The End Is Only The Beginning

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Continued from 360 Degrees: Who Says You Can't Go Home Again?

BD had accused me of anything he could think of in his certification to the court. We both had to write up letters summarizing our cases and his was complete fiction.

He was asking for sole custody of our son, saying that my parenting would be “detrimental” to our child. I was furious. It was a feeling I still wish I could have felt about a year and a half earlier.

I think back on some of those events and it all too surreal, like it was somebody else going through all that. I can’t even imagine it being me. How could it have been me? People who know me insist I wasn’t myself at the time.

“It was like you were somebody else,” a friend told me. That sentiment was echoed by others.

Sometimes it makes me angry. There were so many times when I should have left. Times from the very beginning. It was small stuff at first. My car keys, the food … it makes me wanna scream at myself thinking about that stuff. I relive scenarios in my mind with renewed strength and they play out differently in my imagination, usually culminating with me telling BD to kiss my ass as I head for the door, never to return.

I have learned an eternity of lessons in a fairly short amount of time and I continue to be taught by adversity.

I have so many regrets …

Not actually pressing charges when that troop of cops was called to my doorstep; glossing over BD’s bad points with the psychologist, fearful of sounding like a scorned woman; hiding the truth about my stifling relationship from the people who cared about me; betraying a friend -- two of them; putting the worth of a relationship before my own … so much.

Our trial was scheduled for a Monday and Tuesday. If it went over, we’d have to continue that next month. We each had a witness list and a gallery of supporters.

In addition to character witnesses and family to testify to my latter complaints, I had Shay and Mike, my sister and her fiancé who’d seen my bloody nose months before. BD knew they were on my list to testify. Our attorneys had to submit witness lists weeks before. But I do believe their actually showing up that day was the turning point for BD. For all his refuting my claims about his violent temper, sitting mild mannered in a suit and tie, I had two people who could testify first hand to his out of control anger spells. I know he didn't want the fam around for that testimony.

But I didn’t want to go forward with a grueling trial any more than he did. I just wanted permission to move back home with my son.

In the end, he gave me that. The irony here is thick, though I missed it at the time. The doctor’s report that he’d shamelessly gloated about for weeks didn’t even matter. We sat, our lawyers separating us, at the long table designated for the plaintiff and defendant, poised and seemingly ready to war. We stood and were sworn in, and technically, the trial had begun, when his lawyer interrupted and said we might be able to settle this whole thing if he could have a word with my attorney.

BD and I were also then directed into a mediation room with our respective representatives where we sat for about three hours mapping out a calendar for the next three years of our lives, finally agreeing on how we would share our son across state lines. This is something he’d sworn he would never allow to happen. It’s the reason we’d been in court for almost a year. He’d rejected five of my parenting plans at previous mediation sessions and two in court, never once attempting to amend or work from them, as they each allowed for my relocation. This is what had been our stalemate this entire time. And yet, on the day our trial was set to begin, the judge didn’t grant me permission to move. BD did.

We agreed that BD would get the summers with the baby as well as the month of November or December, depending upon the year, in addition to at least one month at a time during other parts of the year. An extremely generous arrangement, plus liberal visitation.

His concession was bittersweet. I went for it though, because while I did not fear the judge would give my child over to his father, she did not have to allow me to leave. At the end of the three years BD and I mapped out, when our son reaches school age, we will inevitably be back in court to rearrange the parenting plan around his schooling. That will no doubt be a battle in itself. But one thing at a time.

In the meantime, BD does his best to harass me. I swear, it never stops. LOL. But I’m so over the sinking feeling I used to get in my stomach when I’d hear his ringer across the room. He’s kicking himself about the parenting plan and everyday tries to trump up some charge to get us back into court. First it was, I never let him speak to his son. Bullshyt. I call him everyday on his planning period at 11:45 so they can chat and again at 7:30 p.m. before bedtime so he can say goodnight. When I advised BD that I’d been recording all these phone calls (another lesson I’ve learned) he quickly changed his strategy. Now he’s working on my lack of cooperation when he wants to come and visit. Also untrue, but we’ll see. Really though, the biggest hurdle is over. I’ve moved legally and I can’t be made to move back.

