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Heather Hunter - "So Serious"
Posted on May 27, 2005 2:27 PM
*Cue fuzzy TV noise and news anchor*
"We interrupt your regularly scheduled hate-by-request to bring you a special SOHH bulletin!We've just received word from our field correspondent Akinyele that Heather Hunter has just released a rap single complete with video."
Oh, dear.
Sorry, guys. I gotta take this one. Apparently, Heather Hunter was able to keep a dick out of her mouth long enough to record some verses! That’s right, the Queen of Negro Porn has graced the rap world with her presence. Signed to BLO Records (not making that up),Her new single and video “So Serious” [watch it now] is her triumphal [backdoor] entry into the world of hip-hoppin’.
Jury says: Your Honor, she should still be p-poppin’ on a handstand.
I guess when you do porn until your shit looks like chewed-up beef jerky, the next step is to become a rapper. I have a suggestion. Do a video with Shaq! He’s probably the only nigga left who could even make her feel something in there.
My homie, former Hater of the Year, George from Spanish Harlem said: “It’s bad when you can make the beat with your labia!” Damn, son. You’re a cold, cold man.
In this video, Heather looks like a drag-queen Michael Jackson impersonator. Correction: A coke-whore drag queen Michael Jackson impersonator. She calls herself “Uptown’s Finest” and “Double-H.” Unless she means “Harlem Hoebag” she starts her single off on the wrong foot with an inexcusable insult to the memory of Big L. She should be callin’ herself “Triple X” and leaving it at that.
Since Lil’ Kim is on her way to prison and Trina is more interested in making clothes than albums, this video finds Heather seizing her opportunity to be rap’s top ho’. After having wrestled the EHC crown from Adina Howard in a fight to the death, Heather strapped on her best weave and got ready to face the camera. This time it would be a 19-inch bottle of Cristal in her right hand instead of an 11-inch dick.
She and her team of hoes ride in the back of a stretch Hummer (haha, what a terrible coincidence) to what appears to be a skripper club. While Heather’s showing her skills with the tongue, her Freak-tastic Four hit the pole and show other talents.
Standout lines include: “I gets money when I’m sleepin’”… Of course she does. Heather is master of the sleeping BJ. “They should call me Benjie. Short for Benjamin, not a dog, chick!/ I’m hotness! You a oven hog, trick!” Funny, Heather Hunter has one of the few coochies I’ve seen that looks like Boar’s Head roast beef.
Cameos include Akinyele (of course) and Wyclef (Why, ‘Clef?) pouring glasses of champagne like Rick James in the China Club. “Drink up, bitches! It’s a CELEBRATION!” Instead of Charlie Murphy he’d probably be slapping John Forte… if he weren’t doin’ 15 years fed time.
Yo, Heather! Watch your back, girl! I heard Tera Patrick is in the studio cutting a record with SugaFree!
I had to write this review after the third time I watched the video. I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing. If the video isn’t enough, you can still catch Heather on the Robin Byrd show every cot damn night.
It’s the weekend… a long weekend… so get your chops in below. This should be a good one. Also, I really am paying attention to your requests. I’ll be getting to a few of them next week, promise. Any new requests go to ronnie_mexxx@yahoo.com.
Unlike Heather Hunter,
You stay classy San Diego!
Comments
ironic that a porn star is the least sexiest woman I can think of.
If you like to laugh alot, then should not read what I'm about to say, because you might blow a funny fuse, and never laugh again. You're gonna call me Young Pun after this, cuz I got plenty. Here we go: (*= pun intended)
-Let it be known that I am officially putting a hit out on Wyclef Jean, he's fucked the hip hop industry in the ass too many times.*
-You'd think with her skills that she might actually be able to get a better beat than that.*
-I clicked on the video expecting to at least see somethin good, but apparently the one thing she won't do her thang(his thang, whatever) in is her own music video. Go figure.*
-Instead of "So Serious", she should've named that track "So,I'll Suck Your Dick If You Buy My Album, Seriously".
-I was almost hoping that the name meant she took the beat from T.I.'s "I'm Serious", but she had to go fuck everything up like she usually does.*
(Here's my "Looks/Sounds Like Combination Between..." jokes of the day)
- "A coke-whore drag queen Michael Jackson impersonator." Ron, I think you were lookin at one of her friends. She looks like a combination between Truth Hurts, Boy George, Hilary Swank, Little Richard, and Melyssa Ford after being beaten with an ugly-ho stick.
Mix together a Jewish grandmother who doesn't speak English, William Hung, La Chat, a teenage boy goin thru puberty, and Canibus, and you'd get a sound not unlike what you hear coming out of Heather Hunter's mouth.*
-Funny thing, I heard that Janet Jacme was in the studio too. Apparently her album is gonna be called "Bent Over Backwards". She's gonna feature guest appearances by Alyssa Milano (on the track "Threeway on the Freeway"), D'Angelo (on the track "Stripped Naked"), and is going to feature production by Swizz Beatz on the track titled "I Can Take A Dick" in which he has used a similar formula to his "on Jay-Z's dick"-style, except that this time, the featured line is from "Icy" by "Coochi Drain" and "Cum Sleezy" (In case you don't know what I'm referring to, its the line where he says,"She look like the type that could take a dick")
Whew, that was more fun than I thought it would be, and I don't even feel guilty.
