Once upon a time there was a child rapper named Bow Wow. Using his cuteness and BET's "106 & Park" television show, Bow Wow sold millions of records. Every 9 year-old girl wanted to have his baby. The boys his age did not want to play with Bow Wow. They felt he was not "real."
Bow Wow built himself a gated community inside of his home in Atlanta to keep his chain from getting snatched. This made Bow Wow feel safe and he would never have to worry about getting jumped or having to buy back his chain like his other little rapping peers [ex: Prodigy, Ja-Rule].
As he approached his 18th birthday, Bow Wow's record label called with some very disturbing news...
"Bow Wow, your sales are plummeting further than expected. The 9 year old girls who once wanted to have your baby want to have babies by hardcore rappers. We held a focus group and it seems that no one is into you anymore. The bottom lines is, You're not 'real' enough."
Bow Wow was terrified as he was Harlem shaking in his boots. He remembered how other child rappers like Chris Kelly and Chris Smith of Kriss Kross faded from the limelight. He remembered how Kriss Kross tried to be 'realer' on their last album, Young, Rich and Dangerous. It focused on money and two-somes with older women, but it backfired and Kriss Kross was never heard from again. Concerned that he would have to move back to the rough streets of The C.O., Bow Wow wondered what could make him more 'real'?
All of the sudden, his fairy publicist two-wayed him and told him to try a few things to boost his career.
Date someone in the entertainment business!
This sounded good to the young pup. While making himself more 'real', he could lose his virginity at the same time. Bow Wow reached out to Ciara, another rising young artist on the come up. But Ciara blew up so large that people started to refer to Bow Wow as Mr. Ciara. It got him on the cover of VIBE, but no one cared about Bow Wow being on the cover of a failing magazine. When Bow Wow and Ciara would go out in public, guys would kick it to Ciara like he wasn't even there. He didn't like this. Bow Wow two-wayed his fairy publicist and asked what else he could do.
Take off your shirt.
As a child, Bow Wow couldn't take off his shirt. He was too little. But now that he was older, he could follow in the footsteps of LL Cool J and Nelly. Everyday Bow Wow would read books on bodybuilding and do 100 push ups and 100 sit-ups every hour, every day for three months straight. Sometimes he would do his push ups on his knuckles to make himself extra 'real.'
After two months Bow Wow had the body of a little black Purdue chicken with corn rows. Fed up and disappointed Bow Wow stopped two-waying his Fairy Publicist. He called up his Fairy Marketing Department and asked what else he could do to appeal more 'real.'
His Fairy Marketing Department had one last idea. They warned him that he might not be built for it and it could backfire.
Like a lil toy solder, Bow Wow stuck out his bird-like chest and said "Tell me! I'll do anything." And with that, the Fairy Marketing Department told him...
Start beef with a high profile rapper.
Bow Wow thought about this. He hadn't had a conflict since first grade which was over some Lego blocks and he didn't win that time. This wouldn't be easy. Bow Wow called his mother. Together, over some Henrock for mom and milk and cookies for Bow Wow, the two made a list of rappers to start beef with.
- 50 Cent? Nope. He'll beat me up. Next.
- Nas? Nope. Jay made that mistake. Next.
- Foxy Brown? She's not even trying to hear me. Next.
- Beanie Sigel? He's free? [Bow Wow tucks his chain.] Next.
- T.I.? He writes my rhymes. Next.
- Teairra Marie? "She's not a rapper. And she'll kick my ass."
Bow Wow came up with every rapper in the book from Kid Frost to The Rapping Duke. Tired and depressed he said "Mama, every rapper can kick my ass. This is hopeless."
Mama's Lil Meal Ticket was heart broken. She knew that she was Bow Wow's last hope. She threw back another shot of Hen-rock and started to think very hard. Suddenly, every light in the house went dim.
"Bow Wow!" his mother exclaimed. "They didn't say he had to be a good rapper!" She told him who she thought was the perfect rapper to go at, and then told Bow Wow how much she loved him.
