Anywhere's Better Than Here
Posted on March 11, 2008 9:30 AM
Continued from What's In a Name? What's In the Box?
I left Digital’s wedding announcement on the table for BD to see when he got home. I remembered that day, the last time I’d seen him.
He said, “ The next time you hear from me, it’ll probably be getting a wedding invitation in the mail.”
“Invitation?” I’d asked, reminding him that an invite was different from an announcement.
“Well, yeah you’re right. An announcement then,” he said. Indeed.
But I couldn’t dwell. I had my own problems.
If I’d felt trapped before, my feelings of imprisonment were only intensified after the birth of our son. I had no idea how women did this every day. Get up, get yourself ready, get the baby ready, prepare bottles, pack bags, load the baby and the bags into the car (this is a feat from a three-story walk-up, in snow), drop the baby off, go to work, work, pick the baby up, come home feed the baby, cook, eat, put the baby to sleep, go to sleep and do it again the next morning. I was exhausted. How grocery shopping, laundry, bank runs or anything else got done in between time with only one person on the parenting clock was beyond me. I needed BD. But the price of having him around was ever increasing. Our son added a whole new element of control to our relationship.
I’d thought having the baby around would mellow him out. You can’t be so rigid and calculated when you may be pooped on any minute. You have to smile when this tiny little person makes animal sounds in his sleep, and be moved as he falls asleep in your arms.
The entrance of our son had the opposite affect on BD, with his behavior only becoming more erratic. He would sit in front of the television each night, attempting to indoctrinate our child with rhetoric, listening to an old Anthony Hilder vs. Khalid Muhammad debate on DVD (Youtube it) over and over again. It hurt my heart to the core.
After taking maternity leave and returning back to work, I asked him to bring the baby to my job so my coworkers could see him. They’d been really good to us at a baby shower my department threw before I left, so I thought it only appropriate. I really should have rethought it.
BD brought our little man in and the crowd quickly gathered, oohing and ahhing the way people do around babies. But when the VP of the company, the man who’d hired me reached out his hand to touch the baby’s foot, BD recoiled like a snake, snatching the baby away.
“Please don’t touch him,” he said.
It was not softened with a nervous laugh, or even a half smile. He was unapologetic in his tone and even in his gaze. It really broke the mood and I was mortified. I’ve heard of overprotective parents not wanting their children touched. I get it about germs and all that. But the baby was wearing footies. The man had reached out to wiggle his little toes. People tend to do that to babies.
It was the end of the day, so I bid my coworkers good bye, grabbed my bag and boarded the elevator with BD, where no sooner did the doors close --
“Why did you do that?” I snapped in a heated whisper.
“I don’t want that white man touching my child.”
That was the first incident. Here’s another:
We’re on the bus, I’m sitting with the baby on my lap and BD is sitting next to me. A white lady directly across from me starts making faces with the baby, talking to him in exaggerated baby tones. Babies tend to have this affect on strangers in public places, so I picked up his little hand and waved at the lady across the aisle from us. BD immediately got out of his seat and kneeled in the walkway blocking the view between the baby and the lady, grabbing his little hand to hold his attention and whispering, “No son, that’s the devil.” Yes, for real. This really happened. I wanted to cry … from embarrassment, from anger, from sadness for my child and a deep sense of helplessness for him as well.
And these are just a couple of many. It got really crazy around that house for a while. And what added to the insanity was BD’s absolute resolve.
He was a teacher. He looked good, tall, handsome, well groomed always in a shirt and tie -- Every day with the shirt and tie -- Well educated, well spoken and even capable of charm when necessary. It would be difficult for anyone to believe he was certified. And I would have no more difficult time convincing a person than months later when we’d both find ourselves in a psychologist’s office, each fighting for our own parental fitness over the other.
Before then though, our tenure as cohabitants would culminate with flashing lights and sirens.
Check back tomorrow as Melyssa plans, plots and strategizes.
Get more Melyssa at GetYoShyt.blogspot.com and hit her up on Myspace.com/MelyssaGanache.
*All names have been changed to protect the guilty & the innocent.
