called "No Dignity, No Clout". We could have the annual Nell Carter "Give Me A Break" Award for the most overrated hoe in the game.
We could have a "Break The Bank" game, see how many seconds it takes to make a nigga go broke.
The "Leaning Shoes Award" for the woman that keeps walking that comeback track, but can never quite comeback.
We can have them "Name That Dick"
The Grand prize could be Special Ed's Jetta,a walk-on part on The Parkers
a week's supply of hot dogs and ramen noodles and their face on a the new snack food...."HOE CAKES"
HOE CAKES!!!!!!!!!OHHH SHIT,HOES GOTTA EAT TOO,MAN c-B U KILLIN HOMIE,U KILLIN IT.
Eve's show on UPN is weak and corny as shit. What the hell do they be thinking when they air this shit on tv. Fuck B5, Boyz N Da Hood, Puffy, and Bad Boy.
I'm tellin' you Kite...paper is to be made. I'm trying to be a multi-media assassin on these cats. TV,8 Track,Vinyl,Transistor Radio, all dat son!!!
We can have the snack food company sponsor a contest "Be A Hoe For A Day".
We can give them the HBO Documentary "It Ain't Easy Bein' A Ho", let them walk the Atlantic City track for an hour. They can keep 5% of what they make.
Then let Lisa Raye take her to meet Will Smith to suck him off so she can have a speaking part on "All Of Us".
Finally, she will see Heather Hunter perform live and have Akinyele put it in her mouth and write her rhymes.
And 100.00 gift certificate to Roscoe's
and from the makers of "be a ho for a day comes."CAN YOU OUTSUCK MONICA LEWINSKY".
Lisa Raye among others wil be given 20 minutes to suck off 5 different contestants.the last one to get finished is eliminated until we have the"GOLDEN GUZZLER"
ALSO from the makers of be a ho for a day is, "WHO WANTS TO FUCK A MILLIONAIRE", now this is where we take talentless bitches whose careers are fading(britney spears,those 3lw bitches,brooke valentine,and the likes of,fuck it Lisa Raye)and have them bang a untolerable millionaire like Dikembe Mutumbo,Seal,Manute Bol,and
Lil Jon.who ever takes the most dicks without making a sound is the winner.obviously the prize would be a new career and a $50 gift certificate to Fredricks of Hollywood9all the draws you can get) and as a bonus who ever can blow Mike Vick without gettin herpes gets a sitcom.........GO
You just named 3 Africans and Lil Jon... that's disturbing.
The scheming is great... Dream a little dream... but...
Anyone have anything to say about the mailbag?
Shiiit! Any chick fucking Mike Vick alone is an episode of SURVIVOR in itself. That nigga is playing tag you're it for real. *Allegedly*
How about BATTLE OF THE INDUSTRY HOES?
3 teams: Video,TV,and Music go head to head for a chance at a bucket of hot wings,a luxurious night at Shaq's mistress' house in Texas and be the new face of a new candy called SOUR PUSS.
They have an obstacle course which includes scaling a wall of broke niggas. Then swinging on a monkey bar over a pit of other money grubbing hoes that's trying to bring them down.Next they have to crawl under a electrified gate.Get pass a simulated hotel security guard. Then the TUG-A-TRICK finale where the team who loses falls into a pool of horse cream and has to fuck Beetlejuice. After all of that the team who wins is then pitted against each other in who was fucked more than once by the same baller/rapper. Those losers have to try and get A.C. Green to lose his virginity.....Go!
Oh shit,you killed me wit the A.C Green,the beetlejuice,and the electric fence.thats some classic shit but peep.
Theres gonna be a relay race where the first obstacle is a swimmin race in shark infested waters while these hoes got their period.keep in mind that the object is to keep there weave the nicest,while swimming for a NBA players phone#
After they finish they tag the next bitch and
she has to get back stage of the Anger mangement tour usin just $10 worth of food stamps(not the card) and those knee pads they won on a earlier show.which brings up to the Xtreme groupie Challenge
Whoever gets thru first tags the next bitch and they have to see who can collect the most child support from ALL they baby daddies before his parole officer catches up to him.
And if there lucky enuff to make it this far they have a Strip Off,where the ho with the most singles stuffed in her draws is declared "THE QUEEN BITCH"............GO.
The blood and the sharks. Genius, sheer genius. Check it, what about a all skeezer channel. 24 hours a day of nothing but stankin' skankin. I think we have already established Lisa Raye as the face of the HOE Network.
HOE Nightly News aka "The Come Up" hosted by Wendy Williams(not because she falls into the category,but she has no problem tellin' their biznass)
POLE STYLE hosted by the hottest stripper in ATL(whoever that may be that that week.
HOE HOUSE,where famous and infamous hoes show us where they live,how they livin,and who they livin' with. On sundays after the religious programming that we need to pay the bills.