I sent a Christmas greeting to Serita last year, but other than that, I haven’t made contact. Perhaps it’s hard for me to accept her forgiveness so easily because I know I wouldn’t be nearly as understanding in her position. Maybe I’m still forgiving myself.

Haven’t spoken with Digital in quite some time, either. He used to text me occasionally and ask how I was doing. It’s been months though. I hear the wedding was fabulous. Perhaps I’ll send a card.


Thanks so much for reading, everybody. I’ve enjoyed all the great feedback, the nasty and the nice. Really. If my writing inspired you to comment, then you definitely inspired me to write. Look out for the book, in the works and coming soon. : ) It’s been fun venting. Peace.

You can still get more Melyssa at GetYoShyt.blogspot.com and hit her up on MySpace.com/MelyssaGanache.

Got a story to share? Holla at Melyssa via video.

*All names have been changed to protect the guilty & the innocent.

18 Comments

Good Luck and take care of that baby boy...Don't ever let BD get up under your skin again....

congrats on the book! does that mean you will stop posting on your site?

I'll definitely be on the look for out for your book. You write better than a lot of established authors that I have read. You have my support all the way.

*Roxie*

Nice work my love, but i feel BD got off too easy, which happenes all the time, but i'm a Scorpio and we just some vindictive souls lol

Its gone be about all of my sexual escapades in my life.

Its gone be called The Brother getting Sex In The City

yeah has a nice ring to it huh

GREAT STORY MEL......im gone cop ya book when it drops and also I love reading your blogs on ya getyoshit thats whats up

I'm so glad this story is over and I hope you learn your lesson but it seem like you still have to deal with the consequences. Maybe someday BD will find a girl that can relate to him more and is on his level. Then he can leave you alone. I hope you won't sleep with anymore of your friend's ex boyfriend and your boyfriend's friends again or think you can have everything and everyone because you see what can happen.

Thanks for sharing your story and i see BD is still trying to be controlling but i love to read and your book i will definately be getting.

i am soooooooooooooooo happy that you finally got on with life and things worked out in your favor. Congrats and may GOD continue to bless you and your family!

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Take care of your boy and good luck with your book.

It was a nice read. Looking forward to the book :-)

So are you both still single? If not, how are they playing into the situation? Im sure BD wouldn't like that at all!lol

hey good luck on the book i haven't commented in a while but i want you to know that i really enjoyed this and you really have a gift for writing i wish you much success and most of all PEACE and HAPPINESS !!!

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Please tell me you have more stories to tell!!! Yo this became my new addiction, esp since the wire went off!!! I read getyoshyt all the time!!! Keep up the good work hun!!! Caint wait for the book!!!

Great blog! Will the book contain the real names of everyone involved? Cause I'm thinking that "digital's" artist is tre songz....am I correct?????

Enjoyed the Blog. But word to wise, even if the blog was true or not it became really boring. All the talk about courts and custody battles. For your book spice it up. WE NEED MORE SCANDAL, SEX, and most importantly DIRT.
Thats the recepie for a best seller. Goodluck

what i want to know is how is he going to deal when you meet someone? are you never to have another man around his son? i know he is going to lose it.

Aww man! Thats it?! Well, the story was good while it lasted. Great job Mel and good luck with everything!

I am just thankful that you got out with your life because so many dont, I believe this is what happens to alot of people we enter relationships that are voided of any love, not even really like.....out of comfort or not wanting to be alone! I hope and pray that ur book inspires the generation that comes right behind us, so that our culture can stop being a generation of angry men, lonely women, and children that grow up with out the needed guidence of both mother and father.

About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Melyssa Ganache published on March 31, 2008 9:30 AM.

360 Degrees: Who Says You Can't Go Home Again? was the previous entry in this blog.

Hide & Seek - 'He Was Nowhere To Be Found' is the next entry in this blog.

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