TALKIN' VIDEOS

Question of the Day: What kind of gangsta rapper would name himself after the Punch-Out character that your 6-year-old autistic cousin could knock out handily?

In a video that could make Gucci Mane feel better about himself, I present to you… Glass Joe with what’s sure to become an overnight UnCut classic, “Big Wheels.” [watch it now] This one is full of what we love to see here on The Ron Mexico Show… Stuntin’, posin’, corny lyrics, contradictions, stereotypes, ugly skrippers and equally ugly rappers all greasily shot with camcorders!

Did somebody say “big wheels?” Fuck he talkin’ bout? The tricycles? I watched this video 3 times (because I had to… as the camera work is that shitty) and I only saw big wheels on one car! You know them promotional vehicles rappers think are such a great idea? Come on, you know what I’m talkin’ about!… The ones with their face and label and website all over the whole damn van, looking like a big, moving, back-of-the Source ad?... Kinda like his picture above, except wrapped around a truck? Yes… that’s the ONLY car that had some spinners on it! Of course they made sure to show about 9 shots of it (the same shot, at that). I do give props for ridin’ old schools, but they were all on factory, yet somehow this song is about “big wheels!”

Maybe they should call this one “Ten Busted Niggas in a Promo Vehicle.”

Pardon me, but it’s Silky Johnson time, people! *ahem*:

What can I say about Glass Joe that hasn’t already been said about Big Pokey? The nigga look like Timbaland with Down’s Syndrome… and makeup!

Why does he have on a prom tuxedo?

I swear I seen Black Rob and Charlie Murphy in his posse shots.

Why is Pimpin’ Ken in this video? That has to be where all the money went. Play on player! Pimpin’ Ken looks and sounds like he’s lost a step or two. I guess it’s all the rap videos he’s been in since “American Pimp” came out. Bishop Don Magic Juan’s understudy sounds more like he’s been boxing for the past 20 years than pimpin’. I guess this pimpin’ shit really ain't easy.

I see Glass Joe let his little brother rhyme… Since they don’t care to tell us his name, let’s call him Piston Hurricane (He's a little better than Glass Joe). THIS nigga looks slightly less retarded, but more like Jermaine "Huggy" Hopkins AKA the fat kid from "Lean On Me." He provides us with easily the best line of the song, and what should be my site’s personal slogan: “I’mma burn you like I’m Michael Vick!”

I tell you what. This gangsta stuntin’ has GOT to stop. When you only have a few dollars in your bankroll… just pump the brakes and wait until you can make a serviceable video that will do your indie label some good. I’ve never been a fan of the blatant objectification of women, but if you’re gonna do it, you gotta do it right!

For example: That girl with NO breastesses who gets about 50% of the camera time… Who is she? Somebody’s SISTER? How they gonna give close-ups to girls that look like they made a stop at the crack house before the shoot?... Fuck am I talking about? They apparently shot this video inside the crack house! They had Peaches, Pleasure (heh heh) and Tatalalicious move the furniture around and dust before the shoot so they could play some no-stakes poker. Them niggas know they don’t know how to play no damn poker! They shoulda kept it real and broke out the UNO cards.

To cap the video off on the saddest note possible, they put a “Police” skully cap on their homeboy Lester and stuffed him in the trunk! I feel bad for Lester. You know you’re the ass of the crew when they take that vote, and they unaninmously elect that you’re the punk ass nigga that has to get pillowcased and shoved into the trunk.

While I’m glad to see that Tennessee (Nashville, to be precise) has more to offer to the world of rap than Three 6 Mafia and Young Buck, Glass Joe doesn’t seem to cut it so far. While he isn’t the worst rapper ever, it’s needless to say that I wasn’t impressed in the slightest with this video… but I was highly entertained! You probably will be too if you find humor in these kinds of videos.

I warn you though, if you don’t care to click now, you’d better not watch The Negro Channel too late at night. You might have a nightmare you’re being stuffed in the trunk by Black Rob, Charlie Murphy and Glass Joe, after having had unprotected sex with crackwhores! If you actually like what you see and hear, go pick up his album “Glacious” on Felonious Records. (They sure like them some adjectives, don’t they?)

Questions? Comments? Requests? Know a snitch that needs to be “taken care of?” ronnie_mexxx@yahoo.com

P.S.: This week’s "Throwback Thursday" will be Michael Jackson! I still haven’t decided on a selection, so there’s time to pick your favorite MJ flick to get the spotlight.

P.S.2: I haven’t done “Boyz N The Hood” because I think they are insane for comparing themselves to NWA and I really don’t think Jeezy Da Snowman needs anymore publicity… but if you floods ma mailbox with requests for it… it can still make it. You guys always come first!