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Soon as i'm donne wit mah dick i'll tell you the site.
Yea i get some free dick when ya join
She look like she was fine as hell before the accident...
that bitch had a dick before the video, she just shaved her beard to match it's ass.
I never thought I would be saying this but would somebody puhlease put a dick in her mouth and I'm not offering mine. I mean WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!!! Why does this video look like it was only shot because she won some bullshit industry reality show competition? This makes Tyra Banks musical career and video look legitimate. I know there are probably some video hoes that watched this and said "Is this what is going to happen to me?" Hell why didn't Ak take his own advice and put it in her mouth. Why didn't she get JJ Fad to ghostwrite? That "hamalamalamalama..." whatever the fuck they said sounds better than this bull shit. We also know that anytime 'Clef is around and you don't see Pras or Lauren that it's going to be a bad scene. The shots with her on the steps..what the fuck..is this 92? Why is this chick trying to act hard? The only time she has been gully is when she was left in one after all of her holes were filled with man milk(and maybe horse milk). At least Vanessa Del Rio was in a video with Biggie and Kim. Also, why is the chick in the limo with Heather playing peek-a-boo with her wig and the camera. It's like her eyes are saying "Now you see me, now you don't." And the dude in the red shirt and hat either produced the track or wrote it either way you should've gotten your check and negotiated some over-used pussy and stayed the fuck out the video for future industry cred. Other than that the Boar's Head Roast Beef line was classic.
lol..leave LA CHAT out Heather Cunters AIDS infested ass
That might be the only way LaChat will get any ass. She puts the "UG" in UGH!!!
OH MY GOD!! I don't know what this world is coming to, I have been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to get my thoughts in order after finding out that she has somehow got Dj Premier AND Scott Storch to work on her album. I think I may have to pull a Dave Chappelle.
WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY PAYING HER IN? IS IT X PILLS AND VALTREX. GIVE ME A BREAK SHE LOOKS LIKE A BROKE ASS PRINCE
yeah ... there u have it...
a sad sad day for all porn lovers...the day when porn actors stopped lookin sexy....i never thought i'd see this day.......probably f#cked the entire production crew to get this video out...i swore i saw a long qeue at the clinic....
wow you all have so meany bad things to say too bad I think its hot maybe you chould ck agin
Did she promise Wyclef and Akineyle a DP for their cameos? Ak okay but Wyclef?! Why is he even there. Nigga go work on the damn Fugee album and get Lauren back in her right mind! The Marley's go her smokin that homegrown and she is out there. Wow Heather used to look great. I guess taking steaming, streaming loads to the grill is hard on the pores. She got a couple nut scars on her face like 50 got bullet wounds. Couldn't she call in some porn star favors to get some better cameos. Those Hunts Point strippers were not the look. They moved just enough not to fuck up their crack high. Who are the two broads in the limo, I suspect they had porn careers at one time but now they just help Ms. Hunter carry her sagging, pummeled labia like some kind of blue movie wedding party. I guess she wants artistic respect cause she kept her clothes on but fuck that. I always say "Stay in Your Lane". The only mics she should be checking are attached to Mandingo and Lex Steele. Heather don't forget to duck.
i come from deep inside heather hunters nether-regions... i am a true crab.
I thought she was a lesbian, until I figured out exactly who she was.
Can't you just wish the woman good Luck? At least she's living out her dreams instead of talking shit about the next brother or Sista. Can we at least show a lil' support for our own if not go put on that Christina Agulleria joint with Busta and shut the fuck up!.
yes... let's just support any old skank that pics up a mic. that's great for our culture!
she should just go ahead and suck a dick in the next one, because it damn sure ain't rhyme skills being marketed here.
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
All you guys are assholes..heather is a great person and i kno this because i am family...she has a great personality and is a very giving and geniune person..maybe yu should get off the computer and stop hating and maybe one day youll be as happy or have as much money as she does...and u dont know shit about her past or reasons for anything she does...so please all of you who call yourselves "adults" grow the fuck up cuz only people with sorry and pitiful lives can look down on anyone else who is doing 100 x better than you are.
all that's well and good...
doesn't take away from the notion that she should put the mic down (and pick the dick up).
she should know what she's good at...
it ain't rappin... or making rap videos.
i never knew that she was a porn star until i checked this web site. iwas just looking for her lyrics i thought she was pretty good. i dont know about giving up[ porn to become a bunk ass rapper. she probably slep with ak and wy. i dont dout that she sucked their dicks. i hpoe people dont shar mikes cuz i would hate to be touchin it after that dick breath bitch has been eatin it up. but shes here and were not so we shouldnt hate on her
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