Next installment: The First Time: 'But He Didn't hit Me'
Posted by Melyssa Ganache
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Comments
Damn buddy is certified!!! He really was trippin like that over the man touchin the babies toes. I ain't got a truck load of white friends but its a such thing as being cordial!
Personally I don't see nothing wrong with the way BD handled himself. White people are devils. Everyone knows that, even BD's tree- hugging ass knew that.
I always say there are 2 sides to every story. So I believe that only half of what you write is true or has some truths to it. I want to hear BD's side of this whole situation, because your very suspect. Maybe if you were more submissive, like all you women should be, then maybe this relationship would have worked out. It's women like you that tear Black Families apart, thus making them a rarity. Are you still single? How many more kids do you have? I'm asking because I'm still not sold on your side of the story.
BD is crazy as hell!! Girl I don't know how you stayed there that long. I would have been ghost with running shoes on...LOL Serious though, he is absolutely nuts..He is really taking things to the extreme. At this point I just can't wait for you to get the hell up out of there. The point of you being there was that you wanted to be a family for the baby...I clearly don't see a family. I see a controlling lunitic..This is just getting crazier and crazier. The thing is you have to deal with this for the next 18 years. He wants to control the entire situation so that is why he is trying to get sole custody of the baby.
@ hate hate and more hate
You can not be serious.....Actually there is 3 sides to a story...His side, her side and the truth. All that stuff you talking about right now is straight garbage. It is 2008 all that submissive shit went out the window years ago....Where have you been??? You see it's brothers like you who don't respect or want to see a black woman succeed. I would hate to see what kind of women that you like and date.
@ cutienjerzy
When did I say I don't want to see my black sisters succeed? As a matter of fact I encourage the black woman to do her thing . . .that's more money for her to spend on her man, lol. All I ask for a female is to know her place. I think that's one of today's many problems with the black family. Just look at your mother or grandmother. They were submissive back then and you know what? There was more black families sticking together too. But today yall have the game all fucked up.
Money doesn't = power in a relationship. That's why 99% of black females are complaining now about how, "niggas ain't shit". Maybe you could keep a man if you shut the fuck up and get back in the kitchen!!!!
And as far as my love life, I damn near married too a good woman. No she's not my slave, nor do I raise my hands at her, but she does know her place and I treat her as my equal.
I'm surprise he hasn't start beating her yet. Well look what she gotten herself into, that's what happen when you break rules and mess with your friend's ex boyfriend. (who told you he was crazy and trying to change her) and your boyfriend's friend.
wow! that is crazy! i can't even imagine the emotions you were going thru! "That's the devil?!" Love the blog keep doing your thang! i'm telling all my friends about it!
I cannot believe this tramp/pig has the nerve to cry now after you stole ur friends man violated all codes and presented yur self as the infested hole that u are........i think it would be good if that BD character stole ur son away and married a woman with class and dignity....at least the kid might have a chance at getting a good example of what a real respectable woman is like. Its beyond karma hunny you live a certain lifestyle and the consequences are as follows. its so funny to see slores who whine about raising thier bastard children thats why your supposed to fall in love build a relationship and an understanding with a partner then marry each other tand care for the baby equally and you wouldnt have such the conflicts that you and BD have becasue you would have discussed those opinions thoughts and beliefs prior to hoping inot the sack..........my goodness am i the only respectable young(24) woman around theese days?
sad sack
Love your stories. Don't want to be pick at the little details but your spelling is off in this one. I can't say that i've seen this many mistakes in your writing before.
@chanelchiq24
No, you're not the only respectable young woman. I am 24 as well, and I believe in the marriage before anything else-you're just the only judgemental young woman. People sometimes make poor choices, and there are consequences, but let's not put others down simply because we haven't made bad (or as bad) choices ourselves.
Quite frankly, assuming you have no personal attachment to the story (Serita, is that you?), there's no reason to be so upset about it. A woman you don't know did some things you don't agree with-what does this have to do with your life?