"I love you Bow Wow. I picked you a nice safe rapper so won't have to walk around with the ATLPD like 50 Cent. You're my meal ticket out of The C.O. and I don't want to see you kilt like Tupac and Biggie. Plus, Jermaine Dupri owns your publishing and you don't have enough street cred to pull off a Free Bow Wow campaign. Make mama proud. Oh yea, my debt card is on E. You plan on going on tour next week lil nigga?"
Bow Wow called up his Fairy Marketing Department and told them the great news. The Fairy Marketing Department, who hadn't marketed a real Hip-Hop act in so long, was excited too. Bow Wow had come up with the perfect rapper he could handle. This would make him a 'real' rapper!
The Fairy Marketing Department called Interscope to reach out to Elliott Wilson. He and Jimmy Iovine ran XXL, the best Hip-Hop magazine by default, but he wasn't available to speak. Interscope put The Fairy Marketing Department through to Elliott Wilson's voicemail. Bow Wow also wanted to buy the cover, but was told that he had to be signed with Shady, Aftermath or G-Unit to get on the cover. Bow Wow settled for the interview.
Before the interview, Bow Wow rehearsed his lines to start the beef. He practiced them in the mirror. He said them to his mom. He would say them while doing his 100 push-ups on his knuckles. He was going to be the realest rapper ever.
The interview was by phone. As they talked, the interviewer could hear his heart pounding through Bow Wow's lil bird-like chest. Bow Wow dismissed the interviewer stating that he was "beating on the table."
With his hands on his balls, fitted pulled low over his eyes, slumped down in his chair displaying his best grimey face, Bow Wow was ready to start his first beef! Five minutes into the conversation he grabbed his nuts and said,
"To me, honestly, Will [Smith] wasn't like a real rapper. He was more like a gimmick. Then he zapped in to get a TV show, and it was on and poppin'. Then after that he was in Hollywood. So things came easy for him."
"With me, I'm a rapper. I ain't with the whole colorful cornball type things. That's just not my style. The only real rappers out there right now are me, Kanye, 50, and maybe Jay [Z]. But Jay ain't in it like that no more."
"Will Smith can act, but he does more of those blockbuster Hollywood movies, which I wanna do. But also I wanna do it like Denzel. Movies that really mean something. I feel like I can definitely be better than him."
XXL, too lazy to challenge Bow Wow's statements, just published the interview. They felt they had wasted enough time with Bow Wow when they could have been doing a cover shoot with Spider Loc. [Iovine would be pissed. But that's another story.]
However, just like Bow Wow's other tactics, this too backfired. Many readers skipped the interview . Those that did read the interview laughed at Bow Wow's comments. While they disliked Will Smith as a rapper, many saw Bow Wow as being worst than Will Smith. Bow Wow lost all remaining credibililty.
Bow Wow went home and jumped out of his window.
not will smith, please tell me this is a fairytale......sad sooo sad....
Um...
Will's gonna stick his foot up that child's poor little asshole...just like he did to me back in '96.
lol-funny shit.
Fucked up but def. colorful and thought out.
ROFL, you did a great job compiling this!!
Bow Wow has nerve, what the fuck does he call Roll Bounce and that chessy movie where he was an ophan in the NBA with magic shoes, hello CORNBALL. Bow should idolize Will Smith just like Nick Cannon.
im bow weezy...fag of the o town...ciara put it up my ass so im walkin slow now...oh i love bird dicks.!!!
lmao at this whole this...
Now I think Bow Wow is a cute little boy, and doesn't really have the offensive and stupid music on the radio like some of these other kids (still stupid, but not offensive), but this was funny as hell. I saw that comment he made in XXL, and I thought, don't you know all you little rapper/actor/whatever owe Will Smith a thank you? Rapping skills aside (which I still think he made great party music), if Will Smith hadn't made people comfortable with a rapper having a TV show, and being a credible actor, there would be no "Like Mike" or "Roll Bounce" for homeboy.