We can have a series called HIS & HOE STORIES where we chronicle those famous hoes that were turned into housewives(2 hr series pilot with Pebbles)the tricks who loved them enough to do it and how they make it work.
A 1/2 hour show called HOE DOWN where we show the replays of the weeks hottest backhands and shoe throws from pimps and hoes from around the world.
A daily talk show called OH HOE YOU DIDN'T!!!
We have a block set aside for some QVC type shit called HOE SALE. All the hottest fake shit. HUCCI,NADA,HOESHAY & CABANA,ROACH BAGS,JIMMY WHO,MANONOS...the only authentic items are REEBOK 5411'S, hoes need to have comfortable athletic shoes.
Go.
I forgot, the slogan of HOE SALE is "FUCK RETAIL GET IT HOE SALE"
HAHAHAHAHA I CANT DOIT, NIGGA DID U SAY JIMMY WHO'S OH SHIT.THE HIS And HOE stories that shits just amazin.WE CANT forget a bout the hoes in trainin my nigga. so for the future hoes that aint quite grown we got a cartoon called
"The Adventures of Holonda and the mighty G-string". this is about a young stripper who fights crime after work and gains super powers by putting on a magic g string and stilletos.Her Arch enemies would be Bubba the Birth Control Pill,and his clan of dead beat daddies.Another enemy would be Ike Turner as super pimp,and O.J as the ho killa.and of course like super man,she has a weakness. her only weakness would be a crisp big face $100 bill,the only thing that can bring a Ho to her knees.
Then a talk show hosted by none other than our very own Lisa Raye right after these bad ass kids get out of school.Talkin about how to be succesful ho,how to deal with"PLAYA HATIN BITCHES",and the best way to hide contraband in ya pussy when u visit youre 1st baby daddy without gettin caught.Of course this ones geared towards the older crowd.
Oh and the slogan is Brilliant........GO
Yo! I can't breathe...you said "clan of deadbeat daddies" that is hysterical.
How about, the last time we left Holonda, she was trapped in the VIP Room with R. Kelly and he had a stack of C-Notes. She was on the floor from the first wink of Benji's eye. She got saved by her stripper friend Diamond(special celebrity voice by...none other than Lisa Raye)who promised to drive him by the local high school and she took the C-Note stack from under Holonda's nose.
How about a show like Cheaters, but it's called HOE-TELL. They get a camera crew to follow their baby daddy to see if he's really wiring that child support cash or if he's using it to take out her best friend and their kid to Chuck E. Cheese.
Instead of Punk'd we would have a version called ROBB'D. We could have hoes set-up celebrities when they're out on tour to get their shit taken and see what's really hood.
Movie Of The Week is....BI-HOESTAL. A heartbraking romance about a hoe from the east and one from the west who get stranded in America's heartland. Both are trying to make it to Atlanta for the STRIP-OFF. During the process they fall in love with each other and realize that love without paper makes them 2 broke bitches.
Go.
Man thats classic.you never cease to amaze me.After Robb'd we have a version or Room Raiders called Strip Club raiders where 1 "lucky" man goes to a strip club in the A and goes through there gym lockers pickin which hoochies he wants a date with.
Then on thursdays we have a special called Ho True Hollywood stories where we look at the life and times of some of the most diabolical bitches in the industry, The first episode is about either Lil Kim or Mariah Carey and shows there struggle to sleep with as many execs and big time rappers as possible just to make it in this cruel
industry.followed by
"Makin the Ho" where we take a handful of surburban and country bitches and put them thru grueling test to see who has what it takes to be the next big ho in the inner city. the winner is mentored by,yep u guessed it,Lisa Raye who will be Executive producer of the show along with Money Mike.
And lastly we have a special reunion with all the hoes that ever fucked Wilt Chamberlain.We get these 2000 hoes in the staples center for a convention and let them trade stories.televised of course.........Go.
Ho True Hollywood Stories
Instead of CSI it could be DSI. A celebrity forensics team scours through the entertainment industry, swabs celebrity hoes mouths and run cross analysis against a database of rappers,singers, and ballers to see who was the last person they sucked off and was it for money,a job, or personal pleasure.
Soap Operas: As The Hoe Takes Turns, All My Hoes, One Hoe To Give, Another Hoe, The Young & The Dressless,like money in the tip glass, these are...The Hoes Of Our Lives.
A cooking show: A Hoe Meal Under 30 Minutes
Instead of UNCUT they can play their own home movies.
Go.
we need to give these ladies a chance to showcase their talent if any at all.so i've decided to create "HO-TIME at the Apollo".instead of rubbing the block of wood on the way out,these money hungry hoes are gonna rub a golden shovel for good luck.instead of sandman pushin these broads off the stage when they bomb we gonna call on Pimpin Ken to bitch slap these hoes instead.we gonna give Lisa Raye a break from her busy schedule and let Foxy Brown have the honors of hostin this one.
