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Michael Jackson - "Remember The Time"
Posted on June 17, 2005 2:07 PM
In honor of Michael Jackson’s acquittal, in addition to "Throwback Thursday" we’re gonna have “Fondler Friday!” (I’m just playin’. Michael ain’t molest them damn kids!) Today’s selection, also by request, is “Remember the Time” [watch it now] which features Mike and yet another all-star cast including King Eddie Murphy, Queen Iman and newly-diagnosed man-servant Magic Johnson.
As much as I love this shit, the whole video could have been avoided! When Iman told Eddie she was bored, he should have thrown her a Tutankhamun-sized dick sandwich with extra skeet! Obviously that goblet he sippin out of is not an early rendition of a pimp cup! Even a lame knows that if your girl is bored, you don’t go find some other dude to entertain her. That’s how every bad love-triangle movie in the 80s started. Still, Eddie had Magic “brang” some talent to the throne room.
I mean, seriously. You the KANG, how you let anyone gank your woman? Especially effeminate-ass Mike (a joke Eddie had made several times prior). Mike don’t even chase girls like that! I could understand if this was ’82 Mike… but by this point it looked like the magician transformed into a white girl to give Queen Iman her first interracial lesbian experience. Iman is crazy! But then again, I gotta question her taste in dudes. She is married to David Bowie. What happened ma, you got Billy Idol's voicemail?
So anyway, after failing to come through as Upperegyptplayalistic, King Eddie then should have been pissed at Iman for wanting to do Michael in his presence. She wanted to “bang bang bang” (i.e. John Witherspoon) that bleached ass right there in the throne room! Now THAT’S some Boomerang! Speaking of Boomerang… I didn’t know Egyptians knew how "cooooordinate" like that. Look at that blouse Mike has on! As Charlie Murphy would say: “You know where you got that shirt from… and it wasn’t the men’s department.” Then, while everyone else is barefoot, he got on some damn Steve Maddens. The nerve of this man!
When Eddie looked at Iman like she was crazy as Mike ran away, I was just sittin’ there waiting with all my heart for her to yell: “EDDDIEEEEEE! You treat me like ANIMAAALLLL!!!”
Mike is so cold, that while running for his life, he finds time to goof around and dance it up with the ladies. This nigga really started doing the cabbage patch when the women circled him like “Y’all know somethin’ ‘bout this?” and proceeded to wop! By the time he was done getting his Slick Rick on (instead of getting the fuck out of Cairo), he had everyone who was supposed to be chasing him dancing! Ah, yes! Music! Dancing! The Achilles heel of Negro-kind!
Okay, you got me! This isn’t a music video! This is really a History Channel portrayal of the beginnings of black people’s favorite dance: The Electric Slide. See, it didn’t start in the 70s! We’ve been doing this shit for thousands of years!
In what was supposed to be the climactic ending of the video, Mike and King Eddie finally meet face to face. Instead of any shit popping off, Mike just laughs in Eddie’s face and runs away. What does this say about the heavy makeup-wearing, prostitute-chauffeuring comedian? Hmmm? You just got clowned on by Michael Jackson, dude. Not even the good Michael! You don't want no anna, boy! (See: Three 6 Mafia)
Digressing from the video a bit, I again defend that Mike didn’t molest them kids! If he did, they would have given an account on the stand that sounded something like this:
Prosecution: And after he molested you, Timmy… what happened?Timmy: He… he got away!
P: How did he get away?
T: He spread this sand around and told me to be quiet… then he stepped on it… and disappeared.
P: Did you then leave his house?
T: Fuck no! I didn’t know where he was! I stayed right there until he came back.
I tell you what, the greatest “magic” trick in this truly amazing video comes from the half-naked man-servant who should never be allowed to speak in public. Magic Johnson convinced us all that he had HIV! 14 years later, that nigga got more T-cells than I do!