Melyssa, personally I applaud you. You made some not-so-great choices-and you are willing to share those things with us, as well as the inevitable fallout. This blog is one of the few reasons I even turn my laptop on in the evening. Even if we don't get all the sides of the story, it's nice to see another woman willing to share what I call her 'perfect imperfections.'
As for not getting all sides, BD is certainly free to launch a blog to share his side if he so chooses. Assuming he hasn't already.
@ HATE HATE AND MORE HATE
How can you treat your almost-wife as your equal when you've already stated that all women should be submissive?
In a relationship, If one is submissive, the other is dominant, therefore there is an in-equality between the two.
Oxymoron, much?
I think HATE HATE AND MORE HATE is really BD.
I know theres a thing called opinions, but why so harsh? She didn't make the choice to hook up alone.
lol... lmao... "the devil" though?... It would be nice if men came with Warning Labels (just like Sommore said) lol... To clue women in that this n!gga has some side effects!
I agree everyone did make bad choices but ATTENTION BLACK WOMEN in the last 20 years you have ran shit! Its sad and I'm a black man. But you all are in a position of power right now. With everythig going on with the Black Man right now it is up to you now to lead and to be an example for us now. If you hold yourself to a certain standard it will force us to raise the bar. Think about it if most females made it a point that they wasn't messing with niggas unless they had a college education or a diploma of higher education of some sorts you would see a lot more cats going to school. Its a shame that's our motivation or their motivation but it's true. Instead you want that baller you want that drug dealer you want this guy that's giving you all the intimacy but nothing intellectually and then at the end of the day wonder why you are in the situation you are in. LADIES raise the bar!!!
Could not have said it better myself, AJ. Thx. And you are sooo right, Selphmade.
@ selphmade
At first I wouldn't agree with you but you have some truth to what your saying but it's not just black women it's all women. That's why there are double standards because women should have high standards and make better choices about some things.
IM SORRY IF I SEEM A LITTLE UPSET AT THE TRAMPS WHO MAKE BLACK WOMEN LOOK BAD.....THATS WHY YOUNG BLACK WOMEN ARE MAKING THEESE BAD CHOICES REPEDITIVLY BECAUSE WERE ALWAYS SO WUICK TO CHALK THEM UP AS "LEARNING EXPERIENCES " AND YADDA YADDA I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT HAVING SELF RESPECT ? BY THE WAY I CAN AND WILL PASS JUDGEMENT BECAUSE ALTHOUGH IM NOT PERFECT I HAVE NOT MADE CHOICES NEARLY AS BAD AS MELYSSAS I WAS TAUGHT WAYYYYYYY BETTER AND I HAVE A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF SELF RESPECT AND CLASS...IM A LADY. THATS WHY I HAVE A RING ON MY FINGER A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND A BACHELORS DEGREE AND MY OWN HOME AT 24 AND IM MOST CERTAINLY NOT ANY ONES BABY MOMMA LOL......
I HAVE SAID MY PIECE.........I WILL WALK AWAY IN PEACE.......COMMENT IF YOU WILL BUT MY OPINIONS ARE STRONG AND TRU BE IT WHAT THEY ARE MINE.
@ Selphmade
I agree that there are Black women with low standards but why can't misguided Black man set their own bar? Do Black men not have their own minds? Who's setting the bar for Black women? We don't need anything but a fucked-up situation (or someone else's) to put us on the right path.
Since statistics suggest that Black women are wise enough to take their lives by the reigns (i.e., employment, education), why can't Black men follow suit? It seems like you wanna absolve lazy bums of any wrongdoings and excuse them for creating their own shitty lives. They need to learn discipline and personal responsibility.
And the quality of your life shouldn't be geared towards gaining attention from the opposite sex. Anyone that lives like that doesn't have that much to live for.
@ Mychelle
Yeah, this sounds like karma for how you did Digital and Serita. But nothing warrants this kind of treatment. I mean, he made a spectacle of ya'll at your job and he insulted that White woman for no reason. Oh my. How did you do it? I woulda cursed him the fuck out.
Comments written above do not represent the views or opinions of SOHH.com, 4CONTROL Media, Inc. or any of its affiliates. Comments may be deleted at our sole discretion.