LMAO this shit was funny good job!.Bow wow is disrespectful talken about will smith,god do you know how many people wish they were in will smiths shoes right now? that nigga making MILLONS of dollars each film,he gets more money for a film then what your worth so bow wow stfu.You have never,nor will be a real rapper and to classify yourself with people like jay z,nas ect ect is also disrespectful and crazy.No grown ass man is gonna cop your shit and play it like they would do a nas/jay z cd so sit your short ass down for i get ciara to shove her dick in your ass.bow wow really needs a reality check
Dam reading that blog almost got me fired for laughing so hard LOOOOOOOOOOOOL that shit was funny
that nigga is little as hell that nigga is not even 160 pounds with his clothes wet.
He better try and get in movies, he so small j=he could play kid roles for now on. he better got to college and learn bussiness and start his own he's done
That nigga is done, his chick was harder then him, and niggas would kick it to her right in front of him
nigga was in movies, but them shits were wackkkkkkkkkk
nigga cut his hair, and grew it back , he doesn't know how to stay in the spotlight lol
he better take a page out of micheal jackson book, and start rumors about himself.
first rumor he could say about himself is, me and ray j ran a train on super head, and then me, ray J and lil tigger had a three some
me and mj slept in the bed, 2gather at jd and janet house
lol he's done
Dayum, he looks like a busted drag queen, good bye hip hop, next stop, Las Vegas night clubs.
I bet Will Smith would smash on SHAD MOSS lyrically and physically! SHAD MOSS needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. All of a sudden his balls finally drop and hes a man now??? I dont believe this shit!!!
If your an internet writer, this has to mean you was a lameass punk-bitch in school and on the streets. Plus, its obvious you stayed in the house...WRITING !!! I don't like Bow Wow or his records, but damn...this how you go about hating on a nigga ??? Like I said before, haters are worst than snitchers...easy. Next Blog tell me how real the LOX are. I've been asking this shit for a minute !!! Still nobody has come up with any REAL street credibility on them yet. Everybody claims they know the 50cent story, but what about these other niggas ??? As for Bow Weezy, dude is doing it man....quiting waiting on niggas downfall. We got alot of white people for that !!! Think Paul McCartney ain't waiting for Jacko to go broke ??? Think they wanna see any gangsta genre rapper make it REAL big(including 50)??? Look how the NBA is humbling niggas. Hiphop is gonna be represented by two people at a time by the music biz per year. Watch !!! Don't believe me....look at the sales, and watch the amount of artists that are gonna be DROPPED !!! Also Bow is getting that rated PG movie money which is way better loot than a R rated movie. Don't believe me....look at Get Rich/Chicken Little ??? I'm out !!! Stop hating !!!
this is the funniest shit ever.... LMAO
Can't lie.....fresh AZIMIZ is a pretty tight song......truth be told....lyrics in that song make more sense then lil wayne (who has 3 or 4 daddies) and some of the other so called rappers today...Mike Jones who mike jones who mike jones....if that is all it takes then i give bow wow and whoever writes his music credit....it required some thought
LIL BOWOW
U NEED TO BEEF WITH THE LEAD SINGER FOR HTE ROCK BAND "GREEN DAY" FOR NOT KISSING U AT THE AWARDS SHOW
HAHA
LIL BOW WOW BEEFING??
UM... ISNT SOMEONE SUPPOSED TO BEEF WHEN THEY GOT A POINT, OR THEY KNOW THEY CAN KICK THE OTHER ONES AZZ??
LIL BOW WOW
LOOSE YOUR F*CKIN GRILL... GO BACK TO YOUR SAFE HOUSE... AND MAKE ANOTHER POP HIT WITH CIARA...
AND THEN WHEN SHE FINDS THE NEXT GUY WALKING ALONG, SHE CAN DUMP YOU, AND YOU CAN BEEF WITH HER WHEN THAT HAPPENS...
Mr. Irreverent. . . THIS SKIT SHOULD BE ACTED OUT ON MAD TV OR SOMETHING !!!!!! THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER !!!!!! " LITTLE BLACK PERDUE CHICKEN ??!!!!! " -- " FOXY BROWN? SHE'S NOT EVEN TRYING TO HEAR ME ??!!!!!" THIS WAS HILARIOUS !!!! I READ THE NET THROUGH MY CELL PHONE AND I SWEAR I WAS IN TRAFFIC LAUGHING MY STUCK ON TRAFFIC ASS OFF !!!!!!!!!!!!! IM CLAPPING FOR THIS ONE !