Also americas sluttiest HO-me videos.we gonna take ur idea of home videos and let these skanks submitt there sex tapes and any other home videos to see who has the nastiest video.The winners are flown out to appear in Snoop Doggs Doggystyle 3,and one of Lukes many flicks.......GO.
wat yall talkin bout niggas
I think you are correct about Lisa Raye. Contract talks with her have been unbearable. All of the jaw jacking, using of teeth and hot air blowing. And that's just from the head she was giving the executives in the office. I've given her a written warning and sent her back out on the track for 30 days as punishment. Foxy Brown was an excellent replacement choice. Also, the golden shovel(I don't know if I can top that one.) So subtle,yet gut-bustingly funny. That was a platinum statement homie.
What about this? We have a show just like Charlie's Angels, but it's called HO-HO'S. Three reformed ladies of the evening get hired by a private agency to exclusively up the social status of the dudes that hired them. They are summoned when someone says,"Say Ho!!! Say Ho Ho!! Say Ho Ho Ho!!!!
A new HOE-STORY Documentary. FAST-ASSES. It chronicles 3 generations of strippers as they all work at the same club and fight for the love of one man.
The grandmother:50 years old and has never been the same since watching " The Players Club"
The daughter:35 years old and wanted to dance after her momma told her to watch "The Players Club".
Finally the granddaughter: 19 years old and has been dancing since she saw BET's Uncut. All fighting to be the new baby mamma of a 25 year old Sudafed hustlin' music producer.
GO.
Ah shit peep,on I got another episode of Holonda. After Kells got his c-note stack snatched he was locked up.And you know how they hate child rapist and shit in the can so he used his 1 phone call to call Ike Turner to bust him out the joint.They succeed and plot on a way to get back at Holonda.But ever since she had Ike committed to Betty Ford his powers have been mediocre(Popeye needs spinich and Ike needs a 8-ball)but only one person can get dope without leavin evidence.....O.J the ho Killa,but without the late great Johnnie Cochran he too is less powerful so they form like voltron and head to the strip club.....Is this the end of Holonda....or will she be able to get off her ass in time to suit up....find out on the next edition of"The Adventures of Holonda and the Might G-string.......Go
Check it, after Holonda has pulled herself together with a shot of Henny, she realizes that something is about to go down. Instead of spidey sense, she has "pussy perception". Her clit starts tingling and her g string turns gold. She stops dancing for Bobby Brown and waits for Ike and the Juice to roll up in the club. Being at half strength, Ike can only muster enough energy to try and spit game to get pass security. He ususally just lays the smack down. O.J. gets a Nextel chirp from an anonymous voice telling him to turn around. When he does, he sees that it's Whitney Houston with a super-laced 8 ball for Ike. She told him,"The Kang of R & B is inside. He's waiting for y'all to set it off."
What will happen next??
Go.
AHHHHH MY NIGGA THAT SHITS GREAT. Now that Ike has regained his super Bitch Slap Power hes ready to beat a bitch like never before.Whitney ,there new accomplice,uses her crack like frame to sneak underneath the door and shut of the power.Holonda is caught in the midst of an ambush.Ike Turner cocks back with all his might and bitch slaps the FUCK out Holonda.While on the grown R.Kelly uses his pissin power to stun our Ho in distress.Fortunatly she was carrying her Panty Shield of Justice and the impact was reduced to a minimun.She says to Kells "look there's Dakota Fanning" and him being unable to resist an adolescent female turns, but not before Holonda hits him with her silicon Smack of Seduction.The juice sees his homie in a jam and puts on his Glove of Devastation and chokes the hell out of her.While he has her locked tighter than vice grips,Bobby Brown(The Kang of Rocks&Blunts)puts $1000 worth of hunneds in her Golden G string........Will Holonda break free and save Magic City from destruction,or will the Ho Killers grip be to much for her to handle.......GO
DAKOTA FANNING!!!! KID... YOU JUST SHIT OUT A GOLDEN EGG! A MOTHERFUCKIN GOLDEN EGG!!
As Kang Bobby was putting a grand in Holonda's G-String. Whitney saw this go down with her "pipe vision" and proceeded to go over there quicker than the speed of her vocal prowess. She started to beat Bobby's ass faster than she could write out a check to cover another one of his child support payments. In the process, she ended up hitting O.J. which made him loosen up his patented "Fresh Squeezed Choke Hold" thereby givng Holonda a chance to catch her breath and crawl away to an unsuspected area of the club to put away the grand B. Brown left in her strang. After the Kang cried out to Whitney "Don't be cruel", she paused long enough for Ike to smack the hot shit out of her. Holonda eventually found her way back to her locker in the basement to stash the grand. She realizes that that amount of money may render her weak, but the bitch got bills to pay. As the Ho Killers come to their senses and wait for the hydro smoke to clear a call is sent out to the Ho Killers Headquarters from B.Brown..."Snipes...Yo Wesley! I need you to come down here and smack the hearing out of this hoe's ear. Yeah man, exactly what you did to Halle Berry. How soon can you be here?"
