SOHH Sports

Hey yooo! It’s your boy, SOHH Ballsy and from on I’m gonna be holding down sports for SOHH.com. Week 6 in the NFL was dope. Here’s what ya missed. Let’s get it!

New England 48, Dallas 27
Unbeaten teams and a combined 75 points, so I should be happy, right? Hell no! Come on now, with Randy Moss and T.O. in this game I was expecting everything AND the kitchen sink. I’m talking Moonwalks, Soldier Boy’s Superman (Yooooooouuuuu!) and the Chicken Noodle Soup (OK, not that). I didn’t get shit except for Tom Brady throwing for 388 yards and five TDs. Great. Brady’s the best QB in the game, but you still can’t trust that White man with your sister, mother, girl, wife or mistress.

Carolina 25, Arizona 10
Yo, Vinny Testaverde is f*cking 43-years-old! The dude is older than KRS-One for God sake, but while the Blastmaster USED to eat MCs, Vinny is still eating DBs. Old Man River threw for 206 yards and one TD. Then he called timeout… for some Icy Hot, while chugging some Metamucil. Wow. He ain’t that old, but real talk Arizona had the chance to sign Vinny earlier last week and declined. Suckers! 40’s the new 20. Y’all ain’t know? Peeps in Arizona, smile. The Cards are now 3-3, but ya still have Steve Nash running the point.

Green Bay 17, Washington 14
Speaking about old, Brett Favre isn’t exactly Bow Wow’s age at 38, but the man is still winning. He may have become the interception king in the process, but the Packers are 5-1.

Minnesota 34, Chicago 31
The ladies love Reggie Bush because he was the center of attention in that Ciara video. Fellas give him props for banging out Kim Kardashian (Reg, let me smell your fingers one time, homie). Reggie’s dope, but let me put y’all onto this new kid Adrian Peterson. The Bears know him now after he put up 361 all-purpose yards and three TDs yesterday in the Chi. A-Pete’s a problem. So, Kevin Garnett bounced. Minnesota â€" this is your new dude.

Tonight â€" Monday Night Football
New York Giants at Atlanta Falcons
What’s going on in Atlanta? Mike Vick killing the WOOF and T.I. (allegedly) coppin’ silencers. Jesus. Giants win.

Your boy,

SOHH Ballsy

The NBA preseason is underway and already there’s talk of possible destinations to trade the Weezy of hoops to. Why are there talks of trading arguably the coldest cat in the game in the first place?

Let me explain. A) Lakers owner Jerry Buss is certifiably insane. B) Kobe wants out of LA and will walk away in the summer of ’09 anyway, when he becomes a free agent.

Kobe’s feeling that urgency. Dude will be 30 next summer and wants to win now. He ain’t exactly a young LeBron any more. The last time the Lakers pulled the trigger on a big deal (Shaq Diesel), they didn’t get shit in return. That can’t happen this time around.

Here are some possible destinations:

Chicago Bulls
Chi-town is one of the only squads that can afford Bryant, but it’s only worth it for the Lakers if either Ben Gordon or Luol Deng is involved in the deal. Otherwise they’d come up empty. And…if LA trades him to the Eastern Conference it will only have to see him twice a year, instead of him killing them four times a season. Imagine Kobe with Ben Wallace holding down the paint? SUPER UGLY!

Dallas Mavericks
La, La, La, La…Mark Cuban got his money riiight. Enough said.

Phoenix
The Matrix Shawn Marion said he wants out. Could a package of him and draft picks for Bryant be worked out?

New York Knicks
Although no package of bum a** players that New York can put together to ship off to LA for Bryant is good enough, think of it like this â€" we might as well throw the Knicks into the hunt. If they land Kobe, I’m sure Isiah will just have one stipulation for him. That he has to address the hotel clerks that he bangs out on the bathroom mats as B*tches and only b*tches.

This is going to be good…

Remember when Cam’ron said: “I hang with Steinbrenner just to get my cash turn/ I call my car Jamal it, get Mashburn/ Crash, burn, rest in peace Dale Earnhardt/My cousin died the same way, he hit that turn hard.”