One final political note before I leave this to y’all for the weekend. I heard that a lot of people were outraged by the verdict on the Michael Jackson case. This verdict combined with the O.J. ruling has brought upon bitter contempt for and criticism of California juries. When I saw and read some of this backlash, all I could do was laugh painstakingly. I lost my faith in California juries long before O.J. trial and MJ witch hunt! Nearly 15 years ago a guy by the name of Rodney King got the living shit kicked out of him. It was videotaped for all to see, including the California jury. As you all should remember, (except for the Pretty Ricky fans who weren’t yet born) four white police officers walked away from a California jury of their peers scot-free. That's something to chew on.
Questions? Comments? Justice? Peace? Need someone to teach you the “Electric Slide?” ronnie_mexxx@yahoo.com
Finally: This weekend we’re debuting a Saturday edition of “Talkin’ Videos” entitled “Ronnie’s Mailbag.” That’s right! I’ll share some of my emails and review some of the best and most interesting posts of the week(s) past. So check me out tomorrow! Same crack time, same crack channel!
Comments
Mike Jackson is the new "Teflon Don". I don't think he was guilty of molestation, but he was guilty of having bad fuckin' judgement. Raise your own and leave others kids alone.
Now that my editorial is done, Tito...hand me a tissue.
The History Channel montage at the intro of the video was nice. Groundbreaking special effects.
Why did Eddie look like he just tagged the concubine that was serving wine.
Why in the fuck did they film Magic's afflicted feet? I don't like looking at my own, why in the hell do they need to film and show us his? That's like filming ketchup being put on a hot dog and hamburger.
Was that Mike or Liz Taylor rising from the sand on the floor?
Did you catch MJ showing Iman his finger game?
I guess Deebo was thuggin' B.C. and A.D.
Finally, why is this muthafucka always sliding? At the end of the video when he is trying to escape, he runs then slides, runs then slides. Does the law of Physics not apply to this dude? When I run, I can come to a stop. Not Mike...dammit, not Mike.
Happy Father's Day!!!!!
Eddie Murphy isn't the best actor when it comes to playing a serious role. The entire time that Eddie was grilling Michael and pointing to the guards, I was trying sooo hard not to crack up.
Magic Johnson- Anyone been to any one of his theaters? Did you peep the way he says community? Sounds more like "comuuity". What was the point of having Magic in the video? Oh, I get it. There's a conspiracy going on here:
"Let me put as many black people in my video as I can so that people don't pay so much attention to the fact that I am the color of paper."
"What's the matter Chuck, you pasty bastard, you look like you just stepped out from Ground Zero."--Did I quote that correctly?
In any case, the funniest part of this video is the "KISS" between Michael and Iman. (I don't really need to comment on that, do I?)
ODD: Everyone, pay close attention to this video, and you will see EXACTLY who Jay-Z got the concept for "Brush the Dirt Off Your Shoulders" from.
MULTIPLE CHOICE OF THE DAY: In the scene where IMAN is gently stroking a thin stick up and down, was that supposed to be (A) sensual? (B) turn us on? Or, (C) a hint to what the width of Michael's peepee really is?
CB-DUB: You're the shiznit hommie.
For those of you who are confused, that was a Dave Chappelle quote. HOLLA'!
I THOUGHT ABOUT SENDING MY NEPHEW TO NEVERLAND. HE MIGHT COME BACK GAY BUT WE WILL BE PAID. SHYT, I WILL GO BUT HE CAN'T TOUCH ME. OH YEAH, MIKE HAS A NEW LINE OF DETACHABLE NOSE COMING OUT DESIGNED BY JACOB THE JEWELER.
MAN THAT WAS THE FUNNY SHIT RONNIE MEX HAS DROPPED IN MY OPINON. I AINT GOT SHIT TO SAY.
it's good to see that the truth won.
About Magic Johnson, it's just that Michael love NBA, remember he made a video with Michael Jordan and had Shaq on a track.
I have NEVER laughed so damn hard a someone's writing before. From the magician become a lesbian white woman joke, to the t-cell count. I couldn't stop laughing yo. Keep up the good work.
i like to spam people's websites.
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