Will Holonda be able to dance again if she can't hear... Will she be able to use that grand to pay her Sprint bill...Will Wesley Snipes be able to leave his white woman long enough to lay the smack down? What next?
This epsiode was brought to you from the makers of BOOTY CALL,their new device for your car...The HO-MING DEVICE!!! Now you can know where your hoe is at all times when you want some of that sweet funky stuff.
Go.
I'm with Babyg.
Ron,
You have to follow the posts. Nothing but funny creative writing flowing back and forth between Kite and I. Feel free to add.
WESLEY SNIPES IS GENIUS.AND I LOVE THE HOMING DEVICE.
SO WESLEY FINALLY WORKED UP ENUFF COURAGE TO LEAVE HIS WHITE DEVIL TEMPTRESS AND HELP HIS FELLOW BREDDRIN.Wesley hops in his Blade uniform and motorcycle and heads str8 to magic city.Keep in mind that this call was secretly placed and Holonda is not expecting another villian.Given the fact that he is jet black it was not hard for him to sneak into the club.Actually, he walked just walked in that bitch like the invisible man.Meanwhile Holonda is downstairs thinkin how can she beat this clan of fiends and ho monglers.Bobby came off his high and realized that Ike just pimp slapped his hoe.He screams at Ike,"why u hit my hoe nigga,nobody beats that bitch but me".Ike replies my bad B.B I looked at Whitney and remembered how me and Anna Mae used to do it.The Juice gets these niggaz in line and they head for the locker room.Wesley kicks down the door and surprises Holonda who is still a little weak from the hunneds.She pleads to him not to knock the sound out of her because she has to keep the rhythm on stage when they play TIP DRILL."Thats my shit".she says.Wesley stands there with a cold look in his eye like the one he had when he seen the box office numbers for blade 3.Then quickly she offers to suck his dick if he spares her and helps her against the clan thats upstairs.Shes shows him her silicone titties which works on all of her johns and tricks,but little did she know Wesley is immune to black bitches.He kicks the shit out of her with one of those karate moves and knocks her into her locker.He proceeds to slap her ass again and again.Holonda's vision is getting blurry and she can already star ther feal her hearin fade away.But suddenly Holonda has just remember what the Head-I master Hoda told her when she first gained her powers."Let the force be with u,Remember the power of the p-u-s-s-y"
Then it hit her,shes been dancin all night and hasnt taken a shower or nutin.She opens her legs and releases the power of a thousand fish.Even Wesleys lust for white women can protect him from this hideous stench.He is instantly parylized from the waist and in a coma for its been too long since he had some black pussy.She then calls reinforcemnts to help her with the clan coming down stars.LISA RAYE!!!
After the commerical break will the Juice and his clan of Ho monglers finished the job or will Lisa Raye get there in time to help her fellow ho.....tune in......Go.
KITE YOU KILLED IT!!! KID YOU KILLED IT!!! HEAD-I MASTER!!! HODA!!! SNIPES IMMUNE TO BLACK CHICKS!!! I HAVE TO COLLECT MYSELF. YOU FORREST GUMPED THE WESLEY SNIPES SHIT AND RAN AWAY WITH IT.
Man good lookin I'll wait on it.
You guys have really helped my day go by a lot faster. The following quote made me laugh out loud (and as I am the receptionist I almost got in trouble!):
Soap Operas: As The Hoe Takes Turns, All My Hoes, One Hoe To Give, Another Hoe, The Young & The Dressless,like money in the tip glass, these are...The Hoes Of Our Lives.
Good Lord!
ANYTHING FOR THE PEOPLE.