Yesterday, Steinbrenner met with Yankees Manager Joe Torre, but no decisions have been made whether or not they’re bringing the man with the large nose back for a 13th season. I say keep the man. Sure, the Yankees have been a postseason bust the last few years, but here’s my reasoning. The Yankees need pitching. If they get the pitching they need (minus bum a** Roger Clemens), they’ll be aight with Joe Torre. No need to get rid of him at all.

I look at it like I look at LL Cool J in hip-hop. Like my man Joseph Patel said on an MTV debate once, LL’s ratio of good-wack music lately has been the latter. LL’s a legend, but lately his track record has been wack. Headsprung, the joint with J-Lo… need I say more?
Same with Torre. He’s a legend, a Hall of Fame manager, but lately he hasn’t been getting it done. But if LL's allowed to stay in the game and keep recording, Torre should be able to stay in the Yankees’ dugout. Chuuuch!

You can’t F with…

O.J. and T.I.

Days after T.I.’s bodyguard snitched on him and told the Federaaaleeees that Tip ordered him to purchase a gun show worth of weaponry, comes the claims, as reported by The Associated Press, that one of the armed men that O.J. was dealing with in his pursuit of sports memorabilia has agreed to a plea deal agreed to testify for the prosecution in the armed robbery case. Snitch… even if it is dealing with O.J.

Walter Alexander told police in a transcript obtained by the AP that, “O.J. said, ‘Hey, just bring some firearms.’”

You would think O.J. would calm down after (allegedly) getting away with MURDER, right? I guess not. Hey, just bring some firearms!? WTF! And who the hell says firearms instead of guns? Man, if I’m a family member or friend of O.J… I'm locking that guy in his house with as much food and porn as possible, so he can’t get himself in any more trouble than he already has.

I think Clifford and T.I. should just blame the whole episode on T.I.P. Clifford should tell prosecutors that he and T.I. didn’t want to get the gun, but T.I.P. forced them too.

Sidenote: Your boy Jason Kidd is making news and it’s not for dishing out a nice dime to Vinsanity. Nope. It’s for grabbing a dime. A 23-year-old woman filed a complaint with the NYPD on Kidd, after she says the Nets’ point guard approached her at club Tenjune and grabbed her crotch. Again… wow. We don’t know if this is true or not, but yoo, some ballers probably think they can do anything. Like, ‘let me skip grabbing her a** and let me just grab the hello kitty.’ And if she doesn’t oblige, Kidd could always call O.J. or T.I.

Every Yankees fan is reeling today, after Joe Torre turned down a one-year contract extension offer and stepped down as the Pinstripers’ manager. The man transcended just baseball. He became symbolic with New York City over his 12 years with the Yanks. And the man had class…something that the Yankees never seemed to treat him with. I’ve had dialogue with Torre in my 9-5, 10-6 gig, ya dig? So, I’m speaking from experience and with respect when I say, Joe Torre…you are the motherf*cking man!

Now, back to the future…Week 7 in the NFL is going to be hotter than the courtroom in T.I.’s gun case. Here are some of the matchups to keep an eye on:

San Francisco at New York
Don’t look now, but Eli Manning is actually coming into his own this season and the Giants’ D is swarming to the ball. This is a game that the Giants should win, but anyone that follows the Giants knows they keep things interesting, so we shall see. But if the Giants limit Frank Gore, they should be good. Someone stop Eli from drinking milk. Dude looks like he has never sipped on an alcoholic beverage in his life.

Atlanta at New Orleans
Dogs, these teams are a combined 2-9 on the season. Wow. Starting this preview with Dogs, may not be the most appropriate thing to do here. I think the Saints will kill the WOOF, er, I mean Falcons in this one.

Monday night game
Indianapolis at Jacksonville
The Colts are favored and should be, but don’t sleep on the Jags, baby. I know Don Magic Juan ain’t and you shouldn’t either. Them Jags are running smooth, like one of Trick Daddy’s old school whips. Yeeeah.

It’s your boy, SOHH Ballsy and from now on I’m gonna be holding down sports for SOHH.com. Week 7 in the NFL was dope. Here’s what ya missed. Let’s get it!

