Written By SOHH Ballsy
Maaaan, all this Brett Favre business is driving me crazy. The latest news has Green Bay offering to pay Fav-ruh $20 million (sources say closer to $25 mil) over the next 10 years to STAY RETIRED. Golly! Green Bay is insane. In essence, with this offer, the Packers are saying Favre is SOHH good that he'll make them pay. I guess, either way he's making them pay.
Wow.
SOHH with Favre in mind, your boy Ballsy presents:
THE TOP 5 ATHLETES THAT SHOULD HAVE STAYED RETIRED
5. George Foreman
Four words, b: Lean, Mean Grilling Machine. George, you are caked off beyond belief. There was no reason that you came back at 45 (even though you knocked out Michael Moorer). Don’t you ever think about pulling a stunt like that again. Throw those cheeseburgers on the grill and be happy, my man. YOU’RE RICH! True Story: Hulk Hogan could have had the Lean, Mean Grilling Machine, but opted on a juicer that flopped. Wamp, Wamp.
4. Evander Holyfield
Wikipedia cites HOLYfield having 11 children. HOLY SH*T, EVANDER. Maybe you do need to keep boxing. Dude already has attempted too many comebacks and if he keeps f**king around, he’s going to end up talking slooooowwwww. How does someone who used to preach all the time have 11 kids? God Bless him. Sad thing is the heavyweight division sucks SOHH bad, that dude could probably still get work.
3. Felix Trinidad/Deion Sanders
I put Tito and Deion in the same category because there was no need for these dudes to come back in the first place.
Tito should have never returned to the ring after getting sonned by Bernard Hopkins at the Garden, just weeks after 9-11. But of course, Tito did come back. He beat psychopath Nicaraguan Ricardo Mayorga in 2004, but got sonned again a year later by Winky Wright. Then he came back in ’08…and got sonned by Roy Jones. Maaaan, you’re letting a lot of Puerto Ricans down, homie. Boricuas got Cotto (even though he just lost). Don’t come back, Tito.
And yes, another boxer on my list. Surprise, surprise. As a matter of fact, insert your favorite boxer here ________. Chances are if he hasn’t already returned to the sweet science too many times he will. Floyd, you listening?
I put ‘Primetime’ here too because he came back in 2004 with the Ravens … and did absolutely nothing, but feed his ego. He’s sharp behind the booth. Stay there.
2. Roger Clemens
The Yankees now know how much Clemens needed to stay retired. Yet, they offered him $4.5 million PER MONTH to close out the 2007 season. HORRIBLE. Then, all the steroids talk and allegations of him cheating on his wifey numerous times did him in. Where’s he hiding now? I got money that says, it ain’t the Bronx.
1. Michael Jordan
Maaaan, Mike why did you do it!? The first retirement was a premature e-jac, and MJ proved it by winning three more rings. But June 14, 1998, a little more than 10 years ago, when you hit THE SHOT is the memory you should have left us all with. I swear, God was watching basketball that night, when MJ stripped Karl Malone (pause), drove the length of the court, crossed over Byron Russell and hit that timeless J.
Man! You can’t go out better than that! Yet, you had to come back, with the Wizards at that. All I have to say is (in Jim Jones’ voice) …. “BAD KNEES …. BAAAALLLLLIIIINNN’!"
[Editor’s Note: The views of this blog do not necessarily reflect those of SOHH.com]
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