We now return to our "special" episode of Holanda....When we last left off Lisa Raye(as herself) was rushing down the steps to a feloow hoe's aid. After being summoned by Holonda's Magic Money Clip, Lisa Raye and her trusty busty dike-kick Da Brat(as herself) commence to pussy whipping Wesley Snipes. Lisa was riding Wesley Snipes like she was trying to have a feature role in a Master P video. And Brat hopped on his face to see what a real man's moustache felt like between her legs. When Wesley awakened from his coochie coma he no longer wanted to practice martial arts,eat sushi and love white women. He wanted to tote a 45,eat hot wings, and fuck a chick darker than himself. As they left the scene and headed upstairs they ran into OJ and Ike. Holonda,Lisa, and Brat were in a bad situation. With rest and strength on the Ho Killers side the hoes were facing defeat. The p-u-s-s-y powerdepleated,the fish gone from Holonda,and Brat considering going strictly dickly it did not good. But Lisa remembered one thing. Her idol gave her a ring and said, "When you are looking into the face of darkness, put this on and I will be there to save you." With that in mind, as Ike and OJ started the bumrush. Lisa put on the ring and BAM!!! Out came the essence of her idol....PAMELA ANDERSON LEE. OJ could not beleive his eyes. As he rushed down the steps with the speed of a man trying to get to his Hertz rental car he was rendered helpless and speechless. Ike was spellbound. He hasn't seen a white woman have this much of an effect on a black person since he divorced his white wife. Ike was yelling "OJ!!!!Step away from the White!!!Step away from the White!!!" Lisa,Holonda,and Brat make their way up the steps and out into the club. When lisa removed the ring they locked Ike and OJ in the basement. With that disaster averted. They passed Whitney still beating Bobby's ass. Still benig the trick that she is, she slid Bobby her number hoping to get some humpin around money.
As holonda thanked her girls, her g-string started to glow and clit started to throb. Her pussy perception was telling her that something wasn't right. Could it be that Al B Sure is trying to make a comeback? Is Al Green waiting to throw hot grits on another unsuspecting hoe? Is Flip Wilson trying to infiltrate the organization?
These questions and another hoe-raising adventure awaits when Holonda and The Mighty G-String returns!!!!!
Go.
MAN I ALMOST SHIT MY PANTS!PAM ANDERSON,WESLEY GOIN BACK TO BLACK,MAGIC MONEY CLIP.DAMN HOMIE!
Holonda has taken a break from her skrippin' and has taken a vacation to the Players Ball where she will be awarded with the Platinum Dildo award for her work saving Magic City and bringin the Bishop Don Juan out of retirement.Since she has become his bottom bitch he has generated more duckets than any pimp in the room.Dedicated to her work she couldn't help but hit the strip while she was in Detroit on vacation.Walkin the strip in her Manonos to the next John she noticed something wasnt quite right.Most of the hookers on the street were suddenly transvestites.She didnt even need her powers for this one for she new it only meant one thing.Eddie Murphy was back!Eddie took time off of pimpin tranny hos to work on family movies but his heart was in the game.She knew that if she didnt act fast,the johns would get turned out and Lisa Raye,Herself and all the other hard workin hoes would be out of work.She runs into the alley and calls Lisa Raye on her Magic Money clip."Lisa....Eddies back.Nows not the time to panic, get the others together we need to have a meeting."While back in The ATL,the ho union,consising ofHolonda,LisaRaye,Da Brat,Pam Anderson,Lil Kim,Eve,and Foxxy,the latter 3 whom have settled their differences were in heavy talks on how to stop Eddie from takin over the globe with his slew of tranny bitches.
"we're just not strong enuff"Eve cried.Weneed more soldiers if we wanna win this battle.With there Ho like tendacies and the brut strength ofmen we are truly over powered".Fear not Holonda reassured the Hoes I'll call the boss surely he'll know what to do.In a style mimicking charlies angels The Bishops voice rang loud over the speaker phone.Chuuch,he cried."Good Morning Magic Juan"his hoes cried."Good mornin bitches,what the problem is"?Francticly Kim said Eddies back and hes stronger than ever,his tranny bitches are an army all too large what can we do.Before the Magic one could even reply Ru Paul bust in from the sky with a whole heap of trannies behind him/her.It doesnt look good for these hoes!
See what happens next,Will the Hoes find a way to defeat this powerful clan of trannies,will Eddie take over the world with his nasty hoes,will Al.BSure finally make that comeback album?All these questions and more get answered on the next episode of"The Adventures ofHolonda and the Magic G-Strang".......Go
hey folks whats happenin i just saw dis sight and yall got some dope s*** on dis site i dont kno to believe it all or laugh it off but whats happenin wit my dudes pretty ricky why ur body dog dem out like dat on dis site as far as i kno peeps wuz feeling dem even dogh i still dont kno who ricky is i saw dat tape about eve but on some parts dat whole thing look fake but i beleive it cuz too many peep done told me that gurl wuz a stripper i hope not cuz if so dat chick threww.well ima holla at some moe peeps on another site holla back ggg
MY NIGGA...IF THIS WAS THE OLD SCHOOL WWF, WE WOULD HAVE THE TAG TEAM TITLE ON LOCK!!! EDDIE...RUPAUL....HEEERE WE GO.....