Patriots 49, Dolphins 28
This motherf**ker Tom Brady threw for six touchdowns yesterday! I know the Patriots are the team to beat and all, but how in the world is a NFL defense going to allow this dude to do that to them? Damn. Once again, though, Brady linked up with the Freak (Randy Moss), this time for two touchdowns. You gotta give props when and where it’s due â€" The Patriots are the nicest squad in the game, but I’ll repeat myself one more time. Ya can’t trust Tom Brady with your mother, sister, wife, jumpoff or mistress. He’ll bone ’em all.

Giants 33, 49ers 15
Maan, Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora have been going after quarterbacks like rappers vied for Superhead’s *ahem* ‘services’ in the late ’90s. The G-Men could easily turn their winning streak to six games next week against Miami.

The World Series, which begins tomorrow night in Boston.

Uhhh…scratch that. Baseball may be America’s pastime, but I must say the World Series, to your boy, can’t compare to the NBA Finals and definitely not the Super Bowl.

The Finals just seem to have more fire and excitement to it; maybe because basketball is just a more up-tempo, exciting sport. The Super Bowl is the best final of them all, though. One game with everything on the line. That’s what you want in a Final, not (potentially seven games of) dudes chewing on that chaw.

That and baseball is tainted, brah. You don’t know who’s on the LL/50 workout and who’s taking steroids. You just don’t know. Boston vs. Colorado. Jesus… that’s weak. That’s weaker than a battle between, I dunno, Chingy and Murphy Lee.

One thing I do know is the NBA season is starting soon. Thank God. I’m going to start previewing some of these teams for y’all daily, beginning tomorrow.

Let me state the obvious: From the day Kobe Bryant stepped foot in the L, he’s been jocking Michael Jordan’s style… the way all these young rappers jock Hov’s.

I mean literally every step of the way Kobe has tried to mirror MJ’s style. Dude studied Jordan’s interviews and even changed his jersey number ala his Airness.

So, with the NBA season about to tip-off (Oct. 30), and Kobe already voicing his displeasure with the Lakers, a trade is inevitable.

Why trade the best player in L? The Lakers have no fucking choice. Dude’s going to leave the summer of his free agency, regardless, so the Lakers have to get something from him.

Here’s the thing â€" to get Kobe, the Bulls have to give up either Ben Gordon or Luol Deng. If the Bulls package Deng with a couple draft picks, Bryant is theirs. I’m seeerious. That would complete Kobe’s wet dream of following in Jordan’s footsteps more than banging out a hotel clerk on a bathroom mat ever did, son!

As Nas told Kobe:

“Yo, you can't do better than that...the hotel clerk who adjust the bathroom mat?”

But I digress. Playing in the Chi after Jordan is what Kobe always wanted to do, even though he fronts like those are too big of shoes to fill. Not the first time Kobe fronted. He once said something to the effect that tattoos are disgusting. Now, he got some Mickey Mouse joints inked all over his arm and ice in his ear. Yeaa, Kobe’s a tough guy now! The man wants to dominate in Jordan’s city and may get that chance.

It's a hard time being a sports fan in New York these days. I mean, come on, the Mets collapsed, the Yankees are out of the playoffs earlier than a premature ejaculation, the Knicks will most likely miss the playoffs again and the Jets just suck. The Giants are all we got. Word to Osi and Strahan. Destroy those Quarterbacks like rappers used to do Superhead's Hello Kitty back in the day, ya dig?

On top of that, all the f**king Boston teams are doing great. The New England Patriots are rolling behind the White man of all White men, Tom Brady, the Red Sox are in the World Series and the Celtics are out to show they're money green this season.

Let's chop it up about those Celtics with Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen Aka Three The Hard Way. Fall back Diddy, 50 and Hov. Even though I thought the original Three The Hard Way was supposed to be Diddy, Black Rob and G-Dep or was it Diddy, Black Rob and Mark Curry!? SMH @ Mark Curry rapping.

Anyway, back to the lecture at hand, the Celtics are money in the bank this season. Yes, they have no bench and need to add a couple decent role players, but still, their All-Star trio should be enough to allow them to hang with Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland and upstart Orlando in the East. Honestly, if the Celtics strengthen their bench, they should be in the Finals, but we'll see.