ALSO ON THE TOP BOW WOW PICTURE IF HE HAD A SMALLER NOSE AND SMALLER LIPS AND WITH THAT HAIR HE WOULD KIND OF LOOKS LIKE NAOMI CAMPBELL !!!!! HA!!!! HA !!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So bow wow wants to start a beef with Will Smith.The is like David vs. Goliath(physically and status-wise)the only difference is David doesn't win this battel
To Shad Gregory Moss: I own a label on the West Coast and have been searching for talent everywhere. We need a beautiful female to introduce our artists at car shows. Word of your long hair and well kept teeth come to my attention. If establishing credibility is top on your priority, Holla at me at your local California State Pen. Here's a photo of me. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art3/newmugs7.jpg. If you were wondering, Conjugal Visits are part of the job description. I wait to hear from you soon. - M. Knight.
LMFAO @ Bow Wow creating a gated community in his own house! This was the funniest stuff I've read in a long time!
Damn did my man reall say Mr carter wasnt hot right now in that interview? Im not a big S dot fan but i 4 damn sure know he's more popular than bow wow!! He said that him , kanye and 50 were the hottest out now..sorry mr WOW, u've been lied 2!!!
SLimE
how bow wow gonna diss will smith. first off will smith sold way more records than bow wow, secondly will smith was the first rapper to get a grammy. bow weezy got balls, but will smith should knock him the hell out
NOt a real rapper! Why is Bow Wow hating!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care what no one says Will Smith was real back in the day! Just like the civil rights movement had Malcolm X for violence and Martin Luther King Jr. for nonviolence. The Rap game needed Will Smith.
IMO Kanye West is taking a page out of Will Smith's book. No one was as Cocky as Will Smith was back in the day and he has proved himself IMO.
Bow Wow should wish to achieve what Will Smith has achieve.
Bow Wow is better than tupac in my opinion...but just by a little bit...He has more charisma and style wrapped with presence and unmatched skills..really who fuckin wit em. Dont hate.....just because he chews used band aided dicks for fun while whistling row row row your boat.
I read his XXL article, I was trying to scan it, but my scanner cut out half the page. Maybe because it was trying to cut out the bullshit.
It was either in the December issue with Juvenile on the cover, or the January issue with G-Unit on the cover. (I can't remember, but I know it was recent.)
That kid has no respect! His days are numbered, I can already see it E! Ture Hollywood Story and VH1 Behind the music:>
I don't care if you killed for a living and buried people in your front yard it is just some people wack or not you just don't disrespect ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY HAVE PAID THEIR DUES. I definitely agree with Quietstorm Will Smith created that balance in Hip Hop. Everyone doesn't have wet dreams about robbing people or smoking crack or killing innocent people and so on. "Summertime" is still classic material. Will already told us he gives a damn what people think about his skills because his checks come on flatbeds. The man can rap about My Little Pony and Bow Wow still won't be on his level. Bless his heart cause that was too cute.
bow wow thinks he's grown now right? he's grown enoguh to get a grill and tats, so he's grown enough to get knocked the fuck out now. and trust me it will happen someone will gett tired of his shit and get him.
At least beef with someone that is NOT a BOSS. Big Willie is a boss, Lil Wow is still a pup in the game. Little Wet under the nose you jik fuck. I guess Hip-Hop has been reduced to beefing with successful people, damn shame.
BOW WOW ALSO SAID IN THIS INTERVIEW THAT ONLY HE, 50 AND KANYE WEST ARE THE REALEST RAPPERS AROUND...IF I WAS LUDA OR T.I. OR NE OTHER CREDIBLE RAPPER IN THE ATL..I WOULD SET HIS LIL ASS STRAIGHT..