With the sound of SYLVESTER'S "(YOU MAKE ME FEEL)MIGHTY REAL" blaring down from overhead. RuPaul smashes in through the roof screaming out orders,"Sashay Shantay!!!!" The H-Team scrambles into action faster than a raid at Heidi Fleis' house. As RuPaul's she-men start to hand out ass whoopin's he is still yelling at his troops,"You better work it girl!!!" Lil Kim starts to throw her space age polymer boomerang tits and lips at her hoe foes. Foxy Brown(with her flair for always exposing her nipples)impairs the villans vision by poking their eyes out with her venomous tipped nipples. Eve reverts back to her stripper persona. She ditches the weave, jumps back into her Timbs and starts swinging and twirling herself on anything long with a cylinder shape. Including sneaking on a tranny cock after knocking them out. Amidst the smoke and debris, the three newcomers and RuPaul stand waiting to do battle. Holonda,Lisa Raye,Pamela Lee,and Da Brat have actually been hiding in a secret compartment that Don Juan has created to keep his main money makin hoes safe. Brat was only allowed in because she's Lisa's sister and she could've been harmful to the team in this battle. Due to the fact she could've had the best of both worlds, fucking a "woman" with a real dick. When the compartment opens Lisa Raye immediately shouts,"Stop!!! We give up. Take us to your leader." Holonda and the rest of the H-Team look at her with astonishment. "What in the hell are you doing?" Holonda says. "If Don Juan don't get his coins you know that means we have to fuck Snoop and his people for free." Foxy stated,"Nate Dogg too?!" "Yep, and we all know Dr. Dre don't mind smackin a bitch." As a collective sigh went out around the room amongst the H-Team Lisa said, "Trust me. I got my strategy from playing Galaga with Emmanuel Lewis the other day. If we infiltrate Eddie's camp maybe we can come up on that movie money. If it doesn't work and we all survive, I'll fuck everybody in Hollywood." Da Brat stated,"You already did that. How do you think you got this far." With that situation coming to a close, RuPaul agreed to the terms and placed a call on his cocky-talkie. "Hayyyayy!!!" a voice replied, "This is Johnny Gill go ahead RP." "Tell Eddie I am on my way back with his treasure of trick ass bitches. And make sure Arsenio doesn't eat all of the good cheese. Seacrest out!!!"
Will Lisa's plan work? Has Al B Sure told you how he feels about you nite and day?Will UPN show Eve's sex tape during sweeps? Stay tuned, we'll be right back with Holonda
Go.
MAN WE ARE LITERALLY ULTIMATE WARRIOR AND STING ON THIS SHIT HOMIE!MAN U KILLED ME ON SO MUCH SHIT BUT HERE I GO....
Traveling thru the city at speeds only Ru Pauls areodynamic battery powered penis shaped tranny mobile could reach,our hoes in distress found themselves in a situation that there sluttinest might not be able to fix.In a blink of an eye they reached the hideout.When Eddie had saved up enuff money,he had a hideout built in San Fransico in the shape of the man thatstarted him acting and pimpin.As th entered the ass of the,rocky horror picture guy they noticed that Eddie was sitting in a chair waiting on there arrival.Eheheheh he chuckled with his signature laugh."Welcome to my domain bitches.Take these hoes to the Sylvester suite."They were instantly tossed in a room and stripped of thier gadgets.Da Brats hormones took over her and she started tryin to fuck each of the women in the room."Brat get ahold of yourself were gonna die if we dont get our plan str8 now"is what Lisa said."I know I'm tryna get some pussy before I die."Having not swallowed any semen in the last 24 hours Lil Kim was getting extremely weak.since the brat couldnt get any pussy from these hoes she started to turn on the group from inside the walls of sylvester(pun intended).Why are u bitches holdin out,my hurrican tongue technic is stronger than ever.Meanwhile on the outside Johnny,Eddie,Ru,were at the the round table."where the fuck is Aresino"eddie said pissed of.at just the moment he came from the back room buckling his dickies and and wiping his mouth."I uh..I uh had some um business to handle.Yeah thats it business".Sit yo gay ass down everybody shouted at once.So what are we gonna do with these hoes.johnny asked.Well the dike one is obviously interested in our lifestyle so maybe we can use that our advantage.You know what Ru that a good idea.Summon the dike.Back in the room the tranny gaurd opened the door and smack Holonda,and Lisa"Bitches.You masculine one come now,King Eddie wants to meet you".da Brat grinned from ear to eat cuz maybe she could finally get some.
Is Da Brat gonna sell out her sisters for a good time,Will the FCC crack down on UPN for showing the Eve Sex Tape,Is Diddy going to be the guy to revive Al.B Sures career....Find out on the next installment of.....HOLONDA....GO
AND AWAY WE HOE.......