I know KG will be playing all out, by any means necessary basketball because he's been losing for a minute and now has the chance to win BIG. The Big Ticket is the perfect complement to Ray Allen's game. I mean KG is going to rack up assists from the post to Allen beyond the arc all day. Pierce can do it all, but doesn't have to this season. It's going to be interesting to see how quick these cats can gel.

My question to y'all is: Do you think the Celtics' trio of KG, P2 and Jesus Shuttleworth are better than the Nuggets' A.I., Carmelo Anthony and Camby or Nene/Kenyon (when healthy)? Holla at your boy!

Oh yea, the Red Sox won big last night in Game 1 of the World Series, defeating Colorado, 13-1. Does anyone care that's not named Benzino or John Elway? It's still f**k the Red Sox...I don't give a damn.

Yeea, what up!? It's your boy SOHH Ballsy back at it and still tucking under Craftmatics, ya dig!?

Every Friday we're going to FlashBack to a memorable sports moment and then we're going Back to the Future with a look ahead to the weekend's slate of games. Let's not waste any time.

My boys and I frequently debate on the greatest dunk of all time. Let me clarify...not a game dunk because if it's a game dunk, it's this... hands down:

That had to feel better than an orgasm. But we're talking greatest Dunk Contest dunk of all time. Whenever the topic comes up, 'Nique's windmill and Jordan's free-throw line jam are right up there on the list, but with me, the choice is clear. I would have to give the nod to Vinsanity for his opening dunk of the 2000 contest.

Somewhere in Boston, Benzino is poppin’ champagne like he won the championship ring. Well, HE didn't win sh*t, but his Boston Red Sox did. Congrats to the Red Sox - your 2007 World Series Champion. Ya gotta give props, when and where it's due - The Red Sox earned it. I mean, once they rallied back from their 3-1 deficit to Cleveland in the ALCS and made it to the Series, y'all knew they were taking the trophy back to Bean Town. Two blowouts, two one-run games is what it took for Boston to reach their Rocky Mountain high, ya diig? Wamp, Wamp.

Props to Colorado for winning 21 of 22 games to get to the Series. That's not too shabby.

Download file

Moving on...Tom Brady is The Beast - Feed him (line)backers or feed him cleets/He's untamed, he need a leash/He's insane/He need to (QB) sneak.

Uggghhh! This White man Tom Brady is straight sick with it. The guy is OD'ing every Sunday! Yesterday Tom threw for 306 yards and three more touchdowns, while rushing for two TDs too, as the Patriots spanked the Redskins, 52-7. Two weeks ago he threw six touchdowns and a week before that against Dallas he had five. Jesus! Him and Randy Moss are the alphabet boys, son. They might check your account. They're about their numbers, man. If the Patriots beat the Colts next week, they're winning it all. Sh*t, it's gotta be a good time to be a Boston sports fan. Boston fans are probably hung over while reading this because of last night, the Patriots sure look like champs and the Celtics are in position. Wow. All I know is we're witnessing history with what Tom Brady is doing right now. He's Superman. Ahhhhhhhh Youuuuuuuu!

Giants 13, Dolphins 10
If you like that ol school kind of football with the slick terrain circa sloppy Soldier Field '80s, then you had to love yesterday's game between the Giants and Dolphins at Wembley Stadium in London. That field is a soccer field, but Mike Strahan still had his footing. That's six straight W's for the Giants. Chuuch!

Lions 16, Bears 7
Yo, Brian Griese did the Bears greasy yesterday by throwing four interceptions. That's right, FOUR IN-TOS! His performance yesterday was like Lil Kim in her Hardcore days - they both threw their junk to any receiver. Nah, sub in Superhead in that joke. I like Kim, especially on that Freaky Gurl remix. But back to football. Don't look now, but Detroit is 5-2. When told that the Lions are 5-2 for the first time since 2000, Roy Williams told the AP, "2000? Two thousand years?" Ha!

Until Tomorrow...

Your Boy,

SOHH Ballsy (bigger ones than Vince McMahon)!

