I Always Feel Like Somebody's Waatchin Me-e
Posted on March 19, 2008 9:30 AM
Continued from Walking Back Into a Well-Laid Trap
I could’ve sworn that clock was there on the wall one day and a couple days later I look up and it’s not there. It was BD’s and I didn’t miss it. But I could have sworn it was there. Maybe I was remembering it being there from before I left. Maybe not.
BD had assured me he’d returned his key to our landlord and the Shafik’s had confirmed this. Still, there were little, subtle things. We had this snow globe with a picture of the three of us, me and BD holding the baby on one side, and the baby laughing by himself on the other.
I didn’t like the “family” picture. We looked so happy, smiling, loving, in that picture and I felt like such a fraud. That’s not at all how we were. The snow globe sat on the dresser in the bedroom. I'd turned it around, so that the baby’s picture was facing out. The next day, I’d find it turned back around, the family picture facing out. I turned it around again.
“I knew it! You’re turning our picture around on purpose. I left it like this,” BD said illustrating the way he’d positioned the photo. “I wasn’t sure, but now I know you’re doing it on purpose.”
I had pretended like I didn’t know what he was talking about. But this night, when I returned home from work with the baby to my now empty apartment, the snow globe was not the way I left it. I wouldn’t have left it like that, I don’t even like looking at that picture.
I got the locks changed the next day, a whole week in and I was just now doing something that shoulda been done from day one.
I was so terribly naïve. I thought this could work with us living apart and co-parenting together. BD seeing the baby whenever he wants, picking him up, dropping him off, cooperating like reasonable adults, all that. Even after all the drama, that’s really what I wanted. It was not to be.
The harassment began almost immediately. Angry phone calls and voice mails throughout the day, texts in the middle of the night demanding in capital letters, “WHERE IS MY SON!?”
Sometimes if I couldn’t get a parking space out front, I’d have to walk a block to my building. Each night I had to do this, I expected to receive nonstop demands of my and the baby's whereabouts. It never failed.
I kept the drapes closed tight, but on occasion, during one of his call-call-and-call-again blackouts, I’d peer out of them, to see him standing across the street, looking up at the window for lights or movement.
His behavior had become more and more erratic. The day after a night of calls and crazy voice mails, I’d get apologetic ones.
“Where did we go wrong, Mel?” He’d ask in this pitiful, sorrowful voice. Almost sincere. “I just want my family back,” he’d say. “Why does it have to be like this?”
He even suggested counseling. I was outdone. Counseling? That’s for people who want to work on their relationship. What I wanted was out.
On days when his temper was more even, he'd call and ask to pick up the baby. (He hated to have to ask me). And I'd pack our son's things and get him ready to go with his father. After taking him, BD would wait with the baby for a good 15 minutes in the foyer of the building, pretending that he was waiting on the bus. The bus stop was right outside and he didn't know that I knew that he lived right next door. I didn't correct him.
I thought getting him out of the apartment would solve our problems, but I was realizing that if I was to have any peace at all, I needed to get as far away from BD as possible. The mounting bills I was now footing alone were just an extra push.
Whatever I was gonna do, it had to be done quickly and quietly, keeping an ear out for footsteps in the hallway and intermittently stealing peaks through the peephole of the front door.
I just knew it was only a matter of time before I’d catch him standing outside the door in the hallway or something.
And one night, he was.
Check back tomorrow as it is proven to Melyssa for the second time -- unfortunately it takes some people longer -- just how crazy this nigga really is.
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Get more Melyssa at GetYoShyt.blogspot.com and hit her up on Myspace.com/MelyssaGanache.
*All names have been changed to protect the guilty & the innocent.
Posted by Melyssa Ganache
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Comments
Tarhaka said:
At first it puzzling to me how such an intelligent man, could be such a nut case
Then I read that you denied him sex for over 9 months?
While living with him and wanting to support you and the child?
I would act like an azz to.
That was a stupid selfish thing for you to do.
And all my sympathy for you and your situation has left the building.
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Don't be like that Tarhaka. Generally, I'd agree with you, tho. Rationing relations is selfish. But how do you feel romantic about someone who is so domineering? I couldn't do it, and a few times, for the sake of creating the illusion of a normal and healthy relationship, I tried. Nothin doin. It was well over 9 months, by the way. :) Blogged about it.
http://getyoshyt.blogspot.com/2008/03/rationing-relations-putting-up-with.html
i tried to comment on your other blog and its not working,
I was wondering when you were going to say you was naive. Your were naive about a lot of things, you were naive about rules, you were naive about sleeping with two men at the same time who happen to be friends. You would naive about picking up the phone when you were escaping with your son. You were naive about coming back, when you should have stayed away and since you got pregnant by BD, you were naive about using condoms. I know BD is here to blame too but he's got mental problems. You were perfectly sane.
MENTAL PROBLEMS OR NOT THAT ASS WOULD HAVE BEEN MINE IF HE TRIED THAT SHIT WIT ME
I'D STAND RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW AND JUST SMILE
AND I CAN SIT THERE FOR HOURS JUST HAVING A BATTLE OF WITS WITH DUDE HE'D LEAVE THE WINDOW FIRST I BET YA
YOU WANNA MESS WIT ME I'LL SHOW YOU A REAL MEANIE
man you should've thought about the safety of you and your child first and foremost... the smart thing would've been to go back to live with your family for a while. Its disgusting that u didn't really do anything when you found out that he was living next door, you knew the dude wasn't mentally stable. Fuck pride, you have to look out for your child and yourself and in my opinion you must have had low self esteem to start with because u felt like u needed to be with him and deal with his bullshit... this couldn't have been me cuz I woulda picked up my shit and steered clear of this man, ppl like that are unpredictable and obviously u didn't care about u or your child's safety...
Oh my. I don't know how you coulda tolerated this mess. And for so long. See, I have violent inclinations, violent male relatives that are down to fight, and I cooperate with cops. Mmm-mmm. You've got the patience of a saint.
As always, looking forward to tomorrow's entry :-)
I like how everyone is saying what you should have done after the fact. First of all, no one knows how they will react to a particular situation until they are in it. And everyone does things differently. This blog is telling about what happened in the PAST. Apparently she learned something from her MISTAKES because she is writing about it. Obviously she now knows what she could have done differently. She said she was naive fittyleven times and folks keep repeating it.
Mel, keep up the good work. Can't wait until tomorrows story.
Melyssa keep 'em coming, looking forward to hearing the whole story.
Men are crazy.They try and act all macho and like they don't care about shit when really....They are way more emotional and crazier than females.I use to go out with this guy..we went out for like 3 weeks and I tried to break up with him because he was WAY to clingy.He was sweet but he never gave me a fuckin break.he was like a newborn needy ass baby.I told him it was over an he start stalkin me.he was drivin past my house and calling litterly back to back hundreds of times a day cussing and acting stupid.I'm like dude.....we barely even know each other!!BD is so insecure.He finnaly found someone stupid enough to put up with all his shit.She trapped herself by havin the baby though.And just think...this all started because she wanted to use his parking space...........Silly Ass.
Seems like things just got worse! U can't rationalize with an irrational person. Remember that and u won't get into this kinda mess anymore. BD in my opinion is a bitch ass nigga. Simply put. He learned all the facts about being a muslim but someone forgot to teach how to be a stand up dude. Life aint a game. So stop playin.
Comments written above do not represent the views or opinions of SOHH.com, 4CONTROL Media, Inc. or any of its affiliates. Comments may be deleted at our sole discretion.