While being escorted to King Eddie, Da Brat is letting her hopefully future compadres know how she rolls. "Puttin' it down puttin' it down ain't a thing to me..." she says in a spit fire flow. "Which one of you 'ladies' need a twister-turnin-tasty-tongue-lashin?" That statment makes both guards(aka Shantays around Murphy's Man-sion)stop and question their mission at hand until the voice of RuPaul is screaming in their earpiece,"You better work!!!" With the sound of house music coming through the speakers(and Eddie's album played once a day in it's entirety) the Shantay's reach the door of Eddie's suite.The doors, shaped like an ass, open to reveal Eddie's inner rectum room. A place where he only allows his special officers into and their et gerbils. As Brat stands in the middle of the room she sees Johhny Gill, Arsenio Hall, RuPaul and Eddie. She thought she saw Magic Johnson exiting through a secret door dribbling a ball, but attributed that to her carpet munching dry spell. "My,my,my if it isn't Brat." says Johnny Gill. "Save all the pleasntries and point me to the pussy." exclaimed Da Brat. Eddie laughs and says,"Ask not what these hoes can do to you, but what can you do to these hoes." "Who the fuck are you HODA?" Brat says."Slience!!!" Eddie yells. "What I need from you is to tell me Holonda and the H-Teams weaknesses. And for each proven weakness you get to taste some snatch. As a token of good faith here is your first piece. ROSIE O'DONNEL!!! COME ON DOWN!!!"
What will Brat do? Is blood thicker than water? Is Christopher Williams still talking to himself? Nobody knows until the next episode of Holonda.
Go.
Rosie wobbles her fat ass down the steps wearing edible undies and assumes the position."I like pussy but damn Eddie this aint exactly what I had in mind"she says in disappointment."Very well then"Eddie snaps his fingers.His song IF I WAS KING is playing in the background.Outcomes Queen Pen.Da Brat cant believe her eyes,shes been tryna fuck this bitch for the last 5 years."OH SHIT!!!". Da Brat makes her way towards the snatch.The Shantays block her before she can start munchin away to bliss."You tell us thier weaknesses and then maybe I'll reward you for ur cooperation".Without hesitation she says Lil Kim needs at least 4 quarts of cum a day to be at full strength.Eddie stays true to his word.She feels a little guilty but she cant resist,Queen Pens gangsterdom overshadows even her own.As soon as as she puts her tongue on the snatch The shantays pull her away."TAT TAT TAT what the fuck man"!the brat says very pissed off.Now tell us about Lisa Raye and Holonda! I cant do that I cant do that.King Eddie snaps his fingers and just like that Margeret Cho,Ellen Degeneres,Missy Elliot,Lisa Leslie.and Chyna,come down stairs.Da Brat is drooling looking at all the possibilities.On top of that chyna reveals something to Brat that she never got to discover on Surreal Life,her dick.In a state of mind similar to Michael Jackson when he performed at Chuck E.Cheese that one time,shes not thinkin clearly and says........
Find out if she folds under the pressure of pussy or will she stick the her G-ness,also see P.Diddy put together the super boy band group of Flava Flav,Al B.Sure,Craig Mack,Hammer and Pebbles....GO
THANKS FOR THE BEHIND THE BACK NO LOOK PASS....
Brat says, "She'll always be my sister, but I won't always have this dick. Chyna bring your she-thing over here and let's do this." This explains why Chyna had braids and lost her fucking mind in the Surreal Life House. It was all an elaborate plan to seduce Brat. From the fake ass relationship with her meat headed "boyfriend" to the constant drunkness. They tested Brat's thugness to see if she could knock a nigga out with the minimalist of objects like a champagne bottle. They tested her sensitivity when Chyna cried.Ladies and gentleman, King Eddie is the most diabolical hot damn devil these hoes have ever dealt with. While Brat is having the time of her life sucking Chynas dick and being in a figure four leglock at the same time, the other hoes are having a hell of a time trying to escape. Foxy Brown is starting to have visions of her ghostwriter Jay-Z. Lil Kim is starting to look like Bea Arthur because her intake of sperm has been neglected.Pamela Anderson is babbling about doing a sex tape with Al Sharpton. Lisa Raye is starting to get moist thinking about life after UPN after she fucks evryone in Hollywood. The only one with a level head is Holonda. She's the only one who remembers that since escaping Wesley Snipes she has yet to wash her fish tank. With that in mind she starts to formulate a plan. She knows that the H-Team will follow her in their weary state. Just then the Shantays come into the holding cell. Each armed with the things these hoes need to get back on their feet. For Lil Kim, a 2 liter of Lil Cease's man-milk. Foxy Brown, a hit single written by Jay-Z. Lisa Raye, Players Club 2 NC-17 script. Pamela Anderson, Kobe Bryant and reservations for a suite in Colorado. Finally, for Holonda a stack of C-Notes. But before they can reach her Holonda opens her legs.....
Will the power of 1000 fish be released upon the Shantays?Is Shaq going to rap again?Is there beef between Color Me Badd and Shai?Next.....on Holonda
Go.
SHAI!!!WHAT THE FUCK,WERE THAT SHIT COME FROM.AIGHT THEN US A CRAZY CAT.