Wow bow wow is really craving some street credit nobody likes you,in all of our minds you are still the little bow wow who would come on 106th n park and do the crip walk,harlem shake and midwest swing so please sit down.Seems like he just turned into a thug overnight wow when did being a thug become something that was cool? your mom told you take your ass to college but you didnt listen so now he will learn the hard way.How can you say that you are a "real" rapper when you still do the scream 4 tour? with groups such as preety ricky,b5,marques houston and omarion who the majority of thiere album sells are by little ass girls??Lolo:i dont think t.i or ludachris gives a fuck matter of fact thiere probably sitting thiere laughing thiere asses off come on who wouldnt?
I know that this editorial is a joke, but I actually believe that these events have some truth to it. I believe that his publicity department is running the show.
Who really gives a f#ck what Bow Wow thinks anyway???
Lil bow wow is a flake, he was annoying when he came out, hes even more annoying now. Taking his shirt off in videos and shit? WTF kid has got like 12 inches around arms. Nothin..... Id like to kick him directly in his throat with my winter boots. Little flake that kid is.... Bow wizzle? ok.
Will Smith's oldest son is gonna get at this nigga bow wow..Watch!
Man, that shit was funny. Keep the jokes up budddy
You niggaz be up at the asscrack of dawn coming up with this shit don't you? It was funny though.
It must be hard as hell growing up in the entertainment industry. I however, being the mother of a ten year old boy prefer my child to listen to Bow Wow and Will Smith and people of the like. I'd rather him walk to school singin shit like Fresh Azimiz and not "Wait til you see my dick" The boy is trying to find himself like most 18 year olds. Most of the young black men his age are going to prison and beating up they mamas. Be glad this is one less young black male you have to worry about getting your daughters pregnant. Since the inception of Hip Hop it has always been about the party....We have gotten away from that. Too many niggaz want to be gangsta, and thats my beef with Bow Wow...Will Smith is somebody to be idolized...(my son loves him) He ain't never proclaimed to be a gangsta, he's never tried to be anyone but himself. A goofy ass nigga...and he has banked on being himself...how can you go wrong with that...I just hope Bow Wow finds himself soon or he will truly end up like them Kris Kross boys...
problem was that bow wow was signed at one point to will smith's production company to do a movie called mr president something went wrong and he was dropped that's why he's all pissed off maybe he wasn't good enough to be in a will smith movie. other than that i can say that bow wow is full of it he should not only respect will smith as an actor but as an old school rapper who paved the way for so many i remember when the grammy awards given to best rap group were not televised back in 89 and will smith was the winner he along with the other rappers that were nominated boycotted the grammy because they were not going to televise them giving him the award so he gets alot of respect for standing up for hip hop back in those days when hip hop was just starting to get mainstream, so fuck bow wow tell him to check his history before he speaks about other rappers.
This shit was straight out of left field. Your blogs usually seem like there for shock value or to get a stir out of the readers, but this time buddy ol' boy you've gone and done it. I don't think I've laughed like that for a month. The Shitzu pic is funny by itself. You've earned a check for the week. Will Smith's last album was a good album. I don't know why people equate good rappers with street cred. Will is the man simply because he didn't try to change up and start talking about gun play, bitches, crack spots, and murder. He has always stayed true to himself. He's always down to stand up for his shit. Besides, if Paramount offered the most street credible rapper 20 mill a flick, He'd be like fuck rapping full time. Movies is where the money is at. Bow Wow is hitting the glass dick G-Money style. Will Smith is realer than most of the fucks out now. Most of black america aren't thugs. That by far is one of the most disrespectful comments I've heard in years. Don't get me wrong Will isn't the greatest rapper, but he paved the way for any rapper trying to do a A-list movie. Fuck Bow Wow and his So So gay ego. I just think it's something about So So Def that has these cats on some shit. JD tried that shit Saying he's a better Producer than Dre and Tim. I'd like to see an older cat put this kid in his place, although going after Bow Wow is really a weak move. Come to think of it, that's probably why he said it. Who's gonna hit the retarded kid hanging with the cool crowd?