Maan, did y'all catch that finish on Monday Night Football last night? If not, here's the quick run down of how it ended. Denver kicker Jason Elam hit a 21-yard field goal to knot the score at 13-13, as time ran out in regulation, forcing overtime. Yo kickers aren't real football players. They're like Crunchy Black was to Three 6 and Jim Jones WAS to Dipset.

Anyway, like clockwork, Green Bay wins the overtime coin toss and MNF's tired ass broadcasters begin talking about how dope in the clutch Brett Favre has been throughout his career. Just then on the first play of overtime, Favre unloads and hooks up with Greg Jennings (pause) on an 82-yard play-action bomb, in which Jennings burned corner Dre Bly worse than that Ether Nas dropped on Hov.

Just like that - GAME OVER. Favre still got an arm, b**ches! Packers improve to 6-1.

The other man you can't F with today or any other day for that matter is one Joe Torre. Recent reports indicate that Torre could be the new manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers and he could bring in Don Mattingly as his bench coach. How about that? If this does indeed go down, I got news for y'all...Torre will win with the Dodgers and the Yankees will feel sorry that they disrespected Torre.

Why did the Yankees disrespect Torre? It's plain and simple. This is the team that overpays everyone, but yet tried to undercut Torre! They offered him a contract of incentives. That's some BS. Torre's a pro and a classy skipper in every sense of the word. Cam'ron once rhymed: "I hang with Steinbrenner just to let my cash turn/I call my car Jamal/It get Mash, Burn." Well, George Steinbrenner didn't pay here. He tried to pull an ol okie doke on Torre. Torre should have told Steinbrenner F**K YOU PAY ME! But if Torre takes over the Dodgers and wins, the Yankees will feel sorry. Bet on that!

What do y'all think about how the Yankees-Torre situation went down? Think he'll win in LA?
**BREAKING NEWS** Joe Girardi takes over as Yankees' manager. Good or bad look!?

Yes! The moment we have all been waiting for has arrived, as the 2007-08 NBA season tipped off last night with three games on schedule. Let's get to them:

Rockets 95, Lakers 93
All the trade rumors swirling around Kobe didn't affect his game. With the Iverson-like sleeve on his arm last night, he dropped 45 points on the Rockets (Word to Shane Battier), including 18 in the fourth quarter, but the Lakers lost. After the game, Bryant told the Associated Press that his possibility of being traded won't affect the outcome of the Lakers' games.

"When we're playing in a game, we just focus on one another and the bonds that we have," Bryant told the AP. "It has nothing to do with (trade) speculation or business or anything like that. Business a lot of times can cloud the game and take the fun out of the game if you allow it to. And that's something that I won't allow to happen."

Nevertheless, Coach Rick Adelman escaped L.A. with his first Rockets' win. Expect a lot more of them 'W's too. Adelman, who if you remember coached those high-scoring Sacramento Kings teams that almost knocked off the Lakers, knows how to install a high-powered offense. Watch Houston score more points this season.

Spurs 106, Blazers 97
The boring-ass, but effective Spurs copped their rings before the game and then proceeded to quietly spank the Blazers. I mean quietly going about their business is what the Spurs do. We all know that. Soo quiet that did you know Tim Duncan signed a 2-year, $40 million extension yesterday? See I told you, they were quiet and they looked great last night in the first of TNT's double header. Duncan had 24 points, 13 boards and Tony Parker finished with 19 points after kissing now Eva Longoria Parker for good luck. Oooh Wee! Despite the loss, you gotta like Portland's youth movement. LaMarcus Aldridge, Martell Webster, last year's ROY Brandon Roy with Greg Oden (Dude may be older than KRS - I'm sorry)....Whaat!? This team is going to be a huge problem very, very soon.

Jazz 117, Warriors 96
B Diddy's 25 points and 10 assists went to waste, as the Jazz smacked the Warriors on their home court. Just too much inside-outside for the Warriors to handle, but they'll be aight. Carlos Boozer aka THE BEAST had 32 points, 15 rebounds and Deron Williams added 24 points and that was pretty much all she wrote for the Warriors. Utah is one of the most formidable teams in the L. Believe That!