She opens here legs and though the fish aint as powerful as before its still enuff to stun the gaurds."Quick lets get the fuck out of here"All the hos rush towards the door except Pam.She is bent over and Kobe is working his magic.Lisa Raye pissed that its not her goes to save Pam."Leave without me"pam says,hes already knee deep in my love box.God i miss Tommy Lee.Holonda agrees and they break away from the hideout."We lost a good Hoe"Holonda said with tears in her eyes.She had one of the biggest pair of titties and the best deep throat out of all the hoes i've worked with.Meanwhile back at King Eddies lair Da Brats transformation was almost complete.She enjoyed Chynas Bronco Buster so much she decided to go with the operation and become a high ranking soldier in Eddies army."I cant wait til i get this dick,finally I can fuck Jermaine and stop using a dildo on Bow Wow!"The head shantay runs up to Ru and whispers in his/her ear."What!!!"How the fuck did they get out."The pussy Ru,the pussy was to powerful i couldnt take it.It was worse than a WNBA locker room at halftime.Ru says to Eddie"Sire,the hos have gotten away".Eddie didnt seem to be worried,almost like he expected it."They'll be back.They want to defeat me and besides I have something they need."Johnny Gill comes from the back room with a box on wheels thats glowing like Bruce Leroy from the Last Dragon.He opens it up to reveal The Bishop duct taped and badly beatin.Without his pimp goblet he has NO power whatso ever.Eheheheheh eddie chuckles.Back in Magic City the H-team shows up only to recieve a message.The club has been ruined and a letter has been tacked to the D.J booth."We have your Pimp.So now yall bitches aint shit.its only a matter of time before King Eddie takes over the worlds oldest profession."Holonda is in disbelief.Not only does she not have the majority of her weapons,but now The Magic One is being held captive."How could Brat do this to me,how?"Lisa asked.Holonda replies,"Once she got behind those walls she never had a chance.She is just to masculine.Her X Y chromosomes are all fucked up.Laying on the floor Lil Kim remembered something.She always thinks better on her back."I know how we can win without the Bishop".Dont be foolish Holonda yelled,"Nobodies more powerful than the Bishop".That may be tru but I know someone who is damn near as powerful.She says "quick all you bitches get in a doggystlye position and bark".The rest of the H-Team felt dumb but never the less did it anyway."ARF ARF ARF".A cloud purple haze fills the air and the smell of Gin and Juice mixed togethercame shortly afterwards."Oh my God,Oh my God"Lisa Raye shouted in true groupie fashion.Its the Dogg Father.Yes Snoop D-O double G himself was live and in the flesh.
Is THE DOGGFATHER going to be able to help save his position as one of the most successful rapper pimps besides Ice-T.Or will he fall short of his mentors teachings and fail.Also will Kobe ever let Pam go,Will Brat actually go thru with the rest of the operation,Will Chris Webber,SHAQ,and Ron Artest reach platinum status......SO MANY QUESTIONS,FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EDITION OF HOLONDA
After the D-O double G arrives via hydro express. Two more clouds of green smoke appear next to him with the smell of homegrown. POOF!!!POOF!!! Lisa Raye shrieks in her normal groupie tone, "Nate Dogg and Warren G!!!"
Snoop states,"What the fuck?!! Where in the hell am I? Me and Charlie Wilson was about to get into some gangsta shit and blame it on Justin Timberlake!" Lil Kim speaks up for the hoes since it was her idea to get him here. Kim says,"Bishop Don Juan has been captured daddy.He's doin' real bad. They took his gold goblet,dressed him in a oversized Men's Warehouse suit of the rack, and his hair isn't Shirley Temple curls it looks like Shirley from What's Happening. Please help us!!!" Snoop in a bewildered state says,"Fa Shizzle?!!!" He hasn't felt this fucked up since he had to sign to No Limit. Holonda says,"Snoop look at us. Normally we are all on our knees for business but this time it's for enjoyment. You,Nate,and Warren need to get some of this strange so we can save the Bishop." As 213 gave them 3 the hard way, a plan started to formulate. The Brat once again was the main focus of saving Bishop Don Juan. Snoop hit the Brat up and told her that he wanted her to open up for him. Always knowing that Brat wanted to be Snoop, she accepted the offer. She offered to have Snoop come up to Eddie's to rehearse for the tour not knowing that Snoop was really going there to rescue the Bishop.Everyone still thought that Snoop changed his ways. No weed, pimpin, or affiliate with Bishop Don Juan. When Brat told Eddie the news he was excited , but reluctant. Eddie had no choice but to believe Brat,especially after seeing her transformation in front of his own eyes. He knew that she was on his team.
Will Snoop's plan work? Will Super Head take Pamela Anderson's place. Is Remy Ma a man? All these answers will be known in the next Holonda.
Go.
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