FUCK BOW WOW wack ass. Write a songof your own before you try 2 diss 1 of the pioneers of this "hip hop" thing. Will Smith was like the 1st rapper 2 win a grammy and the only rapper who use 2 drop hot shit without cursing. That's creativity. He took his rap connects and politic them into tv connects and now he gets 20 million a movie. I don't know bout yall but that seems like a guy who is on his grind. Plus Will Smith's career is so passed the average rapper's career that its ridiculous. Bow Wow taking shots @ will is not smart. I mean will could actually buy bow wow's career and still have money of his fresh prince dvd sales, the check from the fresh prince reruns cause u know it comes on bout 4 different channels not including tha money from bad boys1&2, & independence day just 2 name a few. Bow Wow give up. U had 2 diss will out of everybody. That's pretty desperate! U should dtrive 4 his level of success b4 talking down on another succeful black person sucka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIGGALO901
One more fucking thing. How is this kid one of the only real rappers. This little shit has been rich for damn near a decade? Some where around 10. There was never a point where he needed to be in the streets. Being real for him is rapping to the kids born in a higher tax bracket. Young, generally white children who will someday grow up to be politicians that will fuck the country up even more. The group he probably thinks he's reppin are middle class/ broke black folk he's been out of touch with since he was 8 or so. His carrer is at a standstill once those comments get well publicized.
I cant see why you're hatin on my boy lil beazy. He's got the hottest shit out of all the rappers out of a-town. I got a best of Bow Wow CD droppin the first week in Jan. Hollar at me if you want to cop that!
it pains me 2 read this though shit was fucking hilarious but we(blacks) have 2 stop using each other as stepping stones.....bow wow is who he is because of will smith and kwame and young mc, rappers who didnt portray a gangster image....they proved it was amarket 4 that genre also and also a base for gangsters 2.....niggers need 2 just do them and quit worrying about what mofos think about them....he should learn from ja rule and just do u....ja let 50 get him out his lane so he could fill it cuz 50 knew thats what sells and do u think 50 cares that we blog about him singing on records?? HELL NO cuz that shit is selling.....i mean call me whatever u want but make sure u put wealthy in front of it......pride has killed a lot of mofos.....if Shad is smart he would put his pride aside and get that paper by doing him and fuck what the rest r saying........G-G-G-G-GUNIT!!!!!!!
P.S., the days of artists going platinum r over...we may have 5 -10 a year but these artists r gonna have 2 be more creative in what they do cuz the buying public aint going anymore....hell, whats up with all of these re-releases now....fucking everybody has 1.....50, nelly, ashanti, Ja, eminem man the rap game is fucked up now....niggas better recognize......they trying 2 play us with it being holiday season and all but shit i'll download the 1 or 2 new songs off limewire b4 i go out like that...at least be creative like 50 and do videos or something...DAMMIT MAN!!!!!!
haha..i read that article on XXL and shit was funny. Little dude stop hatin...and doing ur crip walks...i saw u do that shit with snoop on BET. u are out the pic.
BowWow iz Gay Just look at da pic
o no he did not .im from philly and i live right around the blok from will old school.bitch wow aint alllowed in philly.real rap.dont he o its kiladelphia round here.will from the blok beleive or not ya mean im a yung oy but if i ever see wow on my blok or at the wachovia center it gona b hell cuz this fagget azz ni99a aint real he never wa he never will b.
p.s
nobody from philly like that ni99a.he wanna b tough now.he 4got about bounce wth me and the crypt walk fake azz ni99a.my lil sister more street then him.
HA HA will Smith need to come back on him. If he lose a battle to will his career is over.
DAMN GIVE IT A REST. Do you have to poison EVERY blog with that bullshit. STICK TO THE TOPIC. I know your voices are telling you that it gets funnier everytime you post that dumb shit but I think everybody caught on the first 13 times. DAMN YOU CRAVE ATTENTION. I try to ignore stupidity but I can't post any damn where without seeing that BULLSHIT.
oh and that comment was for MC katrina aka BLACK TRUTH aka BLACK DEVIL but BKA DUMBASS.
HA HA Now that was some funny shit!